Bronx, NY — A Bronx man has found himself in a sticky situation after DNA he submitted for a drug-related arrest came back matching that of a serial subway spanker.
The aptly-named Darnell Hardware, 26, was arrested in June of last year on drug charges and submitted a DNA sample. When it was checked against the state’s data base, it matched samples taken from three separate incidents, dating back almost ten years, in which a man painted female subway passengers with his cock-puke. The victims, ranging in age from 17-24 (at the times of the incidents) had come forward with the leftovers, saying that a man had rubbed up against them, masturbated and ejaculated on them… all three on packed subway cars where they say they couldn’t escape.
I would like to take this opportunity to call bullshit on every subway passenger in New York who stands idly by while some creep shoots jizz all over a poor young girl. If there were more stories that matched the word ‘vigilante’, I could stop googling ‘semen’ and ‘assault’.…Continue Reading
On April 10, police responded to the complex after receiving a report of a man masturbating outside of a woman’s apartment window. The man fled before police arrived and the woman was unable to provide a decent description of the alleged wanker because he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt at the time.
Officers returned to the complex earlier this month after receiving yet another report of the pervy peeper. Police say the woman in that instance was so traumatized by the event that she trembled and shook as she spoke with them.
And just this week, police were summoned to the apartment once again. This time, though, they caught the johnson juggler red-handed….
Anthony Johnson was spotted by officers as he was peering into a woman’s window late Wednesday night. He tried to beat a hasty retreat, but surrendered when he realized he was surrounded by Oregon City’s finest.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO – Kyle Pearce was featured on the front page of D’D for his being detained and subsequently convicted of pleasuring himself while on a flight from Spokane to Denver ‘to the point of ejaculation.’ Pearce pleaded guilty to federal indecency charges leading to a short stint in jail and release to a halfway house. Due to his antics, though, Pearce has reportedly been kicked out of the halfway house and it looks like he is headed back to jail.
Kyle, Kyle, Kyle…
Garret Pfalmer, a federal probation officer in Denver, filed paperwork describing complaints from from the Independence House halfway house where Pearce had been assigned. The U.S. Attorney’s Office has responded by asking that the court revoke Pearce’s probation and send him back to jail.
Pearce’s antics reportedly include leaving without permission, getting into “physical altercations” with other residents, “associating with female residents,” and “abusing his medications” or “providing them to other residents.” He was also caught apparently trying to convince a hospital that he was prescribed narcotics as well as “attempting to steal needles, syringes, and alcohol pads from a supply cart.”
Pearce seems intent on ignoring societal rules or norms.…Continue Reading
San Diego, CA — For days, drivers on one San Diego roadway have been subjected to the presence of a sometimes naked and sometimes masturbating man. Police, convinced that commuters were not driving in a provocative manner, issued a warning about the man with a description. He was described as a white man, between 16-24 years old, 5′ 9″, medium to thin weight, with brown shoulder length possibly bushy hair.
Authorities followed up quickly with a stakeout. That stakeout proved fruitful when, only one day later, undercover detectives saw 19-year-old Kevin Garrison take off his clothes on an embankment overlooking Del Mar Heights Boulevard.
“As they went to contact him, a foot pursuit ensued. He ran onto Ginger Glen. The officers lost sight of him. We set up a perimeter and did a yard to yard search,” said Lt. Todd Jarvis.
The search included many officers on foot interviewing neighbors and securing yards while a police helicopter was flying and observing from overhead. Police then got a break when it was discovered that Garrison cut himself during the foot chase.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO — Kyle Pearce, 25, of Florida was arrested by FBI agents at Denver International Airport when his United Airlines flight from Spokane landed. The charges result from complaints by fellow passengers about him openly masturbating – and ejaculating – while seated during the flight.
One of the witnesses was an 18-year-old woman seated in the row across from Pearce.
“I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis,” she stated in the crimninal complaint. “He ejaculated and got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time.”
According to the criminal complaint, two male passengers sitting behind Pearce also witnessed the event. In the affidavit, one of the men recalled his friend turning to him to say “That man is masturbating.” One of those witnesses reportedly hit Pearce in the arm with a book, causing the man to cease and desist with the fapping.
Pearce was charged with making an “obscene and indecent exposure of his person” on an aircraft.…Continue Reading
Port St. Lucie, FL — Michael Kirk was arrested Wednesday after police say three witnesses reported seeing him floggin’ his log in his SUV near school bus stops on multiple occasions between late February and this month.
When questioned, Kirk reportedly told police that yes, he does like to pleasure himself while driving, and yes, it was possible that someone may have seen him doing so.
Police say Kirk apologized for his lewd behavior, and to show how sorry he was, he penned an apology letter and asked investigators to give it to each of his victims because “he did not mean for anyone to see him masturbating in his vehicle.”
The 24-year-old wanker was booked on charges of loitering and three felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition. He currently behind bars on an $8,000 bond.…Continue Reading
Police responded to John Kohler’s home earlier this week after receiving a report of an exposure in progress. Kohler was apparently seen standing on his porch “masturbating at a child” walking down the street.
