AUSTIN, TX – Police say they arrested a man who broke into and vandalized a Department of Public Safety’s driver license office , including committing a bit of fecal-graffiti.
Kenneth Vanlue, 40, was arrested and charged with criminal mischief and burglary of a building after approaching troopers investigating a break-in at the office on North Lamar Boulevard, an affidavit said.
According to police, about 7:30 a.m. Wednesday, troopers responded to a reported burglary at the office, where they discovered the front door glass smashed. The windows had been broken with a brake drum, the affidavit said.
When troopers entered the building, they found several items destroyed, extensive damage to the office’s computers and equipment, and the word “surcharge” written in feces on the lobby wall. Yep, sounds like someone with a gripe to me. Or IBS.
The officers also found two severely damaged department vehicles, both with body damage caused by a sharp tool. Trash cans had been used to smash the vehicles’ windows as well as bust up the hoods and trunks, according to the affidavit.…Continue Reading
PALM BAY, FL – Police say a homeless woman was arrested and has been charged with burglary and criminal mischief after she was found in a Palm Bay homeowner’s pool, using it to take a bath.
According to a police report, officers were called to a home on the 1300 block of Knecht Road after the homeowner said he saw a strange woman enter his back yard. The man said he used his surveillance system to see what the woman was doing when she walked behind his house and promptly dropped a deuce on his lawn.
The sea-nymph, later identified as 35-year-old Cheryl Beauchamp, wasn’t finished. Unable to enter the pool area, she used a rock to cut the screen to gain access, stripped naked, and sans Calgon, hopped in for a little rub-a-dub-dub. No word in the report whether or not she wiped, first.
When police confronted Beauchamp, she told them she wanted to take a bath, and broke the screen because the door was locked. She also told them that she was on her way to Washington, D.C., where she was headed so she could yell at President Obama.…Continue Reading
Police were called to the home of 47-year-old William Lewallen by a neighbor who had found a 4-year-old boy naked and locked outside in 40 degree weather. Inside the residence, the officers also discovered a 16-month-old girl covered in feces and locked inside a dog crate. A third naked child was found in bed with their passed out father.
Mr. Lewallen’s neighbors told investigators they heard a child crying Sunday night and went to investigate. The two men walked through a wooded area behind Lewallen’s home and discovered someone had thrown out a perfectly good white boy. According to the neighbor, they saw a naked 4-year-old boy in Lewallen’s backyard crying, “Daddy, let me in! I’m cold!”
The men gave the boy a jacket and knocked on Lewallen’s door but, when no one answered, one of the men took the boy home and called police. ”When officers arrived, they spoke with the neighbor and investigated further,” said Officer Leland Ashley of Tulsa PD. “As they approached the house, they could hear screaming and crying coming from inside.”
When officers looked through a small window, they saw a naked toddler locked inside a metal dog crate. With nobody answering the door, they broke into the home and were “immediately hit with the overwhelming stench of feces,” according to Officer Ashley. Police removed the 16-month-old girl from her cage and discovered she was partly responsible for the smell,as she was covered in her own filth.…Continue Reading
GWINNETT COUNTY, GA – And the bath salt train just keeps on rollin’ along. This time a Georgia man was arrested after snorting bath salts, eating shit, and then trying to fight a cop.
It all started last Tuesday when 21-year-old Matthew Hammond’s mother called 911 to report her son was acting like a nut. She said he was “walking around out of his mind, armed with a knife…talking about he’s going to hurt somebody.”
When an officer pulled up to the home, he was greeted by a highly agitated Hammond charging towards his car with something silver in his hand. The officer pulled away and Hammond gave chase, banging on the windows and trying to open the car door.
The officer got out of his car with his gun drawn and ordered Hammond to drop whatever he was holding in his hand and to get on the ground. Hammond initially refused, challenging the officer to fight, but eventually got on the ground.
The item in his hand was not a knife, but rather a cell phone.…Continue Reading
Julie Walker, 48, was found guilty was convicted in her absence of causing unnecessary suffering to the 12-year-old akita. RSPCA Inspector Caroline Doe said Ruby was in a worse condition than, “any of the other thousands of cases she had dealt with.” Ruby needed to be euthanized due to her condition.
After finding her guilty of all charges, magistrates issued a warrant for Walker’s arrest. Walker reportedly presented herself at the Medway police station on Wednesday and was taken into custody.
