Bungling Burglar Calls 911 After Locking Self Inside Dollar Tree
February 1, 2013 at 12:53 pm by Jaded
North Bend, OR — According to North Bend Police, a 45-year-old woman (45? Really?) called 911 to report she was locked inside a Dollar Tree store.
The call came in just after 3:00 Tuesday morning, police say.
When officers arrived at the store located in the Pony Village Mall, they say they found Darlene Huntley, yes… 45, locked inside.
No word on how she entered the store or why she didn’t just break a damn window to get out.
After a thorough investigation, Huntley was arrested and charged with second degree burglary and second degree criminal trespass, among other charges.
Huntley was transported to the Coos County Jail. No information on the bond/bail amount.
Even worse, they brought the ban hammer down. Hard. Huntley has been banned from the Pony Village Mall for LIFE! *insert echo here*
This, of course, brings to mind another Dollar Tree story we covered.
Back in 2011, we featured Shane Chavis – a man accused of holing up in the bathroom of an Arizona Dollar Tree.…
Continue ReadingCouple Accused Of Stealing Evidence From Scene Of Murder-Suicide
January 10, 2012 at 5:31 am by Jaded
Grand County, CO — A couple appeared in court Monday afternoon to answer to charges of evidence tampering, criminal trespass and abuse of a corpse after being accused of stealing items from a murder-suicide scene last month.
When Jerod Reeves and Kimberly McCaffrey stumbled across the frozen bodies of a man and his young son in the Colorado wilderness in December of last year, they did what any good citizen would do – they called authorities and informed them of the discovery. Ha! Just kidding! They robbed ‘em and disappeared into the sunset, not even bothering to make one simple friggin’ phone call.
According to investigators, the pair had come across the bodies of 62-year-old William Ahrold and his 9-year-old-son Jackson in Grand County on December 17. (The father and son had last been seen on December 7, and were reported missing on December 13). Authorities found Ahrold’s van over the weekend and quickly came to the conclusion that Ahrold had killed his son before taking his own life. They soon realized that there was a rather important piece of evidence missing – the weapon.…
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Indianapolis, IN — A man caught fappin’ in the ladies’ room at an Indianapolis WalMart reportedly told store security he “had a sex problem” and went into the bathroom “to look at the women” while masturbating.
20-year-old Brandon Jelks was busted after a woman visiting the facility told a store employee she believed there was a man in one of the stalls. The employee then peered under one of the stall doors and spotted a pair of blue patterned boxers around the ankles of what appeared to be a man’s shoes. In addition, the woman reported hearing some moaning noises and the sound of someone masturbating. She asked another associate to confirm that the sounds were, indeed, fappish in nature. The second associate confirmed the first associate’s suspicions and alerted store security.
Enter store security…an off-duty police officer. She, too, heard the moanin’ and fappin’ and noticed the boxer laden ankles behind the stall door. She peeked through a crack in the door and could see a male sitting on the toilet, but couldn’t tell exactly what said male was up to in there.…
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Bridgeport, CT — What time is it when trash from a school bus window lands on your car? It’s time to kick some student butt! At least, that is what police allege 29-year-old Daisha Womack decided.
The fact that Womack was driving behind a We Transport school bus and that some students were throwing things from the bus windows onto Womack’s car is not disputed, says Tim Quinn, Bridgeport Police Department public safety information officer.
Womack also readily admits that, at one of the bus’ scheduled stops, she got out of her car and entered the bus. When she reached the rear of the bus, the police report states that she found one of the girls who was tossing the trash ducking under a seat.
This is where it starts to get fuzzy…
Womack claims that, at this point, she started to yell at the girl under the seat. She says that she was then hit from behind by another girl and jumped by several students.
According to Quinn, officers interviewed the bus driver and several of the students.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Woman Threatens To Blow Up High School, Defecates At Front Door
April 7, 2011 at 3:07 am by kniption
Cincinnati, OH — Pamela Jones, 33, has been charged with inducing panic and criminal trespass. Police say she threatened to blow up Taft IT High School before relieving herself at the front door.
The arrest report described Jones showing up at Taft on Tuesday, demanding to be let into the building. She was asked several times to leave. She did not leave but, instead, remained in front of the school telling students she was going to blow it up. Before she left, police say she pulled down her pants and defecated at the front door.
She currently being held at the Hamilton County Justice Center. A bond amount has not yet been made available.
