Louisville, KY — Meet Jeffery Wagner, carpet muncher extraordinaire. Well, kinda….
Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.
According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.
When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.
Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.…
Continue ReadingMan Accused Of Pulling Gun On Off-Duty Cop During Road Rage Incident
August 30, 2011 at 10:39 am by kniption
Louisville, KY – Lawrence Hyman, 43, was arrested when – during an apparent road rage incident – he allegedly pointed a semi-automatic handgun at another motorist and his family. That motorist was an off-duty Louisville police officer.
According to the arrest report, Hyman was driving alongside an off-duty police officer who was traveling in an unmarked white van with his wife and two children. The two drivers were on a road that merges onto the interstate highway.
The officer in the incident stated that Hyman, “started driving very aggressively, passing officer and slamming on his brakes.” The officer reported that he attempted to pass Hyman, but Hyman sped up. It is at that point, according to arrest records, that Hyman reportedly pulled a gun and pointed it at the officer.
The officer responded by displaying his badge. The arrest reports stated that this caused Hyman to flee the area. Police located Hyman nearby. Police said a Ruger handgun was found in the center console of his vehicle.
Hyman is charged with four counts of first-degree wanton endangerment.…
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Louisville, KY – Neighbors say 62-year-old Archie Ashley was merely trying to protect his property from a group of rock throwing teens late Saturday evening when he fired off a couple of rounds from his .22 – one of those rounds ended up in 15-year-old Andrew Elliot’s back. “Protecting his home; I mean he worked hard for his house,” said neighbor Toya Jackson. “He was taking care of his mother and she’s 87.” According to those same neighbors, Ashley spotted Elliot and his friends tossing rocks at his home and pick-up truck and verbally confronted the trio at least twice before the shootin’ commenced. Elliot was pronounced dead at the scene. Ashley has been booked on charges of wanton endangerment and murder. And because he is accused of collecting the shell casings and disposing of them, he’s also been charged with tampering with physical evidence. Ashley pleaded not guilty at his arraignment on Monday and bond was set at $500,000.…
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Louisville, KY – After being called out on a report of a suspicious vehicle parked in an elementary school parking lot early Sunday morning, officers discovered the two occupants of the car were in a rather compromising position. On top, 18-year-old Gerald McIntosh III – underneath him, a mostly naked 12-year-old girl. The responding officers ordered the two to get their clothes on and exit the car. The girl, who, according to police, had no understanding of the phrase “consensual sex,” blurted out, “It was going to happen no matter what!” Though investigators are unclear as to how the two met, they did find out that McIntosh picked the child up at Skate-O-Rama, a skating rink located next door to the elementary school. McIntosh was booked on rape charges and hauled off to the slammer. He’s being held on $100,000 cash bond and has been ordered to steer clear of the young ‘en. Oh, and to add insult to injury, he was also issued a ticket for littering. Officers found a discarded condom wrapper outside his vehicle.…
Continue ReadingMan To Stand Trial Over Serving Up His Own Tube Steak Behind Safeway Meat Counter
July 12, 2010 at 3:12 am by Morbid
Louisville, CO – Back in February, we posted an article about the Safeway employee who was serving up his own tube steak behind the deli counter. 25-year-old Nicholas Lorenzo was accused of masturbating in front of a customer who reported that Lorenzo was standing behind a glass display counter jerking his dick as he asked her if she was finding everything ok. He put it away after he noticed the look of horror on the woman’s face who immediately told the store manager. When police asked about the allegations, Lorenzo admitted to “having his penis out of his pants,” according to the arrest affidavit. Police say that Lorenzo admitted to having his junk exposed and he was subsequently charged with indecent exposure. A charge he pleaded guilty to. But now things have changed, and Lorenzo has decided five years probation and registering as a sex offender, both part of the guilty plea, wasn’t very appealing. He has now decided to leave his fate to a jury of his peers by changing his plea to not guilty.…
Continue ReadingLaQuisha Mosby Waited Two Hours Before Reporting Her Toddler Had Been Shot
June 17, 2010 at 7:48 am by Jaded
Louisville, KY - I know Morbid had this one in yesterday’s Daily Bites, but I felt the douchebags deserved an entire write-up. According to police, Camron Mosby, 3, found himself in the middle of a heated argument between his mother and her boyfriend(?) late Tuesday night and paid a heavy price for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s been reported that LaQuisha Mosby, 28, and Shawn Martin, 34, were involved in some sort of domestic altercation when a .45 caliber gun was brought into the mix. A single shot was fired and pierced Camron’s shoulder. The bullet exited his body and then ricocheted back into his side. Rather than dialing 911 immediately, LaQuisha and Shawn reportedly spent the next two hours attempting to hide the evidence. According to police, LaQuisha made sure Shawn fled the scene before an ambulance was called. Awww…she didn’t want her man to get in trouble. How fucking sweet! An anonymous tipster did what LaQuisha should have done in the first place and alerted authorities to Shawn’s location.…
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LOUISVILLE, Ky – 46-year-old James R. Decker and 33-year-old Misty Bowman wont be winning any parenting awards after the stunt police say they pulled on Thursday night. Police say that while Bowman sat in a car outside of a Target, Decker and his 14-year-old daughter went inside to steal electronics. I don’t get their method exactly, but while Decker gathered the electronics in a cart, his daughter was stationed near the door to activate the motion sensors so that the exit doors would be open when her father left the store with the electronics in the cart. I’m not sure if this was to keep the alarm from going off or not, or to save them 5 seconds on a door opening fully, but whatever the case, it failed. The couple fled the scene, leaving their daughter there. In addition to theft charges, the couple has also charged with engaging in unlawful transactions with a minor and abandoning of a minor.…
