CPR: You’re Doing It Wrong

Kissimmee, FL – The guy you see before you, with the bad-ass stripey-head ‘do, is 19-year-old Jonathan Alicea. Much like many of the men we feature here on the Dreamin’ Demon, Jonathan has a girlfriend with a couple of rugrats. And, much like many of the women we feature here, that girlfriend trusted her man with the lives of her children while she went about earning a living. And, like many of the stories we feature here, it doesn’t end well. Jonathan was playing Mr. Mom on Sunday and whipped up some dinner for the kiddos, ages 2 and 6. The 2-year-old may not have been extremely thrilled with Jonathan’s culinary skills and refused to eat. (Dinner was hot dogs and scrambled eggs – doesn’t sound very appetizing to me either). Jonathan was displeased. Already angry at the child’s refusal to eat, his temper boiled over when the kid peed his pants. What Jonathan did next both angers and baffles. [Read more...]

Cracky-Jackie’s Recipe For Murder

Las Vegas, NV - Crack cocaine brings people together. Unfortunately, those people are crack heads, and not always the best company. However, if you’re already together with a heap of crack heads, there’s a good chance that you’re also a crack head. As dangerous as they are entertaining, there really is no safe place from which to watch a crack head’s strange antics. I’ve seen them scale walls, chew their way through Plexiglas and break down doors with bad prosthetic limbs. They’re kind of like zombies, if zombies asked you for change and then smeared you with their feces before you could take your hands out of your pockets. Jackie Wilridge is one of these crack heads, but instead of the standard shit-smearing and trying to sell invisible food items, Jackie attacked and robbed a fellow crack head in a Las Vegas apartment, before boiling a pot of water and scalding her to death. [Read more...]

Oyindamola Ojofeitimi Broiled Hubby’s Boinker

Queens, NY - Oyindamola Ojofeitimi was fed up with her cheatin’ husband, Emmanuel. Had the couple sought counseling or a divorce attorney, they might not have ended up on the front page of the Dreamin’ Demon. You know the old saying, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?’ Well, Oyindamola was feeling mighty scorned – her anger boiled over and got the best of her – now her husband is feeling the burn. In his crotch. Early Tuesday morning, Oyindamola rose from her slumber, ambled on into the kitchen, and got a big ‘ol pot of water boiling. When that water had developed into a super hot roiling boil, she ambled back on into the bedroom and proceeded to pour it right on to her sleeping husband’s family jewels. (At this point in the story, I can’t help but sing that old Buster Poindexter song, Hot Hot Hot). [Read more...]

Maverna Turay Boils A Weiner

Unfortunately it was attached to her husband.

BRADENTON, Fla. – It has not been made quite clear what prompted Maverna to do what she did, but she was so mad at her husband, that while he was sleeping, Maverna Theresa Turay, 52, poured a pot of boiling water on to his groin. He then ran out of the house screaming while a relative called 911.

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