Taft IT High School school students just moved in to the brand new $19 million facility on Tuesday after three years of construction. The 600-student building now has wireless Internet access throughout and nine computer labs, according to a prepared school district press release. Sadly for security personnel, it is rumored to be also equipped with high resolution video cameras at all entrances.…
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Portland, OR – Ahhh, nothing like a hot cup of coffee and an inept criminal to start my day off with a smile. And as luck would have it, I have both.
At about 7:00 Sunday evening, a person who claimed to have broken into a house called 911 dispatchers and said he needed assistance – seems the homeowner had unexpectedly returned and he was concerned the man might have a gun.
At about the same time, dispatchers received a call from said homeowner. He told police that he arrived home to find a strange man soapin’ up in his shower. The homeowner, accompanied by his two German shepherds, asked the stranger what he was doing in the house. The stranger, later identified as 24-year-old Timothy Chapek, then locked the bathroom door and called 911.
Chapek was taken into custody without incident and booked into the Multnomah County Jail on charges of criminal trespass. Whether the homeowner actually had a gun is unknown.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Drunk Charged After Masturbating At Kiddy Cheerleading Competition
February 8, 2011 at 3:26 am by Jaded
Louisville, KY – Police arrested Richard Molett at the Kentucky Fair and Expo Center Sunday afternoon after witnesses reported seeing him masturbate while watching little girls participate in a cheerleading competition.
Witnesses told police that Molett was seen pleasuring himself while watching the America’s Best Championships Cheer & Dance Competition and that he “finished what he had started.” Police said the man had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and smelled strongly of alcohol. Oh, and he was reportedly sportin’ a wet spot on the left side of his pants.
Police said Molett wasn’t with anybody from the competition, couldn’t name any of the participants and his actions “caused public alarm and scared the little girls of the competition.” What’s more, he failed to pay the $10 entrance fee to the competition, the skeevy miser…
45-year-old Molett was booked on charges of public intoxication, criminal trespass, first-degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.…
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Shelton, CT - Police responded to the Flannery home late Monday evening after getting a report about a man sexually assaulting a horse. “Touching and being really inappropriate to her private parts and hurting her,” said Christine Flannery. “And she was crying in pain trying to get away and she couldn’t.” When police arrived on scene, the man, later identified as 63-year-old Marian Wegial, was still standing in the corral. He reportedly told police that as he was sitting inside his house and heard a loud noise. He looked outside and it appeared as though the horses in the corral across the street were frightened by the supposed racket. Being all neighborly and shit, Wegial wandered on over to the corral and tried to comfort and calm one of the animals. And as he was doing so, he may have “inadvertently” slipped his fingers inside the horse. A veterinarian examined all three horses in the corral and determined that only one had been molested – the fingered filly. Wegiel was booked on charges of cruelty to animals, sexual assault, fourth-degree sexual assault, third-degree criminal trespass and second-degree breach of peace.…
Continue ReadingThomas Gorman And Roark Xanthos Accused Of Torturing, Killing Snapping Turtle
June 14, 2010 at 4:15 am by Jaded
Long Island, NY – On May 22, Thomas Gorman and Roark Xanthos, both 18, found a 12-pound snapping turtle on the side of the road. The pair transported the turtle to a friend’s house and asked if he wanted it, but the friend declined. According to police, Gorman and Xanthos then waited around until said friend left the house. Once the coast was clear, the dynamic duo moseyed on out to the back yard and began constructing a fire pit with rocks. Once that little task was finished, they tossed the turtle into the pit, doused it with gasoline and lit a match. Once the turtle was nice and crispy, the sadistic twats decided to put it out of it’s misery by stabbing it through it’s shell with a metal pole. The morons then left the scene, leaving the turtle behind. The friend’s family called police after they discovered the turtle carcass in their yard. A necropsy performed on the critter also found that it was covered in melted plastic, leading Sgt.…
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Pittsburgh, PA - Frank Fontana was laying snug in his bed early Wednesday morning when he felt someone crawl in next to him. Thinking it was his girlfriend, he called out her name. Imagine his surprise when a deep male voice answered, “No, it’s not.” If that doesn’t wake your ass from a sound sleep, I don’t know what would. Frank said he jumped out of bed so hard he broke the damn floor and left the room in search of a weapon. He returned with a baseball bat and demanded to know who the strange man was. “Who are you?” he asked. “What are you doing here?” The whole time, the stranger laid there begging Frank not to take a swing. If I were Frank, I’da swung first and questioned later, but I’m not real big on patience. When the police arrived, the stranger, identified as 33-year-old Michael Kamau, told them he was cold and was just looking for a place to warm up. Police said that though he smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes, he wasn’t intoxicated to the point that he was unaware of what was going on.…
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Litchfield, CT – In Rip Torn’s mind, he arrived home after a night of moderate drinking. In reality, he broke through a bank window totally shitfaced and armed with a loaded gun! The 78-year-old actor from movies like “Men In Black” and “Dodgeball” even placed his boots and hat next to the door as he would in his own house. Police say they found him wandering around “nearly incoherent,” and when they attempted to take Torn into custody, he kept asking them why they were taking him out of his home. Police also found a .22 revolver in his pocket and booze on his breath - his blood-alcohol content was 0.203 percent, which is more than twice the legal limit for driving in Connecticut. After being charged with criminal trespass, carrying a gun without a permit, carrying a gun while intoxicated, burglary, and criminal mischief, Rip is reportedly going into a NY rehab this week.
