The woman told police that on January 22, the man had come into the office to clean the glass on a sliding door. When she went in to check on him, she found him standing there half-nekkid – peener in one hand and a camera in another. The multi-tasking handyman was apparently involved in a little hand-to-gland combat.
“I’m almost done,” the man told her. An unspecified amount of time later, he reportedly came out of the office and announced, “OK, I’m finished.”
When questioned, the man told police that he thought the woman liked him a lot. “She made me do it,” he said. “I’m not an angel.” When asked if he had recorded the act, the man told told the deputy he had already deleted the file.…Continue Reading
Louisville, KY – Police arrested Richard Molett at the Kentucky Fair and Expo Center Sunday afternoon after witnesses reported seeing him masturbate while watching little girls participate in a cheerleading competition.
Witnesses told police that Molett was seen pleasuring himself while watching the America’s Best Championships Cheer & Dance Competition and that he “finished what he had started.” Police said the man had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and smelled strongly of alcohol. Oh, and he was reportedly sportin’ a wet spot on the left side of his pants.
Police said Molett wasn’t with anybody from the competition, couldn’t name any of the participants and his actions “caused public alarm and scared the little girls of the competition.” What’s more, he failed to pay the $10 entrance fee to the competition, the skeevy miser…
45-year-old Molett was booked on charges of public intoxication, criminal trespass, first-degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.…Continue Reading
The smoking hot SOU linebacker was reportedly butt-nekkid when he jumped out of his vehicle and verbally confronted a couple of women in the lot Monday morning. The victims, described as two adult women, told police the man was openly masturbating as he approached. Instead of capturing the entire incident on camera for future viewing, the two fled back into the mall and contacted police.
Based on the vehicle description and license plate number the women provided, police were able to track down and arrest the alleged fapper. Tausaga was arrested on campus early Tuesday morning, but has since been released on bail.
Friends say Tausaga is a quiet, shy man – getting nekkid and fondling himself in public would be completely out of character.
Officials at Southern Oregon University say Tausaga is indefinitely suspended from the team. And depending on the outcome of the case, he could face expulsion.…Continue Reading
Hollywood, FL — A distraught woman called 911 early Saturday morning and informed a dispatcher that there was a strange man standing outside of her apartment, peering in her bedroom window – the woman feared the man was fixin’ to break in, so she was holed up inside her laundry room. When an officer arrived on scene, he found 35-year-old Juan Miguel Cuadra standing outside the window making sweet, sweet love to his hand. As the officer approached the wanker, he kindly asked him to put his hands were he could see ‘em. Cuadra zipped his fly and attempted to walk away. The officer ordered him to stick around and answer a few questions. Cuadra first told the officer that the woman inside the apartment was his ex-girlfriend. He then changed his story and said she was actually a co-worker. He finally admitted to the officer that he didn’t know the woman at all, he just hadn’t had a “girlfriend for a while and was desperate.” There ya go ladies, he’s single.…Continue Reading
Man Caught Masturbating In Toy Aisle Of Walmart With Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Banned From StoreDecember 2, 2010 at 9:48 am by Morbid
Florida – How in the hell I missed this guy I will never know as God knows I’m a sucker for masturbation stories. Hmm…anyway, back in September, 28-year-old William Tyler Black was in a Florida Walmart buying a toy for his daughter when he says he got aroused by some pretty girls in the store. So he did what any red-blooded male would do in that situation and grabbed a 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition off the rack, found a secluded spot in the toy section of the store and proceeded to jack off. After shooting his load on to the floor, he wiped his hands off on a Star Wars lightsaber, discarded the magazine and proceeded to leave unaware store employees had witnessed him in the act and had already contacted police. Black would admit to the responding officer that he had been masturbating and apologized saying that he was not a pervert and that he would clean up his mess. He was charged with indecent exposure and battery on a child — the latter charge stemming from the fact that a child could have come into contact with the knuckle soldiers left on the toy. …Continue Reading
