Jose Cuervo Is Her Co-Pilot

DADE CITY, Florida – Police pulled over a vehicle for not for not having a passenger side headlight. The driver was a very drunk Genoveva Amacenda-Velona, 30. Also in the car with her were two children ages 7 and 9. But that wasn’t it. Beside her was a half-empty bottle of Jose Cuervo and sliced limes on the console. Amacenda-Velona spoke no English, but did relay that she had only drank a few beers at a friends house. Her 0.233 blood-alcohol level told a much different story. She was charged with aggravated child neglect, DUI, not having a valid driver’s license and not having a motor vehicle registration and was being at the Land O’Lakes jail without bail. I see some people calling this setup a rolling bar just because she had some sliced limes? Shit, wait ’til they get a glimpse of the Mojito setup Jaded has in her car. Hell, she has fresh mint growing on the dashboard. Wanna know what my “rolling bar” consisted of? A couple bottles of Night TrainNight Train reviews. Don’t hate. [Read more...]

Mary Strey Am Them

Clark County, Wisconsin — Mary Strey, 49, started drinking earlier in the day and after visiting different bars around Neilsville, she had consumed seven or eight brandy and Cokes. But this didn’t stop her from getting behind the wheel of her car and attempt to drive home. But she didn’t make it there as police caught up with her after someone called 911 to report her. They found her parked on the side of the road and officers reported that her speech was slurred,, she stumbled, was swaying back and forth and could not perform the tests. Her blood alcohol level was 0.17. The odd thing about this story is the 911 caller who turned her in. It happened to be Mary Strey herself. After the jump, you can listen to the 911 call in which Strey called to report herself. Which is kinda classic as it includes this exchange:

Dispatch: You behind them?
Mary Strey: No, I am them.
Dispatch: You am them?
Mary Strey: Yes, I am them.
Dispatch: Okay, so you want to call and report you’re driving drunk?
Mary Strey: Yes.

Continue on to listen to the full 911 call.

[Read more...]

Man Who Accidentally Killed Twin Brother Killed Himself

BETHLEHEM, Pa – Twin brothers Timothy and Thomas Willgruber, both aged 56, had a history of alcohol abuse and drunk driving. But not any longer. Last month the brothers were attending Celtic Fest, and Thomas was trying to help his drunk brother parallel park a minivan. For some drunken reason, Timothy lost control of the vehicle and ended up crushing Thomas’ leg in between the van and a parked SUV. Thomas died 8-hours later. Timothy failed the sobriety test at the scene and it was later revealed he had a blood-alcohol level of .20. Even though Bethlehem police Capt. David Kravatz says Timothy Willgruber was “devastated” after the accident and family members say the brothers were best friends, homicide charges were expected – but now that wont be necessary. Timothy hung himself on Tuesday. [Read more...]

Sister Lauren Hanley Is A Naughty Nun

Wantagh, NY – Sister Lauren Hanley, the spiritual development director at St. Frances de Chantal Church, is just brimming with spirit – of the holy kind and of the distilled kind. The naughty nun is facing charges after she allegedly tied one on at church Tuesday evening, polishing off a half-pint of gin, before careening around town in a church owned Toyota. WitnessesWitnesses reviews report they saw Hanley side-swiping vehicles, zig-zaggin’ around on people’s lawns, and putting the fear of Jaysus into a couple of young neighborhood hellions. The little rascals were playing outside of a home when the flying nun flew past them in her speedy little race car. “She skidded out on the grass, then she came back down at like 55, 60 miles per hour down the street,” said 11-year-old Alex Stein after a near-death experience with the booze-hound. “It was very frightening at first, then you realize you can’t trust anybody.” The fun and games were over when Hanley slammed the car into a tree. Sister Hanley, who blew a 0.18, admitted to officers that she had started tipping the bottle at about 3:00 that afternoon. Officers discovered a plastic water bottle in the back seat of the Toyota that contained a small amount of alcohol. Hanley, 68, was arrested, charged with misdemeanor drunken driving, and released on her own recognizance that same evening. Alex Stein describes the chaos, on video, after the jump. [Read more...]

Kimberly Graham Got What She Deserved

TULSA, OK - On Nov 12th, 2007 a woman had a motorcycle accident outside of Backyard Bar. Four people who witnessed the crash ran out to assist her. It is at that point that a drunken Kimberly Graham plowed into the group in her Dodge Ram Pickup, killing ever single one of them. She then did the noble thing and fled the scene leaving them strewn down Memorial Drive to die. She was later arrested after turning herself in and charged with five counts of first-degree manslaughter. On March 12th of this year, jurors convicted Kimberly Graham on all five counts plus one count of leaving the scene of an accident. YesterdayYesterday reviews, Judge Thornbrugh sentenced her to 107 years in prison. 20 years for each victim and 7 years for leaving the scene. [Read more...]

