AberdeenAberdeen reviews, UK - Last November, a woman called police to complain that her boyfriend was shit-faced and she wanted him removed from her home. When officers arrived, they found 28-year-old Marium Varinauskas sitting on the couch in his underwear. A female officer, perhaps trying to calm the drunken fool and convince him to leave without a fight, took a seat near Marium on the couch. (Cue hysterical Jaded snortgiggling in 3…2…) Marium then stood up over the officer, whipped out his junk and thrust it in the officer’s face, trying to thunk her in the head with it. The officer was forced to take evasive action and just barely managed to avoid being cock slapped. Marium and his wee willy were promptly taken out the door and straight to jail. He was was due to go on trial for assault, but changed his plea to guilty on Tuesday. The court accepted his plea and has fined him £600, which, and spork me if I’m wrong, amounts to about $900 and some change. The extremely embarrassed and apologetic Marium has decided to quit with the binge drinking as a result of the whole incident.

Independence Township, MI – A 62-year-old man is hospitalized with second-degree burns to his face and significant damage to one of his eyes because copious amounts of alcohol and gunpowder are a bad mix. The injured man is reportedly known for doing crazy shit at his annual “sledding parties.” But at this particular party, that crazy shit left a helluva mark. After consuming an unknown amount of alcohol, the man decided to add a little rocket power to his sled. His recipe for disaster? Gunpowder, match heads and gasoline stuffed into a motorcycle muffler. He strapped the device onto his back, donned a motorcycle helmet, and assumed the position on his sled before asking a bystander to light the wick. At some point during the man’s descent down an embankment, the homemade rocket exploded – injuring his face and sending shrapnel in all directions. The Sheriff’s Office said the investigation remains open pending possible criminal charges.

Colorado Springs, CO - Police were called to a Colorado Springs McDonald’s Wednesday evening after getting a report that an intoxicated man with two children had passed out in the play area of the restaurant. When officers arrived and made contact with the drunk dude, 28-year-old Joshua Alger, two things were determined – he was, indeed, intoxicated and he had a warrant out for failing to appear in court on an obstruction of justice charge. At that point, deputies called the children’s mother and requested that she come and retrieve the kiddos because daddy was going to jail. And then it got stupid. JoshuaJoshua reviews started to get a little pissy and allegedly began threatening the arresting officers. He tried to get his kids in on the action as well, telling them to “bite the officers’ faces off.“ I have to assume that wasn’t exactly the way he phrased it. Joshua continued with his fit and a wrestling match with the cops ensued. After being taken to the ground, and after allegedly kicking an officer in the face, a taser was employed – zapping the fight right outta him. Joshua was booked on charges of felony assault on a police officer, resisting arrest and possession of marijuana. Way to create memories, dad.

Palm Bay, FL - A 2-year-old child is recovering from severe burns to his hands, legs, stomach, and buttocks because he was surrounded by idiots. The child’s father, Michael Bargeron, was getting his drunk on at a New Year’s Eve party and began wrestling with the child near an open fire pit. The highly intoxicated MichaelMichael reviews had been warned, repeatedly, by other party-goers to back away from the fire because the child was in danger of getting burned. Dismissing their concerns, Michael continued with the horseplay. Well, kiddo fell into the fire. WitnessesWitnesses reviews stated that Michael failed to immediately pull the child from the fire. (Doesn’t sound like the witnesses were much help in the situation, either). The child’s mother pulled him from the flames and high-tailed it to the hospital. About 20 minutes later, Michael was on the phone with 911 – he wanted to know if the dispatcher had heard any reports of a nearly 3-year-old child being burned. [Read more...]

Shawnee, OK- I’ll admit, I never have been what you would call a thrill-seeker. My life is utterly boring compared to most. I am not a big fan of roller-coasters. Extreme sports like rock climbing and paragliding scare the crap out of me. And I sure as hell will never freaking ever jump from a tall structure with an elastic cord tied around my ankles. Call me a chicken-shit. I don’t care. I’m just not a risk-taker. Mindy Renee Jones seems to be one, though. Except Mindy believes drinking and driving is a way to have a pretty good time. I think she’s just plain stupid and she is just another bitch who proves that not all beauties are equipped with brains. [Read more...]