St. Paul, MN – A 15-year-old girl told police she was walking down the street Monday afternoon when a man in a car approached from behind and began following her. The man stopped in the middle of the road, exited the vehicle and ran toward her while fumbling around inside his pants. Panicked, the girl started running. The screaming started when she looked back and saw the man masturbating as he chased her. The alleged pervert jumped back in his car and took off after people responding to the teen’s cries started yelling at him. Witnesses were able to jot down a license plate number and officers soon made contact with the driver, 35-year-old Joe Norman Gauthier. He told police his side of the story. According to Gauthier, he had just celebrated his birthday the day before, had a little extra money from a new job and was looking to procure the services of a prostitute. He said he thought the girl was a prostitute of about 20 and had whipped out his package and started “waggin’ it.” See, waggin’ his willy is his way of communicating with a hooker to show ‘em he isn’t a cop.…Continue Reading
Corvallis, OR — When 21-year-old Kelly Puckett and his girlfriend woke early Monday morning, they noticed two things that struck them as, well…a little off: 1. Some of the items in their apartment had been handled and moved while they were sleeping. 2. There was a strange nekkid man in their bedroom closet…masturbating. “I walked over there and pushed the towel out of the way, and there’s, like, a guy sitting there naked, masturbating,” Puckett said. “I just stood there looking at him, like, ‘What are you doing?’” There was a bit of a struggle as Puckett removed the flesh flute fiddler from his closet and his home, and punches may or may not have been thrown. “Finally, we get him to the front door and pushed him outside. And, as soon as we get him outside, the guy turned around and looks at us, like, ‘Come on, dude. I’m naked!’” The nekkid man, identified as 21-year-old Nicholas Buekea, took off down the street toward a nearby school where some kind soul gave him a pair of shorts.…Continue Reading
Belleville, ON - Damn…this story has so many different layers of ick that I don’t quite know where to begin. Col. David Russell Williams, once a well-respected commander in the Canadian air force, CFB Trenton, stood in court this week and listened as charge after charge against him was read. The list, which took a whoppin’ 36 minutes to complete, included two counts of first-degree murder, two counts of sexual assault, two counts of forcible confinement and 82 separate breaking and entering charges that date back to 2007. Williams pleaded guilty to each and every charge. As for the two counts of murder, the 42-year-old man has admitted to the brutal beating, rape and murder of 38-year-old Marie-France Comeau, a flight attendant at CFB Trenton, in November of 2009. And authorities say Williams documented the entire incident on video. Williams also confessed to the kidnapping, torture, rape and murder of 27-year-old Jessica Elizabeth Lloyd earlier this year. Authorities say Williams abducted the woman on the evening of January 28 and took her to his cottage where he raped and tortured her for at least a day before strangling her and dumping her body in a field.…Continue Reading
Union City, NJ – A woman called police on Monday to report that Douglas Hall came to her apartment on October 2 and indicated that he would like to have sex with her. Now that’s my kind of guy! Screw all the niceties – go with the direct approach. The 48-year-old woman quickly shot him down. She told police that as she was attempting to shut the door, Hall reached in and grabbed a handful of boob. That didn’t get him laid either…the door slammed in his face. Undaunted, Hall reportedly made his way to the back of the woman’s apartment, stood in front of her glass patio door and got to fappin’. How. Friggin’. Romantic. Honestly, I don’t know how the woman resisted. I mean, look at him! Why the crime went unreported for so long is unknown, but 42-year-old Hall was picked up on Tuesday and charged with two counts of sexual contact. Bail has been set at $10,000.…Continue Reading
NORTH WALES, Pa. - Every now and then I see a picture of a guy attached to a crime story and I immediately think “pedophile.” That includes this story sent to us by our good friends over at Kindertrauma regarding a former vice principle who has been accused of striking up a rather inappropriate relationship with a 14-year-old boy. I would’ve bet my gaudy McMansion that 37-year-old Charles Hurst spent a lot of time in the boy’s underwear department at Target purely from this pic of him sporting a creepy smile from underneath his Justin Bieber haircut. Investigators say Hurst befriended the boy’s family and stepped in as some sort of father figure, taking the teen to the gym, skiing, and 76ers games. He gave the boy an allowance that he’d bump a buck anytime the teen jacked off and told him about it. From the reports it seems Hurst was pretty adamant about the boy jacking off, instructing him to do so at least twice a day because it was healthy and would make him smarter.…Continue Reading
