Everett, WA - A guard at Snohomish County Jail has been charged with custodial misconduct after he allegedly traded cookies for sex with an inmate.
Abner Canda, 58, has been accused of giving a 22-year-old female inmate homemade cookies in exchange for sexual favors. The woman went to police in January saying she felt guilty about what she had participated in. “I’m sorry,” she told police. “I’m trying to change and be a better person now. I’m ashamed for my actions. That’s why I’m saying something.”
The female, only identified as “C.D.”, told police that she willingly showed Canda her breasts in exchange for some food last May. She was released from jail, but once again found herself as an inmate in October 2012. She states on November 19th, Canda “came into my room behind me and kissed me and touched my breasts and also put his hand down my pants and placed his finger inside of [my vagina].” Then, in January, she states Canda performed oral sex on her and gave her homemade chocolate chip cookies in return for the sexual favors.…Continue Reading
Samantha Edwards is 26-years-old, weighs 115 pounds and stands at 5′ 6″. But don’t let the small stature and those derpy eyes fool you, this mischievous mynx knows how to have a good time!
She’s into recreational drugs, cab rides around the city, shopping, and taking long walks in the park where she will get high, strip naked, and show off her va-jay-jay to strangers.
In full disclosure, she’s in a bit of legal trouble at the moment, currently spending time at one of Greene County’s finest facilities after her latest run-in with The Man. But feel free to visit her anytime between Monday through Friday, 7:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. — just ask for her by her new nickname “2114178.”
I’d take her myself, but my girlfriend already tried killing me in my sleep after I helped an elderly woman who was hit by a car.…Continue Reading
Rye, NY — A building superintendent previously employed at the Rye Colony apartment complex is presumably hanging his head in shame after a suspicious tenant learned the super had been entering his apartment and buggerin’ his male Labrador Retriever.
The unidentified tenant told investigators he suspected someone had been illegally entering his apartment while he was gone, so he set up a nannycam. On February 8, said cam captured 41-year-old Kujtim Nicaj entering the apartment with his key. Once inside, police say, Nicaj proceeded to sodomize the critter.
After learning of the arrest, property manager Mike May promptly sh*tcanned Nicaj, who had worked at the complex for six years. May also took away all the keys Nicaj had to residents’ apartments.
Nicaj, a married father of two, was arrested on charges of burglary and sexual misconduct. He has since been released on $100,000 bail.
Nicaj’s lawyer, Steven Davidson, said that his client denies molesting the dog. And though he is aware of the videotape, he claims the neither he nor his client have been given the opportunity to view it.…Continue Reading
Winston-Salem, NC – Mark Mercer, a 23-year-old math teacher and girl’s volleyball coach at Jefferson Middle School, was charged Tuesday with multiple counts of statutory rape and other offenses after being accused of having sex with two 14-year-old female students. According to authorities, the alleged incidents occurred off campus between October 1 and December 28. The investigation began when a parent of one of the girls discovered nearly 1,000 text messages between Mercer and the teen. Said parent could see the number of texts between the two, but could not read them. A few days later, another parent stepped forward with similar accusations against Mercer. At that point, police had enough evidence against Mercer to make an arrest. David Freedman, Mercer’s attorney, said Mercer turned himself in, consented to a search of his home and submitted a DNA sample. ”He was very cooperative with authorities,” Freedman said. Mercer is now facing 13 counts of first-degree statutory rape, eight counts of felony sex offense with a student and eight counts of taking indecent liberties.…Continue Reading
Long Island, NY – Mitchell Marsicano, 55, is being held on charges of sexual misconduct, attempted sexual misconduct and burglary after allegedly forcing his way into a tenant’s apartment in order to engage in a little canine coitus. According to his tenants, Daniel Miller and Mariah Mills, Marsicano broke into their home at about 2:00 Thursday morning and tried to get naughty with a 2-year-old Shiba-Inu named Snowball. Miller told police he heard the dog “squealing” and when he went to investigate, he found Marsicano on top of the critter…butt nekkid. And, according to Miller, this wasn’t the first time. Miller told police that on October 12, Marsicano broke into their apartment and got all rapey with Snowball. Miller witnessed that incident as well, and when he confronted the doggy diddler, Marsicano reportedly threatened both Miller and Mills with bodily harm if they reported him. So Miller let it slide. The second time, though, was apparently the last straw and Miller called the police. Oddly enough, Snowball originally belonged to Marsicano – he handed the dog over to Miller and Mills after they accused him of mistreating and abusing the animal.…Continue Reading