Waterbury, CT – Anna Bambino just wanted a little bit of lovin’ and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Maybe she was a bit too forward (or desperate?) about it because she has been charged with breach of peace. It seems she called a woman at least 6 times and demanded sex. Not just any old sex. She wanted a little three-way action with the married woman and the lady’s husband. Rather than allow the hambeast in to their home and boudoir, they called the cops. When confronted, Bambino admitted to making the calls to the woman who was a “friend of a friend”. She claims she was drunk at the time. Her most current MySpaceMySpace has been deleted but I’m willing to bet the source article got that picture of her before it was taken down. On it she had listed her interests as paranormal activity and ghost hunting. Maybe she could blame her actions on demonic possession rather than MD 20/20. [Read more...]

Louisville, KY – We’ve all done it – you get a drink or two past tipsy and do something to make a total ass of yourself, guaranteeing that you will be the butt of many future jokes. You know what I’m talking about, you get all obliterated on Mad Dog, get nekkid and cover yourself in peanut butter and raisins, arm yourself with a machete and an ice cream scoop and run through the neighborhood screaming “Where’s the beef?” just one friggin’ time and people just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all done it at least once, right? Right? And speaking of drunken antics, please allow me to introduce old stink-face, William Cope Jr. After imbibing on who knows what for who knows how long, Cope found himself at a Kroger store. After urinating in one of the aisles, Cope found his way to the meat department where he opened up a few boxes of licorice candy, some cornbread stuffing, and several packages of steaks. When an officer approached and asked him what the hell he was doing, Cope, a slab of raw meat in each hand, answered, “Checking the texture of meat.” (After looking at that stink face mug, I can literally hear this guy in my head and it sounds more like this: ”Chicking zee texture of zee mit, you foo!”) Cope, who is also a registered sex offender, was arrested and charged with public intoxication. He agreed to pay for the items he contaminated to avoid a shoplifting charge. I’ve decided to quit gettin’ my drank on – I just know that Morbid is waiting for the day I slip up and land my own drunk ass on his front page. [Read more...]

Indianapolis, IN - Speaking of tools, here’s another one. Donald Crawford made a complete ass of himself early Tuesday morning when he was forced to call 911 because he was so shit-faced he couldn’t find his fully loaded 18-wheeler. Stupid, yes – but, that’s not what earned him a spot here on the Dreamin’ Demon. No – he rightfully earned his spot because he left his 5-year-old son alone in said semi, in a high-crime area with the doors unlocked and keys in the ignition, so he could sneak away for a drink and a few lap dances. And, the asshat was booted from the strip club because he didn’t pay for those lap dances. Ahhhh – you gotta love the smell of fail first thing in the morning. SurveillanceSurveillance reviews video shows CrawfordCrawford reviews walking into the Sassy Kats strip club and getting a drink before heading to the back of the club where he received three private lap dances. About 24 minutes later, he was escorted out by a bouncer. A bartender from the establishment said, “When he left he was mad because we told him he needed to pay for his dances. He was mad because we was kicking him out. But he wasn’t stumbling, he wasn’t slurring his words he was arguing with us.” Shortly after that, he was on the phone with 911. [Read more...]

Marion, IA - Allow me to introduce Kristine Pflughaupt (gesundheit). Ms. Phisoderm Pflughaupt is gracing the pages here at the Dreamin’ Demon for a number of reasons – that awesome last name, her cheerful mugshot, drunken hyjinx, and because she’s a big fan of noodles.  It has been reported that on NovemberNovember reviews 3, a resident on Ms. Farfegnugen Pflughaupt’s mail route called police to complain that she had a strange mail carrier, in uniform and carrying a mail bag, sitting on the floor in her kitchen noshin’ on some left-over noodles. The homeowner, 95-year-old Marie O’Kelly, said she was watching TV in her living room when she heard a noise – she assumed it was her daughter coming for a visit, but grew suspicious when she didn’t receive a greeting from the girl. When she went to investigate the strange noise, she found Ms. Flobbernotten Pflughaupt sitting on the kitchen floor, eating noodles with her bare hands. “The noodles were running down her shirt. I asked her, ‘What are you doing here?’ She didn’t answer – she just kept eating those noodles.” Yum.  [Read more...]

