Virginia Beach – More masturbating hijinks this Thursday! Darrin Smith was representing Charlotte, NC while at a Virginia Beach Mall the other night. Police say that while inside a Victoria’s Secret, shoppers witnessed Smith exposing himself and performing a sex act behind a customer. Customers and employees joined forces and followed Smith around the mall until police arrived on the scene. Smith is now sitting in jail without bond on charges of indecent exposure and sexual battery. Smith should’ve done what I do when I visit Victoria’s Secret. I stay outside of the store and simply press myself up against it and start licking the window like a very tasty ice cream cone while staring at one of the sexy mannequins or posters they have hanging up. If I’m feeling really randy, I’ll press my tongue flat on the window and try to spell out obscene words with my saliva. The ladies love that one.

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