Police Seeking Man Suspected Of Slinging Semen At Women In Walmart
February 16, 2013 at 3:06 am by Jaded
Farmington, New Mexico — If you are the wacky wanker who’s been going around flinging baby gravy at unsuspecting women, the police would like to have a word with you…
Farmington police recently released a surveillance photo of a man they believe has ejaculated or tossed semen onto at least two women at a local Walmart on separate occasions.
The alleged semen slinger has been described as a Native American man, 5 feet 3 inches to 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing approximately 165 pounds. Police say it appears as if the man chooses his victims at random.
“We think he’s been doing this since at least 2010, and he may not have stopped,” Farmington Det. Corp. Kenneth Raybon reported. “These are just the only incidents that have been reported.”
That’s a lot of batter…
“The attacks happened on March 29, 2010 and Nov. 8, 2012,” Raybon continued. “We were able to tie the two instances together with evidence that recently came to light.”
Let’s not all panic and rush to Walmart at the same time, ladies….…
Continue ReadingParents Call Police After Seeing Son On Video Robbing Elderly Women
May 2, 2012 at 11:31 am by kniption
Boca Raton, FL - A Florida mother and father called police after seeing surveillance video showing their son robbing two elderly women boarding a bus. One of the women, who is 96 years old, suffered two broken ribs when her wheelchair fell during the incident.
In video recorded on April 12, a man identified as Adam Bardisa, 19, approaches the women – who are sisters – outside of a Publix store as they are waiting for a ramp to lower on a Palm Tran bus. The man then grabs a purse of one of the women, knocking them both to the ground before fleeing on his razor scooter.
Bystanders reportedly ran after Bardisa as he wheeled his scooter across the parking lot and jumped into a gold-colored car. Police said that he had gotten away with $1,200, a gold watch and a gold bracelet. The women gave a description to detectives.
Palm Tran released several different angles of video from the bus. Bardisa is also seen in in-store video watching the elderly women at the service counter purchase $620 of money orders.…
Continue ReadingMore Trouble For Man Accused Of Lighting Teen Boy On Fire During Sex
January 17, 2012 at 7:21 am by kniption
Gwinnettt County, GA – If Georgia police are correct, Joseph Raymond Zoeck, 62, is proving himself to be a veritable one-man crime spree. This after police linked him to the attempted solicitation of a young man in a suburban municipal pool locker room. The solicitation charge comes on the heels of his being charged for lighting the underpants of an underaged teen on fire in a motel room during an alleged sexual rendezvous. Wait… what?
According to police documents, on July 10, Zoeck offered money to a 17-year-old male in exchange for certain sexual acts. The two then reportedly went to the Suburban Lodge Motel in Woodstock. There, police say Zoeck bound and gagged the teen and set the boy’s undergarments on fire – with him still in them. It is not believed that this was one of the sexual acts that had been agreed to…
The teen was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital, where he told police what happened. Zoeck was arrested on July 19 and charged with aggravated battery, cruelty to children first degree, false imprisonment and solicitation of sodomy.…
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Jupiter, FL — A 62-year-old woman is accused of hammering her husband Sunday after apparently coming unglued while watching Judge Judy.
Janet Knowles was taken into custody on a charge of aggravated battery after police responded to the home she shares with her husband and found the 65-year-old man bleeding from his brain space.
According to the probable cause affidavit, the man told police he was sitting on his recliner watching Judge Judy when Knowles lost her sh*t and knocked him upside the head with a hammer.
When questioned, Knowles told police she hit the man because he was watching Judge Judy and that made her mad. She then reportedly said something about one of her neighbors and what they were wearing. The responding officer noted in his report that Knowles could not hold a conversation during the investigation.
The man was treated for a cut to his head and forearm and did not require hospitalization. Knowles is being held without bond.
Welp, at least he got to keep his eyes….…
Continue ReadingMan Attacked Mom With Knife After She Offers To Make Him A Sandwich
August 19, 2011 at 3:01 pm by kniption
Naperville, IL - Alexander Georg, 27, was jailed on $1.5 million bond after – according to prosecutors – he attacked his mother so severely with a butcher knife that the handle broke off. The attack was reportedly his answer to her offer to make him a sandwich.
Georg is reported to live with his 52-year-old mother in an apartment on Naperville’s northeast side. Published reports said Georg’s mother had brought him home earlier in the day from a ‘mental and emotional health care facility’ where he had undergone treatment for nearly two weeks.
Police say that, after he arrived home, his mother offered to make him a sandwich, and he ‘grabbed the knife, chased her out to the driveway and pinned her down and stabbed her repeatedly.’
