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happy pitDetroit, MI – A group of boys were headed to school saw a naked man having sex with a dog and did what any normal kid today would do when seeing a man having sex with a dog – they whipped out their cell phones and filmed it.

After arriving at Denby High School, the boys rolled that beautiful bean footage for school security, who then called police. When officers arrived on the scene, they found the mid-30-year-old man sitting between two vacant houses. He was naked, bleeding from the head, and still had his pit bull mix with him.

The man rushed a female officer before he was quickly apprehended and taken to St. John Hospital for an evaluation. The female officer the man rushed also had to be taken to the hospital for exhaustion after she collapsed at the scene.

Police think the man injured his head trying to get into a stolen car that was also found at the scene. The man’s brother would not speak to reporters, but told police that his sibling was a drug user and had mental health issues. …

Stephanie MiklesBEL AIR, MD – Stephanie Mikles, a 45-year-old behavioral specialist for Harford County Schools, has been accused of having sex with the family dog.

Police found out about the alleged sexual liaison during an investigation by the child advocacy center of Harford County that began last year. No word on what that investigation was about, but during a search of her home, investigators found pictures and video of Mikles having sex with the family dog.

The encounters took place from August 1 to August 31, 2008. Unfortunately for her, there is no statute of limitations for bestiality in Maryland. So after dousing their eyeballs with bleach, officers arrested the dog Mikles and charged her with bestiality. She was later released from jail on a five thousand dollar bond.

Recently, a grand jury puked in their shoes after being required to look at footage of Mikles getting knotted by the pooch. They ended up indicting her with “unnatural or perverted sexual practice.” Mikles’ attorney told reporters that she is fighting the charge and has filed motions to dismiss the case.…

Kurtis PetersonMUSKEGON, MI – Kurtis Peterson, a convicted sex offender found guilty of having sex with dogs, was sentenced to state prison for between one to 15 years after a judge went above state sentencing guidelines to keep the community safe from the repeat offender.

Peterson, 37, was first accused of having sex with a dog in April 2010 at his apartment, when a woman witnessed Peterson on his bed naked, kneeling behind his blue heeler. Peterson claimed he was “just playing with the dog” but had gotten an erection after accidental making contact with the dog’s rear.

Any benefit of doubt he was given went out the window when the same woman caught him having sex with yet another dog in June, when she walked in on Peterson having sex with a white pit bull on his living room floor. This time he was arrested and charged with “the abominable and detestable crime against nature,” also known as sodomy or bestiality.

Charged as a fourth-time habitual offender, Peterson pleaded no contest to the charges in March.…

Kara VandereykLas Vegas, NV — Police in Las vegas have arrested 23-year-old Kara Vandereyk after they say she was caught having sex with a pit bull in the yard of her home.

Police say that on Tuesday, they observed Vandereyk engaging in a sex act with a pit bull in the backyard of her home, within full view of her neighbors and anyone passing by. According to the arrest report, when Vandereyk noticed the approaching officers, she said, “Hi,” and began fondling the dog.

The report also said Vandereyk appeared to be on drugs or mentally ill. She told the officers that she has bipolar disorder and didn’t know her name, the year or the name of the president. She also admitted to taking prescription medication but wasn’t sure if she was on them at the time.

After police gave her a blanket to cover up with, as she was completely nude, a neighbor gave her some clothing to wear. Kara Vandereyk was charged with open and gross lewdness, as I’m pretty sure Nevada doesn’t have any laws against having sex with your dog, and taken to the Clark County jail.…

Andrew MendozaWharton County, TX — I’m a little late on this one, as usual, and I’m not exactly sure when the accused was actually accused of buggering a horse. Whatever… I like the police report.

The Smoking Gun recently released an undated statement drafted for the Wharton County Sheriff’s Department by 29-year-old Andrew Mendoza.

Mendoza had apparently been accused of screwing a neighbor’s horse, and after waiving his rights, laid it all out for police. And, apparently, the internet.

In his statement, Mendoza claims he had been waiting on a phone call from his girlfriend. He told himself that if she didn’t call at a particular time, he was just gonna go ahead and mosey on over to the neighbor’s house and “mess” with their horse.

