In The Mean Time...
Phoenix, AZ – Sergio Velderrain, 31, was arrested by Phoenix police faster than you can spell D-U-M-B-A-S-S after admitting to drinking Four Loko and then urinating on his 4-month-old son’s face and body.
The baby’s mother, Jennifer Velderrain, told a local news reporter that she woke up after hearing what sounded like running water.
“I looked over and he was in the corner peeing all over [our] son,” said Jennifer.
Jennifer Velderrain said she jumped out of bed and grabbed their son, Greyson, who she said was choking because Velderrain had peed on his face and mouth causing his airway to be blocked. Jennifer Velderrain said her husband then told her “now he has something to remember his dad by.” You can see a photo of the little pee-soaked snookums here.
Jennifer Velderrain said that she immediately called 911, telling her husband “He would have something to remember too for a long time – that he did that to his son.”
Police arrested Sergio Velderrain after finding him at a nearby apartment.…Continue Reading
Barrington, IL – It’s nothing I haven’t done. You see a couple of teenage girls out in bad weather and you do the neighborly thing and offer them a ride home. But, if you are a male in the Barrington area, such thoughtfulness is ill-advised and, according to the local prosecutor, downright illegal… even if you have great hair.
It was during a March 2nd snow storm that the man pictured left, Rodney Peterson, had stopped for gas at a Shell station. While there, he noticed two teen girls leaving. “I just noticed these girls, that they had no umbrella, no coats or hood or something of that nature and I just felt like I should help,” Peterson recalled. So, he did what any decent person (or opportunistic predator) would do and pulled up to offer them a ride. “How far do you have to walk?” he asked before one said, “We’re okay,” and signaled him to move along.
The father of three (with a fourth on the way) continued home to his family and thought little of the encounter. …Continue Reading
LOWER ALLEN TOWNSHIP, PA – A man in Pennsylvania is facing assault charges after he took his frustration a bit too far and punched a woman several times following a road rage incident.
Police say that last Tuesday, 44-year-old Stephen Kramer got pissed after he was cut off in traffic by a 31-year-old woman. He was so pissed that he followed the woman to a Gold’s Gym and began screaming at her in the parking lot.
As they both entered the gym, witnesses say Kramer punched the lady several times, knocking her to the floor. Other gym members subdued Kramer until police arrived.
The woman was taken to the hospital for facial injuries while Kramer was taken to jail on charges of aggravated assault, simple assault, disorderly conduct, harassment and recklessly endangering another person.
Lord knows I have wanted to punch my fair share of women drivers because let’s be honest, you all suck at driving, but so far I have not acted on my impulses. What? Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean you specifically.…Continue Reading
BRUSH, CO - An employee at Kelly Bean Co. died last Thursday after he was buried under a pile of pinto beans.
So far there is no word on exactly how the accident happened, but what is being reported is that 56-year-old Raymond Segura, Jr. was buried under a pile of pinto beans 15-20 feet high.
It took almost an hour for rescuers to dig him out, but by then it was too late, the poor guy had suffocated to death.
Police, OSHA investigators, and Kelley’s safety team are investigating how Segura managed to get buried. He had worked at the warehouse for 12 to 15 years.
Now let’s sit back and see how many idiots crack a “beaner” joke because they think it’s clever.…Continue Reading
Waterbury, CT - Catalina Reyes, 54, was arrested after police say a baby was found hidden in a home daycare center crawlspace during an investigation of overcrowding. The D’D shocker… the baby was alive and unharmed.
According to reports, the Department of Public Health received a report that Reyes’ center was overcrowded. On March 14, an inspector was dispatched to the center to investigate. After a four-hour-long investigation, the inspector reportedly heard crying that could not be ascribed to the children identified to be in Reyes’ care.
The source of the crying?! …a 6-month-old baby who was reportedly hidden behind a locked door in a basement crawlspace so that Reyes’ center could meet ratio during the inspection. Police said the child – who was strapped in a car seat – had no supervision, food, or drink throughout the time of the inspection.
In an apparent indication of the importance of convenient childcare when compared to, say, the health and well-being of their children, some of Reyes’ clientele have come out in support of her efforts.…Continue Reading
When police arrived on scene, they found 56-year-old Tony Jackson suffering from a massive wound to the gut. So massive, police say, his internal organs and intestines were visible and/or falling out.
