This is not a review of the surreal film from Chester Turner titled Black Devil Doll From Hell – that’s coming later. No, this is a review of the Lewis Brother’s Black Devil Doll. An extremely offensive, hilariously sleazy chunk of blaxploitation about a girl named Heather (Heather Murphy) and her ventriloquist puppet. A doll that happens to be possessed by Mubia Abul-Jama, a Black Power Revolutionary Party leader who was recently executed for murdering 15 Caucasian women. Heather’ s troubles began when she started screwing around with her Ouija board, unwittingly allowing Mubia to escape Hell and inherit the body of the puppet – transforming it into a black devil doll sporting a beret and afro. Heather falls in love with Mubia but ultimately is unable to satisfy his insatiable desire for white ass. So she agrees to invite four of her friends over under the guise of hanging out; the ultimate goal being a way for Mubia to seduce the women and have sex with them. But Heather is in for a big surprise when she learns Mubia’s ways of seduction are not quite…normal. In fact, they are downright depraved. Black Devil Doll is a film chock full of rape, crude humor, shit, puppet cumshots, golden showers, tossed salads, necrophilia, homosexual necrophilia, puppet sex as well as cold-blooded murder. In other words, everything you could want in a film, or for some of you, everything you want to avoid. [Read more...]

Me and the kid got to thinking about what we could do this year to celebrate HalloweenHalloween reviews aside from the sacrificing, and decided on just having a horror movie marathon. The films would all be horror and would all be movies he has not yet seen. So before any of you start yelling “What about this movie or that movie?” it’s probably not on the list because he is my kid – and he has already seen it. The catch? Can we watch them all without moving from the couch. Read on to see the list of films we have chosen, and the setup we have constructed consisting of the couch, a cooler, coffee maker, computers and a microwave. All strategically placed so that we do not have to leave the front of the television aside from bathroom breaks — which we also tried to find ways out of but ultimately decided pissing in a 2-liter\shitting in a bucket are acts we would only feel comfortable doing in front of each other if we were trapped in a car buried in a snowbank. But beyond that, I think we are set. 2o+ hours of straight horror movie bliss. Maybe. [Read more...]

I walked out of a screening of “Saw” in 2004 absolutely appalled with the movie. Not for the sadomasochistic violence the film would soon popularize, but for the cruddy production value and the laughably abysmal performances — Cary Elwes should be gifted a national holiday for his whimpering, career-smothering work, effectively neutering the repulsion of the ultraviolence. I loathed the film, yet watched with some degree of surprise as the franchise developed a defensive mainstream following; kindly folk who cheerfully hurdled generous filmmaking clichés and further acting decimation to bathe in the warm pools of blood, sucking up the suffering with a bendy straw as if the nightmare were Cherry Coke. [Read more...]

The Bush (Jr.) Administration has done away with The United States as we know it. Just elected to its 4th term (With Arnold Schwarzenegger as Vice), they have disbanded Congress, banned public nudity,and entered into wars with most of the world. Faced with a situation in which there are not enough soldiers, a re-animation virus is developed in a government laboratory. The virus breeches containment of course, and soon the entire laboratory is overrun with zombies. A team of marines is sent in to gain control; one is bitten and later dies inside a strip club named Rhino. When he awakes as a zombie he bites Kat, the star dancer, who is transformed into the walking dead – and becomes a better and more popular stripper than when she was alive. The rest of the girls come to realize that they will have to transform as well, or face the prospect of losing all their customers to Kat. [Read more...]

Katie and Micah are a couple experiencing some strange events in their home; strange noises, lights turning off and on by themselves, and soft whispering in the middle of the night. This is not an odd occurrence for Katie — this kind of thing has been happening to her since she was a child. Some kind of entity has been following her all her life, no matter where she lives. But now she is with Micah, and this stubborn day trader is not gonna just sit back and let some “thing” come into his house and start scaring the shit out of them. He decides that he is going to take care of the problem himself, but in order to do so he needs to know what he is up against. He starts by purchasing a camera to start recording the things happening around the home, his hope being that by capturing any of the phenomena on film, then they will be better equipped to solve the problem. At first Katie is reluctant, thinking that this will just make the situation worse, but she consents and even lets Micah set the camera up to record them while they sleep. The camera captures paranormal activity almost immediately and Katie’s initial fears are validated as things do get worse. Much, much worse. [Read more...]

Justine has just jumped up a few rungs on her school’s social ladder after being accepted into the leading clique that rules the halls of her school. Sure, in doing so she has had to make a couple sacrifices in the form losing two of her disappointed BFFs – but the trade off is worth it as now she gets to make fun of other people and let Alexis hide his sausage in her vagina. But all is not well within this nasty group of elitist, bullying pricks. Seems as if the one person who was the main target of their antics committed suicide recently. He was a large, passive and seemingly retarded Darren Mullet who was picked on relentlessly by Justine’s new group of friends. The bullying came in all forms. Physical attacks and humiliation as well as mental abuse and harassment via constant text messages and a public website that showed off their often filmed exploits. Darren decided this shit sucks and chose to stop his tormentors by removing himself from the equation at the end of a noose. But surprise, surprise, the gods have granted Darren life-after-death and he wastes no time using his zombie-like status to exact some revenge on his school chums. [Read more...]