The girlfriend apparently neglected to call within the allotted time frame, and Mendoza, obviously a man of his word, headed to the neighbor’s place.

He then proceeded to fuck their horse for about 5 or 10 minutes.

Mendoza wrote in the statement that he believed the horse liked it because it didn’t move or nothing, just stood there.…

Horse fuckerMarion County, FL — Florida police are on the lookout for a man accused of injuring and brutally raping a miniature horse.

Abby Conder, the owner of said horse, said her world class minis have been under attack since May.

“She had been severely brutalized,” Conder said of one of her horses. “She had been raped both by a man and by several objects. She was so hematomed on the back and so bloody, that she looked like they put her whole bottom through a garbage disposal.”

The horse fucker apparently left his DNA behind… but without a suspect, that means squat.

Conder first purchased a dog to protect the horses, only to have the poor thing beaten to death. She and her husband then invested in a surveillance camera and live internet feed. They got their first look at him on Saturday.

“He inspected the horses that were on the left first to see what horses were in stalls,” Conder said. “They are tied to the corner to the fence, where they have been abused and been tortured.…

Ocala, FL – Carlos Romero, 31, was arrested on Monday for allegedly having sex with 21-month old Doodle, his miniature donkey.  The charge is cruelty to animals.

Romero owns up to having “never been a people person,” and preferring animals, particularly horses, in almost every regard.  His reasons are simple.  People “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and are “promiscuous,” whereas animals “are usually there for you” and “do not seek other pleasures.”  Their feelings, he said, are “100 percent honest.”

Sounds to me like Mr. Romero may be a bit of a selfish lover, or maybe he has a dream of fathering a centaur.

Romero purchased the aptly named Doodle from a man in Lake City several months ago, and though he admits to masturbating while the animal was in the room, claims to have never had intercourse with it, citing the fact that she is merely “blooming into maturity.”  So, you know, he’s claiming not to be bestial pedophile, which is a huge relief.…

Bali, Indonesia – 18-year-old Ngurah Alit, who was caught having sex with a cow in a paddy field, was forced to marry the animal in a traditional wedding, as dictated by local officials who felt it was a fitting punishment, as well as a way to “cleanse” the village of the act.

The unemployed man’s defense was that he believed the cow to be a beautiful woman who had seduced him by showering him in compliments; a woman with copious amounts of body hair, a huge vagina, and a face closely resembling that of Sarah Jessica Parker, I presume.   I still fail to understand how his excuse changes matters significantly, though perhaps defense strategies differ slightly in that region.

During the ceremony, Alit passed out in front of local officials who had been called in to keep journalists from snapping pics.  Meanwhile, his mother began screaming.  I suppose Indonesia’s expression of pride and joy are slightly different as well.

Alit was then “symbolically” drowned and bathed on the beach.  His udderific bride was not quite as lucky, as she received the “un-symbolic” drowning reserved for Pecaruan rituals such as the one in question. …

Perry County, PA – Jeremy Johnson, 20, pleaded guilty on August 13th to defiant trespass and sexual intercourse with an animal.  He was sentenced to 2-1/2 years probation and ordered to undergo a mental health evaluation.

What’s so riveting and interesting and fascinating and lovely and winsome about this case is that Johnson did not place his meatstick anywhere near the horse as far as we know.  Instead, he opted to lick its vagina; a refreshing relief from all the stories of horses and donkeys receiving what must seem to them to be micro-penises.

When asked if she liked it, the mare gave three taps of her front, right hoof, which is known by horse experts, such as myself, to mean, “It was okay.  I mean, not the best I’ve ever had, but you know, human tongues are kinda small, and not quite as strong as horse tongues and, well, I don’t know, I’d let him do it again but I’m not going to go begging or anything.  Did I mention that stallions aren’t real keen on cunnilingus?”