According to investigators, after a long standing dispute with Jackson, Lott had finally had enough and walked over to the man’s home and opened up his gut with his big-ass, razor-sharp knife.
Police say Lott resisted arrest and was tasered while being taken into custody. And though he later admitted to quarreling with Jackson, he denied stabbing the guy. Lott is now facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer without violence.
Prosecutors have asked for increased bond, calling Lott a habitual violent offender. (Lott spent a year in prison after he was convicted of assaulting a pregnant woman with a deadly weapon and holding her captive in his home back in ’07).…Continue Reading
Here, Now – Thanks to everyone who showed up to the 6th episode of the Pulpit of Doom Drunkcast to do some drinking with Morbid, Jaded, Athena and later in the show, Kniption — who was drunk long before he called in. You can listen to the episode here. For those unaware, the drunkcasts are like our Wednesday show, just infused with copious amounts of alcohol.
Gonna have to admit, I think this may have been the drunkest of shows and not your average crime related podcast. The show began showing signs of smoke with my very first sentence, a sentence that contained “um” not 30 seconds after I bet Jaded I would not use “um” in the entire podcast. Flames were spotted right around the time Jaded mentioned Captain Cunt, and reports of a fiery object falling from the sky started coming in right around the time Kniption called in and we began talking about eating your dead spouse.
Somewhere along the way, we discuss murder suicide in front of the kiddos, drunken Amish drag racing, Ouija boards and the people who believe the debil can make you do it, the deadly nature of a Jack in the Box breakfast sandwich, Kony 2012 and how everyone thinks they’re an activist with the click of a mouse, slipping into something a bit more comfortable inside your neighbor’s house, the horrible death of Tori Stafford, how our site may have scared some mothers into shoving their children back up their vaginas for protection, and much, much more.…Continue Reading
Banks, OR – Lawrence Staley, 48, was arrested after ballistics testing linked him to a breakfast sandwich that struck a Forest Grove Jack In The Box employee in the back of the head. Well… that and just about everyone in the restaurant saw him throw it.
The melee reportedly began when drive-thru customer Staley - enraged upon realizing that his curly fries cost more than regular fries – entered the restaurant to complain. Capt. Mike Herb the Forest Grove Police Department spokesman, said that the employee explained the price difference and gave Staley a complementary order of regular fries in addition to the curly fries that he already was holding.
Clearly unsatisfied, Staley reportedly, “reached into his bag, grabbed a food item [of unknown caliber] and pitched it at the employee.” Staley missed. According to reports, Staley then produced a loaded Breakfast Jack sandwich (283 calories, 11g fat, 4g saturated fat, and 16g of protein) and “launched it at the employee.” This time, luck would not be with Staley’s intended victim. …Continue Reading
The teen was hanging out with a couple friends late last month, when he allegedly stabbed the 14-year-old victim in the gut with a 4-inch knife, causing a severe laceration to the boy’s intestine.
Afterwards, police say, the alleged stabber walked the stabbee to a nearby auto repair shop, where an ambulance was summoned.
A third teen claims to have witnessed the pokin’, and later told police he heard the alleged stabber tell the victim to pretend he had fallen on the blade.
The 15-year-old, who police say has no criminal background or questionable mental health history, reportedly told police he poked his friend because an Ouija board commanded it.
Weslaco police spokesman J.P. Rodriguez admits that the case is “a little eerie” but said investigators believe the boy used the Ouija board to rationalize the attack.
“He actually believed what the Ouija board advised him, that the friend was the cause of his problems,” Rodriguez said.…Continue Reading
The woman told police she left her house for about 25 minutes Monday evening, and when she returned, the panty-clad man known to her as “Mike” was sitting on her couch watching a porn he had apparently brought into the home with him.
Mike, later identified as Michael Zullo, then asked the woman if she “wanted to party” and said that he had brought along some cocaine and marijuana.
Mike must have been butt-ugly — the woman declined his offer and called the police instead.
Denied, Mike removed the party pooper’s panties, tossed ‘em on the floor and exited the home, leaving his “party favors” in her kitchen.
