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Man Arrested For Stabbing Watermelon In "Threatening" MannerWoman Critically Injured After Teens Throw Rock From OverpassElizabeth Johnson, Mother Of Missing Baby Gabriel, A Free WomanTerry Davis Accused Of Molesting Female Rottweiler PuppyMallory Loyola First Woman Charged Under New Tennessee Law That Criminalizes Drug Use During PregnancyJason Brown Accused Of Adopting Dogs, Dismembering Them In Motel RoomMan Sentenced For Beating Toddler To Death While Trying To Turn Her GayMan Beat His Two Cats To Death With Golf Club Because They Betrayed HimNaked Man Accused Of Breaking Into Family's Home, Licking Young GirlJoy McCall Gets 10 Years In Prison For Having Sex With 12-Year-Old Boy

Woman Accused Of Bashing Her Mother In The Head With VibratorAlbuquerque, NM — Cara Claffy, 35, is being held at the Bernalillo County jail, charged with domestic violence and aggravated battery of a family member, after allegedly knocking her mother upside the head with a vibrator.

60-year-old Sheryl Claffy called police Sunday to report that her spawn struck her on the head with the device, leaving her bloodied, and was attempting to leave the residence they shared.

Mom told police she was just sitting there watching tv, when an argument between herself and her daughter erupted. It was then, she said, that Cara grabbed the electric vibrator and whacked her in the dome.

She pointed out a pickup truck sitting nearby, and informed officers that her daughter was inside. She wasn’t. The alleged weapon, however, was. An officer retrieved the vibrator from the floor of the vehicle. A detailed description of the device has not been made available.

Cara was apprehended after exiting a nearby home. She told officers she argued with her mother, but she didn’t harm the woman. In fact, Cara said, the old lady just came out of a room, all bloody and stuff, and informed her that she had hit herself in the head with the vibrator.…

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Woman Recruits 7 Year Old Child To Assist Her In The Beating Of Family Dollar ClerkHolly Hill, FL — A woman accused of shoplifting from a Family Dollar store and beating a store clerk is also accused of ordering a 7-year-old child to assist in the beating of said clerk.

The unidentified woman to the left entered the store at about 7:00 Wednesday evening, with two children in tow. The source article states the children, ages 1 and 7, were the women’s children, but police have yet to determine whether that’s fact.

While the woman was wandering through the store, placing items in her cart, a store clerk glanced over and watched as the woman removed a sale sticker from her purse and placed it on a toy.

At the register, the woman learned the item she placed the sticker on wasn’t on sale, and she declined the purchase. She then apparently walked out of the store with a bunch of crap in her basket that she hadn’t paid for.

The clerk, who I am sure makes minimum wage, therefore, shouldn’t give a flying fuck whether someone walked out of the damn store with half the inventory, followed. …

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Father Attacked Suspect In DUI Crash That Killed His SonDavie, FL — A grieving father, angry over the death of his son in an alleged drunk driving accident, was arrested at the courthouse Monday after attempting to knock the stupid out of the man accused in the boy’s death.

On June 12, 2011, Juan Gonzalez Jr. was riding his motorcycle when he slammed into a Jeep Cherokee driven by John Powers. Police allege Powers was attempting to make a u-turn from northbound State Road 7 at Orange Drive. Gonzalez, who was traveling south, slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting the Jeep. The motorcycle skidded, slid on its side, and slammed into the Jeep. Gonzalez died from his injuries the next day.

A Davie police officer noticed the smell of alcohol on Powers’ breath, and several empty beer cans were found in his vehicle. He blew a 0.15, which is nearly twice the legal limit.

Powers was ultimately charged with DUI manslaughter and manslaughter with an unlawful blood alcohol level. He pleaded not guilty Monday. The Gonzalez family was in attendance at that hearing.…

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Man Arrested After He Allegedly Swung His Penis At Women In A Rotary Helicopter MotionIndianapolis, IN — Ya know,  the title alone tells an entire story, but since I love you people, I’ve decided to go ahead and elaborate. The 34-year-old gentleman to the left is facing numerous charges after a couple women complained to police that he was “swinging” his wiener at ‘em.

A Metro officer was just kinda driving around doing what officers do Tuesday, when he was flagged down by two women.

One of the women reportedly told the officer that a man approached her from behind (giggity) and grabbed her by the arm. When she turned to look, she noticed the man had his dick out of his drawers and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion.” How the woman managed to resist jumping on that thing right then and there is a friggin’ mystery…..

The woman also told the officer the man claimed to have a gun and demanded that she come with him.

