Darwin Claims Another One

September 23, 2009 at 10:19 am by  

Imperial, MO – James Looney used to be a grouchy old fart. Neighbors said the 40-year-old man always kept to himself and, at times, would scream at kids for daring to step on his lawn. All of that changed when he met his girlfriend, Kim Thompson, about a month ago. He moved her into his home and agreed to raise her 2-week-old son as his own. Shortly after setting up house together, Looney accepted a job as an over the road trucker – a job that would keep him away from his new family two to three nights a week. Concerned about his ready-made family’s safety while he was out on the road, Looney decided to school Kim on the importance of gun safety. Now, I couldn’t tell you much about guns and safety and all that happy crap – I’m more of a Louisville Slugger type of gal. But, right off the top of my head, I can name three rules of gun safety. #1. Always assume a gun is loaded. #2. If you’re gonna point the damn thing, your intent better be to injure or kill your target. #3. Guns, stupidity, and alcohol don’t fucking mix. A combination of the three can be lethal. I wish I could tell you that Looney practiced what he preached and adhered to those three very important rules, taught his girlfriend well, and the two donned superhero capes and saved all of mankind with their trigger fingers. I also wish I could tell you I won the fucking lottery.

On Friday, a mere three hours after he purchased his newest firearm, James Looney was as good as dead. While demonstrating the safety mechanisms on several different guns, Looney took each gun in turn, pointed it at his head and asked his girlfriend whether or not it would fire. And guess what? The last one did. (I bet ya he won’t do that again). Yep. Looney is dead – and his new girlfriend is probably traumatized for life.(And maybe thanking whatever god she worships that he wasn’t using her head in the lesson). Authorities removed a total of five guns from Looney’s home, so I’m assuming that the man had at least a clue on how to use them, and yes, they do believe alcohol played a factor in the incident.

If I have learned anything from this story, it is this: Apparently, you can fix stupid.


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