Phoenix, AZ - Phoenix police received a rather interesting call from one Gaylord Winston Barnes earlier this week – he apparently called to tell ‘em he had just finished masturbating in front of a 2-year-old child. Gaylord went on to say he was babysitting the little girl while her mother, his neighbor, was at an appointment. When officers responded to the home, Gaylord was kind enough to escort them into the bedroom where the child was asleep in her crib. Also present in the room were the soiled tissues and towel he had used to clean up with after rubbing one off. It wasn’t the first time – Gaylord reportedly told the officers he had masturbated in front of the child on at least six separate occasions in the last two months. Twice, he said, he put his penis near the child’s mouth and she bit it. He also admitted to digitally penetrating the child on several occasions. A forensic examination of the child showed no injuries, but did reveal an irregularity that could be consistent with a penetrating injury.…Continue Reading
North Port, FL – Have you ever found yourself overcome with the sudden desire to drop everything and rub one off while shuffling through your local WalMart? No? Me either. Well, except for that one time…but damn, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were 10 for $10! The urge was there, but I curbed it, thankyouverymuch. William Black, the handsome devil you see to the left, is obviously lacking in the self-control department – he was recently arrested for wankin’ it in the toy aisle. According to the arrest affidavit, a female employee working in the toy department Tuesday evening heard someone moaning and groaning in one of the aisles. When she rounded the corner to investigate, she saw Mr. Black standing there, peener out and at full mast, masturbating to the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated. The woman informed security, sorry…Asset Protection Associates, and two of ‘em responded to her call. Black, somehow oblivious to the growing audience, was just finishing up when the Associates arrived. He reportedly shot a load onto the floor, attempted to rub it in with his shoe, and wiped his slimy hand off on a toy before heading off to finish his shopping.…Continue Reading
Cincinnati – After a bored cop pulled over a 2008 Pontiac in Cincinnati to site them for having tint on their windows that was too dark, he smelled something fishy. Turns out that the driver, 36-year-old Colondra Hamilton, was sitting in the car with her pants unzipped and a sex toy resting in her lap. When asked why was she driving partially undressed with a sex toy in her lap she told the officer that she was using the toy to masturbate while the passenger played a porno on the laptop they were holding. She was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor count of driving with impaired alertness, having illegally tinted windows and possession of drug paraphernalia stemming from a piece of a crack pipe found in her purse. Officer Gilbert, who may have prevented a major clitastrophe, admitted this was an unusual traffic stop for him. ”This is a first for me,” he said.…Continue Reading
Perry, IA - A woman went to police back in January with a complaint about her chiropractor, Dan Duffy. The woman, who was seeing Duffy because of a back injury, told police that she was lying face down on the exam table when Duffy pulled up her shirt to expose her lower back. He then reportedly massaged her in the area of her right back and ass before leaving the exam room for a bit. When he returned, the woman said she heard him unzip his fly – that sound was reportedly followed by the sound of masturbation. I don’t know about you people, but if I heard my chiropractor unzipping his fly, the next sound in the room wouldn’t have been the sound of fappin’. I’m assuming the good doctor left a load on the woman’s back, because a DNA test reportedly said so and Duffy was charged with assault on August 10. Duffy says he’s innocent, and further stated that his personal nightmare has just begun because regardless of whether he’s found guilty, the stigma attached to these kinds of charges could prevent him from practicing in Perry or Iowa ever again.…Continue Reading
Kansas City, MO – Police say Cortez Moorman, 25, was hauled into the cop-shop Sunday night to answer to an attempted rape allegation. The victim told police that Moorman offered her a ride from point A to point B – thinking Moorman was a friend of a family member, she accepted and hopped into his car. A short time later, Moorman reportedly tried to force himself on her. The woman fought him off and was able to exit the vehicle, only to be dragged right back in. After another struggle, the woman managed to flee the vehicle once again and flag down an officer. At the station, Moorman denied the allegations and further stated that he wasn’t even inside the vehicle in question. It was when he was left alone in the interview room that things took a bizarre turn. He maneuvered his chair to block the door and proceeded to whip out his one-eyed willy. Oblivious to his surroundings, he started spankin’ away. When the officers returned to the interview room, they kindly asked him to put his stiffy away.…Continue Reading
CINCINNATI, Ohio - Larry Cottrell was in court on Tuesday recieving his sentence after pleading guilty to public indecency charges. He was accused of masturbating in front of some kids running a neighborhood lemonade stand.
