Police responded to John Kohler’s home earlier this week after receiving a report of an exposure in progress. Kohler was apparently seen standing on his porch “masturbating at a child” walking down the street.
When officers made contact with the alleged wanker and requested proof of identity, Kohler invited them into his apartment to wait while he retrieved it. Once inside, the officers reportedly found several very illegal photographs taped to the walls and Kohler’s headboard. Additional images were found on his computer and various videotapes and DVDs in the apartment.
Kohler later admitted to exposing himself to the child outside of his apartment. He’s currently behind bars on $750,000 bail, charged with 50 counts of possession of child pornography and one count each of indecent exposure and open lewdness.…Continue Reading
Minneapolis, MN — On March 17, a 53-year-old man cleverly disguised as an elementary school student boarded a school bus filled with real elementary school students and proceeded to make sweet, sweet love to one of the seats. Rawr.
After a month-long investigation, police have finally arrested the alleged seat sticker…his name is Michael Friedrichs and he’s a Level 3 predatory offender.
Police say it went a little something like this….
Friedrichs, who stands about 5’11″ and weighs in at 187 pounds, boarded the bus that morning with a hooded sweatshirt pulled up over his head and a backpack shielding his face. The driver, who normally picked up a student at that stop, “did not think anything was out of the ordinary,” and continued on his route.
Friedrichs’ clever disguise may have fooled the bus driver, but one of the students on the bus wasn’t fooled…she later told police she recognized the man as an adult, but figured he was the bus driver’s friend. Give that kid a gold star for being observant.…Continue Reading
Tempe, AZ — Kevin Robert Theriault, 42, faces three charges of public sexual indecency and three charges of indecent exposure after he was apprehended masturbating in front of a woman wearing a Statue of Liberty costume.
The victim, an employee of Liberty Tax Service, is one of the costumed legion of Lady Liberties often seen on street corners waving enthusiastically to passers-by. Tempe police said that last Thursday, the woman reported that Theriault “waved back,” in a manner of speaking.
According to police, the victim was working on a regularly assigned street corner when Theriault struck. When filing the police report, she said that the same man had masturbated in front of her a total of three different times in past weeks. She had not reported these occurrances.
Police reportedly analyzed past cases and actually determined in advance that Theriault might be their perpetrator. Now, there’s a legacy for you.
Police also expected that the man might return on April 18 – Tax Day. Police set up surveillance at the same street corner where the woman would be working.…Continue Reading
Portland, OR – Tragedy struck when a teen was shot outside the Lloyd Center Mall in Northeast Portland Monday. Shiloh Hampton, 14, was shot in the head and stomach and died Wednesday as a result.
“Someone fired numerous rounds at the entire group. Shiloh was struck by the gunfire while the rest of the group fled from the area,” said Lt. Kelli Sheffer with the Portland Police. “None of the persons with Shiloh remained to talk with police.”
Police said that they think the shooters may have escaped in a white Mercedes. The perpetrators are still at large and police are hoping to receive help from the public to identify the shooter.
Wait… then who is the happy looking dude in the picture? Isn’t he the shooter? No, kids. Sadly, he is not.
The person pictured is Kevin Signalness, also of Portland. You see… according to Portland police, while they were securing the Lloyd Center Mall crime scene, Signalness drove through their crime scene tape in a stolen car. When police approached the vehicle, they reportedly found Signalness to be intoxicated.…Continue Reading
Barryton, MI — A man recently admitted to police that he’s masturbated in his parked van at local businesses as far back as last fall, and at least four times at a day care in recent weeks.
Police found 49-year-old Thomas Schroeder in the back of his minivan at the day care Tuesday, one hand on a laptop keyboard and his pants pulled down. Although Schroeder is not believed to be an amputee, there was only mention of one hand in the police report.
The Weidman-area day care had chased Schroeder away a few times before filing at least four official complaints since mid-March, said Sherman Township Marshal Bob Hooker.
“He would get out of his van and into the back and disappear for up to 90 minutes,” Hooker said. “That made them nervous.”
