Glendale, CA — A 63-year-old man was hospitalized early this week after police say he stuck a butter knife in his stomach in an apparent effort to remove a protruding hernia.
The man’s wife called police and paramedics Monday evening to report her husband was sick and tired of waiting to get surgery for the rupture and decided to take matters into his own hands.
When police arrived on scene, they found the unidentified man lying butt-nekkid on a lounge chair on his patio, the handle of a 6-inch butter knife protruding from his abdomen.
While waiting for paramedics to arrive, police say the man yanked the knife out of his stomach, plucked a cigarette from his mouth and stuck it inside the open wound. He apparently showed no outward signs of pain. And, with that, he was placed on a 72-hour psychiatric hold and transported to the hospital.
And now, a public service announcement from Dr. Sam Carvajal, a surgeon at Glendale Adventist Medical Center:
“It is absolutely impossible for someone to fix their own hernia.”
Carvajal went on to say that most hernia patients don’t suffer from pain severe enough to lead to self-surgery, leaving him to conclude the patient was suffering from some amount of psychosis.…
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Bangor, Maine — Some people just don’t know how to share. Others take as much as they can get away with. Anthony Bowie will take what he wants and if you don’t like it, he’ll put his cigarette out on your face.
Apparently Bowie and his sister prefer to roll their own cigarettes. His sister, who is also the victim in this case, was kind enough to allow Bowie to have some of her tobacco on Sunday afternoon. When she realized he had taken more than she said he could, an argument ensued.
Bowie was not happy about his sister’s reaction so he did what any normal, sane person would do… he punched a lamp and then pressed his lit cigarette into her face. I can feel the family love.
Bowie, 21, has been charged with domestic assault and criminal mischief. He was charged with an additional count of domestic assault after police determined he had punched his girlfriend two days earlier.…
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DeLand, FL – Before you blow your top and end up gracing the front page of the Dreamin’ Demon, remember, there are many effective ways of dealing with stress without resorting to violence. Of course, I neither know nor practice any of them, but I have heard of ways others deal with their tension. Some people shop ’til it hurts. Others drink themselves into oblivion – forgetting their own name and the reason for their angst. Some toke it up and pig out on Doritos until their mood improves. And Morbid, well, he masturbates. A. Lot. (Ask him about his carpal tunnel sometime). When Darren Daniels discovered his wife may have *gasp* smoked his last cigarette, he went postal and killed his pet rat. What the hell the rat had to do with anything is beyond me…I guess there wasn’t a toddler lurking anywhere in the vicinity. …
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Tammy Smith and her handiwork. Yes, those burns say “WIMP”.
Moundsville, WV – Tammy Smith, 43, thinks her six-year-old daughter is a wimp, and she doesn’t care who knows it. Last week, Smith’s little girl tripped and fell down. But rather than comfort her child, Smith burned the word “WIMP” into the side of her daughter’s neck, branding the child. That’ll teach her, Tammy! A teacher at the little girl’s school saw the burns, which as you can see above are complete with a dotted “I” and a cigarette burn. The teacher, horrified, took pictures of the little girl’s neck – and then called police. …
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The car says, “Owww.”
Longmont, CO - Stevie Marchand, 18, and two 16-year-old girls were sitting in Stevie’s stepbrother’s car on Thursday afternoon. They weren’t bothering anybody, just minding their own business, huffing the fumes off two cans of aerosol – one mango-pineapple, one strawberry-raspberry. One of the girls got a little high and decided it was a good time to light up a cigarette.  That’s where the BOOM! comes in. …
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