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GLENDALE, AZ – Police have arrested a man accused of pissing on a family of three at a Metallica concert.

A man, his wife, and their 10-year-old daughter were attending a Metallica concert at the University of Phoenix when they “felt warm liquid washing over their backs and legs.”

When the man turned around, he saw 44-year-old Daniel Daddio holding his dick. When he asked why in the hell did he just piss on his family, he told police Daddio simply shrugged.

The man showed a hell of a lot more restraint than I would have, and reported the incident to stadium employees. Police were called to the scene and located an intoxicated Daddio, who denied urinating on the family.

He was taken into custody and charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. When Daddio appeared in court for the first time, the judge was not too pleased with the allegations against him.

“I have to say in the 15 years I’ve been on the bench, this is one of the most disgusting scenarios I’ve ever read… in any event, really inappropriate,” the judge told the court.…

Houston, TX —  Eliodoro Estala was charged with indecent exposure last week after his neighbor told police she saw him having sex with the fence that separated their property.

The woman reportedly told police she was looking out her window Wednesday, and just happened to see Estala pissing on the chain link fence. So she did what any normal person would do in such a situation…. she started filming. Weirdo.

When Estala noticed she was recording him with her phone, he worked that shit.

The woman told police Estala stuck his mouth on the fence and began tonguing it before he began “having sex with it.” Foreplay first. Good man!

The woman showed officers several videos and still pics of the alleged act. And I can only imagine how hard she was fretting to have witnessed such a vile and o-fence-ive act. I can just hear her screaming at her husband now…. “Abner! Abner! Come quick! The neighbor! He’s gyrating wildy against our fence. And he’s *gasp* unclothed!!” (Props to Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched).…

kurt-jenkinsBOYNTON BEACH, FL – Police have arrested a man caught driving around naked with electrical wires attached to his genitals.

Police say 56-year-old Kurt Jenkins was driving slowly through a neighborhood with children, and was naked and with electrical wires protruding from his penis.

According to police reports, a witness said Jenkins drove up to him and gestured for him to look at Jenkins’ junk.

“(The witness) observed Jenkins was completely naked and saw an electronic device with wires, which was attached to Jenkins’ penis,” the police report said.

Jenkins opened the passenger door and asked him to get inside. The witness declined, but took a picture of Jenkins and called police.

Police said Jenkins would slow down his vehicle “almost to a complete stop” as children from a nearby school were dropped off in the neighborhood.

Arriving officers quickly located Jenkins, who refused police commands to get on the ground. The officers helped him out a bit and gave him a free makeover in the process.

Jenkins is now facing charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition, exposure of sexual organs, and resisting a law enforcement officer without violence.…

Jennifer LienHARRIMAN, TN – Jennifer Lien, who played Kes in the first few seasons of Star Trek: Voyager, has been accused of exposing herself in front of children.

Police were called to Lien’s home after a neighbor reported that Lien had come to her house to complain about her children.

Carey Smith said Lien commented on how Smith’s children were being raised and started using vulgar language.

“All of a sudden, here come the shirt up,” said Smith. “Then she turned around and dropped her pants.”

When police arrived at Lien’s home, they found her naked on her couch. She first threatened to kill the deputies and then resisted walking to a patrol car. Police had to dress her and then carry her out.

Liem has been charged with two misdemeanor counts of indecent exposure involving children under age 13. As of Tuesday night, Lien was still in the Roane County Detention Center on $2,500 bail.

She was charged with domestic violence in 2012, and was charged with aggravated assault, resisting arrest, evading arrest and reckless endangerment stemming from an April incident in which Lien rammed a police cruiser with her vehicle.…

Sean JohnsonBrooksville, FL — A 19-year-old weirdo is facing charges of criminal mischief and indecent exposure after police say he violated a stuffed animal in the bedding department of a Brooksville Walmart.