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Easton, PA- It seems like this month I have a very long list of things to do and a few items have been on there for quite a while like…take down Xmas tree, adjust all clocks in home for DST, make a doctor appointment for my gimp knee and actually keep it, and clean out the fridge. Some would think due to my recent computer problems this past week, I would have been able to cross some of those things off that list. But, as a self-proclaimed procrastinator, it did not happen. I chose to take care of some of the more important things, like finishing season 2 of Dexter, prank call Morbid, and conquering Halo 3 on Xbox. It would be nice if someone else would come into my home to do all those other things for me, though. I am sure many of us feel that way including Grace Kraus and I completely feel her pain when she came home and found out a strange man had broken into her house and spent that time crossing things off of his own to-do list instead of hers.…
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Lincoln, NE – It’s a good thing that most pervs are stoopid. If they excelled at their ‘craft,’ they might get away with their pervy shenanigans forever and no one would be the wiser. Gregory Tyrrell? Luckily, he’s one of the stupid ones. Gregory, a level-three sex offender who has spent years behind bars for burglary and sexual assault, is accused of walking into the woman’s locker room at a couple of different health clubs on more than one occasion. Now, he didn’t just breeze right through the locker room door to get an eyeful – he was way too sneaky for that. What he did, and bear with me while I laugh my ass off, was wrap himself up in towels, from his head to his knees with just his eyes visible, and he’d saunter into the locker room like that. Well now, that wouldn’t look suspicious at all, would it? The dude is 6’2″ and 170 pounds with hairy man knees. He seriously thought no one would catch on?…
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Harrington, DE- Around 5:30 a.m. on August 12, police responded to a residence to investigate a disorderly conduct complaint. At the scene, they found a slightly intoxicated 23-year old woman named Erin Boone banging on the door of the residence. When the officers told Boone to put her hands behind her head, she turned toward one of the officers, whipped out a 4-inch butterfly knife, and told the officers that she was not going to be arrested. After a brief struggle, Boone was in custody and officers discovered 18 Xanax pills in her possession. Once Boone was placed in the patrol car, she kicked out the rear passenger window and struck an officer who tried to stop her, which caused a minor injury to his arm and hand.…
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Salem, OR – To know that one of your neighbors has secretly been pawing around in your frillies is unsettling. To know that one of your creepy neighbors has actually been wearing your frillies is nauseating. To actually witness one of your creepy neighbors standing in your garage while wearing your frillies, that is puke inducing. Please meet Randall Giesbers. Handsome lookin’ fella, ain’t he? Randall loves the ladies frillies – they make him feel all schmexy and stuff. He was more or less busted in the act Monday evening. Not only busted breaking into someone’s home, but he was also found to be wearing the victims girly underthings. Gross. That, however, was just the tip of the skeevy iceberg. …
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Bronx, NY – Cheyenne Cherry is a 17-year-old teen who readily admits that she hates cats. Some people like cats, some don’t, but they usually won’t kill them in slow hideous ways, unless they are a serial killer in the making. Cherry was hating on her ex-roommate Valerie Hernandez and decided to get some revenge, a “prank” she is now calling it, for whatever reason. …
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Today’s twofer is brought to you by Dakota Valkyrie and The Morning Star. Demonites and Denizens, I have a real treat for you today! Meet John Coppes and Bob Epley. John is a neighborly fella; a slick operator who loves all creatures, big and small. And by loves, I mean loves. Bob, well…he has a very peculiar hobby.…
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Orion Kent Mitchell Stoltman (Myspace)
Tooele, UT–Orion Kent Mitchell Stoltman has a really long name, and really freaky eyes, and damn, WTF is up with his nose? Orion needs a new hobby…an activity that will keep him away from pygmy goats.
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