Muncie, IN – I’ve seen women remove men’s testicles before, placing them in their purse or in a jar placed on a high shelf in a closet, but the recently married men in those cases were usually willing participants.
Not so for the poor guy in Indiana, whose ex-girlfriend was arrested after she practically removed his testicles with her bare hands.
Police were called to the home of a 57-year-old man who reported his drunken ex-girlfriend, 43-year-old Christina Reber, had entered his home uninvited and had assaulted him in a most unpleasant fashion. Fellas, prepare to cringe.
The victim said shortly after yelling “call the fucking police” and slapping him in the head multiple times, Reber latched on to his low-hanging fruit and began “squeezing as hard as she could.”
Despite his best efforts, the man was unable to get Reber to let go as she began digging in her fingernails into his tool bag. It wasn’t until after they fell to the floor that the man was able to regain possession of his eggs and call 911.…
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BONNEAU, S.C. – There have been many times in my life as a female, where I have been competent enough to dig deep into my pockets, clutch my virtual round heuvos with my hand and pull those bad boys out proudly. That’s right, I have balls. I’m badass and hardcore. Apparently, some out there feel the same way about their vehicles.
A woman in South Carolina adorned the trailer hitch of her truck with a set of red, rubber Bull Balls. In case of any of you are not familiar with these things, they look like a pair of big-ass bull testicles down to the veins.
I don’t know about you but a picture of bull nuts on the back of a truck doesn’t scream sex to me. It screams, “I have big tacky balls on my truck because I think my truck is super strong and stuff!”
Obscene? Eh. Classy? YES!
But Bonneau Police Chief Franco Fuda wasn’t amused by Virginia Tice’s testes proudly swaying in front of him and cited her stating her plumbs violated the state’s Obscene Bumper sticker laws that says “a sticker, decal or emblem is indecent when it describes, in a patently offensive way… sexual acts, excretory functions or parts of the human body.”
Fuda said Tice could have avoided a ticket if she had agreed to remove the dangly orbs.…
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Seattle, WA – Jennifer Kolone, 29, was arrested last month after she apparently attempted to turn her boyfriend’s manjigglies into finger puppets.
Police were called to the couple’s home in the early morning hours of May 24, where they found the 40-year-old victim nekkid and bleeding. The man told police he and Kolone had been arguing when she lost her shit and grabbed hold of his jewels and gave ‘em a squeeze.
“Once Jennifer let go (he) felt as if he had urinated himself,” Seattle Detective Pilar Curtis told the court. “When he looked down at his groin area he saw blood.”
Kolone then did what any batshit psycho twunt would do…she calmed down and began cleaning the house as if nothing had happened.
According to investigators, the injury was a “W” shaped wound that required several stitches, surgical glue and a “sling” to close. And though the medical records describe the injury as a knife wound, it doesn’t appear as if an actual knife was involved in the attack.…
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Albuquerque, NM — James Dickie, 23, was arrested last week after he allegedly set fire to his blind dog’s testicles and scrotum because he couldn’t afford to have the critter neutered by a vet.
Authorities said the dog, Charlie, was rescued after a neighbor called Dickie’s grandma and she sent a family friend over to investigate. Charlie was found in Dickie’s bedroom, unable to move because of the burns.
Just two days prior to the DIY neutering, the Dick was reportedly seen drop-kicking the animal several times before tossing the animal into a yucca plant.
Arrested on charges of extreme animal cruelty, Dickie, of course, denied harming the animal. If convicted, the charge carries a maximum sentence of 1.5 years in jail and up to a $5,000 fine. Personally, I think James Dickie should lose a nut…
One neighbor says the Dick is being painted in a bad light – he takes good care of his animals. Animals, plural. Authorities have reported that there are at least three other animals in Dickie’s possession…a dog and two cats.…
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Walkergate, Newcastle — I was minding my own business watching FLESH AND THE FIENDS when Jaded alerted me to a story that left me with no choice but to stop what I was doing and post it.
A student at Benfield School made a post on Facebook asking his friends to dare him into pulling stupid stunts. One of these stunts has gotten him and some other students expelled from school.
With the urging from Facebook friends, the student took a teacher’s cup from her class and then teabagged it in the corridor. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “teabagging,” the boy basically placed his balls in her cup she uses to drink from. He then took a picture of his balls in the cup, and posted the image online.
No reports on exactly how school officials found out, but their reaction was swift once they did. The student who dunked his dangly bits in the cup was expelled permanently while three other students are on fixed-term expulsions.…
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Orlando, FL — A 17-year-old boy was admitted to the Winnie Palmer Hospital for Women and Babies Saturday night after shooting himself in the nuts with a 9mm handgun.
After receiving a 911 call from the teen’s 12-year-old sister, officers arrived at a home in the Peppertree Apartment complex to find the boy suffering from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the testicles. “I shot myself by accident,” the unidentified teen told police. “Get an ambulance.”
The teen reportedly told police he was lying on his bed, watching television and playing around with the pistol when it fired. “I was trying to tie the gun around my leg,” he said. Police said the bullet went through the scrotum and lodged in his right upper thigh.
Officers found a Smith and Wesson on the floor of the teen’s bedroom with five unfired cartridges in the magazine. Authorities are still trying to determine where he obtained the weapon.
The police department is now recommending that the boy be charged with unlawful possession of a firearm by a minor and unlawful discharge of a firearm.…
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