LARGO, FL – Police have charged 25-year-old Mackenzie Freeman after he became angry about his mother’s dog eating his marijuana, and pushed her to the ground.
According to the police report, Freeman and his 57-year-old mother got into an argument after he found her pooch had scarfed an undisclosed amount of his cheeba.
Freeman got so angry that the 6’2″, 222-lb man-child punched holes in the wall, shoved his mother to the ground and hit her in the head with a pair of pants.
Police were called to the residence, but Freeman took off running when they arrived. After a brief chase, Freeman was apprehended and taken into custody.
After being read his rights, he “admitted to pushing his mother down and hitting her in the head with his pants” and said that she “deserved it.”
Freeman is now facing a domestic battery charge, which should sit nicely beside his past charges of theft, burglary, and narcotics possession.…
Shari Walters, 53, was charged Thursday with aggravated battery, cruelty or extreme cruelty to animals, and assault with intent to commit a violent felony.
According to the criminal complaint, one of Walters’ roommates called police a couple weeks ago to report she had been poisoned.
In the complaint, Walters’ roommate, Beverly Bradley, stated to police that she had witnessed Walters having sex with her German Shepherd, Spike, in a shed on the property. She was shocked, she told police, and returned to the house to wait for Walters.
When Walters walked into the home, she didn’t even try and deny that she had been screwing the pooch. Instead, she admitted to Beverly that she copulated with her dog. Multiple times. Furthermore, she also admitted she had been fucking dogs since she was 14. Hell, she even fucked her boyfriend’s German Shepherd, Jake. Multiple times.…
Jan Harding was dining at the restaurant with her husband on Sunday, when she poured a glass of tea from a self-serve dispenser. After one sip, she began gagging and spit the liquid out.
I said, what is wrong?” recalled Jim Harding. “She said, ‘I just drank acid.'”
Jan was rushed to a local hospital, where it was determined that the burns were severe enough to warrant a trip to a burn unit. She was airlifted to the University of Utah’s burn unit and remains in critical condition with injuries to her mouth, throat and esophagus.
Police have determined an employee mistakenly added “Clean Force Fryer Cleaner,” which contains lye, to the tea instead of sugar. The employee responsible for making the tainted tea could face charges of battery. If Harding happens to die because of the severity of her injuries, a charge of criminally negligent homicide.…
Albuquerque, NM — Cara Claffy, 35, is being held at the Bernalillo County jail, charged with domestic violence and aggravated battery of a family member, after allegedly knocking her mother upside the head with a vibrator.
60-year-old Sheryl Claffy called police Sunday to report that her spawn struck her on the head with the device, leaving her bloodied, and was attempting to leave the residence they shared.
Mom told police she was just sitting there watching tv, when an argument between herself and her daughter erupted. It was then, she said, that Cara grabbed the electric vibrator and whacked her in the dome.
She pointed out a pickup truck sitting nearby, and informed officers that her daughter was inside. She wasn’t. The alleged weapon, however, was. An officer retrieved the vibrator from the floor of the vehicle. A detailed description of the device has not been made available.
Cara was apprehended after exiting a nearby home. She told officers she argued with her mother, but she didn’t harm the woman. In fact, Cara said, the old lady just came out of a room, all bloody and stuff, and informed her that she had hit herself in the head with the vibrator.…
The unidentified woman to the left entered the store at about 7:00 Wednesday evening, with two children in tow. The source article states the children, ages 1 and 7, were the women’s children, but police have yet to determine whether that’s fact.
While the woman was wandering through the store, placing items in her cart, a store clerk glanced over and watched as the woman removed a sale sticker from her purse and placed it on a toy.
At the register, the woman learned the item she placed the sticker on wasn’t on sale, and she declined the purchase. She then apparently walked out of the store with a bunch of crap in her basket that she hadn’t paid for.
The clerk, who I am sure makes minimum wage, therefore, shouldn’t give a flying fuck whether someone walked out of the damn store with half the inventory, followed. …
Davie, FL — A grieving father, angry over the death of his son in an alleged drunk driving accident, was arrested at the courthouse Monday after attempting to knock the stupid out of the man accused in the boy’s death.
On June 12, 2011, Juan Gonzalez Jr. was riding his motorcycle when he slammed into a Jeep Cherokee driven by John Powers. Police allege Powers was attempting to make a u-turn from northbound State Road 7 at Orange Drive. Gonzalez, who was traveling south, slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting the Jeep. The motorcycle skidded, slid on its side, and slammed into the Jeep. Gonzalez died from his injuries the next day.
A Davie police officer noticed the smell of alcohol on Powers’ breath, and several empty beer cans were found in his vehicle. He blew a 0.15, which is nearly twice the legal limit.
