Albuquerque, NM — Cara Claffy, 35, is being held at the Bernalillo County jail, charged with domestic violence and aggravated battery of a family member, after allegedly knocking her mother upside the head with a vibrator.
60-year-old Sheryl Claffy called police Sunday to report that her spawn struck her on the head with the device, leaving her bloodied, and was attempting to leave the residence they shared.
Mom told police she was just sitting there watching tv, when an argument between herself and her daughter erupted. It was then, she said, that Cara grabbed the electric vibrator and whacked her in the dome.
She pointed out a pickup truck sitting nearby, and informed officers that her daughter was inside. She wasn’t. The alleged weapon, however, was. An officer retrieved the vibrator from the floor of the vehicle. A detailed description of the device has not been made available.
Cara was apprehended after exiting a nearby home. She told officers she argued with her mother, but she didn’t harm the woman. In fact, Cara said, the old lady just came out of a room, all bloody and stuff, and informed her that she had hit herself in the head with the vibrator.…Continue Reading
The unidentified woman to the left entered the store at about 7:00 Wednesday evening, with two children in tow. The source article states the children, ages 1 and 7, were the women’s children, but police have yet to determine whether that’s fact.
While the woman was wandering through the store, placing items in her cart, a store clerk glanced over and watched as the woman removed a sale sticker from her purse and placed it on a toy.
At the register, the woman learned the item she placed the sticker on wasn’t on sale, and she declined the purchase. She then apparently walked out of the store with a bunch of crap in her basket that she hadn’t paid for.
The clerk, who I am sure makes minimum wage, therefore, shouldn’t give a flying fuck whether someone walked out of the damn store with half the inventory, followed. …Continue Reading
Davie, FL — A grieving father, angry over the death of his son in an alleged drunk driving accident, was arrested at the courthouse Monday after attempting to knock the stupid out of the man accused in the boy’s death.
On June 12, 2011, Juan Gonzalez Jr. was riding his motorcycle when he slammed into a Jeep Cherokee driven by John Powers. Police allege Powers was attempting to make a u-turn from northbound State Road 7 at Orange Drive. Gonzalez, who was traveling south, slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting the Jeep. The motorcycle skidded, slid on its side, and slammed into the Jeep. Gonzalez died from his injuries the next day.
A Davie police officer noticed the smell of alcohol on Powers’ breath, and several empty beer cans were found in his vehicle. He blew a 0.15, which is nearly twice the legal limit.
Powers was ultimately charged with DUI manslaughter and manslaughter with an unlawful blood alcohol level. He pleaded not guilty Monday. The Gonzalez family was in attendance at that hearing.…Continue Reading
Indianapolis, IN — Ya know, the title alone tells an entire story, but since I love you people, I’ve decided to go ahead and elaborate. The 34-year-old gentleman to the left is facing numerous charges after a couple women complained to police that he was “swinging” his wiener at ‘em.
A Metro officer was just kinda driving around doing what officers do Tuesday, when he was flagged down by two women.
One of the women reportedly told the officer that a man approached her from behind (giggity) and grabbed her by the arm. When she turned to look, she noticed the man had his dick out of his drawers and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion.” How the woman managed to resist jumping on that thing right then and there is a friggin’ mystery…..
The woman also told the officer the man claimed to have a gun and demanded that she come with him.
The man, later identified as Shawn Harvell, began “briskly” walking away when the women flagged the officer down.…Continue Reading
Alex Rossi, an apparently ungrateful turd of a son, still lives at home but contributes nothing to the household, according to his pops. When pops went to make some mac and cheese for dinner Sunday, he found the cheese packets were missing from the box. Mother. Fucker.
Pops confronted Rossi and demanded that he stop using up all the damn cheese packets. Because few things in life are as disappointing as a box full of boring, cheeseless pasta, folks….
The two reportedly fought back and forth for a bit, and when pops walked back in the house, he said Rossi ran after him and punched him in the face and head, deputies said.
At some point, the two ended up on the ground… with the spawn in a headlock. *cheers*
When officers arrived on scene, they noticed a bruise and cut on dad’s face.…Continue Reading
Laquavia Wallace, 22, was taken into custody earlier this week after police say she violently yanked her ex-boyfriend’s penis during a dispute over their relationship.
According to the police report, Wallace was at the victim’s home Tuesday, picking up the offspring they share, when she mentioned that she was was interested in resuming their relationship.
The victim, Antonio Williams, wasn’t having it — he reportedly told Wallace that he wasn’t interested in a relationship at this time. And with that, Wallace allegedly grabbed a handful of dick and began pulling and yanking, causing pain and quite possibly a few tears.
Wallace was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not yet been set.…Continue Reading
West Lafayette, IN – It’s been two years since we first reported on Jonathan Noe, the man charged with beating his girlfriend with a Shake Weight. On Monday, he was sentenced to four years behind bars.
