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Joy McCallOcala, FL – Joy L. McCall was arrested earlier this week after the 35-year-old was charged with having sex with a 12-year-old son of a family friend.

The victim’s mother called the Ocala Police Department to report she believed her son was in a sexual relationship with one of her friends. Her son supposedly told a friend at church about having a sexual  relationship with McCall, and that boy cock-blocked told his mother, who then contacted the victim’s mother to relay what she’d been told.

After learning of the possible relationship, the victim’s mother conducted her own investigation and found some disturbing text messages between McCall and her son that seemed to confirm the two had sex on multiple occasions. “She was able to see through the different text messaging that had occurred between McCall and the juvenile. And determine the dates that the incidents had occurred,’ said Sergeant Angy Scroble.

When police interviewed the boy, he confirmed his mother’s suspicions and told them he’d had sex with “Ms. Joy” on three occasions.…

Maria Montenez-ColonPunta Gorda, FL — Maria Montenez-Colon was arrested Friday, charged with misuse of 911, after pleading with dispatchers to send an officer she found attractive back to her home for some nookie.

Montenez-Colon initially called 911 to complain that she wanted her Corvette back. She apparently signed ownership of the vehicle over to her step-son after her husband died, and she now wanted it back.

When an officer arrived at her home to take the complaint, the reportedly shitfaced 58-year-old started in with her game. It started with a question about the man’s marital status, then quickly moved into the way too much fucking information range.

“I haven’t been penetrated in years,” Montenez-Colon reportedly informed the officer. “I am so horny.”

The officer attempted to get the woman back on track…. a not so awkward track… and asked her what, exactly, he could do for her. Her response? “You could [expletive] me.” God, I do love these stories.

The officer relayed to Montenez-Colon that he wasn’t about to hit that and, once again, tried to get to the gist of her complaint.…

James JugoTampa, FL — A 52-year-old man has been charged with manslaughter after admitting to police that he pummeled his roommate to death after a disagreement about a stolen chicken foot.

According to police, the fight apparently began when 56-year-old Benjamin Calderon swiped said foot from the skillet James Jugo was attending to at the moment. It was apparently then that the beating commenced.

Wait…. people eat chicken feet? I’ve seen them in the meat department and shit, but I didn’t know people actually fried and consumed them. I thought that shit was used for voodoo and stuff. I can’t imagine sticking one of those things in my mouth….

Anyway, Jugo told police he beat Calderon to death with his fists, but a witness claims to have seen him swinging a wooden cutting board. At any rate, Calderon is very much dead — the autopsy revealed he suffered internal bleeding after being hit numerous times on the face, neck and elsewhere.

This, surprisingly, isn’t Jugo’s first brush with the law — he’s been arrested at least 19 times on charges that include burglary, cocaine possession, petty theft, probation violation, open container and possession of a dangerous dog.…

Kenneth HaskinsTampa, FL — When ordered by management to stop masturbating in front of his neighbors, a 58-year-old man apparently attempted to burn an apartment complex to the ground in protest of their supposed Anti-Wanking laws.

Kenneth Haskins, who suffered an unfortunate facial rearrangement after shooting himself in the face with a shotgun, was apparently ordered to stop bopping his bologna in front of his open windows and front door. This displeased Haskins, and he told authorities he thought the overseers of the Mar Plaza Apartments were unjust and he wanted to get back at ’em. Soooo, he set fire to their shit.

Police say the fire was pretty much contained to Haskins apartment, but 28 other units were evacuated as a precaution. Fortunately, Haskin’s temper tantrum didn’t harm anyone in the complex, which caters to low-income seniors and the disabled, but four families have been displaced due to fire and water damage.

Charged with arson, Haskins is being held without bail at the Orient Road Jail. Police say he has no prior convictions.…

Letina SmithKISSIMMEE, FL –  Police have arrested 41-year-old Letina Smith after she was accused of subjecting three children under the age of 10 to a punishment called “the electric chair” that included zaps from a pink stun gun.

The alleged practice came to light after one of the kids got into trouble at school and pleaded with her teacher not to call her home and tell she’d misbehaved in class. The girl explained that she and her two brothers lived with her aunt and she was afraid of being punished with Letina’s electric chair.

