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Frackville, PA — George Beaver, 59, is in police custody for allegedly biting his wife’s face after she touched his bag of Utz Potato Chips.

Police were called to the Beaver’s home last week after receiving a report about domestic assault between George and his wife, Michelle.

When officers arrived on scene, Michelle reported that George was sitting in the living room watching television and that she just happened to pick up a bag of Utz Sour Cream and Onion rippled potato chips that had been sitting on the coffee table.

George apparently said something like, “leave the fucking chips alone.” (Could have been “goddamn chips”, too. Not positive which cuss word was used, so I’ll use my favorite).

Michelle did not leave the fucking chips alone. This angered the Beaver.

George reportedly grabbed Michelle by the face and bit her left cheek, just below the eye, tearing off a piece of skin and causing her to bleed.

George fled the home before officers arrived, prompting them to obtain a warrant for his arrest.…

Moore Township, PA — David Cantrell, 42, was charged with charged aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment Sunday, after allegedly punching and choking his mother because she changed the channel.

According to the victim, Cantrell began arguing with her about a television program that evening. When she flipped the channel, Cantrell pitched a big ol’ fit.

The woman reportedly told police her son punched her in the mouth, then picked her up and slammed her to the floor. He then screamed, “I hope you die!” and choked her until she was unconscious, police say.

“I thought he was going to kill me,” she told police.

When she regained consciousness, she managed to break away from her son and alert neighbors.

Cantrell was ordered held on $75,000 bail and is required to undergo psychiatric treatment. It’s unclear which program it was his mom wanted to watch.…

Love Wins FagAUSTIN, TX — The gay pastor suing Whole Foods over a homophobic slur he claims was written on a cake he bought, is now being sued by Whole Foods who says the pastor is lying through his teeth.

For those of you who may have missed the initial story, Pastor Jordan Brown claims he ordered a cake from Whole Foods that he wanted personalized with the message “Love Wins.”

Brown, an openly gay pastor, claims that when he went to pick up the cake, the personalized message read “Love Wins Fag.” Of course, as is the first thing anyone does now days, he went to social media and made a Youtube video to explain what happened.

He said he did not notice the message until he got into his car, and that when he went in to talk to the store manager they said their employee did not do it and that they would not be taking any kind of action.

Brown responded by hiring a lawyer to sue Whole Foods.…

Jesus MenocalHIALEAH, FL – Jesús “Jesse” Menocal, Jr., a sergeant with the Hialeah Police Department, was suspended with pay after he allegedly led a 17-year-old girl to an empty room in a police substation and insist that she undress in front of him.

The teen and her 20-year-old girlfriend allege that this is what went down:

After pulling them over after making a U-turn, Menocal ordered the 17-year-old to get in the back of his squad car and instructed the 20-year-old to follow him to the nearby police substation. There he took the younger to a private room and begin asking some questions that seem to fall quite a bit outside the usual LE repertoire when interviewing suspects or civilians.

For example, “How do you have intercourse?” To which the teen replied, “Why do I need to answer that? Why is that necessary?” Menocal insisted she answer, so she told him about intimate relations between her and her girlfriend.

The inappropriate questions didn’t stop there, though. “After, he asked if I was a virgin.…

Cameo CrispiNaples, UT — A 31-year-old woman has been arrested after allegedly attempting to burn down her ex-boyfriend’s home by intentionally leaving a pound of bacon burning on a gas stove.

GUILTY! OFF WITH HER HEAD!

It all started when Cameo Crispi’s ex called police on March 14 to complain that he had received numerous texts and phone calls from her within the range of one hour, and he really wanted her to knock it the fuck off already. He also told police he didn’t want Crispi at his home. Crispi. Heh.

An officer was dispatched to the man’s home and found smoke pouring out the front door. Inside, an “impaired” Crispi.

When the officer stepped inside the man’s home, he noticed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. And on the kitchen stove, claimed the officer, there was a cookie sheet with about a pound of bacon on it. Now, bear with me, people….. this part of the story is extremely difficult for me.…

“Swiss Cheese Pervert” Chris Pagano Arrested

January 17, 2014 at 2:40 am by  

Chris PaganoMayfair, PA — Rest easy, my Philadelphian friends… the alleged Swiss Cheese Pervert has been captured. The chunky monkey was arrested at his home on the 16th of January. Whew.