Zullo, who reportedly admitted to being inside the woman’s home without her permission, was booked on charges of criminal trespass, possession of cocaine, possession of a small amount of marijuana, loitering and prowling at night and open lewdness.…Continue Reading
Sherman, NY – New York state sheriff deputies responding to a report of an underage drinking on a rural road presumably faced imminent death when – upon turning on to the road in question – they encountered several Amish buggies heading directly toward them in both lanes at a high rate of speed. Chautauqua County Sheriff Joe Gerace said Monday that there was, “reason to believe” that the buggies were racing.
Police noted that the drivers – who were jockeying for position while using both lanes of the roadway – tried to steer around the patrol vehicle. One of the buggies was unsuccessful, colliding with the patrol car and rolling onto its side in a horrific spectacle of illegal street racing.
A passenger in the ill-fated buggy, Marvin Byler, 19, sustained minor injuries when his leg was trapped underneath. The operator of the flipped buggy, Marty Troyer, 20, and a second passenger, Marianne Troyer, 18, were not injured. The horse became separated from the buggy and ran into a nearby
pit area barn.…
Back in 2009, we posted about Victoria ‘Tori’ Stafford. She was the 8-year-old girl from Ontario Canada who was abducted from her school, raped and then murdered. Tori Stafford’s body would be found the following July, buried in garbage bags. An autopsy would reveal she had been raped and beaten so badly that it caused lacerations to her liver and broken ribs. Her death was the result of repeated blows to the head with a claw hammer.
Eventually police would arrest and charge 21-year-old Terri-Lynne McClintic and her then boyfriend, 31-year-old Michael Rafferty with Tori’s murder. McClintic would plead guilty to first-degree murder charge and is serving life in prison. Her ex would plead not guilty to Tori’s abduction, rape and murder and his trial has been ongoing this week.
Yesterday McClintic took the stand against Rafferty and gave some of the most disturbing, day-wrecking testimony in regards to exactly what happened to Tori in her final moments.…Continue Reading
Here, Now – Jaded couldn’t make it to our 22nd edition of The Pulpit of Doom because of a sale on Night Train, but myself, Athena and Impqueen did the crime thing for an hour and we appreciate all of you who showed up.
You can check out the podcast here, and listen as we discuss Hawaiian monkey finger mysteries, mothers performing exorcisms by scissors, the hunt for Jessica Funk-Haslam and Anne Kasprzak’s killer or killers, creepy-ass divorce lawyers going that extra mile, a man playing truth or child molestation, parents inflicting public shaming on their children, the tragic results of poor gun ownership and much, much more.
After the show went off the air, Athena excused herself — sort of — while me and Impqueen talked about her new book and other odds and ends. Unfortunately, I totally forgot to save the chat log. Damn Jaded.
Thanks again, everyone. More than likely we will see you Saturday night for our 6th Pulpit of Doom Drunkcast.…Continue Reading
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Police are investigating an apparent murder suicide in which a man shot his estranged wife in a car before shooting himself, while the couple’s three young sons sat in the back seat.
On Tuesday, police found 24-year-old Alyshia Alexander and 25-year-old Jedidiah Alexander dead from gunshot wounds in what appeared to be a murder-suicide as they sat in the front seat of a car. In the back seat, covered in blood and covering their ears, they found the couple’s three young children.
Jedidiah and Alyshia got married in 2009, but the relationship was troubled and plagued with domestic abuse according to relatives and court records. The couple eventually separated, but Alyshia continued to let Jedediah see his boys. That Tuesday, she had driven to Jedidiah’s mother’s house to let the boys visit their father.
The three boys, 3-year-old Jedidiah, 2-year-old Jerimiah, and 1-year-old Jaedin, were not physically harmed and our currently staying with their maternal grandmother.
“They think that they’re just spending some time at Nana’s house.…Continue Reading
FREDERICKSBURG, Va – The woman convicted of faking cancer to raise thousands of dollars for her treatment has been ordered to pay a $100 fine.
Martha Ann Nicholas pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor charges of obtaining money by false pretenses after prosecutors say she raised $1700 dollars selling “Cancer Sucks” T-shirts to family, friends, and strangers to help treat the stage-4 ovarian cancer she even didn’t have.
Authorities began investigating Nicholas in 2011 after they received a report that she was collecting donations based on a medical condition she hadn’t been diagnosed with. Nicholas was an active fund raiser for American Cancer Society and help raised $12,000 for the group, which the they say they received. What got Nicholas in legal trouble was the $1,700 that she raised for herself.
