Five-Year-Old Andrea Debruhl Died While Playing On School Monkey BarsFour Norman North High School Wrestlers Charged With Raping Two TeammatesVideo Captures 8-Year-Old Attempting To Rob Grocery Store At GunpointTwo Teens Dead After Drinking Mountain Dew And Racing Fuel Mixture Called DewshineDerek Lawson Accused Of Raping Woman, Repeatedly Stabbing Her VaginaTonya Schmidt Accused Of Burning Stepdaughter's Hands On Hot StoveTwo Virginia Tech Students Arrested In Relation To Murder Of 13-Year-Old Nicole LovellXiao Ying Zhou Accused Of Hitting Woman With Car, Dragging Her For Nearly Three MilesJames VanCallis Found Guilty Of Murdering 14-Year-Old April MillsapMasturbating Driver Dies After Being Partially Ejected Through Sunroof

Newport, TN — Police and paramedics were called to the home of a 38-year-old man Wednesday night in response to a rather bizarre stabbing incident – the man of the house apparently poked himself in the gut with a turkey thermometer to see if he was “done.”

The man in question, Scott Kelly, was found lying on a sofa in the home with a small stab wound in his gut.

When questioned, Kelly reportedly told officers he was “basting himself” and just wanted to be left alone. He then explained that he had stuck the thermometer into his stomach “to check his temperature, and to determine if he was done or not.”

Why, yes, alcohol was involved! How did you guess?

Kelly’s girlfriend told police the man had consumed a fifth of liquor and eight or nine beers before jabbing himself with the thermometer. Based on that information, I’m assuming Kelly was, in fact, done. Well done, even.

Kelly was transported to the hospital for treatment and a mental evaluation.…


Page 1 of 11