Atlanta, Georgia – You know what I enjoy more than watching a snake oil salesman work his craft and fleece the stupid of their hard earned money? Watching the media expose a snake oil salesman before his peers, revealing what he truly is. In the case of Bishop Eddie Long, the leader of Atlanta’s New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, he is being exposed as a manipulative, homosexual hypocrite along the lines of Larry Craig and Mark Foley. The man marched against same sex marriage, and his anti-gay stance was so tough that civil rights leaders refused to attend the funeral of Coretta Scott King that was held at his megachurch. But surprise, surprise, the good old gay-hating bishop was doing what he could to make life for gays miserable in one hand, while allegedly caressing the dicks of 17-year-old boys in the other. Four young men have now came forward, charging Long with using his position to force them into sexual relationships while treating them to gifts, trips in private planes and stays in luxury hotels.…Continue Reading
Boiling Springs, SC – Back in July, a concerned parent went to police complaining about two women who were throwing parties for kids that were fueled with alcohol, drugs and sex. Police began investigating and on Monday, 42-year-old Sarah Jane Lindsay, a teacher at Boiling Springs Elementary, and 44-year-old Audrey Beidleman Grabarkiewicz, a preschool teacher at Lake Bowen Baptist Church, were both picked up and arrested. Police say that the women would hold parties at their homes and knowingly supply alcohol and their vaginas to their teenaged guests. Grabarkiewicz has been charged with 10 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and although she did let some of the teens hide their sausage in her, she was smart enough to only let the ones who were older than 16. Her friend wasn’t so smart. Aside from the nine counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor Lindsay was also charged with having criminal sexual conduct with a minor between 11 and 14 years old. Idiot. Grabarkiewicz, who was released from jail on $25,000 bond with the condition of home detention, was fired from her job.…Continue Reading
Kansas City, MO – A 64-year-old woman told police she woke up to an intruder in her bedroom at about 1:00 Tuesday morning. That intruder was her neighbor, 62-year-old Laurence Saunders. And he was *gag* butt-nekkid. Saunders reportedly grabbed the woman by the arm and told her he was “just being friendly.” The woman wrapped her hand around the man’s beard and proceeded to drag the old dude to the front door of her mobile home. Before she could throw him out on his scraggly old ass, he allegedly grabbed her by the throat and attempted to choke her. She reached out and grabbed a tape measure and knocked him in the melon two or three times. He then left of his own accord. The woman said she found the man’s shorts sitting on top of a DVD player in her living room. She picked ‘em up and threw them at Saunders, who was sitting on her front porch, crying. He was arrested and booked on charges of burglary, sexual misconduct and two counts of assault.…Continue Reading
Platte City, MO – George Cook, a member of the Platte City Board of Alderman, has been charged with second-degree sexual misconduct after he allegedly whipped out his little Colonel and exposed himself “under circumstances he knew would likely cause affront or alarm.” According to police, the victim told officers Cook, an acquaintance of hers, offered her a ride home from work on the evening of August 19. During the drive, the conversation turned sexual and Cook reportedly asked the woman if she was sexually satisfied at home. Whether she responded to the question is unknown. After a quick stop at a friend’s house, the woman returned to Cook’s truck, where he allegedly asked her, “Would this satisfy you?” The woman said she looked down to see Cook’s peener resting in his hand. The woman said Cook then asked her if she wanted him to touch her vagina. Nothing like getting right to the fucking point, huh? But, alas, she turned him down cold. “I would appreciate it if you would pull up your pants,” she said.…Continue Reading
Arizona – Christie Elliot, 25, is an English teacher and cheerleading coach at Empire High School in Arizona who has been arrested for getting sexually involved with one of the students in her English class. She has been charged with luring a minor for sexual exploitation and sexual conduct with a minor. Her day turned shitty after the parent of the victim began snooping around and found some disturbing messages on his cell phone. They also found topless pictures of Elliot on their kid’s computer. They immediately contacted the school and effectively cock-blocked their son for a bit. Police were notified and after interviewing both Elliot and the student, they determined that illegal activity had taken place. Since you cannot fire a teacher in the US unless they talk shit about Obama in the school’s cafeteria while raping a puppy on top of a pile of murdered babies, the school district simply chose not to renew her contract.…Continue Reading
