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Jennifer McCarthySante Fe, NM — Jennifer McCarthy, ex-wife of author Cormac McCarthy, was booked on assault charges last week after allegedly pulling a gun out of her poonanner and aiming it at her boyfriend’s head following a heated argument about space aliens.

Let’s let that soak in a minute, shall we?

According to the police report, 48-year-old McCarthy and her unidentified boyfriend were discussing space aliens Saturday, when shit got retarded. At some point during the couple’s alien discussion, in between the ranting and raving, McCarthy’s boyfriend ordered her to stop touching him. In response, she touched him on the shoulder with her index finger… you know, like a 7-year-old. He, in turn, placed his hand on her neck. She didn’t feel threatened, she claimed, he was simply trying to keep her away from him. And then, well, it was all about masturbation and guns and crazy….

The boyfriend told police that after the verbal argument, McCarthy left the residence. Upon her return, she holed up in her bedroom for a minute — when she walked out, she was wearing lingerie.…

Brian Anthony CheekSante Fe, TX — A Sante Fe couple were taken into police custody Friday after police raided their home and found a bunch of drugs and stuff. That’s not what landed them here on the DD, though… it was the bodies of nearly two dozen tortured cats that earned them their spot.

Brian Cheek and his wife, Veronica Springer, were apparently the target of a somewhat lengthy narcotics investigation. When police finally raided Friday, a search of the couple’s home revealed roughly 9 grams of crystal meth, a scale and packaging materials. In addition to the narcotics, a stolen ATV valued at about $14,000 was recovered.

In addition to the drugs, police reportedly found about 20 dead cats, ranging from kittens to adults, on the property. Each and every one had apparently been tortured. Investigators stated that there was evidence of blunt force trauma, disemboweling, strangulation, and burning. One of the dead cats was discovered in a box in the bed of Cheek’s truck.

Remains of several of the cats were picked up by Galveston County Sheriff’s Office Animal Cruelty investigators and will be examined by necropsy.…

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