When officers made contact with the alleged wanker and requested proof of identity, Kohler invited them into his apartment to wait while he retrieved it. Once inside, the officers reportedly found several very illegal photographs taped to the walls and Kohler’s headboard. Additional images were found on his computer and various videotapes and DVDs in the apartment.
Kohler later admitted to exposing himself to the child outside of his apartment. He’s currently behind bars on $750,000 bail, charged with 50 counts of possession of child pornography and one count each of indecent exposure and open lewdness.…Continue Reading
Minneapolis, MN — On March 17, a 53-year-old man cleverly disguised as an elementary school student boarded a school bus filled with real elementary school students and proceeded to make sweet, sweet love to one of the seats. Rawr.
After a month-long investigation, police have finally arrested the alleged seat sticker…his name is Michael Friedrichs and he’s a Level 3 predatory offender.
Police say it went a little something like this….
Friedrichs, who stands about 5’11” and weighs in at 187 pounds, boarded the bus that morning with a hooded sweatshirt pulled up over his head and a backpack shielding his face. The driver, who normally picked up a student at that stop, “did not think anything was out of the ordinary,” and continued on his route.
Friedrichs’ clever disguise may have fooled the bus driver, but one of the students on the bus wasn’t fooled…she later told police she recognized the man as an adult, but figured he was the bus driver’s friend. Give that kid a gold star for being observant.…Continue Reading
Tempe, AZ — Kevin Robert Theriault, 42, faces three charges of public sexual indecency and three charges of indecent exposure after he was apprehended masturbating in front of a woman wearing a Statue of Liberty costume.
The victim, an employee of Liberty Tax Service, is one of the costumed legion of Lady Liberties often seen on street corners waving enthusiastically to passers-by. Tempe police said that last Thursday, the woman reported that Theriault “waved back,” in a manner of speaking.
According to police, the victim was working on a regularly assigned street corner when Theriault struck. When filing the police report, she said that the same man had masturbated in front of her a total of three different times in past weeks. She had not reported these occurrances.
Police reportedly analyzed past cases and actually determined in advance that Theriault might be their perpetrator. Now, there’s a legacy for you.
Police also expected that the man might return on April 18 – Tax Day. Police set up surveillance at the same street corner where the woman would be working.…Continue Reading
Portland, OR – Tragedy struck when a teen was shot outside the Lloyd Center Mall in Northeast Portland Monday. Shiloh Hampton, 14, was shot in the head and stomach and died Wednesday as a result.
“Someone fired numerous rounds at the entire group. Shiloh was struck by the gunfire while the rest of the group fled from the area,” said Lt. Kelli Sheffer with the Portland Police. “None of the persons with Shiloh remained to talk with police.”
Police said that they think the shooters may have escaped in a white Mercedes. The perpetrators are still at large and police are hoping to receive help from the public to identify the shooter.
Wait… then who is the happy looking dude in the picture? Isn’t he the shooter? No, kids. Sadly, he is not.
The person pictured is Kevin Signalness, also of Portland. You see… according to Portland police, while they were securing the Lloyd Center Mall crime scene, Signalness drove through their crime scene tape in a stolen car. When police approached the vehicle, they reportedly found Signalness to be intoxicated.…Continue Reading
Barryton, MI — A man recently admitted to police that he’s masturbated in his parked van at local businesses as far back as last fall, and at least four times at a day care in recent weeks.
Police found 49-year-old Thomas Schroeder in the back of his minivan at the day care Tuesday, one hand on a laptop keyboard and his pants pulled down. Although Schroeder is not believed to be an amputee, there was only mention of one hand in the police report.
The Weidman-area day care had chased Schroeder away a few times before filing at least four official complaints since mid-March, said Sherman Township Marshal Bob Hooker.
“He would get out of his van and into the back and disappear for up to 90 minutes,” Hooker said. “That made them nervous.”
Police failed to catch the man after earlier complaints, so a stakeout was planned for Tuesday morning. Hooker watched the van with binoculars from a nearby parking lot and could see movement inside. When Hooker’s backup, Deputy Kevin Dush, arrived on scene, the chase was on.…Continue Reading
Aston, PA — Bobby Carter, 51, a registered sex offender from Leitchfield, KY., is facing charges in Pennsylvania after allegedly spooging on a woman’s butt as she browsed the cereal aisle at a Giant grocery store last month.
The 36-year-old victim told police she was shopping in the cereal aisle on March 2 when she felt “something” land on her backside. She reached around, finding the back of her pants to be wet with something she believed was semen. The pants were sent to the crime lab, where it was later confirmed that the substance on the pants was, indeed, semen. The hunt was on….