On November 9, 2011, Noe’s girlfriend called police to report he had beaten the shit out of her with a Shake Weight. When police arrived at the her home, she reportedly told them Noe violated a protective order she filed in June of that year when he showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her.
He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating the crap out of her with a Shake Weight. Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat.
Medical documents revealed the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.…Continue Reading
Ronald Howard, 30, was booked on battery charges earlier this week after arguing with his live-in girlfriend about his alleged ball scratching.
Howard was apparently just hanging out on the couch, scratching his nuts, when his girlfriend, 25-year-old Shalamar “Wow! Would you look at those eyebrows!” Petrarca, told him to knock it the fuck off. She was disgusted, you see, because she was apparently getting ready to shove food in her pie-hole or something.
According to the arrest report, this displeased Howard. He rose from the couch, police say, and confronted the woman, face to face, and demanded that she “stop judging him!”
Petrarca told police Howard then shoved her to the ground, threw her outside and told her to “get the hell out.” Police observed a scratch on the woman’s leg that seemed to back up her side of the story.
When questioned, Howard told police Petrarca punched him in the eye for scratching his balls.…Continue Reading
It is alleged that Miss Custis broke into her ex fiancé’s place and proceeded to his bedroom. The man and his new girl were in bed when Custic flicked the lights on and attacked the new girlfriend by scratching her. Police say Custis scratched the new girlfriend’s arms, face and pulled out a few clumps of hair. Not so pretty now, is she!?
Meanwhile, the ex grabbed the phone and called 911:
Dispatcher: You said there are two girls in your bed doing what?
Caller: I have my ex-fiancee in my bed. And I’ve got another girl in my house.
Dispatcher: The girls are fighting in your bed?
Caller: Yes, right now.
Caller: Can I get a [expletive] cop, hurry?
Dispatcher: What are they fighting about?
Caller: They’re [expletive] women. I’m sorry, I apologize.
When police showed up, Custis claimed that the new girlfriend started the fight.…Continue Reading
According to Palm Bay police spokeswoman Yvonne Martinez, hospital staff called police after the woman showed up for treatment Wednesday.
“The nurse advised (the victim) was treated for a severed left thumb, and that the woman continued to say “I can’t believe he bit my finger off,’” she said.
I have to wonder how many cuss words Ms. Martinez left out of the above statement. I’m guessing about fifteen…
The victim was gone by the time police arrived at the hospital, but they quickly located her and learned a confession had already been made.
Police say the woman’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, 35-year-old Ricardo Marquis Davis, admitted to biting the woman’s thumb clean off after the two argued.
“He was driving her to work, she works at a Taco Bell in Palm Bay,” Martinez said. “During the course of the drive down to work they got into a verbal argument, and she basically became upset.…Continue Reading
Meet Deni Noa. He reportedly celebrated the New Year by punching some random female driver in the eye (one of Morbid’s sick fantasies), getting nekkid, and fighting with police.
Yep, according to police, Noa approached a vehicle stopped at a red light, reached inside the window, and popped the female behind the wheel before disappearing into the night. Presumably while cackling maniacally and drooling. Maybe even skipping….
As an officer was taking the woman’s statement, he heard a report over the radio about a man lying on a roadway nearby.
The officer responding to that call reported seeing a man laying on the street all nekkid and stuff. He also reported seeing two other men at the scene… they were apparently struggling with the nekkid guy and trying to stuff him in the trunk of their car.
Turns out the two other men on the scene were Noa’s brothers. Know why they were trying to stuff Noa in the trunk?…Continue Reading
Manatee County, FL — A 50-year-old Florida woman is facing battery charges after police allege she roughed up her 32-year-old boyfriend because the bastard blew his load and failed to finish her off during a mutual oral sex session.
Ahhh, Florida… you never fail to disappoint.
According to the police report, Jennie Scott and her long-term on again-off again boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon, were sixty-nining late Thursday evening, when Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her.” This, of course, led to
a stabbing an argument.
At some point during the argument, witnesses say, Scott turned violent, punching and scratching Deleon.
Witnesses claim Scott armed herself with a stick and began beating Deleon. Fortunately for him, he was able to disarm her and hand the stick off to one of the witnesses before he lost an eye or something.
Undeterred, Scott reportedly picked up a nearby wrench and threatened to brain Deleon, but was grabbed from behind and disarmed once again.
Scott later told police that not only was she angry about Deleon’s apparent lack of oral skills, she was also pissed because she had heard him having sex with another woman on the phone earlier that day.…Continue Reading
DeLand, FL – A Florida man has been accused of taking a belt to three young children because one of them farted in the car and failed to own up to it.
Austin Davis, 32, was taken into custody Thursday in connection with the incident, which apparently occurred sometime during Thanksgiving Day weekend.