Neighbors described the woman’s screams as “bone-chilling,” prompting them to call the police. When police arrived, Georg’s mother was said to be standing across the street covered in blood. Georg was standing in the driveway of the residence and was arrested without resisting.…
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St. Petersburg, FL — Lucas James, 23, was taken into custody Wednesday in connection with the alleged assault of a woman with a beer bottle earlier this month.
According to police, the victim was walking with a friend on June 12, when they were confronted by a shirtless James (rawr). Reportedly unprovoked, James blurted out, among other obscenities, “Whore!” This displeased the women and they scolded James about his potty mouth. At that point, police say James spit beer in their faces and cracked one of them upside the head with a beer bottle before running away.
And he would’a got away with it, too, if it weren’t for that damn production crew filming a rap video nearby…
James apparently ran into the alley where the video was being filmed and stuck his face right into the lens before fleeing again. Sigh…all beauty, no brains.
The production crew turned the video over to police, who released it to the media Wednesday morning. With the public’s help, police were able to track James down just hours later.…
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Port St. Lucie, FL – The gentleman sporting the lovely shiner is 42-year-old Stephen Kurtycz – he’s facing charges of aggravated battery after police say he confronted a bothersome neighbor with a baseball bat.
According to the police affidavit, Kurtycz grew angry over a neighbor’s loud music late Tuesday night, and after yelling at ‘em to “turn that (bleep bleep) down,” he apparently grabbed a wooden baseball bat and headed over for a not so friendly chat.
Unable to resolve the matter verbally, police say Kurtycz whacked the woman upside the head so hard the bat splintered. He then reportedly attacked one of the woman’s friends, landing a punch to the eye. At that, the friend grabbed hold of Kurtycz’s bat and popped him a good one in the face, sending him to the ground. After picking himself up and dusting himself off, Kurtycz returned home. He was taken into custody a short time later.
Police say the homeowner has declined to press charges. Speaking of the homeowner, that was either a really cheap ass bat or that woman has a head made of iron.…
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Stock Island, FL — 60-year-old Urania Lot is behind bars after police say she hit her 18-year-old son with a hammer over an argument about where he should eat his sandwich.
Police were called to Lot’s home Monday afternoon and first made contact with the victim. The teen, nursing a sore arm and sportin’ a battered head, told officers that he and his mom had been arguing over a sandwich.
Lot apparently requested that the boy eat his sandwich at the table in the dining room instead of in the living room. When the teen refused, the woman threatened to smash his television to bits and kick his disrespectful ass to the curb. Her threats fell on deaf ears.
Frustrated, the woman reportedly grabbed a hammer and whacked the boy on the arm before pummelin’ him in the head a bit with her fists. Police say she also bit the boy on the wrist.
When questioned, Lot and her granddaughter told police the teen was both rude and belligerent in his refusal to follow house rules.…
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Ocala, FL – The pleasant looking lass to the left is 29-year-old Victoria Bynes – she’s been accused of setting fire to her boyfriend’s crotch.
Police say Bynes first started searching for her boyfriend, 42-year-old Andrew Williams, over at his momma’s house, telling the woman, “Your son has some explaining to do.” Williams wasn’t there, so Bynes set off to a friend’s house.
That friend later told police that Bynes showed up at his place and immediately began fighting with Williams. After a brief verbal altercation, the friend said Bynes threw some liquid on Williams and lit him up. When police arrived on scene, Williams was found kneeling in the front yard – suffering from second- and third-degree burns to his genital area and torso.
