John And Jessica Huskey Needed A Quick Fix

Panama City Beach, FL – I know this is going to sound silly, but, have you ever been to a tweaker yard sale? If you haven’t, put that on your list of things to do before you die because it is friggin’ hilarious. See, when tweakers are tweakin’, they like to take shit apart. Though they are up for 2-3 days at a time, with plenty of time to tinker, they never put the shit back together the right way and they just tape it all back together. They quickly get bored with one project and move onto another. I’ve been past many a yard sale where every single item has, at minimum, three strips of duct tape – TV’s, beds, dishes, couches, cribs, stereos, cars – you name it, it’s taped. The set of tweaker parents asshats in this story are very familiar with duct tape – they tried to fix their broken toddler with it. [Read more...]

Geraldine Shockley Is a Bad Caretaker

Panama City Beach, FL – As if small children aren’t enough of a black hole of need, nature comes along and plays another cruel joke on the able-bodied by saddling them with the elderly.  One day you are thanking your lucky stars that your babies are finally able to use the toilet without assistance and next thing you know, you are having to invest in adult diapers for your parents.  LifeLIFE reviews seems so unfair sometimes.  It’s a good thing that most of us love our families enough to gladly put up with this inconvenience.  After all, they took care of us and allowed us to live when we were screaming toddlers and snotty teens, the least we could do is return the favor.  Or at the very least hire someone to return the favor for us – someone like Geraldine Shockley, a caretaker hired by 94 year-old Bessie Borth and her family.  Oh wait, Shockley wasn’t a great caretaker.  Actually, she was a pretty shitty one.  Borth was found dead, and it wasn’t from natural causes. [Read more...]

Garry Ulland Thought He Was Whacking Andrew, It was Mike

Panama City Beach, Florida Why is it, when rednecks do something they seem to do it well? Is there any sense of normalcy in a redneck’s life or are they completely incapable of doing anything that doesn’t seem extreme? If a normal person doesn’t like something they see, generally there are several options explored to avoid those sights…looking away…changing the channel. A quintessential redneck may only see one way, blow it up. And while looking away from sights is a hell of a lot easier than listening away from sounds, there are still options that normal people exercise, turning down the television, asking one to keep it down, calling the police, etc. But for Sara Ulland, the only way to deal with the thumping screaming sounds of her husband beating the life out of her naked bed mate, was to cover her head with a pillow. [Read more...]

Aaron Burns Is A Real Ladies Man

Panama City Beach, FL – You know, I’ve suffered through some of the worst pick-up lines in the history of shitty lines, but Aaron Burns wins the award for the absolute worst. Try this one on for size, ladies: “I just found out that we ain’t blood relatives. Let’s fuck!” Would that get you in the mood for some lovin’? No? Well, what if he put a gun to your head? Would that make him more desirable? Didn’t think so. Romeo here is accused of kidnapping, tying up, and raping a family member – in his girlfriend’s apartment. Damn. It just don’t get any sexier than that. [Read more...]