“(She) explained that the punishment was to get touched with a ‘taser,'” the arrest report stated. “The electric chair consists of the child who is in trouble holding themselves… with their back on the wall and their legs forming a chair. They have to stay there for an hour and if they speak or move Letina will come up to them with the electrical weapon, “taser,” and activate and touch them with it.”

Police interviewed all three children separately and were given similar stories involving Letina and her pink stun gun.…

Home Invader Dick Slaps Woman, Demands Money

January 29, 2014 at 5:54 am by  

Dick slappedFlorida — A Miami woman claims a burglar repeatedly slapped her in the face with his dick after she informed him she had no money.

That’s it. I have heard it all. Time to shut off the internet. Well, maybe after I finish this story….

The dick slapping incident apparently occurred sometime early Tuesday morning. A man living in the home told police he heard a knock at the door at about 3:00 that morning, and when he answered, was confronted by two males holding guns. Real guns, ya perverts.

Anyway, the two unidentified males entered the home and demanded cash. When the man who answered the door came up dry, the suspects apparently busted into a bedroom occupied by the man’s 33-year-old daughter-in-law.

Authorities say one of the men held a gun to the woman’s head and demanded money. When the woman stated she had none, one of the two whipped out his Johnson and began hitting her in the face with it. And while he’s at it, he’s yelling, “*censored* give me the money.” No word on whether the member was flaccid or at full attention.…

55 Bodies Exhumed From Closed Reform School

January 29, 2014 at 5:22 am by  

Dozier Reform SchoolMARIANNA, FL – Researchers and forensic anthropologists have uncovered the remains of 55 people on the now closed school grounds of the notorious Arthur G. Dozier Reform School for Boys in northwest Florida.

For decades, families of the missing boys have sought answers to long asked questions regarding the mysterious disappearances amid reports of beatings, torture, and sexual assault that occurred at the reform school which operated from 1900 to 2011.

During the nearly two-year project, there have been 55 bodies uncovered; “five more than previous field work had indicated and 24 more than listed in school records.” The aim is to verify the identities and ages as well as the timing and circumstances surrounding their deaths.

Researchers led excavations at or around Boot Hill, which is an unmarked cemetery located on school grounds. Using tools such as ground-penetrating radar, DNA samples, and search dogs, the team investigated the area for unmarked graves that may have belonged to the growing list of boys reported missing over the many years of the school’s operation.…

Sarah McLinnLAWRENCE, KS –  The Kansas teen reported missing shortly before her former boss was found dead in his home, has been found in Florida and charged with the man’s murder.

The body of 52-year-old Harold Sasko was found in his home on January 17 after the family of one of his former employees, 19-year-old Sarah McLinn, called police to report her missing. Sasko owned several CiCi’s pizza places in the area and had let McLinn move into his home in 2012.

Officers who found Sasko say he had suffered several traumatic injuries, and believed he was subdued and unconscious before an “edged device” was used to kill him. McLinn’s car was still in the driveway, but Sasko’s car and dog were misssing.

Police immediately began searching the area for McLinn and issued a nationwide alert to be on the lookout for McLinn and Sasko’s Altima. That searched ended a week later when, 1500 miles away, Rangers found McLinn illegally camping at Everglades National Park. She was living in Sasko’s car and was found with drugs and Sasko’s dog, Oliver.…

Cody MarroneHERNANDO COUNTY, FL – Police have accused  Cody Marrone, a 21-year-old corrections officer, of punishing his girlfriend’s 3-year-old son by repeatedly burning his genitals with a hair dryer.

Meghan Sherron said it was routine for her to leave for work while her longtime, live-in boyfriend would take him to daycare. But last Friday, Marrone called her at work to inform her that her son’s genitals were swollen.

She had Marrone come to her work so she could see what he was talking about and found that her son’s genitals were swollen to the size of a softball. She also noticed burn marks to his thigh, buttocks and chest.

“When I saw the marks on his behind, I thought, that looks like my blow dryer,” she said. When she asked Marrone what the hell happened to her kid’s junk, he went through several different stories including; he woke up and found him that way, he blacked out and doesn’t remember, and that he simply snapped.