The man, later identified as Shawn Harvell, began “briskly” walking away when the women flagged the officer down.…

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Missing Mac n Cheese Packets Leads To Minor Father Son BeatdownSpartanburg County, SC — A 20-year-old man is behind bars, and a father is likely wishing the kid’s mother woulda just swallowed, after a somewhat violent altercation that started with fake cheese.

Alex Rossi, an apparently ungrateful turd of a son, still lives at home but contributes nothing to the household, according to his pops. When pops went to make some mac and cheese for dinner Sunday, he found the cheese packets were missing from the box. Mother. Fucker.

Pops confronted Rossi and demanded that he stop using up all the damn cheese packets. Because few things in life are as disappointing as a box full of boring, cheeseless pasta, folks….

The two reportedly fought back and forth for a bit, and when pops walked back in the house, he said Rossi ran after him and punched him in the face and head, deputies said.

At some point, the two ended up on the ground… with the spawn in a headlock. *cheers*

When officers arrived on scene, they noticed a bruise and cut on dad’s face.…

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Woman Arrested For Violently Yanking Ex Boyfriends PenisTampa, FL — Not a lot to this one, but involves dick and an apparently unrepentant suspect. So I’m on it…

Laquavia Wallace, 22, was taken into custody earlier this week after police say she violently yanked her ex-boyfriend’s penis during a dispute over their relationship.

According to the police report, Wallace was at the victim’s home Tuesday, picking up the offspring they share, when she mentioned that she was was interested in resuming their relationship.

The victim, Antonio Williams, wasn’t having it — he reportedly told Wallace that he wasn’t interested in a relationship at this time. And with that, Wallace allegedly grabbed a handful of dick and began pulling and yanking, causing pain and quite possibly a few tears.

Fortunately for Mr. Williams, his dick wasn’t cut off and mutilated, chewed on, boiled or bbq’d. He remains in possession of his manhood.

Wallace was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not yet been set.…

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Jonathan Noe Gets Four Years In Prison For Beating Girlfriend With Shake WeightWest Lafayette, IN – It’s been two years since we first reported on Jonathan Noe, the man charged with beating his girlfriend with a Shake Weight. On Monday, he was sentenced to four years behind bars.

On November 9, 2011, Noe’s girlfriend called police to report he had beaten the shit out of her with a Shake Weight. When police arrived at the her home, she reportedly told them Noe violated a protective order she filed in June of that year when he showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her.

He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating the crap out of her with a Shake Weight. Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat.

Medical documents revealed the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.…

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Ball Scratching Leads To Battery Charge For Florida ManManatee County, FL — Don’t really even know where to begin with this one…..

Ronald Howard, 30, was booked on battery charges earlier this week after arguing with his live-in girlfriend about his alleged ball scratching.

Howard was apparently just hanging out on the couch, scratching his nuts, when his girlfriend, 25-year-old Shalamar “Wow! Would you look at those eyebrows!” Petrarca, told him to knock it the fuck off. She was disgusted, you see, because she was apparently getting ready to shove food in her pie-hole or something.

According to the arrest report, this displeased Howard. He rose from the couch, police say, and confronted the woman, face to face, and demanded that she “stop judging him!”

Petrarca told police Howard then shoved her to the ground, threw her outside and told her to “get the hell out.” Police observed a scratch on the woman’s leg that seemed to back up her side of the story.

When questioned, Howard told police Petrarca punched him in the eye for scratching his balls.…

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Woman Accused Of Attacking Ex Fiancés New Girl In BedDeltona, Florida – Kelli Custis 27, is accused of breaking into her ex fiancé’s house and beating his new girlfriend as she laid in bed this past week.

It is alleged that Miss Custis broke into her ex fiancé’s place and proceeded to his bedroom. The man and his new girl were in bed when Custic flicked the lights on and attacked the new girlfriend by scratching her. Police say Custis scratched the new girlfriend’s arms, face and pulled out a few clumps of hair. Not so pretty now, is she!?

Meanwhile, the ex grabbed the phone and called 911:

Dispatcher: You said there are two girls in your bed doing what?
Caller: I have my ex-fiancee in my bed. And I’ve got another girl in my house.
Dispatcher: The girls are fighting in your bed?
Caller: Yes, right now.
Caller: Can I get a [expletive] cop, hurry?
Dispatcher: What are they fighting about?
Caller: They’re [expletive] women. I’m sorry, I apologize.

When police showed up, Custis claimed that the new girlfriend started the fight.…

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Man Confesses To Biting Off Girlfriends Thumb During Argument  Palm Bay, FL – Police in Florida say a man bit off his girlfriend’s left thumb and spit it on the floor of his car after an argument earlier this week.

According to Palm Bay police spokeswoman Yvonne Martinez, hospital staff called police after the woman showed up for treatment Wednesday.

“The nurse advised (the victim) was treated for a severed left thumb, and that the woman continued to say “I can’t believe he bit my finger off,’” she said.