Iowa City, IA - How inebriated must one be to feel that it is kosher to just drop trou’ and discharge a few ass apples in a public venue? I’m guessing one would have to have a B.A.C. somewhere in the vicinity of .24, give or take, and an IQ in that same general area. Demonites, please meet Mr. Robert E. Lee. Mr. Lee here allegedly entered a CVS Pharmacy Friday evening, ambled his way up front, lifted his shirt, dropped his pants, and dumped a load of sphincter spears. Then, without even bothering to wipe or wash, Mr. Lee walked out of the store. Ummm…ew? When the cops caught up with the butt nugget bandit, the slurred speech and aroma of alcohol gave him away. (Not to mention the .24). Mr. Lee, 57, was charged with fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication – both misdemeanors. The store manager who reported the incident told police it would cost less than $200 to clean up the mess. (And a drawing of straws between employees, I’d imagine). All right, Morbid – let’s have one of those asstastic poop stories you are so fond of telling….you know you wanna! [Read more...]

Claremore, OK – With friends like Preston Dohrer, you might want to think about a life insurance policy. Or, hey, how about a whole new class of friends? As is evident in Preston’s Myspace pictures, he likes to party. And set shit on fire. And, as is evident with his dead friend, Michael Duke, Preston also likes to play with guns. Emergency personnel were called to Preston’s residence at about 1:45 SaturdaySaturday reviews morning. When they arrived, they found 20-year-old MichaelMichael reviews laying on the living room floor bleeding out of the gunshot wound to his forehead. Seems the boys had been drinking that night and horsin’ around a bit. WitnessesWitnesses reviews told police the two were involved in a bit of “horseplay” and were “playing around with each other and playing with knives.” Sounds like a rip-roaring good time to me! Let me grab my Ginsu! A witness to the horseplay told officers that Preston walked into his bedroom, returned to the living room, pointed a pistol at Michael’s head, and pulled the trigger. wOOt! What. Fucking. Fun. Now Michael Duke is dead and Preston Dohrer is charged with second-degree murder and feloniously pointing a weapon at another person. Bond has been set at $250,000. Great video of Preston “pissing fire” after the jump. I must warn you though, after viewing the video, I seem to have lost 3.5 IQ points. [Read more...]

Oakhurst, CA – When I came across this little story, three words came to mind: What. The. Hell? Here we have 37-year-old Krista Arceneaux – yes, a real looker, ain’t she?! A bit rough for 37, but with the right makeup, the right lighting, and a couple cases of Corona, she’d rank about a 5.5 or so. Krista was sitting outside of a bar last Wednesday evening when she spied a 6-year-old boy walking across a parking lot with his family. Whether it was because she was inebriated to the point of complete retardation or because she harbors some secret desire for little boys, Krista bolted from her chair, ran to the little kiddo, told him he was sexy, and laid on one him – tongue and all. Needless to say, the kiddos parents weren’t exactly thrilled with Krista’s nasty little show of affection and confronted her, sending her scurrying back to the bar. And that’s about the time Krista came a little unhinged. [Read more...]

St. Petersburg, Florida–Police received a call around midnight on FridayFriday reviews from Kimberly Crone, who said she was following a motorist who was driving erratically. Before the call to 911 had even ended, the erratic driver plowed into Ted Manooch’s truck, which was parked in front of his house. The driver hit the parked vehicle with enough force to slam it right into the house. After the accident, Kimberly said she jumped out of her car and heard a baby crying. “I tried to break the window, but I couldn’t break it with my hand.” [Read more...]

Keystone Heights, Florida–Sean Wells is a litterbug. If he hadn’t thrown a bottle out of a moving car, he may not be gracing the front page of the Dreamin’ Demon. But, he did…and it set off a whole chain of bizarre events. All of these events began at around 8:00 Monday morning. Wells tossed a glass bottle out of his car window, the bottle broke and a motorcyclist behind Wells’ car was hit with shattered glass. The guy on the motorcycle, Jeff Cruce, managed to get Wells to pull his car over. But, when Cruce confronted Wells about the glass, Wells put the car in reverse, hit Cruce in the leg, and sped off. [Read more...]