For those with short term memory issues, we posted on the case of the mysterious masturbator just last week. Click here, ya lazy bastids.

Blogger Victor Fiorillo was right on the money when he pointed the finger at 41-year-old Chris Pagano —  a man twice arrested for solicitation. Both cases were dismissed, but methinks Pagano won’t slide on the current charges.

As mentioned in the previous story, Pagano was accused of approaching women and offering to compensate them for wrapping a slice of Swiss cheese around his dick and getting him off. A couple of the alleged victims apparently captured his requests on video. One of the women boldly asked Pagano why the hell he had Swiss cheese in his vehicle. His answer would have had me on the ground, laughing, for days. Or until I pissed myself…

Anyways, Pagano was charged with stalking, harassment and open lewdness Thursday.…

Robert Parker JrFarmington, ME — Meet 43 year old Robert Parker Jr., the man with a face I dearly want to punch with some especially nasty brass knuckles. If his face alone doesn’t inspire the same in you, allow me to add some details that will surely push you there, if not further.

On September 25, 2013, Mr. Please-Throat-Punch-Me-Repeatedly, was arrested two days after Deputy Kevin Hartley of the Franklin County Sheriff’s Department, was sent to investigate a complaint regarding his handing out cigarettes to two girls under the age of 15. (Can you say, “grooming”? I bet you can!) One source indicates that he forced each of the girls to smoke around 50 cigarettes, which just seems like a waste of cigarettes to me.

After being arraigned, he was released on a pretrial contract that same day. I bet he was really relieved, but not for long.

The following day, Deputy Hartley received a new complaint. The ever charming Mr. Parker was apparently sending some rather impolite messages to the family of one of the girls involved in the cigarette charges, threatening to kill her if she told anyone about his disgusting, pervy ways.…

Angela Siler-FisherHouston, TX — Dr. Angela Siler-Fisher, medical director at Ben Taub Hospital’s Emergency Center and professor at Baylor College of Medicine, is facing criminal charges after apparently flippin’ her shit and going all Fatal Attraction on her husband’s mistress. Ok, a pussified version of Fatal Attraction, maybe…

According to authorities, 42-year-old Angela recently learned that her husband, Dr. Brandon Fisher, a radiologist, was getting a little on the side from yet another doctor, 35-year-old Marcelle Mallery, and went on a rampage. Fortunately for Mallery, Brandon called ahead and warned her of his wife’s intentions and she was able to remove herself and her children from the home.

Surveillance video captures Angela entering her rival’s home by kicking in a doggy door. Once inside, Angela showed her displeasure by dropping a trail of unused condoms (weak!) on the stairs leading to Mallery’s bedroom, and writing the words “whore” and “homewrecker” on the woman’s bathroom mirror in lipstick. Red lipstick. Cliche, much?

Angela then reportedly sent the woman a picture of her own bedroom, letting her know she had been there.…

Jason WillisWATERFORD, WI — Police have charged 30-year-old Jason Willis with felony identity theft after they say he was placing Craigslist sex ads to harass his neighbor.

Willis allegedly created personal ads on Craigslist looking for hookups, pretending to be a female neighbor who had no idea what he was doing. The only thing she was aware of was the strange men coming to her house in the middle of the night.

“The defendant sent multiple emails using the victim’s identifying information, her name, her address, and sending people to her home for sexual activity,” Racine County Assistant District Attorney Rebecca Sommers said.

After sending the men away, she eventually called 911 when one man showed up at 12:30 a.m. wearing nothing but a raincoat.

“It was at 12:30 a.m., with my daughter and I here, and it freaked me out. Somebody insistently ringing the doorbell at 12:30 a.m. is not a good sign, so I just called 911,” the victim said.

Police arrived and found the man who informed them he was just responding to a Craigslist ad. …

Rehtaeh ParsonsNova Scotia, Canada – The mother of 17-year-old Rehtaeh Parsons, the teenager who killed herself after allegedly being raped by four boys two years ago, is asking that online lynch mobs please leave the boys linked to the allegations alone, and let the justice system do its job.