According to police, Sean Johnson was captured acting all suspicious and stuff on surveillance video Tuesday afternoon. In said video, Johnson is apparently seen approaching the innocent plush toy in the clearance section somewhere near the garden department. He was then seen carrying his new found love to the bedding department.

It was there, police say, that Johnson got busy.

In the surveillance video, Johnson is seen exposing his Johnson and humping the horse — utilizing short, fast movements. When finished, Johnson reportedly shot his load on the horse’s chest. Sated, Johnson placed the stuffed animal on top of a comforter set and exited the store.

I have to assume security personnel were rolling on the floor laughing, while vomiting, maybe, and that’s why they failed to apprehend the plushie fucker before he was able to make it out of the store.…

Shriveled mushroomOttowa — A man with a rather unfortunate, and hilarious, last name was arrested after allegedly flashing people at Mooney’s BayPark in Canada Tuesday.

Police had received several complaints about a geriatric white guy wandering around the park, showing off his goods earlier this month.

Early Tuesday morning, officers made contact with a balding white guy, identified as 62-year-old Donald Popadick, just shortly after receiving yet another complaint. They apparently believed they had their flasher.

According to Sgt. Iain Pidcock of the Ottowa Police, Popadick was arrested on charges of indecent exposure and mischief.

Oh, these names…. too much funny.…

Maura FussellReston, VA — An inebriated 26-year-old woman was arrested Saturday evening after allegedly showing up at the Arlington Magistrate’s Office in her birthday suit, hoping to see her recently incarcerated hubby.

It is unclear as to whether Maura Fussell had been clothed at some point before entering the building, or whether she arrived all nekkid. Either way, she was bare. And drunk.

Officers apparently gave her many opportunities to put some damn clothes on, or at least take a cab home, but Fussell reportedly refused.

That refusal earned her an overnight stay at the old Graybar Hotel. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and drunk in public. I’m assuming they released her after she sobered up a bit.

No word on what landed hubby in the slammer.…

Hillard StallingsOklahoma City, OK — A registered sex offender is facing numerous charges after police received complaints about the man walking butt nekkid in his yard, and for shaking his dick at a teen boy.

The first complaint came from a mother driving her three children to their piano lessons. The woman informed dispatchers that her children, ages 6, 10, and 12, brought her attention to the nekkid man, identified as 68-year-old Hillard Stallings.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the neighborhood to chime in with police — they informed dispatchers Stallings had been wandering around the yard, in the buff, for at least 10 minutes.

Officers made contact with Stallings, and chatted with him for a bit, but an immediate arrest was not made. When they drove back through the neighborhood a few minutes later, though, they spotted the skeevy bastard in the yard, shaking his willy and making thrusting motions at a 14-year-old boy who had been passing the home.

Stallings spotted police and raced for the house, but the officers were quicker.…

Cheesy pervMayfair, PA — Philadelphia police are searching for a chunky white dude in his 40s or 50s, who apparently approaches random women while driving around town with his pork sword hanging all out in the open — once he has their attention, police say, he whips out a slice of Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to use the cheese to aid in the bludgeoning of his beefsteak. Ugh… this guy sounds like a real muenster.

“I understand that people may think this is funny, but this is no laughing matter,” said Milt Martelack, the town watch’s senior adviser. (Tee-Hee!!) “We’ve had a couple individuals reach out to us. We’re taking this matter very seriously, and we’re working vigorously with police to get this guy off the streets.”

The incident is being investigated by the Special Victims Unit after several women from the general area filed reports describing similar encounters with the alleged cheese perv.

Once the news hit the wires, 21-year-old Gabby Chest recalled a disturbing communication with a man who’d contacted her on OkCupid back in 2012.…

Warrant Issued For Serial Drive-By Masturbator

December 12, 2013 at 8:05 am by  

FapSeattle, WA — Police have issued an arrest warrant for one Steven Lee Schmidt — a 51-year-old, Chevy  Silverado pickup truck drivin’, serial drive by wanker. Sorry, alleged wanker.