He could not communicate with first responders because he was in what had to be tremendous pain. Still hospitalized, his present condition is unknown. Authorities found Bynes at her home. She initially denied any knowledge of the brutal attack, but later admitted to intimidating the man by holding a container of gasoline in one hand and flicking a lighter in the other.…
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Bradenton, FL -- Sean Thomas, a 30-year-old ex-convict, is right back where he belongs after allegedly torturing his girlfriend with his very own “lie-detector test.” According to the victim, back on December 1, she was retrieving some of her belongings from Thomas’ garage when he punched her in the head and tied her to a weight bench with rope and extension cords. Thomas reportedly told the woman he was going to administer a lie-detector test to find out whether or not she’d been cheating on him. The woman says he stuffed a rag in her mouth and got busy. He first extinguished not one, not two, but three cigars on the woman’s left hand. Thomas then left the garage momentarily and came back with a pot of boiling water, which he poured over the woman’s feet, burning off layers of skin. The woman says he then took a hot iron and burned her stomach three times. And to top it all off? A rapin’. When all was said and done, Thomas reportedly told the woman that, “all this happened because he loves her.” Because chocolate is soooo overrated…
Thomas called paramedics and the woman was transported to the hospital where she told medical personnel that she had been injured in a cooking accident.…
Continue ReadingAttempted Rapist Gets Beat Down By 71-Year-Old Woman Armed With A Frying Pan
December 16, 2010 at 4:03 am by Jaded
Hutchinson, KS — Police say an intoxicated 25-year-old Kevin Funderburk sweet-talked his way into the home of a 71-year-old woman over the weekend under the guise that he was homeless and had nowhere else to go. He told the woman he was drunk and didn’t want any trouble with police. Once the woman opened her home to him, he reportedly attacked – holding the woman down and trying to rape her. The woman wasn’t about to let dude have his way with her. The spunky grandma managed to get her hands on a frying pan and proceeded to beat the snot out of the rapey shitstain. “She was fighting for her life,” said detective Sgt. John Moore. “She beat him down with a frying pan.” Officials say the woman was injured at some point during the struggle, but the extent of said injuries hasn’t been reported. In spite of her injuries, grandma knocked him the fuck out! When police responded to the woman’s home early Saturday morning, they found Funderburk unconscious in a puddle of his own vomit.…
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Albuquerque, NM - When Cheri Moore’s cranky toddler started making a fuss on a city bus last Tuesday, a fellow passenger expressed his displeasure with the tot by asking Cheri to shut the kid up – the annoyed passenger had a headache. To avoid a confrontation with the annoyed passenger, Cheri and her friends exited the bus with the screaming 2-year-old a few stops ahead of their intended destination. Problem solved, right? Wrong. The annoyed passenger, Lawrence Sitler, still wasn’t satisfied. He followed the woman and her friends off the bus and, for one reason or another, confronted Cheri’s friend, Andrew Montaño. According to police, Sitler placed a knife against Montaño’s neck before slicing him on the arm. After slicing the dude’s arm, Sitler took off running. Witnesses to the attack followed after him while keeping 911 dispatchers informed of his location. Police eventually caught up with 46-year-old Sitler and booked him on charges of assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated battery and child endangerment because he got stabby in front of the toddler. …
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Gulfport, FL – Thanks to Ms. Cinderella Lavine, I will never again associate the name Cinderella with glass slippers, Prince Charming or singing mice. Nope, from here on out, I’ll be thinking hatchets, hammers, blood and crazy. Police say 31-year-old Cinderella, with her 6-year-old daughter in tow, attacked another woman with a hatchet after following her off a Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority bus Monday afternoon. Cinderella reportedly struck the victim in the shoulder with the hatchet, just barely missing the month-old infant the woman was carrying, before making off with the woman’s purse. Several people witnessed the attack and were able to point the police in the right direction. When confronted by the boys in blue, Cinderella denied assaulting the woman. Oh, and the hatchet, two steak knives and claw hammer she was toting around in a bag? Those were purely for self-defense. I can’t give her too much shit for that, it is Florida, ya know. Cinderella claims she was was carrying the impressive assortment of poky, stabby things because some women were throwing bricks at her daughter.…
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Bolingbrook, Illinois – Cmdr, Officer Denny Hess tells the sad tale of the Adams family feud. Four people were arrested after an altercation between two families that have been at odds for the last 15 years. Officer Hess was called to the scene only to find a dozen people breaking out the fisticuffs instead of drum circles and peace pipes. Last week Valecia Adams, 31, struck another woman in the face. On Wednesday, Adams was seen at the store by a 17yr old associated with the bitch-slappin’ incident and that’s when things started to get frisky. Fists were thrown and the 17 year old ran home. Adams, unhappy with the tussle, wrangled together kin and her peoples, some bats and pipes and headed to the teen’s apartment to whoop his butt. The residents of the apartment gathered some weapons to arm themselves while Adams’ herd taunted him to come out. The posse kicked in the door and the fur went flyin’. The cops arrived to find an 11yr old who had been struck in the head and 12 people scraping away.…