Parsons’ mother says her daughter committed suicide after years of being bullied following an alleged rape by four boys when she was 15. A pictures from the incident was circulated online, leading to Parsons being harassed online by her peers.

No charges were ever filed against any of the boys involved, and Parsons mother would use Facebook to post her daughter’s story, blaming her daughter’s suicide on bullies, the justice system, and the four boys who allegedly raped her two years ago. By Wednesday night, an online petition calling for an inquiry into the police investigation had garnered more than 60,000 signatures.

Of course, as is usually the case when supposed injustices are posted online via social networking, people began talking about exacting revenge against the persons they feel are responsible for said injustice.…

Samantha MalsonLongmont, CO — A 23-year-old woman was arrested Saturday for allegedly shoving and choking her boyfriend because he wouldn’t stop singing Macklemore’s hit single “Thrift Shop.”

According to the police report, Samantha Malson and her boyfriend, Lars Hansen, had been celebrating his 26th birthday that evening — shit got hostile shortly after Hansen accused Malson of drinkin’ up all the liquor in the house.

Malson told police she left the house and went to cool off in her car. Hansen reportedly texted her from inside the house, inviting her back in on one condition: that she not “go crazy.” Yeah, cause crazy bitches follow orders.

Once back inside, all was copacetic. For a minute….

The couple began listening to the tune and Hansen began singing along. Because, how could you not? This displeased Malson. She told police she requested that Hansen STFU already – about 25 times.

“He just annoyed me,” she said. “So I pushed him.”

She went on to say that after pushing him a few times, she grabbed him by the throat.…

Aimee LoughreyOswego, NY – Here’s another story involving a mother enticing her daughter to fight her alleged bully. This time it’s out of New York, where 40-year-old Amie Loughrey was captured on camera egging on a fight between her 15-year-old daughter and another girl.

Police got involved after the video was posted on someone’s Facebook. In the video, you can see Loughrey encouraging her daughter to fight another girl who had supposedly been harassing her. The victim consistently says she does not want to fight, but Loughrey’s daughter throws the first punch at the insistence of her loud-mouthed mother, just like another mom we featured today.

Throughout the fight, in which Loughrey’s daughter definitely gets the upper-hand,  Loughrey can be heard yelling choice bits like “beat her fucking ass” and calling the victim a stupid bitch. After Loughrey’s daughter delivers a sound beating on the other girl, who suffered a flurry of punches, a kick to the face, and being spat on, the girl walks away as Loughrey shouts after her not to come back because “this is her block.”

Amie Loughrey was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child and second-degree harassment.…

Woman Charged After Dispute Over Mashed Potatoes

February 12, 2013 at 8:27 am by  

TatersNiagara Falls — A 23-year-old woman facing charges for allegedly assaulting another woman after a fight over mashed potatoes.

According to police, Shaquina Hill is now facing charges of menacing and harassment, both in the second-degree, as a result.

The alleged victim, an 18-year-old woman, told police she and Hill argued about the mashed potatoes just before 9:00 Sunday evening, and things basically escalated from there.

Vague, I know. Screw a damn reporter who neglects to get to the true heart of a story. Pfft.

The victim reportedly told police Hill grabbed a box cutter and waved it at her, in an unfriendly manner, I’m sure. Hill then dropped the knife and started throwing things at her, the woman said…. things like a heavy ceramic vase and a, uh, coffee table. The victim also told police Hill punched her in the chest.

Ya know, there are three things you just don’t fuck with – another person’s significant other, another person’s alcohol, and another person’s food. Lay your hands on any of the above and you deserve to have some home furnishings thrown at ya.…

Man in body armorEmmaus, PA — A 30-year-old man accused of stalking his estranged wife while wearing body armor was found to be in possession of several knives, a gun, brass knuckles, wigs and a mask, duct tape and a Valentine’s Day card with drawings depicting violence, Emmaus police said.

D’awwww! Who says romance is dead?

According to police, Flint Andrew Staton was taken into custody on an arrest warrant shortly after an Emmaus police officer watched him trail the victim on her way to work Monday morning.

Police say Anne Staton had been concerned for her safety for months and subsequently filed complaints with police based on the belief that she was being  followed.

