Woman Found Passed Out In Puke After Huffing Dust Cleaner

Naples – While waking up in a pool of your own vomit behind an Office Depot may equate to an average Wednesday night for Jaded, it got one North Naples woman charged with inhalation of a harmful chemical substance and a probation violation. Police had been called to investigate a woman sleeping in an an alley and there they found 37-year-old Jennifer Marie Fernandez lying in her own puke, having ingested two cans of dust remover. She woke up when officers began questioning her and was attempting to hide a 10 ounce can of cleaner between her legs. They asked her how she was doing and she informed them, with slurred speech, that she had bought the can to get high with and then proceeded to inhale the rest of the can. She was taken to the hospital to be checked out, then arrested shortly afterwards. In January, Fernandez was arrested for petty theft after she was found passed out in a Walmart restroom (an average FridayFriday reviews night for Jaded) next to an empty can of dust remover she had stolen.

Edward Starcher Likes To Do Things With His Hands

Naples, FL- I hate it when people make empty threats. I’m never going to talk to you again. I’m going to run away. I’m going to kill your mother. I’m going to do my own laundry from now on. If only that last one would stick. A friend of my hubby’s once said he wished someone would invent something to make the menial chores like washing dishes and doing laundry less troublesome. I told them they did. Unfortunately, it’s called a woman. Oops, now I’m getting off track again. Here’s the story. [Read more...]

Arron Harrison Is Kinda Dumb

Naples, Utah–Some people will do anything for a quick easy buck, or a fuck, or even a 12-pack of suds. Arron Harrison, 21, was recently approached by a 17-year-old female acquaintance of his…she had a proposition. See, this girl is in a bit of a bind–she’s 7 months pregnant and has decided that she doesn’t want to have a baby. So, she asked Harrison to forcefully beat that child out of her womb, in exchange for something. Harrison, obviously lacking in common sense, agreed. [Read more...]

Urine Trouble, Graham Brunson

Naples, Florida–Graham Brunson, 21, was causing a ruckus at the Bayfront Inn last Wednesday evening. After yelling obscenities, disturbing bar patrons, and being an ass in general, security kindly asked him to leave. That’s when Brunson got a little pissy. [Read more...]

Donald Bohn: Weird Santa

Naples, FL–Wal-Mart; the land of long lines, empty shelves, and overworked disgruntled employees. It seems that every single week, there is a story or two about crazy shit going down at the local Wal-Mart. We have crazed shoppers, butt-biters, pedophiles, Guitar Hero lovin’ murderers. Now we have Donald Bohn; a lonely weirdo who hangs out at his local Wal-Mart dressed in a Santa shirt and hat, talking to anyone who will listen, about his package and his ability to please women. *gags*

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