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Fort Walton Beach, FL - No names on this one, but after posting the story about the booby-biter, I felt a story about a crazy ass teenager would kind of balance things out. According to police, a 15-year-old girl was placed under arrest yesterday after she reportedly bashed her father’s face in with a frying pan. When police arrived at the home, they found the bloodied man lying on the kitchen floor and the teen in the bathroom washing her father’s blood off her hands. When asked what happened, the man said, “I fell down. I don’t want her to get into trouble.” When the teen was questioned, she told officers she and her dad had been arguing about her disobeying the rules. I guess she had snuck out of the house the night before and dad took issue with that. She said that when her dad started yelling at her, she picked up the frying pan and smacked him in the face. She initially said she hit him two or three times, but that later changed to six or seven times.…
Continue ReadingChristopher Marciano Accused Of Molesting Toddler Inside Cook County Courthouse
May 28, 2010 at 6:31 am by Jaded
Chicago, IL - According to police, 22-year-old Christopher Marciano is accused of approaching a 3-year-old girl in the Cook County courthouse Tuesday morning and sexually assaulting her. Marciano was at the courthouse that morning to be fitted for a GPS unit he had been ordered to wear after his arrest for violating an order of protection in a domestic violence case earlier this month. While he was waiting, he reportedly began making a nuisance of himself by singing and dancing in the hallways. Deputies were less than thrilled with Marciano’s performance and escorted him to the probation office, telling staff to alert them if dude’s behavior became a concern. And it did. Right quick. Once the deputies left, Marciano approached the 3-year-old girl and asked her a question. When she tried to answer him, he allegedly grabbed her by the butt and stuck his tongue in her open mouth. Family members intervened and deputies were immediately called back into the office to take custody of Marciano. …
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Homestead, FL- Shortly after midnight on Monday, deputies responded to a 911 call from Kayla Burges who said her neighbor was beating a baby on the sidewalk. When officers arrived, they found Anna Lopez, 23, extremely intoxicated and holding her 7-month old son Juan. Burges told the officers she was in the house and heard a baby crying for approximately an hour and thirty minutes. Burges said when she went outside and saw Lopez hitting the child repeatedly in the head, she immediately went back inside and called police.“I seen her hitting on the baby, like she slapped the baby five times,” said Burges. Lopez’s brother said his sister had been out drinking with a friend and before he knew it she was hitting her son. When the officers tried to arrest Lopez, she became belligerent. Burges said, “She told the police, ‘This is my baby, you don’t tell me what to do with my baby,’ and she hit the baby again when the police was here, and that’s when the police grabbed the baby from her and put her in the car.”…
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Florida – Today I bring you Ms. Fania Robinson, a 29-year-old nail technician. Rumor has it the word “Sweetie” is tattooed across her chest. I’m willing to bet there’s a few Demonites out there who would pay a few bucks to see that, huh? According to law enforcement, Fania and her boyfriend were arguing last month when she decided she’d had enough of his smart-ass mouth and tossed a pan full of boiling water on him. And aside from the hysterical screaming and the crying, that’ll shut ‘em up every single time. The man was hospitalized with third-degree burns to his chest and arms and Fania was hauled off to the hoosegow and charged with aggravated battery. So far, bail has not been set. After minutes upon minutes of careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that Fania didn’t intend to harm the victim. Nope. I think she was fixin’ to get him all red and steamy and dunk his man bits in melted garlic butter – the girl looks hongry!…
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Bradenton, FL - Daniel Kersey proved he really is a douche-bag extraordinaire last Friday night when he grabbed a crowbar and woke up his 62-year old roommate Janice Fendel. He demanded cash and the keys to a locked safe, and when Fendel refused, Kersey struck her with the crowbar. This created enough commotion to wake up her 86-year old aunt who also lived in the home. It was when Kersey began hitting Fendel’s aunt with the crowbar that Fendel gave in and handed Kersey the keys to the safe. Kersey stole $60, the keys to Fendel’s Ford Explorer and left. Officers found the Explorer Monday morning and then found Kersey walking near the home and picked him up. Kersey was arrested without incident but refused to answer detectives’ questions. Kersey was charged with aggravated battery, grand theft, and battery of a person over 65. A two-year-old child who lived in the home at the time of the attack was not injured.
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DeLand, Fl - I have a long list of things I despise in this world and spousal abuse is very close to the top. Having to deal with it personally, I learned it is not only aggravating to witness, but even more frustrating to watch the abused return to their abuser time and time again even though they know it is not the best thing for them. Let’s hope this will not be the case for Lenora Shorts and she will use this tragic occurrence as reminder that those who really love you do not beat you. Around 12:08 a.m. Saturday police responded to a suspicious incident call where they found a half-naked woman unresponsive inside and abandoned car. The topless woman was lying on her back with her legs dangling out of the open passenger side door. When the officers spoke to her, she mumbled that her husband had punched and kicked her all over and pointed in the direction he ran. The woman, 46-year old Lenora Shorts, was airlifted to Halifax Health Medical Center in critical condition.…
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