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Louisville, CO - A woman was grocery shopping at the Safeway on South Boulder Road with her infant last month, when she approached the meat counter. The helpful young chap behind the counter asked her, “Are you finding everything all right?” Out of the corner of her eye, from behind a glass door, she noticed an odd motion. What’s this? The helpful young man behind the meat counter had a wiener in his hand. Not one of those wieners made from pig snouts and chicken butt, mind you, but a wiener of the veined variety. Why, the studly lad was stroganoff while speaking to her! No. Way. The flustered woman looked away momentarily and the chap slid his beaten beef back into it’s package. She glanced over at the meat counter one more time, and dammit, there he was fappin’ his foie gras. Fed up with butcher boy’s public and extremely skeevy display of affection, the woman stormed off in search of a store manager. When confronted by police, Nicholas Lorenzo (aka Mr.…
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Louisville, KY – We’ve all done it – you get a drink or two past tipsy and do something to make a total ass of yourself, guaranteeing that you will be the butt of many future jokes. You know what I’m talking about, you get all obliterated on Mad Dog, get nekkid and cover yourself in peanut butter and raisins, arm yourself with a machete and an ice cream scoop and run through the neighborhood screaming “Where’s the beef?” just one friggin’ time and people just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all done it at least once, right? Right? And speaking of drunken antics, please allow me to introduce old stink-face, William Cope Jr. After imbibing on who knows what for who knows how long, Cope found himself at a Kroger store. After urinating in one of the aisles, Cope found his way to the meat department where he opened up a few boxes of licorice candy, some cornbread stuffing, and several packages of steaks. When an officer approached and asked him what the hell he was doing, Cope, a slab of raw meat in each hand, answered, “Checking the texture of meat.” (After looking at that stink face mug, I can literally hear this guy in my head and it sounds more like this: ”Chicking zee texture of zee mit, you foo!”) Cope, who is also a registered sex offender, was arrested and charged with public intoxication.…
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LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - Police went to the home of 88-year-old Sina Harris to perform a welfare check. They were greeted by her son, 52-year-old Julius Harris – who had a gun to his head. This led to a 9 hour stand-off ending with Harris finally surrendering to police. Once in the home, they located Sina Harris. Or rather her corpse. Harris had been living with it ever since she died in her bed over 6-months ago. An autopsy report states she probably died from natural causes, but her son decided not to report her passing away to anyone so he could continue to live off her. “He continued to write checks and cash checks she was receiving from different agencies and companies,” said Louisville Metro Police Department Lt. Barry Wilkerson. Julius Harris now faces two felony charges, one for abusing a corpse and another for theft by deception. No he is looking at another 10 years of free room and board, but this time on Kentuckian’s dime. While I cannot imagine living with a corpse, I sure know what it is like having sex with one.…
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Louisville, KY - Jesus Christ must be a real jerk. I mean, what kind of friend comes over to your house, befouls your environment with second-hand crack smoke, and then just disappears – leaving the crack paraphernalia behind? I gotta admit, I have relatives that would pull that kind of shit, but I never thought JC would stoop that low. I mean, that’s just rude! Poor old Craig Dunn is now taking the rap because of Jesus and his crack pipe. Dunn, a registered sex offender on home incarceration, must have been beside himself when the police showed up to do a home check and discovered a makeshift aluminum foil crack pipe and a burnt spoon. Dunn tried to explain to the boys in blue that the shit wasn’t his, it belonged to Jesus and Jesus was just trying to set him up. I bet you the big guy is up in the sky right about now just laughing it up – his little plan worked! Thanks to Jesus, Craig Dunn, 52, is now back behind bars charged with possession of drug paraphernalia.…
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Louisville, KY – Don’t you just hate it when, out of the kindness of your heart, you get all hospitable and friendly and open your home to a down-on-his-luck kind of friend, only to end up getting royally screwed? You allow the guy to live under your roof, eat your food, use your toilet, and watch your tv and the fucker ends up raping your girlfriend while your at work. How’s that for gratitude? Such is the case with one of Gary Elmore’s kindhearted friends. Worried that Gary, who is reportedly homeless, would get harassed by the police for wandering around town, this friend invited Gary into his home Monday evening. Come Tuesday morning, when the unnamed friend left for work, Gary allegedly slipped into his bed and started doing the nasty with the girlfriend. The sleeping girlfriend, perhaps thinking her man wanted some morning glory, assumed it was her boyfriend pokin’ on her. It might have went something like this – Mmmm, oh yeah. Whoa! Wait a minute! What the… How the… Who the… You asshole!…
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Louisville, KY- Reeking of alcohol with slurred speech, the trollish looking Cecil Bryant now faces several charges including first-degree assault, disorderly conduct, menacing and public intoxication. Police responded to a report last Saturday morning of a woman who was beaten and bloody. Police found 53-year old Elsie Rollins with a bleeding head wound and she told the officers that Bryant, 75, had attacked her with a bedpost. Bryant, who’s eyes were as unsteady as his feet, was hollering at the neighbors and even pushed a bystander. When the officers told Bryant to sit his crazy ass down, he began screaming at them. Once inside the apartment, police noticed blood-spattered walls and found the bloody bedpost. Silly me. Here all this time I thought troll dolls brought you good luck.…
Louisville, KY – Edward Dewey, 46, likes to kick back and get a little high. He likes to sexually assault toddlers on camera, too. And he also likes to watch his homemade kiddie porn in the apartment he shares with his mother.  So when police showed up at the apartment to serve a drug search warrant on Tuesday, they caught Dewey in the act of viewing a whole different kind of children’s programming. Go figure, huh? …
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