Aside from the $100 fine, Nicholas was also given a suspended sentence of a year in jail on each charge and ordered not to take part in any charitable causes. Her defense attorney added that his client had paid back the money she collected while also giving an explanation as to why she was faking having cancer.…Continue Reading
CULVER CITY, CA – Not a lot of details yet, but reports are a woman in California was found dead inside a home with a chainsaw wound to the neck.
The woman’s body was found by her sister around 1 a.m. Thursday. Her name has not been released, but police have confirmed that the woman had a chainsaw wound to her neck and a possible suicide note was found beside her body.
However, at this point her death has not been officially ruled a suicide. No matter the cause — suicide, accident or murder — that is one violent way to die.
I’ll update the story as more details are released, but if you are interested in chainsaw related stories, we have a couple pages worth.…Continue Reading
Salina, KS - Ivory Francois Jr., 35, was strip searched last May when reporting for weekend jail time as part his probation for not paying child support. During that search, correctional officers found a lip balm container in his rectum that was full of… lip balm.
Why would someone smuggle lip balm into jail? Francois maintained at sentencing that it was simply because he had chapped lips.
Charles Ault-Duell, an assistant county attorney, countered that, in a jail, a small plastic tube can be adapted to many uses, such as holding drugs or being broken and sharpened into a weapon – but even the prosecution acknowledged that Francois had asked earlier about bringing lip balm into the jail. At that time, he was reportedly warned by jail security officers that he could not bring it in.
Francois had been found guilty of trafficking contraband into a correctional facility in a bench trial in December. His sentencing was not a small matter. Because Francois has had multiple convictions for domestic battery, battery and nonsupport of children, state sentencing guidelines dictated a sentence of three years and seven months in prison.…Continue Reading
SEATTLE, WA – No charges are expected to be filed after a 3-year-old boy shot himself in the head with a gun he found in a car while his family stopped for gas.
The incident happened after a couple stopped for gas about 12:30 a.m. Wednesday and left their 3-year-old boy and infant daughter in the car.
The father, who has a concealed weapons permit, stashed a pistol under the front seat before getting out to pump gas while the mother went inside the convenience store.
While they were both out of the car, their 3-year-old managed to climb out of his car seat, retrieve the gun, and then shoot himself in the head. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. The couple’s infant daughter was not injured.
Detectives questioned the parents and have called the shooting nothing more than a tragic accident and do not expect criminal charges to be filed.
Honestly, I’m ok with that simply because I don’t think you could put this father in a hell any worse than the one he is in currently.…Continue Reading
SACRAMENTO, CA - I wasn’t going to post about the murder of 13-year-old Jessica Funk-Haslam, especially since Nancy Grace and a couple of silly “psychics” are on the case and will have this solved in no time, but when I saw Google considers an opinionated Gather article a news source, I died a little inside and figured I would put up my own article.
I know a lot of you have already heard about the murder of 13-year-old Jessica Funk-Haslam, but for those of you who haven’t, her body was found in a dugout of a baseball field last Tuesday morning. She had been strangled, stabbed and beaten.
The last person known to have seen her alive was her mother, Tara Funk-Haslam, who says her daughter ran out of the house to meet someone after an argument. She says she chased after her but was unable to catch her.
Armchair detectives are already fingering her as the prime suspect, speculating as to why her mother waited until the next morning to call police, or why she didn’t try to contact her friends or her father, Allen Porter.…Continue Reading
RIVERTON, UT – Police and family members of 15-year-old Anne Kasprzak are asking for the public’s help in finding her killer. The teen’s body was found floating in a Utah river Sunday afternoon.
The teen was last seen alive leaving her mother’s house about 7:45 p.m. Saturday. Her family thought she just went out for a walk, but when she failed to answer her phone or respond to their text messages, they began to worry. She was reported as a runaway at 8:43 p.m. that same night.
Family members used GPS to track the location of the Kasprzak’s cellphone, noting that Anne first seemed to be moving slowly before her movement quickened, as if she were in a moving vehicle. When they were no longer able to track her, they assumed her cell phone battery had died and continued looking for her until the early morning hours..
The next morning, police would would find a bloody sneaker on a pedestrian bridge in the same area her family had been searching. Later that afternoon, Kasprzak’s body would be found floating in the Jordan River.…Continue Reading