Powers was ultimately charged with DUI manslaughter and manslaughter with an unlawful blood alcohol level. He pleaded not guilty Monday. The Gonzalez family was in attendance at that hearing.…
Indianapolis, IN — Ya know, the title alone tells an entire story, but since I love you people, I’ve decided to go ahead and elaborate. The 34-year-old gentleman to the left is facing numerous charges after a couple women complained to police that he was “swinging” his wiener at ’em.
A Metro officer was just kinda driving around doing what officers do Tuesday, when he was flagged down by two women.
One of the women reportedly told the officer that a man approached her from behind (giggity) and grabbed her by the arm. When she turned to look, she noticed the man had his dick out of his drawers and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion.” How the woman managed to resist jumping on that thing right then and there is a friggin’ mystery…..
The woman also told the officer the man claimed to have a gun and demanded that she come with him.
The man, later identified as Shawn Harvell, began “briskly” walking away when the women flagged the officer down.…
Alex Rossi, an apparently ungrateful turd of a son, still lives at home but contributes nothing to the household, according to his pops. When pops went to make some mac and cheese for dinner Sunday, he found the cheese packets were missing from the box. Mother. Fucker.
Pops confronted Rossi and demanded that he stop using up all the damn cheese packets. Because few things in life are as disappointing as a box full of boring, cheeseless pasta, folks….
The two reportedly fought back and forth for a bit, and when pops walked back in the house, he said Rossi ran after him and punched him in the face and head, deputies said.
At some point, the two ended up on the ground… with the spawn in a headlock. *cheers*
When officers arrived on scene, they noticed a bruise and cut on dad’s face.…
Laquavia Wallace, 22, was taken into custody earlier this week after police say she violently yanked her ex-boyfriend’s penis during a dispute over their relationship.
According to the police report, Wallace was at the victim’s home Tuesday, picking up the offspring they share, when she mentioned that she was was interested in resuming their relationship.
The victim, Antonio Williams, wasn’t having it — he reportedly told Wallace that he wasn’t interested in a relationship at this time. And with that, Wallace allegedly grabbed a handful of dick and began pulling and yanking, causing pain and quite possibly a few tears.
Wallace was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not yet been set.…
West Lafayette, IN – It’s been two years since we first reported on Jonathan Noe, the man charged with beating his girlfriend with a Shake Weight. On Monday, he was sentenced to four years behind bars.
On November 9, 2011, Noe’s girlfriend called police to report he had beaten the shit out of her with a Shake Weight. When police arrived at the her home, she reportedly told them Noe violated a protective order she filed in June of that year when he showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her.
He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating the crap out of her with a Shake Weight. Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat.
Medical documents revealed the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.…
Ronald Howard, 30, was booked on battery charges earlier this week after arguing with his live-in girlfriend about his alleged ball scratching.
Howard was apparently just hanging out on the couch, scratching his nuts, when his girlfriend, 25-year-old Shalamar “Wow! Would you look at those eyebrows!” Petrarca, told him to knock it the fuck off. She was disgusted, you see, because she was apparently getting ready to shove food in her pie-hole or something.
According to the arrest report, this displeased Howard. He rose from the couch, police say, and confronted the woman, face to face, and demanded that she “stop judging him!”
Petrarca told police Howard then shoved her to the ground, threw her outside and told her to “get the hell out.” Police observed a scratch on the woman’s leg that seemed to back up her side of the story.
When questioned, Howard told police Petrarca punched him in the eye for scratching his balls.…
It is alleged that Miss Custis broke into her ex fiancé’s place and proceeded to his bedroom. The man and his new girl were in bed when Custic flicked the lights on and attacked the new girlfriend by scratching her. Police say Custis scratched the new girlfriend’s arms, face and pulled out a few clumps of hair. Not so pretty now, is she!?
Meanwhile, the ex grabbed the phone and called 911:
Dispatcher: You said there are two girls in your bed doing what?
Caller: I have my ex-fiancee in my bed. And I’ve got another girl in my house.
Dispatcher: The girls are fighting in your bed?
Caller: Yes, right now.
Caller: Can I get a [expletive] cop, hurry?
Dispatcher: What are they fighting about?
Caller: They’re [expletive] women. I’m sorry, I apologize.
When police showed up, Custis claimed that the new girlfriend started the fight.…
According to Palm Bay police spokeswoman Yvonne Martinez, hospital staff called police after the woman showed up for treatment Wednesday.
“The nurse advised (the victim) was treated for a severed left thumb, and that the woman continued to say “I can’t believe he bit my finger off,'” she said.
I have to wonder how many cuss words Ms. Martinez left out of the above statement. I’m guessing about fifteen…
The victim was gone by the time police arrived at the hospital, but they quickly located her and learned a confession had already been made.
