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DES MOINES, IA – A woman has been charged after she was caught on video jumping the counter at a McDonald’s to assault an employee over a McChicken sandwich.

The fracas happened Saturday night after 21-year-old Valerie Shepherd and her two male companions arrived at the restaurant and ordered McChicken sandwiches.

Not happy with the length of time it was taken to get their food, the trio begins arguing with the McDonald’s employees while a woman in the drive-through was recording.

At one point one of the employees hands Shepherd her order, only to have Shepherd throw it back in their face. When one of the employees tried calling 911, Shepherd jumps on the counter and knocks the phone out of her hand.

That’s when the wild swingin’ and hair pullin’ begins and, it seems to me, the McDonald’s employee was having no issues with Shepherd. Had it not been for Shepherd’s two male friends coming around to separate the women, I am pretty sure Shepherd would have gotten her ass thoroughly kicked.…

WINTER HAVEN, FL – A Polk County man was arrested over the weekend after allegedly accosting three women with a 4-foot-long sword and a peanut butter sandwich.

The melee reportedly began when Mark Miller, 50, was disturbed by noise the women were making outside of his mobile home. Miller is said to have exited his trailer angrily, brandishing the blade and his late night snack. At some point during the scuffle that ensued, according to responding officers, Miller jabbed the more dangerous and metallic weapon at a woman’s stomach, one Brandi Bodiford, who happened to be 6 months pregnant.

Fortunately for Bodiford and her unborn child, she was able to grab the blade before being skewered and her friend, Taylor Grimes, stepped between her and Miller. Miller then smeared his remaining weapon, the peanut butter sandwich, on the chest of the third woman, Cierra Harwell.

Deputies arrived to detain and transport Miller to Polk County Jail, but before the trip was completed Miller used his teeth to cause $550 worth of damage to the padding on the squad car’s cage partition.…

Adrian, MI — Nine months ago, the city manager of Hudson, Michigan, was charged with a misdemeanor after a female in another vehicle reported that he was fondling himself while driving in a city-owned vehicle. That man is 50-year-old Steven Hartsel.

According to an Adrian Police Department report filed at the time of the incident, the woman was in a City of Tecumseh truck that was on the roadway alongside a minivan driven by Hartsel. The witness, Sue Sellers, said in court testimony last week that she stopped for a red light on South Main Street at Beecher Street and happened to glance from her pickup into a van stopped in the lane on her right.

“I couldn’t believe what I saw. I looked over and I saw a man with his penis in his hand,” she testified. She glanced over at least five times, she said in court, going from feelings of shock to anger. Sue Sellers told the jury she had no doubt about what she saw.

“I could have been driving a bus full of kids,” added Sellers in court testimony.…

Naperville, IL – Alexander Georg, 27, was jailed on $1.5 million bond after – according to prosecutors – he attacked his mother so severely with a butcher knife that the handle broke off.  The attack was reportedly his answer to her offer to make him a sandwich.

Georg is reported to live with his 52-year-old mother in an apartment on Naperville’s northeast side.  Published reports said Georg’s mother had brought him home earlier in the day from a ‘mental and emotional health care facility’ where he had undergone treatment for nearly two weeks.

Police say that, after he arrived home, his mother offered to make him a sandwich, and he ‘grabbed the knife, chased her out to the driveway and pinned her down and stabbed her repeatedly.’

Neighbors described the woman’s screams as “bone-chilling,” prompting them to call the police.  When police arrived, Georg’s mother was said to be standing across the street covered in blood.  Georg was standing in the driveway of the residence and was arrested without resisting.…

MARION COUNTY, W.Va. – Joseph Edward Jones, 22, has been arrested and charged with three counts of child abuse causing injury. These incidents involve a 4-year-old boy of a woman he lived with and include the standard physical abuse we read about here. But Jones went the extra mile. Aside from allegedly hitting the boy with a toy car, biting his nose and duct taping him before sticking him in a dryer, Jones has also been accused of forcing the boy to eat a sandwich with cat shit on it. This all occurred back in 2008, the boy reportedly too afraid to come forward with what was happening to him because Jones said if he told, he would hurt his mother. Jones eventually admitted to doing some of what he has been accused of doing to the boy but denied doing some others. He told police he knew he had anger management issues and figured he just needs more help on top of the help he received from previous child abuse charges he was convicted of involving a different kid.…

Akron, Ohio – You ever have one of those days where your woman just won’t do what you order her to do? I haven’t so I just cannot relate. The ongoing campaign of mental abuse I inflict on my woman has left her fairly subservient. This is not the case for 52-year-old Cleottis Gilcreast. His woman did not listen to his demands and he ended up charged with domestic violence after she refused to make him a goddamn sammich. Police say that an angered Gilcreast first pulled a knife on the woman who then figured this shit is insane and began packing her bags to leave with her sister and brother-in-law. At one point inside the apartment, Gilcreast allegldly grabbed the victim and slammed her face-first into the ground. Police picked him up later after they found him walking from the apartment. I’m not sure what the victim expected by not honoring Gilcreast’s demands as he was still on probation for a previous domestic violence conviction against her back in July 2008.…

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – A 21-year-old female left a Burger King drive-through and became sick after taking a bit out of her sandwich. She went back to the store to complain, but began having seizures and was rushed to the hospital. At the same restaurant, Ernest McHenry had just sat down to eat his Burger King fish sandwich when he found a blue pill wedged in the bun when he removed it to add some salt and pepper. He immediately showed everyone what he had found. The pill turned out to be hydrocodone. Police would later arrest Woody Duclos, a Burger King employee, and charge him with poisoning food with intent to kill or injure a person. They would also arrest his co-worker, Bryant Jones, for selling him the drugs. Police believe Duclos poisoned the food because he was pissed about a recent suspension for misconduct.…

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