According to police, Davis was traveling with the children when one of ‘em let a juicy one rip. He apparently became unhinged when the kiddos zipped their lips and refused to tattle on the butt trumpeter, and each got a taste of the belt.
The beatings were so severe, police say, the children had significant bruising and painful injuries. A female relative close to the children took photos of the alleged injuries, but for whatever reason, didn’t inform the authorities until just recently.
The photos reportedly showed a 6-year-old with dark bruising to the legs, buttocks and thighs. A 12-year-old also had dark bruises on his legs and thighs. And a 9-year-old refused to have pictures of his bruises taken because he feared retaliation if Davis found out he reported the incident.…Continue Reading
Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.
According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.
When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.
Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…Continue Reading
Witnesses said John Daniels, 43, drove his motorcycle into Sportsman’s Bar through the opened front door just before 7 p.m. Saturday and asked if anyone wanted to fight.
While bar employees tried to push the motorcycle outside, Daniels reportedly got off the bike and began fighting with employees and other patrons. Sheriff’s police were called to the bar for ‘a large fight in progress.’
Police arrested Daniels on a battery and disorderly conduct charges
and an additional charge of felony mugshot grimacing. Police also arrested Thomas Hines, 47, who told police that he began fighting alongside Daniels because ‘everyone attacked [him].’
Hines was also charged with battery and disorderly conduct charges. Additional charges against both men for unlawful possession of douchey facial hair and felony resisting middle age are presumably still pending.…Continue Reading
When police arrived on scene, they found 56-year-old Tony Jackson suffering from a massive wound to the gut. So massive, police say, his internal organs and intestines were visible and/or falling out.
According to investigators, after a long standing dispute with Jackson, Lott had finally had enough and walked over to the man’s home and opened up his gut with his big-ass, razor-sharp knife.
Police say Lott resisted arrest and was tasered while being taken into custody. And though he later admitted to quarreling with Jackson, he denied stabbing the guy. Lott is now facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer without violence.
Prosecutors have asked for increased bond, calling Lott a habitual violent offender. (Lott spent a year in prison after he was convicted of assaulting a pregnant woman with a deadly weapon and holding her captive in his home back in ’07).…Continue Reading
Daniel Happ was arrested early Wednesday morning after police responded to the woman’s home on a disturbance call. When police arrived on scene, they found a 23-year-old woman unconscious and suffering from numerous blows to the head. Also in the home, the woman’s 8-year-old daughter, who police believe had been raped by Happ. Police say the sh*thead threatened to bludgeon the child with the same hammer he beat the snot out of her mamma with as he defiled her.
In addition to the two human victims, police also found a dog in the home to be suffering from several stab wounds.
The woman was transported to the hospital for treatment, but because of her condition, she was unable to assist police with their investigation. The child was interviewed by professionals at the Kane County Child Advocacy Center and taken someplace safe, and the dog is in the care of a local veterinarian.…Continue Reading
The injuries were discovered late last month after the boys, ages 6 and 3, were returned to their foster parents after a visit with their grandmother.
The older child reportedly told police he and his brother were ordered to line up with their tongues sticking out. Grandma then used a screen from the front of a heater to burn them.
After an investigation that spanned nearly a month, Shirley Hagerman was taken into custody on two felony counts of battery. Police say she bonded out the day after her arrest.
No word on the motive behind the alleged incident, but I’m going with crazy.…Continue Reading
According to Lee deputies, 28-year-old Alicia Martin, left, and her pal Kathryn Rayannic, 24, had run out of cash while getting plastered at The Waterfront restaurant Wednesday, and were offering to bare their boobies for beer money.
“We had five guys that were like, ‘Please, leave us alone,’” said waiter Shaun Bassett. “They actually went up to tables who had their wives there.”
Sadly, the two women had no takers at all.
“Basically when they were turned down, they kind of got a little rowdy,” Bassett said.
After receiving numerous complaints about their bawdy behavior, restaurant staff attempted to remove the pathetic souses from the premises. It was then that Martin allegedly responded by shoving a female employee into a wall. The alleged assault continued after the party exited the building, with Martin punching the same female employee in the back of the head.…Continue Reading
Rucker’s girlfriend told police the cat was lethargic and unresponsive when she returned home from work Sunday afternoon. Also, in what I would have to assume was an argument over the state of the cat’s health, police say Rucker cornered the girlfriend in the bathroom and yelled at her and repeatedly poked her in the face for about 10 or 15 minutes.
When questioned about the cat, Rucker reportedly laughed as he told the arresting officer he placed a pillow over the critter’s face and punched it. He was trying to kill it, he said, because the damn thing caused him to fail a test.
Rucker admitted to cornering his girlfriend in the bathroom, telling police he wasn’t going to let her out until she listened to what he had to say. He also admitted to poking the woman in the face, but said that because he wasn’t actually beating her, he didn’t think it was a crime.…Continue Reading