Schmidt apparently started terrorizing the residents in the 7000 block of Rainier Avenue South in late August. That was when police received their first report of a nekkid, masturbating man driving around the neighborhood. The woman who called to report that particular incident told police  the man drove by her home and then returned an hour later, all nekkid and rubbing himself and stuff. She said he appeared to be looking at a group of children playing nearby. The woman’s husband reported having seen the same man doing the same thing about three or four weeks prior.

Another woman told police she first witnessed the man tickling his pickle in late May. According to charging papers, the 27-year-old woman said the alleged flounder pounder passed her home about nine times. She told police she was able to snap a photo several times.…

Brian HounslowTulsa, OK — Mr. Sad Face to the left is 37-year-old Brian Hounslow — he was busted this week after a woman told police, and apparently anyone else that would listen, that she witnessed him wankin’ his willy in the ladies room at Walmart.

It all started at about 8:30 Wednesday morning…..

Customer Beth Davis, 61, claims she headed into the shitter that morning and found Hounslow standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, with his pants around his ankles and his wiener in his hand. At that point, Davis did the only thing she could think to do — point and laugh…just kidding… she ran out of the bathroom and started yelling for help.

“There’s a naked man in the bathroom masturbating,” she reportedly shouted for several minutes.

Her screams for help did nothing. Sooooo, Davis took matters into her own hands. When Hounslow exited the restroom, fully clothed, thank gawd, she whipped out her cell phone and began filming.

In the video, you can hear Davis proclaim, again, and quite enthusiastically at that, that she had seen Hounslow fiddlin’ with himself in the restroom.…

Willie MerriweatherAiken, SC — A 53-year-old man previously accused of masturbating at public computer is now facing additional charges of indecent exposure because he apparently can’t keep his dick in his drawers.

Willie (tee-hee) Merriweather was taken into custody early last week after police say he whipped his peener out while being interviewed at a staffing agency.

According to police, the victim told police Willie entered the office Monday and sat down for an interview. The woman said she collected information from Willie, such as his name, previous employer and Social Security number.

The woman went on to tell police that as she was collecting this information, she glanced over at Willie and realized he had his dick out of his pants and in his hand.

It fell out,” Willie reportedly explained.

The woman didn’t buy that excuse and ordered him out of the building before calling police.

At some point after that, Willie apparently showed up at Public Safety headquarters for an interview, and officers realized he had a warrant out for indecent exposure.…

Hampton, NH – Eric Carrier, 24, has been charged with one felony count of attempt to commit indecent exposure after allegedly faking a brain injury so he could get a caregiver to change his soiled adult diaper.

Indecent exposure is one of those things at which I think most people are pretty good if they want to be.  There’s not much to it, frankly.  Undress, or partially undress, in front of someone who doesn’t want to see your junk and BAM!  It’s magically easy.  You have to be a moron to be charged with “attempt to commit indecent exposure,” right?

Carrier apparently managed it, though it seems to have taken him a few tries.

He was convicted of five counts of full-fledged indecent exposure on July 30th after posing as a 22-year-old disabled man whose brain injury had left him incapable of controlling his bowels.  Other reports of similar incidents existed at the time of that investigation, but they were beyond the statute of limitations and could not be pursued.…

Hawley, PA – Richard Cimino Jr., 20, was arrested on Friday after performing a bizarre string of ludicrous acts, including jumping from a second-story window, injuring himself badly, and then gnawing on a passer-by’s head.

Cimino allegedly parked his car behind a house on Hudson Street, stripped to his underpants, and then proceeded to break into the home.  When the resident awoke to the sound of the break-in, Cimino reportedly stripped off his underwear and fled to a vacant house next door, likely realizing how much faster you can run without being encumbered by undergarments.  He then walked to the second floor of that house and jumped from a window, severely injuring his arms and legs.

It wasn’t the fall that injured him, apparently, but the landing.

