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MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A man has been arrested after he allegedly urinated in his co-worker’s water bottle 15 times because she rebuked his romantic advances.

Police were called to a Perkins restaurant in Vadnais Heights after a 42-year-old employee called to report she was being harassed by her co-worker, 47-year-old Conrrado Cruz Perez.

She told police that a few months earlier Perez had expressed romantic feelings toward her. She responded by telling Perez she wasn’t interested in him romantically and just wanted to remain friends.

After that, the woman said the water in the water bottle she brings to work tasted like urine. It took 15 different times over three months for the woman to finally suspect she may be drinking Perez’ piss.

Which, honestly, is a lot of piss to drink before coming to that realization.

Anyway, when police questioned Perez about the woman’s urine tainted water, he denied ever urinating in his co-worker’s water bottle. That is until police told him they were going to conduct a DNA test.…

GLENDALE, AZ – Police have arrested a man accused of pissing on a family of three at a Metallica concert.

A man, his wife, and their 10-year-old daughter were attending a Metallica concert at the University of Phoenix when they “felt warm liquid washing over their backs and legs.”

When the man turned around, he saw 44-year-old Daniel Daddio holding his dick. When he asked why in the hell did he just piss on his family, he told police Daddio simply shrugged.

The man showed a hell of a lot more restraint than I would have, and reported the incident to stadium employees. Police were called to the scene and located an intoxicated Daddio, who denied urinating on the family.

He was taken into custody and charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. When Daddio appeared in court for the first time, the judge was not too pleased with the allegations against him.

“I have to say in the 15 years I’ve been on the bench, this is one of the most disgusting scenarios I’ve ever read… in any event, really inappropriate,” the judge told the court.…

Jeff RubinPORTLAND, OR – Police arrested 27-year-old Jeff Rubin on Friday after he allegedly pissed all over fellow passengers on JetBlue flight.

According to witnesses, Rubin had been sleeping for the majority of the flight from Anchorage, but about 30 minutes before landing, “he stood up and began urinating through the crack of the seat onto the passengers seated in front of him.”

But Rubin wasn’t finished. As he was pissing on the passengers in front of him, Rubin lost his balance and fell backwards and “urinate(d) upwards which got the passengers and seats next to him as well as some other passengers’ personal belongings.”

After the plane landed, Port of Portland Police boarded and found Rubin passed out in his seat. An officer then began interviewing passengers. “At one point, the officer was like, ‘Who got peed on?“‘ said Suzanna Caldwell, who was sitting two rows in front of Rubin.

The way she describes it, no one yelled or screamed after getting pissed on, which turns the entire thing into something hilarious (to me, not the people he pissed on) into something, well, kinda odd.…

Charles WeatherfordEVANSVILLE, IN – Police have arrested 84-year-old Charles Weatherford after he admitted dumping a bowl of piss on the head of a 13-year-old boy.

The incident happened Saturday afternoon, when Weathford called police to report a 13-year-old boy had vandalize his front walkway by smashing some landscaping bricks.

While police were there taking the report, they noted a strong smell of urine but could not determine the source.

The source of that smell would reveal itself after they were called back to the location by the mother of the boy who allegedly vandalized Weatherford’s walkway. She was calling to report Weathford had assaulted her snowflake with urine.

The 13-year-old told police he’d got into an argument with Weatherford, an argument that ended with Weatherford dumping a bowl full of piss on his head from Weatherford’s his second-floor balcony.

Police wrote in their report that while the teen was talking to them, he “had a strong smell of urine emanating from his person.”

That visual is hilarious to me — a sulking teen having to talk to police covered in stinking piss because his mother wouldn’t let him wash it off so there would be proof of the act.…

Nicholas StewartBlackpool, England – Nicholas Stewart, 35, was arrested after he was caught selling imitation bottles of whiskey and vodka that only consisted of watered-down urine and feces.

Stewart mainly targeted tourists at a slot machine complex in Blackpool, charging them $15 a bottle. According to Blackpool Council prosecutor Victoria Cartmell, a lab analysis of the bottles contents showed that the bottles were nothing more than water colored by mother nature’s home-brewed food coloring; shit and piss.

“They were purported to contain whiskey and vodka, but they were water laced with urine and feces — probably to give the so-called whiskey color. They were totally unsuitable for public consumption — they were hazardous and contained dangerous e-coli bacteria.”

Stewart’s ingenuity, he claims, was only an attempt to get money to feed himself. He pled guilty to a charge of fraud and was sentenced to a jail term of 70 days suspended for a 12 month period. He will serve no time behind bars, though he was deemed “a danger to public health.”

Authorities are seeking to get a Criminal Anti-Social Behavior Order that would prevent Stewart from being able to sell anything in Blackpool ever again…including newspapers.…

piss mopMIDDLETOWN, CT – Middletown police have arrested a 22-year-old Charles Stack after they said he emptied a container of urine on a female housemate.

Police said Stack and the woman live in the same building and that Stack went to the woman’s room last week with a container full of urine.

When the woman opened her door, Stack emptied the container o’ piss on her, covering her clothing, body, face and room.

Sounds like Stack had been saving up for this occasion, and possibly doubling down on the asparagus intake, because police reported the room was covered with an “extremely large quantity” of urine that had an “extremely strong odor.”

The woman told police that Stack has never liked her and often curses at her. She also said Stack once threatened to kick her in the head. Police tried to talk to Stack, but he’d locked himself in his bedroom.

