Seattle, WA – A possible dispute over property lines between neighbors turned dangerous and somewhat hysterical when a 51 year-old Barry Alan Swegle hopped in a bulldozer and started smashing into houses.
Swegle is reported to have a lengthy criminal history which includes public indecency, stalking and burglary. He is also known by his neighbors as the guy who digs random holes with his bulldozer late at night. It would seem it was simply a matter of time before Barry was featured here at the Dreamin’ Demon for something.
One of his neighbors, Barbara Porter, claims she knew this was coming. She states ”We all said one of these days Barry is going to take that dang cat and he’s going to start tearing up people’s property and that’s what he did.” Well then. The rampage started sometime around noon on Friday, when Barry decided to play Blastcorps in real life. I hope Joe Lieberman doesn’t hear about this one.
Barry fired up an International Harvester TD-25 and took out his grumpies on his neighbors’ property.…Continue Reading
AUSTIN, TX – Police say they arrested a man who broke into and vandalized a Department of Public Safety’s driver license office , including committing a bit of fecal-graffiti.
Kenneth Vanlue, 40, was arrested and charged with criminal mischief and burglary of a building after approaching troopers investigating a break-in at the office on North Lamar Boulevard, an affidavit said.
According to police, about 7:30 a.m. Wednesday, troopers responded to a reported burglary at the office, where they discovered the front door glass smashed. The windows had been broken with a brake drum, the affidavit said.
When troopers entered the building, they found several items destroyed, extensive damage to the office’s computers and equipment, and the word “surcharge” written in feces on the lobby wall. Yep, sounds like someone with a gripe to me. Or IBS.
The officers also found two severely damaged department vehicles, both with body damage caused by a sharp tool. Trash cans had been used to smash the vehicles’ windows as well as bust up the hoods and trunks, according to the affidavit.…Continue Reading
Corvallis, Oregon – The wide eyed beauty you see here is Miss Jelena Monique Taylor, 44. She likes to party Carrie style. She also apparently enjoys the recreational use of meth and getting her hair and nails did. Oh, and she enjoys getting naked.
Sadly, meth and time do not combine very well. You see, Jelena reportedl went to the salon “The Rage” extra early to make sure she got in. So early, in fact, she literally had to break in. As in the door. With a body part of hers, which made her bleed. But it seems that since meth gives those on it superpowers, Miss Jelena went all Hulk on equipment at the salon and smashed it while bleeding all over everything.
“There were broken vases, and a broken dryer. … The toilet, the shower, everything was covered in blood. It looked like a murder scene,” said salon owner Kayley Kampfer.
Oh, and she did all of this bare assed. I agree with the part where she thought: “fuck my pants” and dropped them.…Continue Reading
Ok, he wasn’t totally nekkid….he was wearing a pair of black boots.
According to the police report, 22-year-old Andrew Toothman entered the store early Tuesday morning by breaking the glass in the front door. Once inside, he layered himself in peanut butter and chocolate taken from the shelves.
Police noted the human peanut butter cup also discharged several fire extinguishers throughout the store and wrote “sorry” on the floor with Nyquil.
Store manager David Whitaker estimates the damages are somewhere in the $1,500 range. That’s a lot of Skippy!
Toothman was booked on charges of burglary, criminal mischief and indecent exposure, and has been ordered held on $25,000 bond.
This won’t come as a surprise to some of you, but I have often contemplated beginning my criminal career the same way – with the addition of a few well-placed raisins, a tin foil sword and a riding lawnmower.…Continue Reading
The woman, apparently worried that Jackson may harm the pup, called police on Friday to voice her concern. And while she wasn’t in the apartment that day, Jackson was.
Police have reported that when they arrived at the woman’s apartment, they discovered it had been trashed and many of her belongings were destroyed. Officers found a dead Chihuahua in the washing machine, and believe Jackson had put the dog in the machine while it was still alive.
Jackson, 30, was arrested on the spot and charged with aggravated animal cruelty and criminal mischief, both Class D felonies. He’s been ordered held on $25,000.…Continue Reading
The couple told police the kook, later identified as 28-year-old Matthew Zamora, found the unlit torch in their backyard, entered their home through the back door, walked into their bedroom and proceeded to whack.
“He hit me a half-dozen to a dozen times at least. I lost count,” said Aaron Kirchmann. “He was trying to hurt me. He was really trying.”