Way bloody, he then reportedly approached Ann Monaghan and Nancy Dean-Corino, who just happened to be walking by.  According to police, he attacked Dean-Corino, bled all over her sorry ass, and then gnawed on her head while screaming like an animal.  The women managed to escape and call police.…

Altamonte Springs, FL – Steven Alden Shepard, 60, was arrested Monday morning for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in an apartment complex laundry room while he was wearing nothing but a shirt he had taken from her wash.

The woman told police that she was loading some clothes into a basket when Shepard entered the room completely naked with the exception of a shirt he had previously removed from her laundry.  He then reportedly pushed her shoulders, forcing her into a sitting position on the floor while he played with his junk and hollered commands at her.  No word on what the commands were, but I’m guessing it was something like “criss-cross apple sauce!” and “prepare for the semen tsunami!”

When the woman fought back, Shepard apparently fled the room.  The woman went back to her apartment to call police.

The first officer on the scene spotted Shepard, who was wearing nothing but jeans, running through the community.  After a brief pursuit, Shepard, who was easily identified by his extraordinarily large ears and the fact that his eyes are nearly touching, stopped and allowed himself to be handcuffed.…

Boulder, CO — A Boulder High School teacher has been arrested after two women say he purposely exposed his genitals to them while shopping at two different garage sales.

According to police, Jim Kozlowski was at a garage sale Saturday morning when he employed a horribly ineffective ice-breaker. According to Commander Jeff Satur, Kozlowski intentionally exposed his twig and berries as they both shopped at a garage sale. “The victim said the suspect knelt down near some clothes, with his right knee on the ground and his left knee bent, with his left foot on the ground,” said Satur. “He asked the victim about the clothes, and then he pulled his shorts away from his leg with his left hand so his genitals were exposed through the left leg opening.”

Sure, Kozlowski’s peek-a-boo could have just been accidental, but police say after he left that garage sale his pork sword was spotted at another garage sale a block away. This time a woman stated Kozlowski repeated the same actions as before.…

Portland, OR – Jamie Todd Hensler, 40, who had been booked on charges of assault, harassment, disorderly conduct and reckless endangering earlier this year, is facing new charges of misuse of a drinking fountain, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct after allegedly exposing himself and washing his genitals in a public park’s water fountain in the presence of children.

Witnesses report that Hensler had been attempting to engage children at the park in conversation and, at some point, threw a water balloon in their general direction.  It’s unclear what prompted his next act, which was reportedly to drop his pants to his ankles and begin washing his junk in the water fountain, though I strongly suspect that the “water balloon” may have been filled with another type of liquid and that the inflation technique had proven far from flawless.

“He was bathing in the drinking fountain and had his pants down around his ankles and he was totally exposing himself,” said witness Michael Koopman. “Once I saw that I asked the teacher to bring the kids inside.”

Hensler was soon arrested on the charges mentioned above and banned from the park. …

Browerville, Minn. – Seth Kellen (pictured), 18, and Connor Burns, also 18, have been charged with multiple counts of sexual assault on their basketball teammates.  The attacks allegedly took place in showers (surprise, surprise), hotel rooms, and elevators.  The photos contained in this article are not mugshots, by the way.

Some are calling the attacks part of a hazing ritual, though County Attorney Chuck Rasmussen said this case is not viewed as hazing because “the victims included seniors, and there’s no reason for hazing seniors. Also, the victims said it didn’t feel like a hazing situation.”  Read on and you’ll likely agree with me that it sounds more like the activities of psychopathic, closeted, self-hating homosexuals.

One might now ask oneself if there is a “reason” for hazing underclassmen.  Now, at the risk of seeming like a sissy in the eyes of all closeted meatheads, I must admit that I’ve forever viewed hazing only as a vehicle for sociopaths to dole out punishment on others under the socially-acceptable guise of attempting to build strong bonds within groups of males. …


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