Police failed to catch the man after earlier complaints, so a stakeout was planned for Tuesday morning. Hooker watched the van with binoculars from a nearby parking lot and could see movement inside. When Hooker’s backup, Deputy Kevin Dush, arrived on scene, the chase was on.…Continue Reading
Aston, PA — Bobby Carter, 51, a registered sex offender from Leitchfield, KY., is facing charges in Pennsylvania after allegedly spooging on a woman’s butt as she browsed the cereal aisle at a Giant grocery store last month.
The 36-year-old victim told police she was shopping in the cereal aisle on March 2 when she felt “something” land on her backside. She reached around, finding the back of her pants to be wet with something she believed was semen. The pants were sent to the crime lab, where it was later confirmed that the substance on the pants was, indeed, semen. The hunt was on….
Police spotted the alleged shooter after reviewing the store’s surveillance tapes. They saw a white man in his 50′s parking his semi in the parking lot and making a beeline for the customer service desk to ask for directions. After that, he took a stroll through the store, following female customers while keeping his right hand hidden in his pocket. And though the surveillance video doesn’t show semen flying through the air, it does show Carter standing directly behind the woman as she wiped the seat of her pants.…Continue Reading
Smithville, MO — 19-year-old John Gallagher was charged with second-degree burglary this week after police say he unlawfully entered a Platte County high school and masturbated on underwear taken from various lockers.
According to authorities, two students reported chasing a strange dude dressed like a FedEx employee out of the boys’ locker room in the early morning hours of March 23.
One of the students later told police that he had found a used condom tied to his tennis shoe in his gym locker just two days before. The kid thought one of his friends was playing some sort of practical joke, so he didn’t report it at the time.
Surveillance video showed a person entering the school in the early morning hours on 11 different occasions between January 27 and March 23. Police say the individual entered the school through an unlocked window. Once inside, he headed straight for the boys’ locker room. The skeevy weirdo reportedly pawed through the lockers looking for underwear, which he would then place on the floor and masturbate on.…Continue Reading
The woman told police that on January 22, the man had come into the office to clean the glass on a sliding door. When she went in to check on him, she found him standing there half-nekkid – peener in one hand and a camera in another. The multi-tasking handyman was apparently involved in a little hand-to-gland combat.
“I’m almost done,” the man told her. An unspecified amount of time later, he reportedly came out of the office and announced, “OK, I’m finished.”
When questioned, the man told police that he thought the woman liked him a lot. “She made me do it,” he said. “I’m not an angel.” When asked if he had recorded the act, the man told told the deputy he had already deleted the file.…Continue Reading
Louisville, KY – Police arrested Richard Molett at the Kentucky Fair and Expo Center Sunday afternoon after witnesses reported seeing him masturbate while watching little girls participate in a cheerleading competition.
Witnesses told police that Molett was seen pleasuring himself while watching the America’s Best Championships Cheer & Dance Competition and that he “finished what he had started.” Police said the man had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and smelled strongly of alcohol. Oh, and he was reportedly sportin’ a wet spot on the left side of his pants.
Police said Molett wasn’t with anybody from the competition, couldn’t name any of the participants and his actions “caused public alarm and scared the little girls of the competition.” What’s more, he failed to pay the $10 entrance fee to the competition, the skeevy miser…
45-year-old Molett was booked on charges of public intoxication, criminal trespass, first-degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.…Continue Reading
The smoking hot SOU linebacker was reportedly butt-nekkid when he jumped out of his vehicle and verbally confronted a couple of women in the lot Monday morning. The victims, described as two adult women, told police the man was openly masturbating as he approached. Instead of capturing the entire incident on camera for future viewing, the two fled back into the mall and contacted police.
Based on the vehicle description and license plate number the women provided, police were able to track down and arrest the alleged fapper. Tausaga was arrested on campus early Tuesday morning, but has since been released on bail.
Friends say Tausaga is a quiet, shy man – getting nekkid and fondling himself in public would be completely out of character.