Ed Jr and his college friends are hanging around the local watering hole lamenting the fact that they have absolutely nothing planned for fall break. But that changes when Ed’sed reviews father calls and informs his son that he needs him to go to their beach condo and close it up for the winter. Ed finds the request strange seeing as him and his father have not been on good terms ever since Ed actually killed his mother while cleaning some guns for his dad’s birthday. Nevertheless, Ed agrees and decides to take his friends along and make a vacation out of it. But what should have been a relaxing, drunken break from academics will turn into something much more terrifying. Turns out Ed’s father has grown quite insane since the death of his wife, and he now he wants revenge. The request to prep the condo was merely a trap and Ed and his friends have walked right into it. Read on for more info on The Mutilator than anyone could possibly ever need. But it has interviews and a theme song you can download! [Read more...]

Grief, death, and rusty scissors collide in Lars von Trier’s AntichristAntichrist reviews. A metaphysical sojourn with cinema’s loudest spoilsport, the picture stuns and sickens, almost daring viewers to keep watching as it articulates the ravages of the unwound mind, filling the frame with demented acts of unspeakable violence and deeply considered thematic stimulation. For fans of Trier, Antichrist is a return to his once irresistible provocative appetites, shamelessly exploiting suffering and misogyny to generate the outrage that fuels his daydreams (and bank accounts). It’s a pitch-black torrential downpour of pain, and should only be approached by those willing to allow Trier 100 precious minutes to play his madcap mind games. [Read more...]

Here’s one for some of you daring fans of the darker stuff. A detective (Panos Thanassoulis) working to solve the murder of a woman named LauraLaura reviews finds out that the she was not dead at all, that the dead body that had been found in her apartment was actually someone else. Once the detective tracks Laura down, he falls in love with her, only to have her leave him and disappear once again. The heartbroken detective’s life spirals out of control as he becomes obsessed with finding Laura a second time. He is fired from his job, succumbs to alcoholism and is pretty close to losing his sanity when he is finally able to track  Laura to her last known location – a remote villa inhabited by a woman (Michele Valley) and her daughter (Meredyth Herold). Fortunately for the detective, they know exactly what happened to his long, lost love. Unfortunately for the now captive detective, they are both extremely deranged and batshit insane. [Read more...]

In the abysmal, black, soulless heart of cinematic tinkering lies a beast so unscrupulously dumb that it makes the higher brain functions of a California peach seem like sonnets from the world’s finest poet. Well, maybe that’s taking it a bit too far. Syngenor isn’t that terrible of a film. Its stupidity is actually kind of endearing in some ways and brutally unforgiving in others. If you’re in the mood for a complete reality zone out session lasting roughly a couple of hours, then this is your bacon wrapped enchilada. There is something about a film that has no qualms dancing in the sewer of bad taste, really kicking up the brown stuff and never looking back to see who gets sprayed that gets to me every time. It’s got lunatics, corporate yuppy greed, drug abuse, and synthetic monster soldiers whose weakness includes….well….everything. Even water burns them. That’s right, water. That’s something I never thought I’d see since hanging out with the Neon Maniacs. Bravo Syngenor! You’re my new best, worse friend. [Read more...]

The CollectorThe Collector reviews is a serial killer with a rather interesting hobby. Taking notes from ManhunterManhunter reviews’s Tooth Fairy and a bit of Pulp Fiction’sPulp Fiction reviews GimpGIMP, he imprisons families in their homes, aided with a series of meticulous booby traps. Once the family has been secured he begins to torture them to death, keeping only one of them for reasons only known to him. But unfortunately for The Collector, the family he is currently visiting has received another uninvited, late night guest. He is a burglar equipped with a conscious. He has broken into the home in hopes of a big score but instead finds himself trapped inside and embroiled in a life-or-death game of cat and mouse with a masked murderer, as he tries to escape the home and save the family in the process. [Read more...]

A family is on the mends after suffering the mental anguish of a stillborn baby. After coming through the event a bit battle scarred, Kate and John Coleman decide that it is time for them to devote the love they were to give the daughter that died in the womb, to another little girl who they feel deserves it. After shopping around the local orphanage, they settle on a strange little girl named Esther. Polite, articulate, and extremely mature for her age – Esther is different from her peers and the couple feel she would fit in perfect with them and their two kids. But quicker than you can say The Good Son, Esther’s true colors begin to show as she begins acting out a devious plan, a plan that begins with the dismantling of her new family. [Read more...]

Joey Rosso (Don Michael Paul) and his father Big Joe (Lawrence Dane) own an independent trucking operation that is occasionally contracted by sleazy bar owner Tiny Doyle (Ned Beatty). This business relationship hits a snag when Tiny’s drunken sons are accused of causing the traffic accident that takes the lives of Joey’s mother and two younger sisters. Having no real proof that the accident was anything more than just that, the judge is forced to let them all go with a small fine. This begins a bit of tit-for-tat as Joey and his father try to get some justice for their lost loved ones. But the level of violence escalates to the point that Joey finds his father in the hospital and his girlfriend raped. This pushes him over the edge, and we witness Joey – during a musical montage no less – using spare parts from a junkyard to build the 8-ton monstrosity he will use to right some wrongs. [Read more...]

Deadbeat At Dawn is essentially West Side StoryWest Side Story reviews shooting heroin between it’s toes; a film so chock full of raging testosterone that it should come with a warning sticker cautioning people that repeated viewing may cause male pattern balding in men and women alike. It’s a dirty, hateful, nihilistic romp where every character is misogynist, sadist, psychotic, a burnout, or some bitter flavor in between. And everything about this film is a mean spirited punch to the balls; the cinematic equivalent of a 3,000 megaton middle finger to the world. Needless to say I loved every filthy, gut wrenching minute of it! [Read more...]