Clearly a master of legal maneuvering, Walker – during the sentencing hearing – claimed that she knew nothing about her trial and asked for the case to be reopened. In rebuttal, the court clerk presented a fax that Walker had sent to the court acknowledging the case and asking that it be dismissed. D’oh.…Continue Reading
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A man has been accused of stabbing his neighbor to death after an argument over dog shit, making this the second story this year involving disputes over dog defecation.
Police say that sometime around 10 a.m. Sunday, 37-year-old Robert Wright took his dog out for a walk. Witnesses say he got into an argument with his next-door neighbor, 56-year-old Ellsworth Colbert, after Wright’s dog crapped in his yard.
I cannot find any articles stating anyone witnessed Colbert stabbing Wright, but Wright was found minutes later suffering from stab wounds. He was rushed to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.
An hour later, Colbert was arrested and later charged with second degree murder while armed.
Colbert was a volunteer worker for the D.C. City Council campaign of Kevin B. Chavous, an insignificant point being brought up by most news articles leading to Chavous releasing the following statement:
“The first thing I want to say is that my deepest condolences go out to Mr. Wright’s family. This is an awful tragedy. We’ve lost too many of our men in Ward 7 to random and mindless acts of violence.…Continue Reading
Philadelphia, PA - Mayra Flores, 19, Ana Mireles, 18, and Sandra Ortiz, 18, have pleaded guilty to charges related their presenting a birthday cake to a classmate that was frosted with human feces. The classmate and her family – who got sick from eating the cake – were not happy.
According to court records, the three girls and a fourth unidentified juvenile girl – students at Avon Grove High School – gave a cake to a classmate on March 23, her birthday. The girl reported that Ortiz, Flores and Mireles and the fourth girl ‘repeatedly’ tried to get her to eat a piece of it in front of them and that she finally did eat a small piece.
Court documents say that the birthday girl then brought the cake home with her where she, her mother, and three siblings each ate some of it. Because of the taste, the family decided to throw the cake in the garbage. As the cake began to smell even worse, the girl decided to take it out of the trash, wrap it up, and bring it to school with her the following day where she showed the cake to a teacher.…Continue Reading
Police allege that caregiver Julie Patane squeezed a soiled diaper out and dribbled the contents on the child’s mouth, forcing him to eat it. She is also alleged to have placed an actual turd on the kid’s lips and demanded that he swallow it down. Another child in the home reportedly witnessed the child being forced to snack on his own crap.
Oneida Police Chief David Meeker said, “I think she just lost her cool or something trying to potty train the child and unfortunately didn’t know how to handle it.”
Though very few details are available, the child was apparently sportin’ numerous bruises, leading police to believe that Patane may have been responsible.
“It was the number of bruises and where they were located that made it kind of odd,” Chief Meeker said.
Where was this child’s mother, you ask? From what I gather, she has been allowing Patane to care for the child for more than a year now.…Continue Reading
Phoenix, AZ – I hate to start the morning with these kind of stories because they are infuriating. As some of you may remember, last week I posted the tragic story of a girl who reportedly died while playing hide-and-seek.
The reports at the time were that 10-year-old Ame Deal was playing the game with other kids late at night, when she climbed into a box in the backyard. She was not discovered untl the next morning, dead from possible positional asphyxiation or suffocation.
In the article I asked a couple questions that had me feeling something wasn’t quite right with the story. Why were these kids were out playing hide and seek unsupervised late at night and why didn’t kids notify adults immediately when they could not find the missing girl. Now we know why. It was all a lie.
The girl was padlocked inside the box overnight as punishment for taking a popsicle. Now, 23-year-old Samantha Allen and her 23-year-old husband John Allen, face first degree murder charges for putting Ame in the box. Ame’s grandmother, 62-year-old Judith Deal and her aunt Cynthia Stoltzmann, 44, face charges of child abuse and kidnapping.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO — It’s my day off and I promised not to write anything today and enjoy some time away from the computer. But after reading Jaded’s testicle torture story, I figured I would wash some of that imagery out of my head with an update on a story less heinous, but as equally disgusting. Plus, it includes a hilarious artist’s rendering of the crime to go with it.
The other day I posted a story about a man who was caught hiding in the tank of a portable toilet at the Hanuman Yoga Festival. The unidentified man was able to get away, probably because he was covered in feces, but tips from witnesses lead police straight to 30-year-old Luke Irvin Chrisco, aka Skye Oryan (Facebook).