The children were running the stand to raise money for their church when Cottrell showed up and ordered two glasses of lemonade. “My daughter passed a second glass through, and that’s when I saw him masturbating in his vehicle,” the children’s mother said. He was arrested after she called police and provided them with Cottrell’s license plate number.
As Cottrell stood before Judge Fanon Rucker, he asked for counseling and explained his actions. “I have an addiction like a heroin junkie,” he told Judge Fanon Rucker. Luckily, Judge Rucker wasn’t feeling much sympathy for Cottrell, who was charged with the same crime back in 2006. Those charges were dismissed.
“You can find help on your own. Just like I asked you if you got help before you came in here, if you knew you had a problem, you don’t come here to court having done this to somebody else and ask me for help,” the judge said.…Continue Reading
SACRAMENTO, Calif. – If 22-year-old Michael McLaughlin is guilty of all he has been charged with, he sure does love to masturbate. McLaughlin was picked up by police Friday afternoon near a Bannon Creek Parkway’s bike trail. The police had been responding to a report of a man masturbating in public, but once there they were notified of a woman reporting that she had just been assaulted by a man in the women’s restroom at a nearby business park. She claims a man who was masturbating inside the restroom grabbed her but ran out when she screamed and resisted. Videotape captured McLaughlin leaving the bathroom and a fingerprint places him there. Now police are checking if McLaughlin is the man reported masturbating near women in children at a local park on two separate incidents. McLaughlin told a reporter that he is innocent of all charges, invoking the Chewbacca Defense. He says he and his wife are homeless and that’s why he could have been spotted with his pants down. “So taking a piss in a park or something or somebody riding by, well, you never know what somebody is going to see.” He also added that he has no need of masturbation as whenever he gets horny, he has options.…Continue Reading
Louisville, CO – Back in February, we posted an article about the Safeway employee who was serving up his own tube steak behind the deli counter. 25-year-old Nicholas Lorenzo was accused of masturbating in front of a customer who reported that Lorenzo was standing behind a glass display counter jerking his dick as he asked her if she was finding everything ok. He put it away after he noticed the look of horror on the woman’s face who immediately told the store manager. When police asked about the allegations, Lorenzo admitted to “having his penis out of his pants,” according to the arrest affidavit. Police say that Lorenzo admitted to having his junk exposed and he was subsequently charged with indecent exposure. A charge he pleaded guilty to. But now things have changed, and Lorenzo has decided five years probation and registering as a sex offender, both part of the guilty plea, wasn’t very appealing. He has now decided to leave his fate to a jury of his peers by changing his plea to not guilty. …Continue Reading
Kenner, LA - One more reason to avoid WalMart – Ricky Scott. According to police, the 55-year-old pervert has a long history of obscenity and indecent exposure charges. As a matter of fact, lisaznola posted an article about Scott in our forums back in 2008. When that particular article was posted, Scott already had 19 arrests under his belt – all for obscenity. The arrests, which date back to 1984, have netted Scott countless years of probation, a five-year suspended prison sentence and a total of 8-months behind bars. He will whip that thing out whenever and wherever he pleases – fast food restaurants, motel balconies, WalMart – it doesn’t matter. And he doesn’t care who his audience is either. Dude just can’t keep it in his pants. Knowing that, it’s no big surprise that he’s back in the news. This time he’s accused of jerkin’ off in the electronics department at WalMart. An off-duty Kenner police officer working a security detail was approached by a concerned shopper who informed him that it appeared as if Scott was crankin’ his shank while watching a young boy.…Continue Reading