Brooklyn, New York – A janitor at James Madison High School in Midwood witnessed French teacher Cindy Mauro, 33, and Alino Brito, 29, a married Spanish instructor, naked with each other inside an empty classroom. The janitor, Robert Colantuoni, decided not to do what most hetero males would do in that situation and simply toss one off in the hallway and then write a letter to Penthouse. Nope, he went and told school officials. Since then, both women have been removed from the classroom and sent to Education Department “rubber rooms” while they’re investigated for misconduct. Lawyers for the women said they both “categorically deny the salacious allegations.” Both teachers were very popular among students and a Facebook Group has been created in support of the two teachers which I have joined. Also, if the two are guilty of the accusations or not, let me go on record and state that I strongly encourage all hot teachers to please think of the children and partake in this activity at every opportunity.…Continue Reading
Cleveland – That’s right, Dreamins, I am leaving this Popsicle stand and going to go apply at Saint Joseph Academy in Cleveland. Looks like they have two teacher’s positions open and I could not think of a better working environment. Seems that one teacher has been let go because of sexual misconduct, and the other let go because they knew about the relationship and did not report it. But from reading the comments, the rumors about this teacher where well known so I can only assume that this type of activity is encouraged? But others are not so easily quick to believe the charges. “I just don’t think it ever happened, because I don’t think any father would do something that they wouldn’t want some guy doing to their daughter,” says 2008 St. Joseph graduate, Jillian Zarefoss. The underlining was by me because I wanted to reply to that statement with “Bwuahahahahahahahaha!” Anyway, wish me luck.…Continue Reading
Branson, Missouri - And preys on them, it appears. Peter “Pete” Newman, 33, was a camp counselor and assistant director for ten years at Kanakuk Kamps in Branson, where they love Jesus, sports, the letter K, and your children. Kounselor Pete really, really loves your children, especially if they’re boys between 11 and 15. According to an email I received from Joe White, Kanakuk’s owner, Newman was terminated as soon as his proclivities were discovered, and the camp notified authorities and the “impacted families”, offering their assistance to the boys they were able to identify as victims of Newman’s little peter problem. …Continue Reading
Port St. Lucie, Florida–The note read: “Can I please make love to you one more time? Please, I will let you play with my phone and you will get an X-box.” Who do you think this note written to? A. A 67-year-old woman. B. A 32-year-old man. C. Santa Claus. D. A 5-year-old girl. It’s only fair to give you a little background first, I guess. The author of that little love note is 27-year-old Robert William Payne. He is married to a woman with a couple of children. He is ‘fascinated’ with the object of his desire. His fantasies have landed him in similar situations before. Need more time to think on it? …Continue Reading
Hastings, Minnesota–I’m not going to waste a bunch of your time with this freak, but because of this particular perversion, the manner in which it was carried out, and the age of his victim, I felt he deserved a few lines of text and a mugshot placement here on the good ‘ol Dreamin’ Demon. James Albert Silbernagel, 41, is a belly button licker. While that, in itself, isn’t particularly strange, the fact that he licked the belly button of an 11-year-old boy is more than just slightly nauseating.…Continue Reading
Fort Wayne, Indiana – I swear, sometimes this stuff just writes itself. Dale Keith Tucker, 57, was a part-time faculty member and the piano accompanist for the University Singers at Indiana University-Purdue University in Fort Wayne. He was also the music director and organist at one of the Methodist churches in the area. Unfortunately for Tucker, he is now neither. Not because of the awful economy, but because he was found to have been tickling his own ivories with the organ of a 15 year old boy.…Continue Reading
Anderson, SC – It seems to me that todayâ€™s prisons are becoming more and more like extended summer camps funded by the taxpayers. I know, you lose your freedom, but you get a roof over your head, 3 squares a day, some recreation time, and TV among other things. And hey, if you are lucky enough to be jailed in Anderson County, SC you may even get a little nookie from a halfway decent looking redhead! No, our Imp has NOT accepted a job in the Anderson County Detention Center, so you may want to hold off on those plans of robbing liquor stores.…Continue Reading