Randal Schaal Doesn’t Like Myspace

Sheboygan, WI – Randal Schaal and Kelly Winter weren’t too pleased when they found out their 14-year-old daughter had surreptitiously opened up a MyspaceMySpace account. Not pleased at all. As a matter of fact, they were so pissed off, they spanked that little whippersnapper real good. According to the arrest report, Kelly found the child’s account and confronted her. The child denied the page was hers. No matter – when Randal got home, he checked out the web page and “freaked out.” The girl told officers that Randal held her down on the ground and spanked her real hard about 20 times. When she tried to get away, Randal allegedly kicked the child in the left hip, said something about “making it even” before kicking her in the right hip. The child said her mother then grabbed her by the hair, pushed her head into the wall, and asked, “What’s it feel like to have both your parents beat on you?” Damn. Overreact much? A spanking? At 14? I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that Randal may have some issues with anger. [Read more...]

Jason Arias Has A Temper

Jason R. Arias

Provo, UT–I have a recommendation for some of you ladies out there who are thinking about letting the current penis babysit your children. Since love is blind and you are 100% certain that your boyfriend would never, ever lay a hand on your child, invest in a good punching bag…I think you can pick one up for about $30. That way, when the current penis throws a fit and needs to release some aggression, maybe he will choose the punching bag over your precious child.

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