He had gotten himself in trouble earlier in the day while panhandling at a gas station, and he matched the description of the man in the portable toilet. Chrisco is now being held for investigation of unlawful sexual contact and criminal invasion of privacy and will remain in jail until he is able to post his bonds, which total around $2500.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO — If you are the the feces-covered man who got busted hiding in the tank of a portable toilet at the Hanuman Yoga festival, police would like to have a word with you.
A woman using the toilet at the festival got a surprise when she lifted the lid and noticed something moving around in the tank. She quickly exited and asked a man nearby to investigate. He did, and reported seeing a man in the tank covered with a tarp.
Security was summoned and they waited outside the toilet for a few minutes before He Who Walks Amongst The Turds finally exited. He was described as a very tall man in his 20s, barefoot, shirtless and covered in shit. They tried to detain him, but he was able to get away.
One witness told police he believed the man was a transient who goes by the name of “Sky”
Boulder police are not sure exactly what the man was doing down there, but he will be charged with criminal attempt to make unlawful sexual contact once they find him. Anyone with information can call Detective Jeremy Frenzen at 303-441-1890 or Northern Colorado Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 or 1-800-444-3776.…Continue Reading
Bandera, TX – A 5-day-old baby was removed from a Texas home last week after authorities discovered the condition of the home. The investigation of the home was prompted by a Bandera EMS call for a sick woman on April 27. Upon arriving and seeing the conditions of the home, Bandera EMS called the police.
In his report, Bandera Police Lt. Neil McLean described the kitchen as “unusable…any countertop space was covered with trash and maggots… empty whiskey bottles laying around as well as dog feces laying throughout the residence.” Mclean reported that the bathroom had “standing feces in the toilet and approximately five to seven inches of feces in the bath tub [pictured]. The bathroom floor was covered in feces.”
Invesigators reported that the baby was left alone in a baby carrier on a bed in the master bedroom while the parents sat on a couch in their front yard. The report described that the 5-day-old appeared unbathed.
“You could tell by the umbilical cord that the baby was not bathed,” Police Chief James Eigner said.…Continue Reading
LIBERTY, Missouri - Another day on D’D, another day of parents imprisoning their kids in rooms covered in human feces.
Officers were called to the apartment of Paul and Bethany Jenkins on Tuesday after receiving reports of a man threatening his children with a knife. When they got there they found Paul Jenkins standing at the door. They handcuffed him and placed him in a patrol car.
Once inside the home, they noticed a door with a black coaxial cable knotted around the doorknob. If you guessed they found a shit covered room with young children inside, you’d be correct. The four children were ages 8, 7, 3 and 2 and the room had feces smeared on the walls and carpet. There were also two beds with no sheets or blankets.
The children told police they were often shut in the room for long periods of time. Another child, almost a year old, was found in another bedroom that was also covered in feces. His clothes were soaked with urine and the smell was so bad it made the officers’ eyes water.…Continue Reading
BRISTOL, Pa. — We’ve covered a of of stories involving child neglect that involved feces, but this story may just take the prize for the amount smeared. I wouldn’t bet money on that, but I bet it’s close.
Police have arrested 21-year-old Chelsea Champey after her three children, ages 4, 2 and 1, were discovered alone inside a feces covered home.
On Monday, police responded to the home for an unrelated complaint and discovered what prosecutors are calling what prosecutors are calling one of the worst cases of neglect they’ve seen. “This is about as offensive as a child neglect and endangerment case gets,” said deputy district attorney Blake Jackman. “This was pure neglect.”
After the 4-year-old let police inside the home, they saw an open bottle of liquor on the table, and a marijuana cigarette in an ashtray. Under the table was a turd. But not one from a pet. This one was a human-sized dirt snake. This was just a primer to what the police were about to find in the rest of the house.…Continue Reading
An unidentified special education teacher at Webster Elementary School was suspended earlier this week after allegations surfaced that he ordered the third and fourth graders in his class to remove their underwear in the hopes of solving a mystery of the “fecal” variety.
From what I understand, one of the man’s seven students either took a dump or left skid marks on the floor of the classroom late last month. In order to identify the alleged dookie dropper, the teacher had each student remove their underwear in a private bathroom stall while he waited outside. The children were then directed to redress themselves and exit the stall…skivvies in hand. Teach then inspected each and every pair. What, exactly, he was looking for is unclear, but dingleberries come to mind.
