Clean-Up On Aisle One, Please

Iowa City, IA - How inebriated must one be to feel that it is kosher to just drop trou’ and discharge a few ass apples in a public venue? I’m guessing one would have to have a B.A.C. somewhere in the vicinity of .24, give or take, and an IQ in that same general area. Demonites, please meet Mr. Robert E. Lee. Mr. Lee here allegedly entered a CVS Pharmacy Friday evening, ambled his way up front, lifted his shirt, dropped his pants, and dumped a load of sphincter spears. Then, without even bothering to wipe or wash, Mr. Lee walked out of the store. Ummm…ew? When the cops caught up with the butt nugget bandit, the slurred speech and aroma of alcohol gave him away. (Not to mention the .24). Mr. Lee, 57, was charged with fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication – both misdemeanors. The store manager who reported the incident told police it would cost less than $200 to clean up the mess. (And a drawing of straws between employees, I’d imagine). All right, Morbid – let’s have one of those asstastic poop stories you are so fond of telling….you know you wanna! [Read more...]

What Was Trinity Vidal-Hernandez Up To?

ALBANY, Oregon – On September 19th, Vidal-Hernandez went to Samaritan Albany General Hospital and told the staff that her friend had given birth to triplets on the side of the road on was on her way there via Life Flight helicopter. Staff went to verify her story, and noticed that she had walked away. The staff began looking for her and located Trinity Vidal-Hernandez at the maternity ward nurses station. She was escorted her off of the floor and the Albany Police Department were contacted. She gave police a similar story and showed them a photo of a newborn infant she claimed that her friend had sent it to her. Albany Police Detectives are now saying that Trinity Vidal-Hernandez’s intent was to steal a baby. [Read more...]

Martrez Anderson Just Couldn’t. Shut. Up.

Lake County, Florida Ah, being released from prison must be an overwhelming experience. Freedom again…at last. Another chance has been given to set things right with your life, get a job, find love, celebrate the golden years. I’m sure that goes through every prisoner’s heads…or rather a great deal of them. And so many don’t get the chance to start “anew” as their terms count down the remaining years of their lives. I’m sure so many spending life sentences would give their left nut to have the chance Martrez Anderson had, to get sprung from prison at the young age of 25…to live each day to the fullest. But Martrez just couldn’t cope with being out. Within 5 days of being released, he just had to do something stupid to land his ass back in the poky for a bit longer. How many years does rape carry? [Read more...]

Erin Boone Wanted To See The Boy

Harrington, DE- Around 5:30 a.m. on AugustAugust reviews 12, police responded to a residence to investigate a disorderly conduct complaint. At the scene, they found a slightly intoxicated 23-year old woman named Erin Boone banging on the door of the residence. When the officers told Boone to put her hands behind her head, she turned toward one of the officers, whipped out a 4-inch butterfly knife, and told the officers that she was not going to be arrested. After a brief struggle, Boone was in custody and officers discovered 18 Xanax pills in her possession. Once Boone was placed in the patrol car, she kicked out the rear passenger window and struck an officer who tried to stop her, which caused a minor injury to his arm and hand. [Read more...]

Cory Vaughn Is Kinda Stoopid

Portland, OR - Break-ups, most of the time, suck ass. Though sometimes a break-up could be considered cause for celebration, there is usually one ‘injured’ party in the situation -  the ass who is the most ass hurt in the whole thing. The ass in this story is Cory Vaughn. Wednesday evening, Cory allegedly got a little rough with his girlfriend’s puppy. When his girlfriend stepped up to protect her critter, Cory turned his anger on her. The girlfriend told authorities that Cory slapped her, pushed her down, and tried to choke her. Cory eventually fled the apartment, and the girlfriend, knowing that Cory had a key to her home and may return to finish the job, left to spend the night with a friend. A short time later, a neighbor called to inform her that her apartment was on fire. Right before she called 911, she scrolled through her text messages and soon discovered who the culprit was and the lengths he would go to to hurt her. [Read more...]

Matthew Sodoma Is A Shitty Artist

ELGIN, Iowa – For whatever reason, 21-year-old Matthew Sodoma decided the 4th of July would not be complete without taking a shit on a downtown, Elgin sidewalk. Not satisfied with his handiwork, he then picked some of it up and began to smear it all over the door of the Valley Community Coalition. He left the scene before he could be apprehended. Authorities have no idea why he decided to do this, or why he targeted that particular door, but after a short investigation, Matthew Sodoma was identified as the culprit and arrested for it on Thursday. [Read more...]

The Son Of God Arrested In Connecticut

Manchester, CT- In case you’ve missed it, the devil himself was arrested just last week and SoJaded shared with us the news of his capture here. I don’t know if it was because the son of God was reading the Dreamin’Demon that day and maybe, just possibly, got a wee bit jealous over all the publicity that attention-whore Lucifer was getting, but Tuesday morning he decided it was time to make his presence known. Maybe he prophesized that  Taz would find this story, post it in our forums, and  it would quickly make it here to the front page so all of you would know that he, too, is alive and well. Okay, he’s not really that well.  [Read more...]

Two Thug Wannabe’s Put A Hurtin’ On Grandma

Salt Lake City, UT – What on earth would possess a couple of grown ass men to knock the crap out of their elderly grandmother? A grandmother, who I’m sure, is supporting their loser asses? A couple of thug wannabe’s, the Hansen brothers, that’s who. Here we have MichaelMichael reviews, 20, and Christopher, 22 — both live with their grandma and both are accused of not only beating up their grandmother, but pissing on her afterward. Really guys, what the fuck? It takes two of you to take down one 66-year-old lady? And, while she’s in the shower, no less. Authorities believe the whole thing started when Christopher forced his way into the bathroom… [Read more...]

Zeinah Gollsneider Was Having A Bad Day

Bradenton, FL- On April 13, 2009, Zeinah Gollsneider, 22, was having a real shitty day. Zeinah and her husband, Kevin, got into an argument over Zeinah getting them kicked out of a doctor’s office. Zeinah was so upset about the incident that she punched her husband in the stomach.

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Orion Stoltman Is A Goatnapping Juggaho

Orion Kent Mitchell Stoltman (MyspaceMySpace)

Tooele, UT–Orion Kent Mitchell Stoltman has a really long name, and really freaky eyes, and damn, WTF is up with his nose? Orion needs a new hobby…an activity that will keep him away from pygmy goats.

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Nekkid Hyjinx With Heather Best

Heather Lynn Best

Provo, UT–Demonites and Denizens…we all get a little crazy around the holidays, right? I bet everyone has a story to tell. Heather Best? She has quite a tale to tell. A tale of meth, some nekkid hyjinx, a dash of havoc with a pinch of mayhem, and topped off with a good bite.

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