Michael Foster Arrested After Assaulting Concealed Weapons Permit Holder Inside WalmartOne-Month-Old Baby Hospitalized After Having Most Of Face Eaten By Pet FerretsParents Charged After 22-Month-Old Deriah Solem Was Killed By The Family DogBoy, 5, Kills His Baby Brother After Finding Gun And Shooting Him In The HeadStanford Swimmer Accused Of Raping Unconscious Woman Along Campus StreetHyphernkemberly Dorvilier Accused Of Killing Baby By Setting It On Fire In Middle Of RoadAngela Woodworth Arrested After Four Kids Jump Out Of Her Car And Report Her Drunk DrivingMatthew Fischer, 16, Disemboweled Classmate After Victim Sent Snapchat To His GirlfriendJilted Wife Severs Cheating Husband's Penis -- TwiceCouple Charged After Video Surfaces Of Woman Performing Sex Acts On Lucky, The Family Pit Bull

Newport, TN — Police and paramedics were called to the home of a 38-year-old man Wednesday night in response to a rather bizarre stabbing incident – the man of the house apparently poked himself in the gut with a turkey thermometer to see if he was “done.”

The man in question, Scott Kelly, was found lying on a sofa in the home with a small stab wound in his gut.

When questioned, Kelly reportedly told officers he was “basting himself” and just wanted to be left alone. He then explained that he had stuck the thermometer into his stomach “to check his temperature, and to determine if he was done or not.”

Why, yes, alcohol was involved! How did you guess?

Kelly’s girlfriend told police the man had consumed a fifth of liquor and eight or nine beers before jabbing himself with the thermometer. Based on that information, I’m assuming Kelly was, in fact, done. Well done, even.

Kelly was transported to the hospital for treatment and a mental evaluation.…


Page 1 of 11