The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

Columbus, OH – She pulled up at Burlington Coat Factory in a Hummer stretch limo on Tuesday. She claimed that she had won $1.5 million in the lottery and dammit, if you wanted a new coat or some clothes, she was buying, as long as you didn’t spend more than $500. She told customers to call their friends and family – get ‘em down here and get ‘em some free clothing – she’d be there with her money until the store closed. And come, they did. One customer said she didn’t need clothes, but needed help with rent. The newly rich philanthropist didn’t even blink as she wrote the check. The customers were piling in – there were about 500 wandering through the aisles and getting their purchases tallied, and there were about 1,000 people outside the store waiting to get in. And everyone got a two new outfits and coats and lived happily ever after – their faith in the kindness of their fellow man restored. The end. Ha! Yeah right. This is the Dreamin’ Demon, fuckers. [Read more...]