After the landlord unlocked the door, police found Stack on his bed with a sheet pulled up over his head.…

John PoseyParagould, AR — A 65-year-old man was jailed last weekend after he allegedly walked into a Radio Shack and started pissing all over the place.

When police made contact with the alleged pisser, John Posey, he appeared to be intoxicated. His eyes were bloodshot, he was unsteady on his feet, and he apparently reeked of booze. Oh yeah, and his fly was unzipped. Dead giveaway….

Posey initially told police he was just doing a little shopping and denied urinating on stuff. The officer called bullshit after being directed to a large, stinky wet spot on the carpet.

Posey eventually ‘fessed. When questioned as to why he didn’t just use the friggin’ restroom, Posey reportedly stated that “stores usually won’t let you, so I didn’t ask.” And well, he had to “pee bad.” Logic.

A Radio Shack employee told police that Posey caused about $800 in damages – his urine landed on some boxes containing televisions and various audio equipment. In addition to that, some carpet tiles are going to need replacing….…

Harlem HospitalNew York, NY – A 45-year-old patient at Harlem Hospital Center was sexually assaulted and urinated on by another patient after she fell asleep in the emergency room.

The woman was at the hospital Friday for a hurt foot and dozed off after being administered some painkillers. She awoke to find 49-year-old Tyrone Brown in a hospital gown “rubbing his penis on her mouth,” said the woman’s niece.

When the woman tried to get out of the bed she felt “a hot splash” and realized Brown was now pissing on her. Alerted to the woman’s screams, hospital staff rushed over and subdued Brown, who was at the hospital for an unknown injury.

As Brown was being led away, he reportedly flicked his tongue at his victim. Tyrone Brown has been charged with committing a criminal sex act and taken to Bellevue Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Brown has an arrest record stretching back to 1981, including grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property.

“This incident will be fully investigated,” said a hospital spokeswoman.…

coffeeST. JOSEPH, MO – A 16-year-old Central High School student was charged in juvenile court with third degree assault, after taking a piss in a coffee pot used by school faculty.

The incident happened in March, when some teachers who drank the coffee reported that the coffee tasted funny.

“A report was made that it tasted like chemical or cleaner – I’m not sure what the word was,” said St. Joseph Superintendent of Schools Dr. Melody Smith.  “There seemed like this personal coffee pot in a storage room, that the coffee tasted strange.”

An internal investigation was launched that included reviewing footage, frame by frame, from a hidden surveillance camera in the faculty room. Three weeks later, school staff were finally able to find the 16-year-old student responsible for tainting the coffee, and exactly what they’d tainted it with.

After notifying police, the teen was arrested and charged with third degree assault. If he’s convicted in juvenile court, he’s facing anywhere from probation, to being removed from his home and placed in a residential facility.…

St. Croix County, WI – Two sisters in Wisconsin have been charged after a man accused them of sexually assaulting him with pliers and forcing him to drink their urine. Does this sound odd to you? If not, it means that you are ideally suited to sort this one out.

Court documents say that an 18-year-old male was at a Wisconsin residence with Valerie M. Bartkey, 24, and Amanda L. Johnson, 17. Whatever fun they were having reportedly ended when the sisters – who had reportedly imbibed some weed – began punching and kicking him, and then – gasp – putting one of the man’s shoes in the toilet and soaking the other in a sink.

According to court records, the man said the sister’s funfest continued when they later brought him a cup of liquid claiming that was lemonade and ‘forced’ him to drink it. It reportedly turned out to be a cup of the sisters’ urine.

Police say that the man went on to say that the sisters then ‘forced him to undress,’ with the intent of Bartkey having sex with him.…

Fredericksburg, VA – Daryl Haynes, 31, got himself in a bit of trouble after deciding to take a piss in the corner of a yard this past week. Seems innocent enough…

It all began at about 10:50AM on Thursday when – according to a police spokesperson – an off-duty Fredericksburg Police Deputy observed Haynes urinating in the back corner of a neighbor’s yard.

The deputy, Officer Billy Reyes, said that he had just finished mowing his lawn and, at first, decided to ignore the public urination. Then he reportedly saw Haynes shaking his penis while talking loudly to some people across the street from him. Not good. The deputy said that Haynes behavior upset him, in part, because “there are children in the neighborhood.”

Officer Reyes said he confronted the Haynes. Haynes – clearly an expert at diffusing awkward situations – responded by swearing at Reyes and threatening bodily harm. Officer Reyes then reportedly informed Haynes he was a law enforcement officer. Haynes responded by throwing several unlanded punches at Officer Reyes.…

Columbus, OH – Alan D. Patton, a 59-year-old drinker of young boy’s piss, is back in custody after violating his probation.  He is accused of repeatedly calling, harassing and threatening his probation officer.

Patton also reportedly tested positive for methamphetamine use.  For this, Municipal Judge David P. Sunderman has ordered him back to the Delaware County jail where he is being held without bail.

The probation that Patton is serving is part of a sentence in February when Patton was accused of collecting young boys’ urine in a Burger King toilet with the intent to drink it.

Have it your way, Alan…

Patton has a long and distiguished history with Ohio Law Enforcement – with a criminal record dating to 1978.  His charges include voyeurism, public indecency, criminal mischief and rape – all apparently related to an admitted urine fetish.

Highlights include:

In 1993, Patton was arrested for fondling boys while trying to collect urine at the Magic Mountain Fun Center. He was designated a sex offender when convicted in that case and served nearly five years in prison.…

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