The boy was rushed to Tampa General Hospital where doctors would find the boy was suffering from second-degree burns.…

Bryan AdamsOKEECHOBEE, FL — Bryan Adams, 31, is looking at some serious time in jail, along with a re-arranged face, after he abducted his son he believed was possessed by demons.

According to the police report, Adams showed up at his ex-wife’s workplace demanding her car keys. He told her he wanted their 11-year-old son and that he was seeing demons. She denied his request, and later told police she’d left Adams because of his heavy crystal meth usage.

Not taking no for an answer, Adams abducted his 11-year-old son from his bed at around 3 a.m. that morning and dragged him into some nearby woods. Adams told his son, who was clad only in his pajamas and a t-shirt, that he was possessed by a demon. “You are the demon.” Adams informed his son. “You know what I must do with you.”

Before anyone could find out exactly what Adams had in mind, police arrived with a K-9 unit and were able to quickly locate Adams and his son lying on the ground in the woods.…

Man Accused Of Trying To Eat Neighbor’s Face Off

January 23, 2014 at 5:49 am by  

Bath Salt ZombieStPetersburg, FL — No, this is not a repeat….

Authorities claim 18-year-old Brandon Davis, apparently high on some sort of synthetic drug, attacked his neighbor early Sunday morning, biting the man on his face, hands and neck while yelling something about eating the man’s eyeballs.

The victim, 54-year-old Nick Sorace, told police he heard a commotion at about 2:00 a.m. Sunday, and when he looked out the window to see what all the fuss was about, he witnessed Davis beating a dog.

“He thought the dog was the devil,” Sorace said. “And then the next thing he sees is me, illuminated — and all of a sudden, I’m the devil.”

Davis apparently kicked in Sorace’s front door, chased a woman through the house and out the back door, then returned. He started beating and biting Sorace, continuing with his “You’re the Devil” spiel.

“He broke a flower pot over my head, he was sticking me in the neck with pieces…he stuck his thumb all the way in my eye socket and he just ripped my mouth and he bit my face.…

Shelley BezansonSarasota, FL — Authorities arrested 28-year-old Shelley Bezanson after learning the woman strangled her 7-year-old adopted Pit bull with her own chain so no one else could have her.

Diamond was apparently abandoned, left chained to a pole, outside the Sarasota County Humane Society in October of 2012. Bezanson, after jumping through all the necessary hoops, adopted Diamond in January of 2013. It was about then that Bezanson made a promise to the critter — the two would be together until the end. Apparently, Diamond’s end was in November.

Acting on an anonymous tip, officers were dispatched to the home of Bezanson’s mother on November 14. Bezanson was apparently heading to mom’s place to bury Diamond. Officials soon learned that Bezanson strangled Diamond to death with her own chain.

“It was prolonged, it was painful, it was torturous, and it was a horrible, horrible death for this dog to die,” said sheriff’s office spokesperson Wendy Rose.

At the time of her confession, Bezanson reportedly told police she was in the middle of a breakdown while she was choking the life out of the dog, and she had no idea that what she was doing was wrong.…

Kayla ShaversNew Port Richey, FL – Police have charged 30-year-old Kayla Shavers with child neglect after she left her 9-year-old and 8-month-old in a freezing car while she went hog hunting.

According to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, they received a call from the 9-year-old at around 7 a.m. Thursday morning. He told them that he and his baby sister had been in a car for 30 minutes, and the car was off.

Since it was 38 degrees outside, the boy told police he was freezing and called 911 because he figured “a police car would be warmer.” Deputies were dispatched and found the boy and his sister in a car parked on the side of a dark, isolated road.

They waited for nearly 40 minutes before Shavers finally emerged from the woods dressed in camouflage. She told police that she was hunting hogs that have been tearing up her property. She defended leaving the children in the car, explaining she stayed in close proximity and had showed the boy how to crank the vehicle if it got cold.…

Dollar Tree BeastHolly Hill, FL — A woman accused of shoplifting from a Family Dollar store and beating a store clerk is also accused of ordering a 7-year-old child to assist in the beating of said clerk.