Officials at Southern Oregon University say Tausaga is indefinitely suspended from the team. And depending on the outcome of the case, he could face expulsion.…Continue Reading
Hollywood, FL — A distraught woman called 911 early Saturday morning and informed a dispatcher that there was a strange man standing outside of her apartment, peering in her bedroom window – the woman feared the man was fixin’ to break in, so she was holed up inside her laundry room. When an officer arrived on scene, he found 35-year-old Juan Miguel Cuadra standing outside the window making sweet, sweet love to his hand. As the officer approached the wanker, he kindly asked him to put his hands were he could see ‘em. Cuadra zipped his fly and attempted to walk away. The officer ordered him to stick around and answer a few questions. Cuadra first told the officer that the woman inside the apartment was his ex-girlfriend. He then changed his story and said she was actually a co-worker. He finally admitted to the officer that he didn’t know the woman at all, he just hadn’t had a “girlfriend for a while and was desperate.” There ya go ladies, he’s single.…Continue Reading
Man Caught Masturbating In Toy Aisle Of Walmart With Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Banned From StoreDecember 2, 2010 at 9:48 am by Morbid
Florida – How in the hell I missed this guy I will never know as God knows I’m a sucker for masturbation stories. Hmm…anyway, back in September, 28-year-old William Tyler Black was in a Florida Walmart buying a toy for his daughter when he says he got aroused by some pretty girls in the store. So he did what any red-blooded male would do in that situation and grabbed a 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition off the rack, found a secluded spot in the toy section of the store and proceeded to jack off. After shooting his load on to the floor, he wiped his hands off on a Star Wars lightsaber, discarded the magazine and proceeded to leave unaware store employees had witnessed him in the act and had already contacted police. Black would admit to the responding officer that he had been masturbating and apologized saying that he was not a pervert and that he would clean up his mess. He was charged with indecent exposure and battery on a child — the latter charge stemming from the fact that a child could have come into contact with the knuckle soldiers left on the toy. …Continue Reading
St. Paul, MN – A 15-year-old girl told police she was walking down the street Monday afternoon when a man in a car approached from behind and began following her. The man stopped in the middle of the road, exited the vehicle and ran toward her while fumbling around inside his pants. Panicked, the girl started running. The screaming started when she looked back and saw the man masturbating as he chased her. The alleged pervert jumped back in his car and took off after people responding to the teen’s cries started yelling at him. Witnesses were able to jot down a license plate number and officers soon made contact with the driver, 35-year-old Joe Norman Gauthier. He told police his side of the story. According to Gauthier, he had just celebrated his birthday the day before, had a little extra money from a new job and was looking to procure the services of a prostitute. He said he thought the girl was a prostitute of about 20 and had whipped out his package and started “waggin’ it.” See, waggin’ his willy is his way of communicating with a hooker to show ‘em he isn’t a cop.…Continue Reading
Corvallis, OR — When 21-year-old Kelly Puckett and his girlfriend woke early Monday morning, they noticed two things that struck them as, well…a little off: 1. Some of the items in their apartment had been handled and moved while they were sleeping. 2. There was a strange nekkid man in their bedroom closet…masturbating. “I walked over there and pushed the towel out of the way, and there’s, like, a guy sitting there naked, masturbating,” Puckett said. “I just stood there looking at him, like, ‘What are you doing?’” There was a bit of a struggle as Puckett removed the flesh flute fiddler from his closet and his home, and punches may or may not have been thrown. “Finally, we get him to the front door and pushed him outside. And, as soon as we get him outside, the guy turned around and looks at us, like, ‘Come on, dude. I’m naked!’” The nekkid man, identified as 21-year-old Nicholas Buekea, took off down the street toward a nearby school where some kind soul gave him a pair of shorts.…Continue Reading