As the police report goes, an Outlaw Stables employee suspected a break-in at around 1 AM on May 2, 2012 after the alarm had been tripped. …

Clearwater, FL – Eric Antunes, 29, was arrested on May 1st after police received an anonymous tip that he had been hoarding child porn on his computer.  However, when police arrived to investigate, they took a look at his cell phone and reportedly stumbled upon pictures of his girlfriend’s three-legged pitbull-mix giving his junk a thorough tongue-bath.

As it so happens, I’ve always maintained that pitbulls were the sluttiest of all breeds, and now I feel completely justified in having spread that knowledge to countless Twitter readers.

Kniption covered this story back on May 3rd, but I didn’t realize that until after I’d already written it up.  No problem here though.  There have been some interesting developments that doggy-diddlers may find germane.

Antunes is probably also well aware of the harlotry of pitbulls since his girlfriend, Katerina Williamson, was the Medical Director of the Pinellas County Humane Society where our hero has worked as a contract employee.  Ms. Williamson resigned after Antunes’s arrest, though there seems to be no evidence that she was aware of her boyfriend’s extracurricular activities.…

St. Louis, MO – When you’re a 37-year-old dude and you tell your buddies that your girlfriend is 28, they’re likely to be impressed…unless you’re Shawn Ingram and that girlfriend happens to be the absolutely atrocious-looking Dana Kintz.

Our fairy tale begins like most do; with a domestic abuse call to police.  Kintz called 911 on March 12th claiming that Ingram had struck her, which is when resembling a snowman constructed of memory foam is likely advantageous.  Domestic abuse charges were not ultimately pursued though, for some reason, the officer was able to get his hands on Ingram’s cell phone.  On it, they found child pornography and pictures of Kintz engaged in sex acts with a dog.  And now I can’t stop shivering.

Both were charged with unlawful sex with an animal (as opposed to the lawful kind, I suppose).  I guess it’s lucky for them that Missouri is relatively accepting of vertebrate-buggering, categorizing it only as a misdemeanor.  Ingram wasn’t quite as lucky.  He’s facing felony charges for possession of child pornography.…

Clearwater, FL — Officials with a Florida Humane Society are presumably reviewing policies on workplace fraternization after an ex-employee – and boyfriend of current HS medical director – was charged with having sex with a dog.

Eric Antunes, 29, was arrested after police reportedly found child pornography and evidence of his own act of bestiality in his possession.

Clearwater police began investigating Antunes after getting a tip that he possessed child pornography. A search of the computer yielded nine explicit photos and one explicit video depicting children, detectives said. According to police, he has admitted to downloading and viewing the child pornography on his home computer. A check of Antunes’ cell phone then revealed “several images of bestiality” involving Antunes and his girlfriend’s dog, police said. Ruh-roh.

The situation is a bit unique because, as it turns out, Antunes was a past employee of the Pinellas Humane Society and the girlfriend is the current medical director. Clearwater Public Communications Director Joelle Castelli said police do not have evidence that the girlfriend was aware of the fact Antunes was taking photos of himself engaged in sex acts with her pit-bull mix.…

NEWTON COUNTY, GA — Police have arrested a teenager after he was videotaped having sex with his neighbor’s female pit bulls.

Dr. Cathryn Lafayette says 19-year old Bernard Archer was supposed to clean out the kennel that housed her four pit bulls on Saturday. She had paid for him to enter a program to get his GED, and this was part of how he was to repay the debt.

But when police showed up to her door the other day, they informed her that it wasn’t just the dogs’ kennel Archer had been inside of that day. They informed her that they were there because her neighbors had called 911 to report seeing “a young black male having sexual intercourse with two dogs.”

At first she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, that Archer would repay her favor by raping her dogs, until police showed her some video her neighbors had taken.

“And it showed him on his knees inside the kennel with my dog. He was on his knees like he was a dog,” said Lafayette.…

DAVIS, OK — Police have arrested an elderly gentlemen after he was caught on camera making sweet, sweet love to a female pig inside a school’s agriculture barn.

Surveillance video inside a barn  located on the property of Davis Public Schools captured 77-year-old Jimmy “Hawkeye” Jeter walking into the pig’s pen, unzipping his pants and pulling something out of his pants. He then bends over the pig and shows his extreme appreciation for the other white meat.