Two restraining orders were issued, both prohibiting Staton from carrying a gun in Montgomery county.

Paper is just that… paper. And said paper apparently didn’t bother Staton any – police say he violated those orders on three occasions in the past year.

When he was pulled over Monday, he was clad in illegal body armor. Officers also found a metric shit ton of weapons in the crazy man’s vehicle including  three large knives, a stun gun, a .40 caliber handgun, 10 rounds of ammunition and brass knuckles.…

Upper Darby, PA — Kirstie Foley, 21, has been dubbed a “domestic cannibal” by police in Upper Darby after allegedly attacking her mother early this week, biting the woman several times.

Foley and her 42-year-old mother were apparently arguing in the apartment they share late Saturday, when the lovely lass got all kinds of chompy and stuff, biting the older woman multiple times on the legs and hands as she bathed.

Police say part of mom’s thumb was bitten off in the altercation and has yet to be recovered.

“It’s domestic cannibalism,” said police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. “We never found the tip of the finger. We don’t know whether she ate it or swallowed it. Totally out of control. We don’t know if she was high on drugs or what.”

According to Chitwood, Foley damn near bit completely through web of her mother’s hand between the thumb and index finger.

She almost took off the thumb,” he said. “Nasty.”

Foley apparently fled the apartment shortly after the alleged attack and was found cowering at her sister’s home on Wednesday.…

Austin, TX —  A nut in Texas has been accused of constantly harassing her ex-boyfriend before running over the man’s mother.

Ryan Boyd is a 25-year-old man who got a real taste of the crazy after breaking up with 22-year-old Elizabeth McClain, a woman he had dated for about three years. This turned out to be a big mistake.

On Sept. 17, Boyd went to police to report that McClain was calling him about 20 to 100 times a day while threatening to make his life even more miserable than had they stayed together.

On October 11, Boyd contacted police a second time to report that McClain was now contacting him from multiple numbers on a daily basis. One day she called over 750 times. She was also calling his work number every day from 6 a.m. to 1 a.m., and was telling him she was going to break into his house or drive her car through his living room.

On November 11, Boyd contacted police a third time to report McClain had texted him 125 times in a row, was again threatening to drive into his living room, and had driven by his house on several occasions.…

CANTON, Ohio — The man who was filmed making fun of a 10-year-old disabled girl was sentenced to a month in jail, the max allowed, after pleading guilty to menacing and disorderly conduct.

William Bailey, 43, was charged after cell phone video made its way online that showed him and his 9-year-old son making fun of Hope Holcomb, a 10-year-old neighbor girl with cerebral palsy. The two families live next to each other and up until recently, their kids all got along and played together.

Hope’s mother said the trouble started with Bailey’s younger son bullying her daughter on the school bus. “She was miserable she didn’t want to ride the bus, cried every morning,” said Tricia Knight. ”He treats her like crap, and most recently the dad got involved.”

It was after the family called police regarding Bailey’s son and some damaged Halloween decorations in their yard that Hope’s grandmother decided to record any possible retaliation the following day at the bus stop. What she captured was William Bailey and his son walking away from the school bus with exaggerated limps.…

Man Stabbed For Slapping Sunburned Butt

August 7, 2012 at 2:01 pm by  

Bethlehem, PA – Tiffany E. Sherry, 24, is charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment, terroristic threats and harassment after allegedly stabbing her boyfriend, Michael Martinez, with whom she shares two children.

The stabbing was reportedly a response to Martinez smacking Sherry’s sunburned rump as she washed dishes in their home on Monday.  Martinez told police that he meant it as a “joke,” since he knew it would sting a bit, but it became apparent that only one of them found it amusing when Sherry allegedly began threatening him with a steak knife.

Martinez says that he backed into the living room where their two children were and asked her, “What are you going to do?  Stab me in front of the children?”  That was a good question, for which Sherry had an excellent answer.  She simply asked the children to leave the room.

Once they were gone, Sherry reportedly poked Martinez in the stomach with the knife…then in the shoulder…and when he turned to get away, the back.

Something tells me there was a little more to this story than just a sunburned ass sustaining a playful slap.…


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