I have to wonder how many cuss words Ms. Martinez left out of the above statement. I’m guessing about fifteen…

The victim was gone by the time police arrived at the hospital, but they quickly located her and learned a confession had already been made.

Police say the woman’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, 35-year-old Ricardo Marquis Davis, admitted to biting the woman’s thumb clean off after the two argued.

“He was driving her to work, she works at a Taco Bell in Palm Bay,” Martinez said. “During the course of the drive down to work they got into a verbal argument, and she basically became upset.…

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Man Celebrates The End Of 2012 By Punching Random Woman, Getting Nekkid Stock Island, FL — Yes, Demonites, another story out of Florida. Three in one morning. Must be a record or something….

Meet Deni Noa. He reportedly celebrated the New Year by punching some random female driver in the eye (one of Morbid’s sick fantasies), getting nekkid, and fighting with police.

Yep, according to police, Noa approached a vehicle stopped at a red light, reached inside the window, and popped the female behind the wheel before disappearing into the night. Presumably while cackling maniacally and drooling. Maybe even skipping….

As an officer was taking the woman’s statement, he heard a report over the radio about a man lying on a roadway nearby.

The officer responding to that call reported seeing a man laying on the street all nekkid and stuff. He also reported seeing two other men at the scene… they were apparently struggling with the nekkid guy and trying to stuff him in the trunk of their car.

Turns out the two other men on the scene were Noa’s brothers. Know why they were trying to stuff Noa in the trunk?…

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Get Off First And Leave Your Woman Hanging? Thats A BeatinManatee County, FL — A 50-year-old Florida woman is facing battery charges after police allege she roughed up her 32-year-old boyfriend because the bastard blew his load and failed to finish her off during a mutual oral sex session.

Ahhh, Florida… you never fail to disappoint.

According to the police report, Jennie Scott and her long-term on again-off again boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon, were sixty-nining late Thursday evening, when Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her.” This, of course, led to a stabbing an argument.

At some point during the argument, witnesses say, Scott turned violent, punching and scratching Deleon.

Witnesses claim Scott armed herself with a stick and began beating Deleon. Fortunately for him, he was able to disarm her and hand the stick off to one of the witnesses before he lost an eye or something.

Undeterred, Scott reportedly picked up a nearby wrench and threatened to brain Deleon, but was grabbed from behind and disarmed once again.

Scott later told police that not only was she angry about Deleon’s apparent lack of oral skills, she was also pissed because she had heard him having sex with another woman on the phone earlier that day.…

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Man Accused Of Beating Children For Farting In Car

December 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm by  

Man Accused Of Beating Children For Farting In CarDeLand, FL – A Florida man has been accused of taking a belt to three young children because one of them farted in the car and failed to own up to it.

Austin Davis, 32, was taken into custody Thursday in connection with the incident, which apparently occurred sometime during Thanksgiving Day weekend.

According to police, Davis was traveling with the children when one of ‘em let a juicy one rip. He apparently became unhinged when the kiddos zipped their lips and refused to tattle on the butt trumpeter, and each got a taste of the belt.

The beatings were so severe, police say, the children had significant bruising and painful injuries. A female relative close to the children took photos of the alleged injuries, but for whatever reason, didn’t inform the authorities until just recently.

The photos reportedly showed a 6-year-old with dark bruising to the legs, buttocks and thighs. A 12-year-old also had dark bruises on his legs and thighs. And a 9-year-old refused to have pictures of his bruises taken because he feared retaliation if Davis found out he reported the incident.…

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Bacon Lovin Shoplifter Charged After Assaulting Piggly Wiggly EmployeesAthens, GA — I normally wouldn’t post a shoplifting story, but because this woman has a fantabulous mugshot and a “shopping list” to die for, I figured I’d give it a go.

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.

According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.

When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.

Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…

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Man Rides Motorcycle Into Bar And Demands Fight, Bar CompliesSouth Haven, IN - Police say a man drove his motorcycle inside an Indiana bar Saturday night and challenged the bar to a fight. The bar resoundingly said ‘yes.’

Witnesses said John Daniels, 43, drove his motorcycle into Sportsman’s Bar through the opened front door just before 7 p.m. Saturday and asked if anyone wanted to fight.

While bar employees tried to push the motorcycle outside, Daniels reportedly got off the bike and began fighting with employees and other patrons. Sheriff’s police were called to the bar for ‘a large fight in progress.’

Police arrested Daniels on a battery and disorderly conduct charges and an additional charge of felony mugshot grimacing. Police also arrested Thomas Hines, 47, who told police that he began fighting alongside Daniels because ‘everyone attacked [him].’

