Vero Beach, FL - Brenda Schumann reportedly found her estranged husband in bed with his naked girlfriend and did what any scorned woman would do in the same circumstances; she took a shit on the kitchen floor.
According to police, late last month, Brenda Shumann, 51, barged into her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s bedroom at 2:30 am carrying a rifle and threatening to kill him and his lover. Her husband was able to get the gun away from her. Not to be defeated that easily, she then urinated on the carpet outside the bedroom then proceeded to the kitchen where she defecated on the floor. She then found a second rifle and vandalized the house with it, smashing mirrors, pictures and Christmas decorations.
Her rage and her bowels finally empty, she vacated the premises, leaving the rifle behind.
Brenda was located at her nearby home later, resisted arrest, which almost never works, and is now charged with aggravated assault/domestic violence, battery and resisting arrest.
She is quoted as saying to her arresting deputies, “I found him in bed with a naked chick. What was I supposed to do?” Excellent question, Brenda. I’m not one to admonish a scorned woman for acting a tad irrationally in matters of the heart, but I do wonder this; was the poop premeditated? Did she save it all day for that confrontation? Or was it more a matter of her getting so angry it made her have to poop? Well, I think I’ve given us all plenty to ponder for now.…Continue Reading
PIEDMONT, OK – I don’t know if there is more going on with this story or Piedmont is so free from crime that the cops there have nothing to do — but one police officer issued a woman a $2500 ticket after her 3-year-old son took a leak in his own front yard.
Be sure to remind yourself that the following info is coming only from one side, but the mother of the boy says her toddler was in the front yard when he did what real men do and stopped what he was doing to take a piss in the front yard.
“Dillan pulled down his pants to pee outside, I guess, and the cop pulled up and asked for my license and told me he was going to give me a ticket for public urination,” said the boy’s mother, Ashley Warden. The boy’s grandmother said the officer didn’t care that the boy was 3-years-old, that it was still public urination.
They also say they live in a rural area on two-acres of land, but that this particular officer parks his car at the end of their street on a daily basis.…Continue Reading
Albuquerque, NM - New Mexico sheriff’s deputies have arrested a man suspected of impersonating a police officer in multiple jurisdictions around Albuquerque. This after reports of a self-described “undercover officer” making suspicious traffic stops and having an odd confrontation with some teenage boys.
Bernalillo County sheriff’s deputies reported arresting Joseph Hannah, 34, after two women reported separate incidents of being pulled over by a man in a black mustang – complete with flashing police lights. The man, later identified as Hannah, reportedly showed the women his gun, told them he worked undercover, and then proceeded to flirt with them.
Investigators said that Hannah also stopped his Mustang – with activated lights – at an Albuquerque home where a group of teens were playing ball out front.
“He showed me a badge and a gun so I bought it,” said one of the boys, age 15, of Hannah’s claim to be a police officer.
The boy described the encounter with Hannah – who initially remained in his vehicle – as ‘light-hearted’ but then becoming ‘scary’ when Hannah became irritated.…Continue Reading
According to Flagler County Sheriffs deputies, last Wednesday morning a man pulled up to the RBC Bank drive-thru and asked if the bank sold money orders. The teller told him “no.” The man reportedly mumbled something about bad customer service and, after a short delay, drove away.
Not long after, another customer drove up to the drive-thru and retrieved the tube. The liquid contents of the tube – which the unsuspecting customer reported as smelling like urine – spilled out onto both her and her car. At this point, you could safely say she was pissed.
It was reported that the bank employee who had spoken to the man inspected the tube and ‘determined the liquid to be urine.’ His particular method of forensic analysis was not reported and, so, is left to the imagination.
An investigation is underway.…Continue Reading
DeLand, Florida - When I was just a little Jaded, I wanted to grow up and become a cop. I dreamed of saving the world with my shiny gun and my big-ass flashlight. Now that I’m almost all grown up, I realize that I never would have made it past the first week – I would have had a run-in with the likes of the lovely Julie Hubbard and I would have totally lost my shit. The arrest report would have read, “The cracked bitch spit on my leg, and that’s when I pulled out my big-ass flashlight and lit up her insides. The end.” Julie turned what could have been a simple ticket and a fine into a sputum flinging, name calling, law enforcement officer threatening, clusterfuck. …Continue Reading
Salt Lake City, UT – What on earth would possess a couple of grown ass men to knock the crap out of their elderly grandmother? A grandmother, who I’m sure, is supporting their loser asses? A couple of thug wannabe’s, the Hansen brothers, that’s who. Here we have Michael, 20, and Christopher, 22 — both live with their grandma and both are accused of not only beating up their grandmother, but pissing on her afterward. Really guys, what the fuck? It takes two of you to take down one 66-year-old lady? And, while she’s in the shower, no less. Authorities believe the whole thing started when Christopher forced his way into the bathroom… …Continue Reading
Sheboygan, Wisconsin–It all started in July 2007, when a woman, who I will dub Ms. X, discovered she had been the victim of a rather disgusting intruder. What tipped her off? Well, someone had pawed through the frillies in her underwear drawer, and, more disturbingly, someone had urinated on several items of clothing in her hamper. She reported her discovery to the police. In September of that same year, Ms. X contacted authorities again after she happened upon even more defiled clothing in her home. This time, the intruder had the audacity to walk across her freshly-vacuumed carpet, leaving his footprints behind. Another phone call to police in November 2008 – Ms. X told police that as she was walking in the back door of her home, she heard someone exiting through the front door. Unfortunately, she didn’t see who it was. …Continue Reading