Marion, IA - Allow me to introduce Kristine Pflughaupt (gesundheit). Ms. Phisoderm Pflughaupt is gracing the pages here at the Dreamin’ Demon for a number of reasons – that awesome last name, her cheerful mugshot, drunken hyjinx, and because she’s a big fan of noodles.  It has been reported that on NovemberNovember reviews 3, a resident on Ms. Farfegnugen Pflughaupt’s mail route called police to complain that she had a strange mail carrier, in uniform and carrying a mail bag, sitting on the floor in her kitchen noshin’ on some left-over noodles. The homeowner, 95-year-old Marie O’Kelly, said she was watching TV in her living room when she heard a noise – she assumed it was her daughter coming for a visit, but grew suspicious when she didn’t receive a greeting from the girl. When she went to investigate the strange noise, she found Ms. Flobbernotten Pflughaupt sitting on the kitchen floor, eating noodles with her bare hands. “The noodles were running down her shirt. I asked her, ‘What are you doing here?’ She didn’t answer – she just kept eating those noodles.” Yum.  [Read more...]

Iowa City, IA - How inebriated must one be to feel that it is kosher to just drop trou’ and discharge a few ass apples in a public venue? I’m guessing one would have to have a B.A.C. somewhere in the vicinity of .24, give or take, and an IQ in that same general area. Demonites, please meet Mr. Robert E. Lee. Mr. Lee here allegedly entered a CVS Pharmacy Friday evening, ambled his way up front, lifted his shirt, dropped his pants, and dumped a load of sphincter spears. Then, without even bothering to wipe or wash, Mr. Lee walked out of the store. Ummm…ew? When the cops caught up with the butt nugget bandit, the slurred speech and aroma of alcohol gave him away. (Not to mention the .24). Mr. Lee, 57, was charged with fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication – both misdemeanors. The store manager who reported the incident told police it would cost less than $200 to clean up the mess. (And a drawing of straws between employees, I’d imagine). All right, Morbid – let’s have one of those asstastic poop stories you are so fond of telling….you know you wanna! [Read more...]

Louisville, KY- Reeking of alcohol with slurred speech, the trollish looking Cecil Bryant now faces several charges including first-degree assault, disorderly conduct, menacing and public intoxication. Police responded to a report last SaturdaySaturday reviews morning of a woman who was beaten and bloody. Police found 53-year old Elsie Rollins with a bleeding head wound and she told the officers that Bryant, 75, had attacked her with a bedpost. Bryant, who’s eyes were as unsteady as his feet, was hollering at the neighbors and even pushed a bystander. When the officers told Bryant to sit his crazy ass down, he began screaming at them. Once inside the apartment, police noticed blood-spattered walls and found the bloody bedpost. Silly me. Here all this time I thought troll dolls brought you good luck.

Alcoa, TN- As I was sitting here in front of my keyboard dressed in my usual work attire ( Tinkerbell pajamas with periwinkle blue slippers) and first began reading about this story, two questions came to mind. How the hell did this woman master the trick of spraying officers with her own urine and why, oh fucking why, can’t I be graced by the Gods of Demented Demon-ship and be allowed to find at least one mugshot of this truculent tigress? At first, I believed finding a pic was hopeless, but thanks to the detective skills of one of my favorite members, Tazzzz, Cindy Lynn Holder’s mug is now gracing our front page. [Read more...]

Memphis, TN- I have never tried any brand of Kentucky Bourbon. Now, after reading about 46-year old Karen Sims and her crazy-assed drunk display on MarchMarch reviews 25, 2009, I think my lightweight ass will stick with beer. I know this is not one of the usual crimes we front page here on the Dreamin’ Demon, but being it is April 1, I thought the story of a drunk fool would be appropriate.

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…and pooped on it.

Thomas Whitley Teague

Brownsville, TX–Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce 26-year-old Thomas Whitley Teague. Mr. Teague graduated from Texas Tech University in May 2008, and in NovemberNovember reviews, gained his license to practice law in the state of Texas. Mr. Teague is also a former Cameron County assistant DA. Teague now has a smear on his resume…he will forever be known as that guy that took a dump outside of an IHOP restaurant.

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…so he set his trailer on fire

Theodore, AL–Lawrence Edward Lee, 45, had a bad case of the ‘nobody loves me’ Christmas blues. He didn’t get a single present for Christmas. Not even a re-gifted fruitcake. Can you believe that? Well, he got even with the selfish relatives who overlooked him…he set his own trailer on fire. That’ll show ‘em! Now he not only lacks presents, but also a home. Luckily, the kind-hearted folks down at the Metro Jail welcomed him with open arms.

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