Belleville, ON - Damn…this story has so many different layers of ick that I don’t quite know where to begin. Col. David Russell Williams, once a well-respected commander in the Canadian air force, CFB Trenton, stood in court this week and listened as charge after charge against him was read. The list, which took a whoppin’ 36 minutes to complete, included two counts of first-degree murder, two counts of sexual assault, two counts of forcible confinement and 82 separate breaking and entering charges that date back to 2007. Williams pleaded guilty to each and every charge. As for the two counts of murder, the 42-year-old man has admitted to the brutal beating, rape and murder of 38-year-old Marie-France Comeau, a flight attendant at CFB Trenton, in November of 2009. And authorities say Williams documented the entire incident on video. Williams also confessed to the kidnapping, torture, rape and murder of 27-year-old Jessica Elizabeth Lloyd earlier this year. Authorities say Williams abducted the woman on the evening of January 28 and took her to his cottage where he raped and tortured her for at least a day before strangling her and dumping her body in a field.…Continue Reading
Union City, NJ – A woman called police on Monday to report that Douglas Hall came to her apartment on October 2 and indicated that he would like to have sex with her. Now that’s my kind of guy! Screw all the niceties – go with the direct approach. The 48-year-old woman quickly shot him down. She told police that as she was attempting to shut the door, Hall reached in and grabbed a handful of boob. That didn’t get him laid either…the door slammed in his face. Undaunted, Hall reportedly made his way to the back of the woman’s apartment, stood in front of her glass patio door and got to fappin’. How. Friggin’. Romantic. Honestly, I don’t know how the woman resisted. I mean, look at him! Why the crime went unreported for so long is unknown, but 42-year-old Hall was picked up on Tuesday and charged with two counts of sexual contact. Bail has been set at $10,000.…Continue Reading
NORTH WALES, Pa. - Every now and then I see a picture of a guy attached to a crime story and I immediately think “pedophile.” That includes this story sent to us by our good friends over at Kindertrauma regarding a former vice principle who has been accused of striking up a rather inappropriate relationship with a 14-year-old boy. I would’ve bet my gaudy McMansion that 37-year-old Charles Hurst spent a lot of time in the boy’s underwear department at Target purely from this pic of him sporting a creepy smile from underneath his Justin Bieber haircut. Investigators say Hurst befriended the boy’s family and stepped in as some sort of father figure, taking the teen to the gym, skiing, and 76ers games. He gave the boy an allowance that he’d bump a buck anytime the teen jacked off and told him about it. From the reports it seems Hurst was pretty adamant about the boy jacking off, instructing him to do so at least twice a day because it was healthy and would make him smarter.…Continue Reading
Phoenix, AZ - Phoenix police received a rather interesting call from one Gaylord Winston Barnes earlier this week – he apparently called to tell ‘em he had just finished masturbating in front of a 2-year-old child. Gaylord went on to say he was babysitting the little girl while her mother, his neighbor, was at an appointment. When officers responded to the home, Gaylord was kind enough to escort them into the bedroom where the child was asleep in her crib. Also present in the room were the soiled tissues and towel he had used to clean up with after rubbing one off. It wasn’t the first time – Gaylord reportedly told the officers he had masturbated in front of the child on at least six separate occasions in the last two months. Twice, he said, he put his penis near the child’s mouth and she bit it. He also admitted to digitally penetrating the child on several occasions. A forensic examination of the child showed no injuries, but did reveal an irregularity that could be consistent with a penetrating injury.…Continue Reading
North Port, FL – Have you ever found yourself overcome with the sudden desire to drop everything and rub one off while shuffling through your local WalMart? No? Me either. Well, except for that one time…but damn, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were 10 for $10! The urge was there, but I curbed it, thankyouverymuch. William Black, the handsome devil you see to the left, is obviously lacking in the self-control department – he was recently arrested for wankin’ it in the toy aisle. According to the arrest affidavit, a female employee working in the toy department Tuesday evening heard someone moaning and groaning in one of the aisles. When she rounded the corner to investigate, she saw Mr. Black standing there, peener out and at full mast, masturbating to the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated. The woman informed security, sorry…Asset Protection Associates, and two of ‘em responded to her call. Black, somehow oblivious to the growing audience, was just finishing up when the Associates arrived. He reportedly shot a load onto the floor, attempted to rub it in with his shoe, and wiped his slimy hand off on a toy before heading off to finish his shopping.…Continue Reading