Michael Dauwalder Wanted Checkered Flag, Got Striped Suit

Great Falls, MT – Being from the Midwest means I’ve had to build a tolerance to the many jokes regarding the stereotypical redneck. Well, not so much a tolerance to the jokes but rather: the stereotypical redneck! Here, the mullet haircut is still the most requested $10 style in the “salons”. Busch and Bud are the beers of choice because, by God, this is Anheuser-Busch country. And what the hell is the favorite past time, you ask? NASCARNascar 09 reviews. (Nothing goes better with Busch products. Think I’m full of shit? HeadHead reviews to their website. “Site contains fishing, hunting, and NASCAR information”) [Read more...]

Edward Schaefer: Drunk, Murderer, Insensitive Prick

Novato, CA – I don’t even know where to start with this dipshit.  I don’t think I have seen this much stupidity and blatant disregard for all that is resonable in well…ever.  Edward Schaefer, 43, driving his Harley drunk,  with 6 DUI convictions under his belt already, ran down and killed 9 year old Melodie Osheroff as she was crossing a crosswalk with her father.  Oh, but no folks, the douchebaggery does not end there.  Schaefer is an assclown to the extreme.  When answering to the charges in court, Schaefer flipped off the prosecution and cameras.  What a tool.

[Read more...]

The Daily Bite

Another day, another bunch of stories we just couldn’t get to. Here are a few interesting ones that would have made the front page if we had enough time to get to them. [Read more...]

John Kelley Totally Ruined The Wedding

Columbus County, North Carolina–Angela Bonahm was at the church, waiting for her husband-to-be, Brandon Tedder; the two were to be married in less than an hour. Bonham began to worry as the hour passed and the groom was nowhere to be found. A friend finally delivered the news–there would be no wedding that day–Brandon Tedder was killed by a drunk driver on the way to the church.

[Read more...]

Elsa Veisor is HAWT…but Stupid.

Farmington, Connecticut – I’m not gonna lie.  When I read this story, I thought this bitch was gonna be blond and a foreigner.  Yeah, I stereotype.  It saves time.  But, no.  Elsa Veisor is a brunette, and one of the dumber ones.  She was pulled over, given a field sobriety test in a parking lot, failed and was arrested.  She was charged with operation under the influence at 1:05 PM on a SaturdaySaturday reviews afternoon.  A friend picked her car up from the parking lot and then picked Elsa up from the police department.

[Read more...]

Sara Ann Fazio Likes To Strip

Des Moines, Iowa- The woman pictured above is 27-year old Sara Ann Fazio. She is a stripper by trade. I guess that explains why she had trouble keeping her clothes on after her recent drunk driving arrest. After viewing her picture at the end of this article, some of you may be wishing she kept her clothes on. Consider yourself warned.

[Read more...]

Driver Who Killed Maurice Jones Is Sorry

League City, Texas - The man pictured above is Maurice Jones, 34. He was walking along Dickinson Avenue after finishing his shift at McDonalds. Someone driving on the other side of the street lost control of their car and struck Maurice, killing him instantly. But even though the driver has yet to be found, it is all good, as the driver left a note by Maurice’s body apologizing for killing him.

[Read more...]

Laura Lasorsa Took A Little Nap

Salem, NH - Laura Lasorsa, 38, was on her way to pick up her husband from work on Monday evening when she took a little nap.  Lasorsa was driving along with her two children in the back seat when she suddenly pulled into a parking lot near a Salem school.  With the car still in drive and her foot on the brake pedal, Lasorsa apparently decided to catch a little shut-eye.  After awhile, the kids couldn’t get Lasorsa to wake up. She was so drunk she’d passed out behind the wheel.  [Read more...]

Melissa Nichols Changed Lanes

http://www.myspace.com/melissa0095

Placerville, CA  – At first, it just looked like a terrible accident.  On Thursday night, Melissa Nicole Nichols, 23, hit her boyfriend’s motorcycle in a bizarre collision.   Anthony James Payne was driving towards Nichols’ car when she veered into his lane and struck him head-on.  Payne, 23, was thrown about 200 feet and died at the scene.   Nichols was kinda drunk, and it appeared that she’d just drifted into his lane.  All the way into his lane.   You see where this one’s going already, don’t you? [Read more...]