Deputies say Kirchmann grabbed a gun from the nightstand and pointed it at Zamora, and though the gun went off during the struggle, the only casualty was the bedroom wall. It was about then that Kirchmann’s wife Mindy reached for the shotgun she sleeps next to and ordered Zamora out of her home.
Zamora then fled to a bathroom in the home, where the Kirchmann’s held him until police arrived. The white-trash Santa was apparently wearing only underwear, socks and a bandana around his neck when he was arrested.…Continue Reading
Erie, PA — Nathan A. Wingerter, 24, stands accused of breaking into his ex-wife’s home and defecating on her photo identification cards. It was a demoralizing end to what was, quite possibly, a well-planned paramilitary-style operation.
According to court records, Wingerter had argued with his former wife at his home on August 1. Later that morning at her home, the woman reportedly saw Wingerter crawling through her backyard.
The arrest warrant for Wingerter alleges that he disconnected some of the home’s phone lines, climbed onto the home’s porch, and entered a second-floor window ending up – in a manner not reported – in the second-floor bathroom.
It is at this point that we can imagine Ethan Hunt hanging from the ceiling by a wire mere inches above the pressure-sensitive floor…
In the bathroom, Wingerter threw his ex-wife’s photo identification cards into the toilet and proceeded to defecate on them, Erie police said. But, alas, his mental unfurling of that big “Mission Accomplished” banner would prove premature… His ex-wife reportedly entered the bathroom – surprising him mid-crap – and called police.…Continue Reading
Bronx, NY — A Bronx man has found himself in a sticky situation after DNA he submitted for a drug-related arrest came back matching that of a serial subway spanker.
The aptly-named Darnell Hardware, 26, was arrested in June of last year on drug charges and submitted a DNA sample. When it was checked against the state’s data base, it matched samples taken from three separate incidents, dating back almost ten years, in which a man painted female subway passengers with his cock-puke. The victims, ranging in age from 17-24 (at the times of the incidents) had come forward with the leftovers, saying that a man had rubbed up against them, masturbated and ejaculated on them… all three on packed subway cars where they say they couldn’t escape.
I would like to take this opportunity to call bullshit on every subway passenger in New York who stands idly by while some creep shoots jizz all over a poor young girl. If there were more stories that matched the word ‘vigilante’, I could stop googling ‘semen’ and ‘assault’.…Continue Reading
South Windsor, CT – Heath Cain, a convicted felon, is back behind bars after police say he entered a woman’s home through an unlocked door Wednesday evening, stood over her bed as she slept and asked to use the restroom when she awoke to find his creepy ass staring at her.
“He said to me, ‘I’m not going to hurt you lady, I just want to use your bathroom,’” said homeowner Pamela Bowen. “I just prayed that I would be OK.”
Fully awake after the bizarre request, Bowen said she followed Cain through her home and into the kitchen, where he stopped to admire the pictures on her fridge before opening the door and helping himself to a nice, cool beverage.
Bowen told police Cain didn’t appear to be to be drunk or under the influence of drugs. Some of the things he said were incoherent, she said, and other times he seemed lucid.
She said she repeatedly asked him to leave the home, but was met with responses like, “Hey, I’d like to buy this house,” and “I used to live here with another family,” and “Someone dropped me off here,” and “Hey, I can’t find my car.” Not his exact words, mind you, but close enough.…Continue Reading
Rushville, Ind. – A senior at an Indiana high school decided to pull a seemingly harmless prank at his school even thought the students had been warned against doing so, and his decision landed him in jail, caused him to miss his graduation and now facing some possible time in prison.
It was with justifiable concern that school officials watched on survelliance video as an ominous, hooded and gloved individual entered the girl’s bathroom at Rushville High with an unspecified package, reemerging minutes later empty-handed. Believing it contained explosives, the school was evacuated and the bomb squad was called in. Soon after, both the offender and the contents of the package were recovered.
The offender? 18-year-old Rushville High senior Tyell Morton. The contents of the package? A freakin’ blow-up doll. Tyell developed the brilliant plan to plant the doll in the women’s restroom at school as a senior prank. The young man with no prior record now claims authorities are “blowing it out of proportion” (his words, not mine, but I would’ve used ‘em anyway), and I must say, I rather agree.…Continue Reading
According to the arrest affidavit, Cantu became enraged at the amount of time her boyfriend, Fernando Rodriguez, was spending with the ailing critter, and accused him of not being in love with her anymore. Fernando reportedly told Cantu that he did love her, but the relationship just wasn’t working out. With that, Fernando said Cantu went to the kitchen, grabbed an 8″ knife and started coming at him, saying “she would kill him this time.”