Police spotted the alleged shooter after reviewing the store’s surveillance tapes. They saw a white man in his 50’s parking his semi in the parking lot and making a beeline for the customer service desk to ask for directions. After that, he took a stroll through the store, following female customers while keeping his right hand hidden in his pocket. And though the surveillance video doesn’t show semen flying through the air, it does show Carter standing directly behind the woman as she wiped the seat of her pants.…Continue Reading
Smithville, MO — 19-year-old John Gallagher was charged with second-degree burglary this week after police say he unlawfully entered a Platte County high school and masturbated on underwear taken from various lockers.
According to authorities, two students reported chasing a strange dude dressed like a FedEx employee out of the boys’ locker room in the early morning hours of March 23.
One of the students later told police that he had found a used condom tied to his tennis shoe in his gym locker just two days before. The kid thought one of his friends was playing some sort of practical joke, so he didn’t report it at the time.
Surveillance video showed a person entering the school in the early morning hours on 11 different occasions between January 27 and March 23. Police say the individual entered the school through an unlocked window. Once inside, he headed straight for the boys’ locker room. The skeevy weirdo reportedly pawed through the lockers looking for underwear, which he would then place on the floor and masturbate on.…Continue Reading
The woman told police that on January 22, the man had come into the office to clean the glass on a sliding door. When she went in to check on him, she found him standing there half-nekkid – peener in one hand and a camera in another. The multi-tasking handyman was apparently involved in a little hand-to-gland combat.
“I’m almost done,” the man told her. An unspecified amount of time later, he reportedly came out of the office and announced, “OK, I’m finished.”
When questioned, the man told police that he thought the woman liked him a lot. “She made me do it,” he said. “I’m not an angel.” When asked if he had recorded the act, the man told told the deputy he had already deleted the file.…Continue Reading
Louisville, KY – Police arrested Richard Molett at the Kentucky Fair and Expo Center Sunday afternoon after witnesses reported seeing him masturbate while watching little girls participate in a cheerleading competition.
Witnesses told police that Molett was seen pleasuring himself while watching the America’s Best Championships Cheer & Dance Competition and that he “finished what he had started.” Police said the man had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and smelled strongly of alcohol. Oh, and he was reportedly sportin’ a wet spot on the left side of his pants.
Police said Molett wasn’t with anybody from the competition, couldn’t name any of the participants and his actions “caused public alarm and scared the little girls of the competition.” What’s more, he failed to pay the $10 entrance fee to the competition, the skeevy miser…
45-year-old Molett was booked on charges of public intoxication, criminal trespass, first-degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.…Continue Reading
The smoking hot SOU linebacker was reportedly butt-nekkid when he jumped out of his vehicle and verbally confronted a couple of women in the lot Monday morning. The victims, described as two adult women, told police the man was openly masturbating as he approached. Instead of capturing the entire incident on camera for future viewing, the two fled back into the mall and contacted police.
Based on the vehicle description and license plate number the women provided, police were able to track down and arrest the alleged fapper. Tausaga was arrested on campus early Tuesday morning, but has since been released on bail.
Friends say Tausaga is a quiet, shy man – getting nekkid and fondling himself in public would be completely out of character.
Officials at Southern Oregon University say Tausaga is indefinitely suspended from the team. And depending on the outcome of the case, he could face expulsion.…Continue Reading
Hollywood, FL — A distraught woman called 911 early Saturday morning and informed a dispatcher that there was a strange man standing outside of her apartment, peering in her bedroom window – the woman feared the man was fixin’ to break in, so she was holed up inside her laundry room. When an officer arrived on scene, he found 35-year-old Juan Miguel Cuadra standing outside the window making sweet, sweet love to his hand. As the officer approached the wanker, he kindly asked him to put his hands were he could see ‘em. Cuadra zipped his fly and attempted to walk away. The officer ordered him to stick around and answer a few questions. Cuadra first told the officer that the woman inside the apartment was his ex-girlfriend. He then changed his story and said she was actually a co-worker. He finally admitted to the officer that he didn’t know the woman at all, he just hadn’t had a “girlfriend for a while and was desperate.” There ya go ladies, he’s single.…Continue Reading
Man Caught Masturbating In Toy Aisle Of Walmart With Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Banned From StoreDecember 2, 2010 at 9:48 am by Morbid
Florida – How in the hell I missed this guy I will never know as God knows I’m a sucker for masturbation stories. Hmm…anyway, back in September, 28-year-old William Tyler Black was in a Florida Walmart buying a toy for his daughter when he says he got aroused by some pretty girls in the store. So he did what any red-blooded male would do in that situation and grabbed a 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition off the rack, found a secluded spot in the toy section of the store and proceeded to jack off. After shooting his load on to the floor, he wiped his hands off on a Star Wars lightsaber, discarded the magazine and proceeded to leave unaware store employees had witnessed him in the act and had already contacted police. Black would admit to the responding officer that he had been masturbating and apologized saying that he was not a pervert and that he would clean up his mess. He was charged with indecent exposure and battery on a child — the latter charge stemming from the fact that a child could have come into contact with the knuckle soldiers left on the toy. …Continue Reading