When questioned by police, Jimmy Jeter informed them that they had it all wrong and that he didn’t have sex with the pig, he simply stuck his finger “up her private.” He did admit that he got sexual gratification from the incident and used to do this in the early  ’70s.

Jeter was arrested and booked into the Murray County Jail on charges of detestable and abominable crime against nature. Jeter seems to have a tendency to get into trouble with animals, having served time for stealing cattle in 2008 and attempting to steal horses in 2011.…

Sarah Dae WalkerPhoenix, AZ – A husband, his wife, and her lover have all been charged with conspiracy to commit bestiality after they used Craigslist to find a dog for the wife to have sex with.

The couple, 39-year-old Shane Walker and 34-year-old Sarah Dae Walker, describe themselves as swingers in an open marriage. When Sarah told her lover of about a month, 30-year-old Robert Aucker, that she wanted to have sex with a dog while he and her husband watched, the trio turned to Craigslist’s classifieds.

They eventually found someone who had a golden shepherd they would allow Sarah to have sex with and emailed the dog’s owner for three weeks to set up the meat and greet. What they didn’t know was that the dog’s owner had no intentions of letting Sarah try out his dog’s lipstick. He was actually an undercover officer.

Sarah, Shane and Robert were arrested after driving to the arranged location where the sexual encounter was to take place. Police say that before the trio were informed they had been set up, they had offered the undercover detective the opportunity to take part.…

Rye, NY — A building superintendent previously employed at the Rye Colony apartment complex is presumably hanging his head in shame after a suspicious tenant learned the super had been entering his apartment and buggerin’ his male Labrador Retriever.

The unidentified tenant told investigators he suspected someone had been illegally entering his apartment while he was gone, so he set up a nannycam. On February 8, said cam captured 41-year-old Kujtim Nicaj entering the apartment with his key. Once inside, police say, Nicaj proceeded to sodomize the critter.

After learning of the arrest, property manager Mike May promptly sh*tcanned Nicaj, who had worked at the complex for six years. May also took away all the keys Nicaj had to residents’ apartments.

Nicaj, a married father of two, was arrested on charges of burglary and sexual misconduct. He has since been released on $100,000 bail.

Nicaj’s lawyer, Steven Davidson, said that his client denies molesting the dog. And though he is aware of the videotape, he claims the neither he nor his client have been given the opportunity to view it.…

Hartlepool, UK – A UK court has jailed Gareth Francis Owen, 22, indefinitely after a judge branded him a danger to the public. Owen had been sentenced two weeks ago to five months incarceration for causing unnecessary suffering to his Labrador after admitting having sex with the dog. This additional sentence comes in response to Owen pleading guilty to added charges of making and possessing both “extreme” and “child” pornography.

Owen’s troubles began when he took his computer to a shop to be repaired. A call to the police led to the discovery of ‘indecent photos’ of children and a ‘sickening collection’ of bestiality pictures. Court records describe there being evidence of several ‘vile’ movies which had been deleted. In addition, Owen’s probation report described the defendant writing pornographic accounts involving explicit sexual activities between ‘adult males and Pokemon characters.’

When considering the charge of the assault on the dog, Prosecutor Lynne Dalton said Owen admitted having sexual relations with a number of family pets and horses from the age of 14.…

Phoenix, AZ — Thurman McGriff was taken into custody Saturday after witnesses say he received or pretended to receive a blowjob from a puppy.

Police initially responded to the area in response to a report that a man was exposing himself in public. And after interviewing a couple of witnesses, an adult and a 9-year-old boy, learned that McGriff, 54, may or may not have used a puppy’s mouth to pleasure himself.

Both witnesses reportedly told police they saw McGriff expose himself while holding the puppy, claiming that, at one point, the man used, or acted like he was using, his new puppy’s mouth to pleasure himself.

When McGriff realized the young’un was watching him, he reportedly threatened to do the same thing to him if he didn’t stop staring.

McGriff was booked into jail on one count of indecent exposure, one count of bestiality and one count of sexual indecency with an animal.…

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