Martin Guerrero Doodled His Noodle In Art Class

Dallas, TX - Since I’m on a bizarro roll this morning, I’m gonna throw Martin Guerrero into the mix. According to police documents, Guerrero, 17, was sitting in art class, kinda zoning out and staring off into space. His female teacher approached his desk to check up his progress on an assignment and attempted to get his attention. For whatever reason, Guerrero pulled up his shirt and exposed his junk. In front of the teacher, and a room full of students between the ages of 14 and 17, Guerrero started strokin’ the bologna pony – diligently – while moaning. He even threw in an “aye mami” for good measure. The teacher, unable to stop him from fappin’, ran out of the classroom and alerted the school police. She told investigators that several students later told her “that was very scary.” Because of the ages of his fellow classmates, Guerrero is now looking at a felony charge of indecency with a child. Bail has been set at $5,000. GoodGood reviews luck living this down, kiddo. [Read more...]

Stuart McIntyre Is An Old Perv

Primera, TX- For an elderly man just two months shy of his 89th birthday, Stuart McIntyre sure has a way with the ladies. Well, I mean, the little ladies. What’s his secret? I’m guessing charm because old-fartism doesn’t always earn a child’s trust, even though his mugshot does remind me of ventriloquist Jeff Dunham’s puppet named Walter Walter reviews.

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Thomas Van-Hook Offers His Services

Jasper, TX–Thomas Van-Hook, 55, is offering up cheap babysitting services. For a paltry $12.00, Van-Hook will take care of the little buggers for the entire weekend. You must be thinking to yourself, ‘What’s the catch?’ Well, Van-Hook has one requirement…they must be female children and they must be between the ages of 11 months and 9 years.

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