Police say the woman’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, 35-year-old Ricardo Marquis Davis, admitted to biting the woman’s thumb clean off after the two argued.
“He was driving her to work, she works at a Taco Bell in Palm Bay,” Martinez said. “During the course of the drive down to work they got into a verbal argument, and she basically became upset.…
Meet Deni Noa. He reportedly celebrated the New Year by punching some random female driver in the eye (one of Morbid’s sick fantasies), getting nekkid, and fighting with police.
Yep, according to police, Noa approached a vehicle stopped at a red light, reached inside the window, and popped the female behind the wheel before disappearing into the night. Presumably while cackling maniacally and drooling. Maybe even skipping….
As an officer was taking the woman’s statement, he heard a report over the radio about a man lying on a roadway nearby.
The officer responding to that call reported seeing a man laying on the street all nekkid and stuff. He also reported seeing two other men at the scene… they were apparently struggling with the nekkid guy and trying to stuff him in the trunk of their car.
Turns out the two other men on the scene were Noa’s brothers. Know why they were trying to stuff Noa in the trunk?…
Manatee County, FL — A 50-year-old Florida woman is facing battery charges after police allege she roughed up her 32-year-old boyfriend because the bastard blew his load and failed to finish her off during a mutual oral sex session.
Ahhh, Florida… you never fail to disappoint.
According to the police report, Jennie Scott and her long-term on again-off again boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon, were sixty-nining late Thursday evening, when Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her.” This, of course, led to
a stabbing an argument.
At some point during the argument, witnesses say, Scott turned violent, punching and scratching Deleon.
Witnesses claim Scott armed herself with a stick and began beating Deleon. Fortunately for him, he was able to disarm her and hand the stick off to one of the witnesses before he lost an eye or something.
Undeterred, Scott reportedly picked up a nearby wrench and threatened to brain Deleon, but was grabbed from behind and disarmed once again.
Scott later told police that not only was she angry about Deleon’s apparent lack of oral skills, she was also pissed because she had heard him having sex with another woman on the phone earlier that day.…
DeLand, FL — A Florida man has been accused of taking a belt to three young children because one of them farted in the car and failed to own up to it.
Austin Davis, 32, was taken into custody Thursday in connection with the incident, which apparently occurred sometime during Thanksgiving Day weekend.
According to police, Davis was traveling with the children when one of ’em let a juicy one rip. He apparently became unhinged when the kiddos zipped their lips and refused to tattle on the butt trumpeter, and each got a taste of the belt.
The beatings were so severe, police say, the children had significant bruising and painful injuries. A female relative close to the children took photos of the alleged injuries, but for whatever reason, didn’t inform the authorities until just recently.
The photos reportedly showed a 6-year-old with dark bruising to the legs, buttocks and thighs. A 12-year-old also had dark bruises on his legs and thighs. And a 9-year-old refused to have pictures of his bruises taken because he feared retaliation if Davis found out he reported the incident.…
Reno, NV – Jeff Fleming, 53, reportedly shot a golfer who had just shattered a window his home with an errant shot.
Fleming lives beside the 16th hole of the Lakeridge Golf Course. You’d think that one who had decided to live adjacent to a golf course would be somewhat accepting of the fact that balls occasionally go astray and break things. While that may be true, Fleming allegedly got upset enough about a broken window in his home that he responded to the responsible golfer with a loaded shotgun, rendering non-life-threatening injuries to his legs and one arm.
The suspect’s neighbors told investigators that it was a “common, everyday deal” for stray golf balls to hit their homes, police Lt. Keith Brown said.
Every dude has his breaking point though, right? Fleming seemingly met up with his on Friday afternoon.
Apparently, the golfer hadn’t realized that he’d broken a window and was merely searching for his ball when he encountered a shotgun-toting Fleming, who reportedly opted to shoot first and argue later, according to Lt.…
Altamonte Springs, FL – Steven Alden Shepard, 60, was arrested Monday morning for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in an apartment complex laundry room while he was wearing nothing but a shirt he had taken from her wash.
The woman told police that she was loading some clothes into a basket when Shepard entered the room completely naked with the exception of a shirt he had previously removed from her laundry. He then reportedly pushed her shoulders, forcing her into a sitting position on the floor while he played with his junk and hollered commands at her. No word on what the commands were, but I’m guessing it was something like “criss-cross apple sauce!” and “prepare for the semen tsunami!”
When the woman fought back, Shepard apparently fled the room. The woman went back to her apartment to call police.
The first officer on the scene spotted Shepard, who was wearing nothing but jeans, running through the community. After a brief pursuit, Shepard, who was easily identified by his extraordinarily large ears and the fact that his eyes are nearly touching, stopped and allowed himself to be handcuffed.…