Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Hamilton, NZ – Given that New Zealand is a relatively industrialized and advanced culture, it is not necessary to exclude it from the happenings reported on D’D.  So, it is with great pleasure that I report to you that the fine artwork of pranksters at Fairfield College in Hamilton, New Zealand – namely, the huge crop-circle-esque penises etched into the college lawns two years ago which were recently discovered to have been immortalized by Google Earth.

A New Zealand local, David McQuoid, discovered the images while scanning the neighbourhood online looking for a property.

“At first I thought it was a large piece of art work,” he said.  Well… it is.

Acting principal Gerhard van Dyk (pronounced “dike” ya’ smartasses) is reported to have said that it was hard enough to deal with when the prank was pulled back in 2009.  The artwork was done with vegitation killer.  As such, it slowly and irreversibly revealed itself.

“There’s not really much we could do about it,” said van Dyk. “The caretaker took some more weedkiller and tried to camouflage it a bit.”

Nobody was caught so no discipline was ever meted out.  …

LIVERPOOL, NEW YORK — I was reading about this over the weekend, but the site decided to crap its pants before I had a chance to post anything about it. The body of  Jenni-Lyn Watson was found Saturday and a few hours later her ex-boyfriend was arrested and charged with her murder. For those of you not in the know, Watson went missing from her parent’s home earlier this month and searchers were looking around a wooded area off Waterhouse Road, the last location her cell phone was used, last Tuesday. On Saturday, her remains were found in Clay Central Park covered in vegetation in an attempt to conceal the body. A few hours later her ex-boyfriend, Steven Pieper, was taken into custody and charged with her death. We now know he was a prime suspect all along — not just because he was a creepy, jealous kind of boyfriend who Watson had just broken up with in October — but also the fact that he left his cell phone in her home the morning she went missing.…

LIVERPOOL, NEW YORK — Emergency crews and law enforcement agencies are conducting a large-scale search within a wooded area off Waterhouse Road, trying to locate a 20-year-old college student who has been missing since Friday, Nov. 19. Jenni-Lyn Watson had returned home from Mercyhurst College for Thanksgiving break. Watson’s cell phone, a Verizon LG enV3, has been turned on “intermittently” since her disappearance and the wooded area searches are focused on is where they say her cell phone, which is no longer on, was last used. According to Devin Ruic, a friend and classmate of Watson’s, she had been having problems with a man stalking her. Police say they have no suspects or people of interest, but did confirmed people are being interviewed. Some people posting on some of the news articles mention a failed abduction that occurred a week before Watson went missing. A woman fought off a man who tried to abduct her as she was walking to her car in the parking lot of a North Syracuse apartment complex.…

ELIZABETH CITY, N.C. – One student is dead and another accused of shooting him to death in a dorm room  at Mid-Atlantic Christian University. Police say Jonathan Schipper was shot dead by a fellow student inside the Pearl Presley Hall Sunday afternoon. The shooter willingly turned himself over to police and is cooperating with investigators. Classes were cancelled for today and and local ministers and counselors will be available to students, faculty and staff. If you can get it to load, they have released a statement you can read over at their website asking students to cooperate and how MACU strives to express love, forgiveness, and the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ. “This is a Godly place that had a very ungodly thing happen,” remarked Clay Perkins, president of Mid-Atlantic Christian University. Because you know, God never killed anyone for asinine reasons. Well, except for Lot’s wife for looking back, Onan for spilling his seed, that guy who picked up sticks on the Sabbath, those children he sent the two bears after because they made fun of a man’s bald head, Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling, and those poor spies sent by Moses killed by God for returning an honest report.…

New York — Two Rutgers College freshman have been charged with two counts of invasion of privacy after setting up a web cam to film their roommate having sex and broadcasting it live over the Internet. That roommate has reportedly killed himself. On September 19, Dharun Ravi, 18, posted on Twitter that his roommate had “asked for the room until midnight” and that he turned on the webcam after seeing him “making out with a guy.” He then did the same thing with the same roommate a couple days later, daring his Twitter followers to iChat with him later that evening because “it’s happening again.” That Thursday the roommate, who had been secretly filmed,  jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge. I say “supposedly” because reports are that a body has not been found at this point, but his car was found nearby with his cell phone and computer inside. Ravi and 18-year-old Molly Wei are now facing a possible five year prison stint if convicted of the charges.…

WINONA LAKE, Ind. – At around midnight on Saturday, someone called 911 saying they had heard calls for help. When police arrived at the location given, they found 18-year-old Mallori Kastner dead at the scene and Jeremy Mohr critically injured. The pair had been sitting in a hammock when one of the trees it was tied to fell over and landed on top of them. Mohr was rushed to the hospital where he was listed in critical condition. Kastner was a freshman at Grace College, a small Christian college, and Mohr was a senior. “We ask all the campus community to be committed to deep prayer for Mallori’s and Jeremy’s family and friends and for Jeremy’s healing,” Ron Manahan, president of Grace College, said in a statement. Life is unfair sometimes, huh? That same night, some douchebags at a frat house were gang-raping underage chicks and will go on to be lawyers and doctors. These two were just sitting in a hammock and the Powers That Be felt they needed a friggin’ tree blanket.…

Kelly Ann Jones Fell From Balcony

April 7, 2008 at 9:43 am by  

I am doing something a little different here, because as of right now, no crime seems to have been committed.

CORAL GABLES, Fla. - Kelly Ann Jones, 19, was a University of Miami freshman. She died Sunday morning after falling from a campus balcony. She was alive after she fell, talking incoherently and only able to move her arms. She was later pronounced dead at a nearby hospital. The reason why I am posting this? Some witness statements on what they heard before the first 911 call was made.…


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