Fernando fled to the bathroom, where he said Cantu kicked and stabbed at the door, breaking the blade in the process. She eventually gave up and left the home, and later the property, at Fernando’s request.
When questioned, Cantu denied any involvement. Charged with felony menacing and misdemeanor criminal mischief, she remains behind bars in lieu of $51,000 bail.…Continue Reading
Peekskill, NY — “It is clear she had “sinister” motives,” said Lt. Eric Johansen of Lizbeth Hernandez – the 47-year-old woman arrested Saturday after she was found hiding in her husband’s girlfriend’s closet with a 12-inch carving knife, surgical gloves and duct tape. “Given the items recovered, it lends itself, at the very least, to some semblance of violence.”
Also found in her possession, a baseball bat, a bottle of bleach and garbage bags.
An alert neighbor called 911 at about 8:30 Saturday morning to report the break in. The witness described Hernandez’s movements to a dispatcher, watching as the woman repeatedly returned to her car to retrieve items such as a hammer and metal spatula. Hernandez reportedly pried open a screen, broke the window and crawled over shards of glass to enter the condo.
When police arrived a short time later, they found Hernandez buried under a pile of clothing in the closet. “She had concealed herself quite well,” said Lt. Johansen. “It appears she was going to lie in wait for them to return.”
Police later learned that Hernandez had followed her husband to the girlfriend’s apartment Friday evening.…Continue Reading
Staten Island, NY — Rasheen “Illuminati” Harrison is facing numerous charges after police say he covered his ex-girlfriend’s door with his own feces and set fire to the nasty mess. ‘Cause nothing says “fuck you” quite like a little fecal flambé, right?
Authorities claim the jilted poo-flinger entered the ex’s apartment building early Sunday morning and took the elevator to her sixth-floor apartment. On the ride up, Harrison reportedly got nekkid and proceeded to take a dump.
When the elevator dropped him at the desired floor, police say he grabbed a handful of shit and smeared it all over the woman’s door. He then deposited his clothing on the floor in front of the door and set fire to both the clothing and the poo while screaming, “I’m going to set your house on fire and this whole building down with you in it!”
Police say the woman and her two young children were inside the apartment at the time and couldn’t escape because the door and the doorknob were hot to the touch.…Continue Reading
Yorktown, NY — I’ve shared stories in the past of people beating their parents and grandparents, but lo and behold some people go even further up the family tree. Let’s take 26-year-old Lisa Slater, for example.
During a domestic dispute with her 81-year-old great-grandmother, Slater reportedly grabbed the elderly woman by the hair and slapped her across the face. Then, in an attempt to prevent her from calling the police, she pulled the phone off the wall and took the victim’s cell phone away. (I know, I am just as surprised as you are that an 81-year-old has a cell phone.)
Lisa Slater was arrested on Feb. 16 and transported to police headquarters. Slater is charged with second-degree attempted assault, a felony; and fourth-degree criminal mischief, a misdemeanor. She was arraigned and remanded to the Westchester County Jail in lieu of $10,000 bail.…Continue Reading
Louisville, KY – After an evening of imbibing at the Club 21, 50-year-old Marie Reeves decided it was a fine time to get herself tatted. At about 1:00 Tuesday morning, a drunken Reeves stumbled across the street to the Ink Style Tattoo Studio and demanded some ink.
The tattoo artist refused to work on the woman, claiming she was too intoxicated to give the necessary informed consent for the procedure, and told her to come back when she wasn’t shitfaced. This displeased Reeves. A lot.
Pissed, Reeves reportedly jumped into her vehicle, aimed for the parlor’s front entrance and hit the gas. The artist who denied her later told police that Reeves backed the vehicle up and attempted to hit him, but he was able to dive out of the way.
