Dynel Lane Accused Of Cutting Baby Out Of Pregnant Woman's Womb After Luring Victim With Craigslist AdBodies Of Two Children Found Inside Freezer In Detroit ApartmentCharges Dropped Against Man Who Tricked Woman Into Drinking His SpermBoy, 13, Kills Younger Brother Then Commits Suicide Following Argument Over FoodBobby Alexander Charged With Burglary After Using Victim's Netflix AccountZachary Shelton Charged With Kidnapping For Duct-taping Ex-wife, Drawing Dicks On Her FaceThree Juveniles In Custody After Man Murdered While Walking His DogCaleb Barnes Accused Of Stabbing His 14-Year-Old Girlfriend's Mother To DeathWoman Killed Walking Down Street When Flying Plywood Slams Her Into WallTeen In Custody, Several Students Hospitalized After Eating Hash Oil Brownies At School

Newport, TN — Police and paramedics were called to the home of a 38-year-old man Wednesday night in response to a rather bizarre stabbing incident – the man of the house apparently poked himself in the gut with a turkey thermometer to see if he was “done.”

The man in question, Scott Kelly, was found lying on a sofa in the home with a small stab wound in his gut.

When questioned, Kelly reportedly told officers he was “basting himself” and just wanted to be left alone. He then explained that he had stuck the thermometer into his stomach “to check his temperature, and to determine if he was done or not.”

Why, yes, alcohol was involved! How did you guess?

Kelly’s girlfriend told police the man had consumed a fifth of liquor and eight or nine beers before jabbing himself with the thermometer. Based on that information, I’m assuming Kelly was, in fact, done. Well done, even.

Kelly was transported to the hospital for treatment and a mental evaluation.…

Page 1 of 11