The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

Columbus, OH – She pulled up at Burlington Coat Factory in a Hummer stretch limo on Tuesday. She claimed that she had won $1.5 million in the lottery and dammit, if you wanted a new coat or some clothes, she was buying, as long as you didn’t spend more than $500. She told customers to call their friends and family – get ‘em down here and get ‘em some free clothing – she’d be there with her money until the store closed. And come, they did. One customer said she didn’t need clothes, but needed help with rent. The newly rich philanthropist didn’t even blink as she wrote the check. The customers were piling in – there were about 500 wandering through the aisles and getting their purchases tallied, and there were about 1,000 people outside the store waiting to get in. And everyone got a two new outfits and coats and lived happily ever after – their faith in the kindness of their fellow man restored. The end. Ha! Yeah right. This is the Dreamin’ Demon, fuckers. [Read more...]

Christina Nardi Is A Screwy Attention Whore

New Port Richey, Florida–The first text message was sent last FridayFriday reviews at 2:44 p.m.: “I got 1 minute, gun to my head, I’m hurt and 2500 ransom, 52 don’t know them, answer asap.” That was just the beginning, many others followed: “I’m being held hostage,” and, “Took all my money, beat and drugged me on heroin help.” These chilling text messages originated from the cell phone of 34-year-old Christina Nardi. They were sent out to her roommate, her ex-husband, even her two sons. Scary shit, huh? For the next few hours, the texts just kept coming in…each one more chilling than the last. [Read more...]

Jerron Mario Moffitt Thinks He’s Funny

Sebring, Florida–Jerron Mario Moffitt, 20, came up with the best April Fool’s joke EVAR! He thought it would be friggin’ hilarious to randomly place envelopes with a suspicious powdery substance on car windshields all over town. Some people tend to freak out a bit when confronted with suspicious white powder…some people tend to think, ‘Anthrax!’ Such was the case in Sebring.

[Read more...]

Deborah Holste Lives In A Fantasy World

Terrell, TX–Deborah Holste (MyspaceMySpace) set out on a road trip from her home in Lake Charles, La., to Terrell, TX. She was on her way to meet with a former boyfriend and introduce him to his 5-month-old daughter, Jacqueline. The former boyfriend had been sending Deborah money for the child and was absolutely ‘giddy’ at the prospect of finally meeting her.

But something terrible happened on the way. Deborah stopped at a rest area to use the restroom and the baby vanished. Poof! Just like that. What’s worse, she didn’t even realize right away that the baby disappeared.

[Read more...]