Her next stop was the Saint Stephens Cemetery. That’s where police say she mowed down seven gravestones and broke her ride. Her vehicle disabled, Reeves called for a taxi. She directed the cabbie to a local hotel where she said she was staying with a friend, and ultimately stiffed him.…Continue Reading
CLIFTON, CO – Hello readers. Jaded and myself are on vacation so stories will be sparse and sporadic until the beginning of next year in which we will return with some (hopefully) big news. But I did want to post this story about Kayla Settle today. The 22-year-old mother of two was arrested on suspicion of setting fire to her apartment last month while her brother and two children were inside. On Nov 19 her daughter woke her up because their apartment was on fire and luckily everyone inside were able to get out safely. Settle later told investigators that she had woke up that night to a masked man with a gun in her kid’s room. She said he sexually assaulted her and knocked her unconscious before setting a fire in her kid’s room. After further questioning, Settle finally admitted she had made up the intruder story and she was the one who set the fire. She said she was feeling suicidal that night so after smoking some weed and taking some cold medicine, she used lighter fluid to try and start a fire outside her kid’s bedroom window.…Continue Reading
MEADVILLE, PA – A mother of two has been charged with urinating on some baked goods in a convenience store freezer, causing $508 worth of damages. Police say 23-year-old Carrie Ann Harkness became upset when she was asked to leave the Country Fair store early Saturday morning so she walked into the store’s walk-in freezer and pissed all over some bagels, cookies and other baked goods. She is now facing a January 12 hearing on citations for disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. Her Facebook is pretty private at the moment, but The Smoking Gun reported that one of her recent wall postings stated, “Omg have you ever liked someone so much and go out with them and make a fool of yourself????? wish I could take back friday night!!!!! But youngstown is on point wish my friend could forgive me!!!!!!” Classy.…Continue Reading
Long Branch, NJ — Police allege that on at least three separate occasions in November, 35-year-old Jennifer Pizzuto posed as a prostitute and lured unsuspecting (shitfaced?) men into a secluded area with the promise of a good time. Instead of a good time, though, the men reportedly received a beating from Jennifer and her boyfriend, 44-year-old Antonio Davis, before being robbed. Yes, once Jennifer had ‘em hooked, Antonio would sneak up behind ‘em and attack. One unlucky sap was beaten so viciously he sustained permanent damage to his right eye. Jennifer was picked up on a warrant Saturday morning and her beau was arrested in the lobby of police headquarters later that day. Both have been charged with three counts of robbery and three counts of aggravated assault. Police also believe the pair was responsible for prying open a change machine on November 11, so additional charges of theft and criminal mischief were thrown on. Jennifer’s bail has been set at $50,000, and Antonio’s, $60,000. Neither have the option of posting 10 percent.…Continue Reading
Pittsburgh, PA — According to police, 42-year-old Karen Remsing decided to help herself to a dose of her terminally ill son’s pain medications this past Sunday. Remsing, a registered nurse, reportedly disconnected a computerized intravenous injection tube supplying Midazolam to her 15-year-old son, and filled several hypodermic needles stolen from a hospital supply cart before injecting herself with the sedative. The loopy woman then tried to reconnect the IV tube back into the machine, but screwed it up, causing an air bubble in the line. Fortunately, the potentially fatal air bubble did not enter her son’s body. When hospital personnel entered the room and found Remsing passed out on the couch with blood on her clothing and bloody hypos scattered about, they realized what was up and properly reconnected the boy’s IV. The woman police she jacked her son’s pain meds because she was tired from not having slept in a couple of days. Oh, and she’s a depressed and recovering drug addict. She was booked on charges of of recklessly endangering another person, endangering the welfare of a child, possession of a controlled substance, criminal mischief, tampering with or fabricating physical evidence, possession or use of paraphernalia and theft by unlawful taking or disposition.…Continue Reading
Spring Hill, FL – For the past eight months or so, 18-year-old Jessica Duhaime and her infant son have been staying with Mark Agostino and his family…and the brat apparently wore out her welcome this past Monday. Agostino told police he has been trying to help the young mother, but he and his family had grown tired of her attitude and after a heated argument, told her she had to kick rocks. When Jessica’s mother arrived at the home to collect the brat and her spawn, police say the raging teen stormed out of the house and threw her 9-month-old son to the ground. While everyone was checking on the child, Duhaime started throwing containers of baby food onto the driveway. She then slid into her mother’s van through the passenger door, climbed into the driver’s seat and hit the gas, ramming the vehicle into the back of Agostino’s 2006 Nissan and causing nearly $1,000 in damage. Her little tirade wasn’t quite over – when her mother started yelling at her for being a rotten little shit, Jessica got out of the van and punched her in the chest.…Continue Reading