Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Valerie NileRockland, ME — A 44-year-old woman was jailed earlier this week after she allegedly threatened a neighbor with several knives because he and his roommate refused her request for a ménage à trois.

According to the police report, Valerie Nile was hanging out at her neighbor’s trailer, drinking, when the discussion took a turn for the dirty.

Two of the three needed for a threesome must have sobered up a bit because it didn’t happen.

This displeased Valerie. Police say it was then that she walked into the neighbor’s kitchen and armed herself with three knives – she slipped a large kitchen knife into her waistband, and stashed two smaller knives in her socks. Then, she apparently started yelling, threatening, terrorizing and stuff.

In fear for his life, the victim, 56-year-old Edward Sabatino, beat feet out of the trailer and called 911.

When officers arrived on scene, they found Sabatino’s female roommate, 30-year-old Shanna Chickering, snoozing on the couch. When questioned about the knives and the threats and the other craziness, she stated that she did not witness the incident because she was, like, asleep.…

Rockland, ME — A 62-year-old man was recently sentenced to five days in jail following an incident earlier this year in which he reportedly bitch slapped his estranged wife in the face with his dick after she refused to have sex with him. rawr.

The victim in the case was apparently staying at the home of her estranged husband, Fred Thomas, this past July when he offered to pay her twenty whole dollars to have sex with him. When she refused his generous offer, he whipped out his member and smacked her upside the head with it.

I, for one, am impressed. Not to mention slightly turned on….

Anyway, Thomas’ attorney argued in court Wednesday the poor man was upset that his marriage of 39 years was ending and his wife was supposedly planning to run off to Pakistan to hook up with some dude she met online.

“This was not his normal conduct,” Defense Attorney Justin Andrus told the court during the sentencing hearing.

Initially charged with domestic violence assault, indecent conduct and unlawful sexual contact, Andrus was asking his client get probation and no jail time.…


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