Hines was also charged with battery and disorderly conduct charges.  Additional charges against both men for unlawful possession of douchey facial hair and felony resisting middle age are presumably still pending.…

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Man Tells Police He Gutted Neighbor With Big Ass Knife After DisagreementTampa, FL — Steve Lott, 30, was taken into custody Tuesday after he apparently called 911 to report he had cut his neighbor with a “big-ass knife” because the man had entered his home.

When police arrived on scene, they found 56-year-old Tony Jackson suffering from a massive wound to the gut. So massive, police say, his internal organs and intestines were visible and/or falling out.

According to investigators, after a long standing dispute with Jackson, Lott had finally had enough and walked over to the man’s home and opened up his gut with his big-ass, razor-sharp knife.

Police say Lott resisted arrest and was tasered while being taken into custody. And though he later admitted to quarreling with Jackson, he denied stabbing the guy. Lott is now facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer without violence.

Prosecutors have asked for increased bond, calling Lott a habitual violent offender. (Lott spent a year in prison after he was convicted of assaulting a pregnant woman with a deadly weapon and holding her captive in his home back in ’07).…

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Man Accused Of Beating Woman With Hammer, Raping Her Child, Stabbing DogCarpentersville, IL — The totally sane lookin’ fella to the left is facing a butt-load of charges after police say he beat a woman unconscious with a hammer, raped her daughter and stabbed her dog.

Daniel Happ was arrested early Wednesday morning after police responded to the woman’s home on a disturbance call. When police arrived on scene, they found a 23-year-old woman unconscious and suffering from numerous blows to the head. Also in the home, the woman’s 8-year-old daughter, who police believe had been raped by Happ. Police say the sh*thead threatened to bludgeon the child with the same hammer he beat the snot out of her mamma with as he defiled her.

In addition to the two human victims, police also found a dog in the home to be suffering from several stab wounds.

The woman was transported to the hospital for treatment, but because of her condition, she was unable to assist police with their investigation. The child was interviewed by professionals at the Kane County Child Advocacy Center and taken someplace safe, and the dog is in the care of a local veterinarian.…

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Woman Accused Of Severely Burning Grandchildrens TonguesNew Castle, IN — A 56-year-old woman is facing battery charges after her two young grandsons claimed she burned their tongues with a heater, causing blisters.

The injuries were discovered late last month after the boys, ages 6 and 3, were returned to their foster parents after a visit with their grandmother.

The older child reportedly told police he and his brother were ordered to line up with their tongues sticking out. Grandma then used a screen from the front of a heater to burn them.

After an investigation that spanned nearly a month, Shirley Hagerman was taken into custody on two felony counts of battery. Police say she bonded out the day after her arrest.

No word on the motive behind the alleged incident, but I’m going with crazy.…

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Women Offer To Bare Breasts For Beer Money, Stay ThirstySt. James City, FL — Two women were taken into custody after police say their sad attempts to flash fellow bar patrons to earn extra beer money escalated into an attack in the parking lot.

According to Lee deputies, 28-year-old Alicia Martin, left, and her pal Kathryn Rayannic, 24, had run out of cash while getting plastered at The Waterfront restaurant Wednesday, and were offering to bare their boobies for beer money.

“We had five guys that were like, ‘Please, leave us alone,’” said waiter Shaun Bassett. “They actually went up to tables who had their wives there.”

Sadly, the two women had no takers at all.Women Offer To Bare Breasts For Beer Money, Stay Thirsty

“Basically when they were turned down, they kind of got a little rowdy,” Bassett said.

After receiving numerous complaints about their bawdy behavior, restaurant staff attempted to remove the pathetic souses from the premises. It was then that Martin allegedly responded by shoving a female employee into a wall. The alleged assault continued after the party exited the building, with Martin punching the same female employee in the back of the head.…

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Man Charged After Trying To Kill Cat That Made Him Fail Online ExamGainesville, FL – Marvelle Rucker, 21, was taken into custody Sunday after admitting to police that he tried to smother his girlfriend’s cat because it caused him to fail an online exam.

Rucker’s girlfriend told police the cat was lethargic and unresponsive when she returned home from work Sunday afternoon. Also, in what I would have to assume was an argument over the state of the cat’s health, police say Rucker cornered the girlfriend in the bathroom and yelled at her and repeatedly poked her in the face for about 10 or 15 minutes.

When questioned about the cat, Rucker reportedly laughed as he told the arresting officer he placed a pillow over the critter’s face and punched it. He was trying to kill it, he said, because the damn thing caused him to fail a test.

Rucker admitted to cornering his girlfriend in the bathroom, telling police he wasn’t going to let her out until she listened to what he had to say. He also admitted to poking the woman in the face, but said that because he wasn’t actually beating her, he didn’t think it was a crime.…

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