The unidentified woman to the left entered the store at about 7:00 Wednesday evening, with two children in tow. The source article states the children, ages 1 and 7, were the women’s children, but police have yet to determine whether that’s fact.

While the woman was wandering through the store, placing items in her cart, a store clerk glanced over and watched as the woman removed a sale sticker from her purse and placed it on a toy.

At the register, the woman learned the item she placed the sticker on wasn’t on sale, and she declined the purchase. She then apparently walked out of the store with a bunch of crap in her basket that she hadn’t paid for.

The clerk, who I am sure makes minimum wage, therefore, shouldn’t give a flying fuck whether someone walked out of the damn store with half the inventory, followed. …

Curtis ReevesWesley Chapel, FL – A retired police captain has been arrested after he shot and killed a man inside a Florida theater during an argument that started over the victim’s texting before a showing of Lone Survivor.

According to police, the incident happened at the Cobb CineBistro at Grove 16 complex a little after 1 p.m. Monday. The movie hadn’t started yet, but 71-year-old Curtis Reeves was getting aggravated with another patron, 43-year-old Chad Oulson, who was sitting in front of him with his wife.

According to witnesses, an argument started between the two men regarding Oulson’s texting. After asking Oulson to stop several times, Reeves left the theater to complain to staff. When he returned, the two men began arguing again.

After Oulson explained he was simply texting his 3-year-old daughter, one of the men threw popcorn at the other before Reeves pulled out a .380 caliber handgun and shot Oulson once in the chest. Oulson’s wife was also wounded by the same bullet after trying to tried shield her husband with her hand.…

Alberto FelipeBoca Raton, FL — A Florida man is facing charges after allegedly biting his neighbor’s ear off because the man refused to give him a smoke.

According to the victim, John Ott, his neighbor approached him Friday night and asked if he could bum a cigarette. Before he even had a chance to realize what was happening, Ott said, Alberto Felipe was all over him.

“He comes up puts me in a bear hug and next thing I know he’s biting my ear,” Ott said. “This all started because I wouldn’t give him a cigarette.”

Ott was rushed to a local hospital, his ear just kinda hanging on by a thread. Fortunately, Felipe didn’t swallow any important pieces and doctors were able to stitch it back on.

Felipe was arrested for felony aggravated battery, but has already made his $3,000 bond. It’s not his first rodeo, either — he’s had at least three previous convictions for assault and battery.

Ott says Felipe is back in the ‘hood, hurling insults at him from across the street on a fairly regular basis.…

Man Arrested For Assault With Banana

January 7, 2014 at 6:08 am by  

Joseph SmolinskyPort Richey, FL — No, that’s not a euphemism… get your minds outta the gutter, ya naughty. Not a lot to this one, but it involves an assault with a banana, so I’m on it. The story, not the banana…

Joseph Smolinsky, 36, is facing a couple of charges after allegedly assaulting his live-in girlfriend with a banana, and for resisting arrest after the fact.

Police were called to the couple’s home on New Year’s Day, and learned from the girlfriend that Smolinsky threw a banana at her. Smolinsky denied the accusation, of course, and blamed the banana tossing on the woman.

It was going to take some solid detective work to get to the bottom of this one….

After a thorough investigation, officers determined Smolinsky was the offending party. And how did they arrive at this conclusion? Well, the woman was sporting a red mark on the face, where the banana apparently landed, and there appeared to be a bit of banana peel on the floor near the couch where the woman was sitting.…

SwirliePembroke Pines, FL — Police are on the lookout for a man witnesses claim shoved a woman’s head into a toilet at a Burger King restaurant Sunday morning.

According to witnesses, the man followed the woman into the restroom at about 7:30 that morning and proceeded to give her a swirlie in the shitter. No word on whether any actual flushing was involved.

When said witnesses demanded the man and woman vacate the restroom, cause, you know, people gotta pee, the man forcefully grabbed the woman by the hair and dragged her out of the restaurant.

He was then seen shoving the woman into an Infiniti G35, and was overheard saying something like, “You’re going to die today and I’m going to be the one to do it.” Which, after having one’s head dunked into a BK toilet, wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. Especially after the breakfast rush….

The man is described as a slim 20-something, about 6 feet tall, and dressed in a white tank top. And pants, I assume.…