The teacher apparently said that he was trying to find out who had shat their pants so the guilty party could be sent to the school nurse.…Continue Reading
Staten Island, NY — Rasheen “Illuminati” Harrison is facing numerous charges after police say he covered his ex-girlfriend’s door with his own feces and set fire to the nasty mess. ‘Cause nothing says “fuck you” quite like a little fecal flambé, right?
Authorities claim the jilted poo-flinger entered the ex’s apartment building early Sunday morning and took the elevator to her sixth-floor apartment. On the ride up, Harrison reportedly got nekkid and proceeded to take a dump.
When the elevator dropped him at the desired floor, police say he grabbed a handful of shit and smeared it all over the woman’s door. He then deposited his clothing on the floor in front of the door and set fire to both the clothing and the poo while screaming, “I’m going to set your house on fire and this whole building down with you in it!”
Police say the woman and her two young children were inside the apartment at the time and couldn’t escape because the door and the doorknob were hot to the touch.…Continue Reading
Durango, CO — Paul Andrew Kausalik, 61, was arrested earlier this month on suspicion of drunk driving. That’s not what earned him a spot here at the Dreamin’ Demon, though…he earned his 15 minutes of shame by allegedly spitting his own feces on the face of the arresting officer.
The alleged shit-spitter was pulled over on February 11, after Officer Chad Langley observed him taking a right without using his turn signal. After making contact with Kausalik, the officer detected the aroma of alcohol on his breath. Though Kausalik denied being under the influence, he reportedly blew a .142, almost three times the .05 legal driving limit in the state of Colorado. Kausalik was placed under arrest and transported to the cop shop for a formal breath test.
Upon arrival at the station, Kausalik asked to use the facilities. Officer Langley reported that he was forced to enter the shitter to wake the man twice, telling Kausalik that he couldn’t stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test – he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.…Continue Reading
NEWARK, Del. - According to 7-year-old Zach Montero, a 14-year-old neighborhood boy threatened to damage his bicycle if he did not enter a nearby portable toilet. The boy did as he was instructed and once inside, the 14-year-old allegedly tipped over the toilet so that it landed on its door trapping Zach inside while wasted poured over him. Zach’s friends helped lift the toilet up so that he could get out, and the teen reportedly walked away laughing. Zach’s father was not amused when is son came home covered in human waste and sporting a knee injury so he called police on the teenager. “He’s just a boy in the neighborhood that’s constantly bullying other kids. Kids are afraid to say anything to anybody about it because of his older brother,” said Zach’s father, Dave. Zach’s older brother echoed his father stating that the 14-year-old is known to bully younger kids in the area, even hitting them in the groin for kicks. The older brother countered saying that his brother is not the bully he is being made out to be and in fact, he says that no one made Zach get into the toilet as he and his friends were already inside it.…Continue Reading
FALL RIVER, Mass. – A disturbing case of elderly neglect out of Massachusetts where a man has been arrested and charged with elderly abuse after his 91-year-old mother died from neglect. Police say that paramedics were dispatched to the home of Olivia Cruz after her son, 56-year-old Filip Cruz, called them to take her to the hospital. Inside the home they found Olivia had been marinating in her own urine and feces for weeks, and was suffering from extreme bedsores, rotting flesh, and an infection that had spread through her bloodstream. “As soon as we picked her up, the lady was screaming,” said neighbor Maria Sousa, who helped get the woman into the ambulance. “She smelled, her face was all covered with food, like it’s never been washed.” Neighbors said they had not seen the woman in over a year. Filip, who was her primary caregiver, was charged with permitting injury to an elderly or disabled person, and permitting serious injury to an elderly or disabled person. A court doctor found Filip to have a delusional disorder and was arrested earlier this year after leaving over 100 threatening messages at a church.…Continue Reading
NAPERVILLE, Ill – A woman was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after being accused of taking dog shit and smearing all over her neighbor’s door and patio. Upset after walking out of her apartment and stepping into a fresh turd left by her neighbor’s dog, 43-year-old Susan M. Miller took the crap and threw it onto the dog owner’s patio door. She then uprooted a sign that reminds pet owners to clean after their animals and put that on the patio as well, along with bags used to dispose of dog turds. When police arrived at the apartment complex, they found Miller running around the grounds chasing after her roommates cat. After the cat situation was resolved, police arrested her on a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct. She isn’t sorry for what she did, explaining that if she can pick up after her 80-pound dog (which probably feels no different than a human pinching a loaf in your open hand) then that pet owner can pick up after their 20-pound dog.…Continue Reading