Iowa City, IA - How inebriated must one be to feel that it is kosher to just drop trou’ and discharge a few ass apples in a public venue? I’m guessing one would have to have a B.A.C. somewhere in the vicinity of .24, give or take, and an IQ in that same general area. Demonites, please meet Mr. Robert E. Lee. Mr. Lee here allegedly entered a CVS Pharmacy Friday evening, ambled his way up front, lifted his shirt, dropped his pants, and dumped a load of sphincter spears. Then, without even bothering to wipe or wash, Mr. Lee walked out of the store. Ummm…ew? When the cops caught up with the butt nugget bandit, the slurred speech and aroma of alcohol gave him away. (Not to mention the .24). Mr. Lee, 57, was charged with fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication – both misdemeanors. The store manager who reported the incident told police it would cost less than $200 to clean up the mess. (And a drawing of straws between employees, I’d imagine).…Continue Reading
Louisville, KY - Jesus Christ must be a real jerk. I mean, what kind of friend comes over to your house, befouls your environment with second-hand crack smoke, and then just disappears – leaving the crack paraphernalia behind? I gotta admit, I have relatives that would pull that kind of shit, but I never thought JC would stoop that low. I mean, that’s just rude! Poor old Craig Dunn is now taking the rap because of Jesus and his crack pipe. Dunn, a registered sex offender on home incarceration, must have been beside himself when the police showed up to do a home check and discovered a makeshift aluminum foil crack pipe and a burnt spoon. Dunn tried to explain to the boys in blue that the shit wasn’t his, it belonged to Jesus and Jesus was just trying to set him up. I bet you the big guy is up in the sky right about now just laughing it up – his little plan worked! Thanks to Jesus, Craig Dunn, 52, is now back behind bars charged with possession of drug paraphernalia.…Continue Reading
Carter County, OK - What in the hell is going on in Carter County? While I was researching a story about a woman drugging and raping a 13-year-old boy, I came across another story, from the same county, where a man stands accused of raping a 13-year-old girl. Both arrests were made within a week of each other. So, to kill two pervs with one stone, I’m gonna post ‘em both. First we have 19-year-old Garen Thompson. Garen is accused of raping a 13-year-old girl last Monday. He was arrested and charged after the girl reported the rape to a teacher – now both he and his fantastical hair are being held at Carter County Detention Center on $20,000 bond. Diana Mills, 37, is accused of plying two teen boys, ages 13 and 15, with drugs and alcohol and admits to having sex with the 13-year-old. She told officers that she thought the boy was 16 the first time they had sex, but was well aware of his age the next couple of times she rolled him in the hay.…Continue Reading
DADE CITY, Florida – Police pulled over a vehicle for not for not having a passenger side headlight. The driver was a very drunk Genoveva Amacenda-Velona, 30. Also in the car with her were two children ages 7 and 9. But that wasn’t it. Beside her was a half-empty bottle of Jose Cuervo and sliced limes on the console. Amacenda-Velona spoke no English, but did relay that she had only drank a few beers at a friends house. Her 0.233 blood-alcohol level told a much different story. She was charged with aggravated child neglect, DUI, not having a valid driver’s license and not having a motor vehicle registration and was being at the Land O’Lakes jail without bail. I see some people calling this setup a rolling bar just because she had some sliced limes? Shit, wait ’til they get a glimpse of the Mojito setup Jaded has in her car. Hell, she has fresh mint growing on the dashboard. Wanna know what my “rolling bar” consisted of? A couple bottles of Night Train.…Continue Reading
– On Halloween night, Oxford police officer pulled over 20-year-old James Miller for finding him driving the wrong way down a one-way street with no headlights. As the officer approached Miller was observed stuffing chewing gum in his mouth. He was also wearing an awesome breathalyzer costume. Miller told the officer he had not been drinking that night, but cops found an open beer in the console of his car and beers in the front seat as well as the trunk. Turns out that Miller was almost two times the legal limit, sporting a blood alcohol level of .15. Miller was cited on charges including operating a vehicle while intoxicated, underage possession of alcohol, having an open container and a fake ID, and a one-way street violation. Click on to see him in costume.… Continue Reading
Clark County, Wisconsin — Mary Strey, 49, started drinking earlier in the day and after visiting different bars around Neilsville, she had consumed seven or eight brandy and Cokes. But this didn’t stop her from getting behind the wheel of her car and attempt to drive home. But she didn’t make it there as police caught up with her after someone called 911 to report her. They found her parked on the side of the road and officers reported that her speech was slurred,, she stumbled, was swaying back and forth and could not perform the tests. Her blood alcohol level was 0.17. The odd thing about this story is the 911 caller who turned her in. It happened to be Mary Strey herself. After the jump, you can listen to the 911 call in which Strey called to report herself. Which is kinda classic as it includes this exchange:
Dispatch: You behind them?
Mary Strey: No, I am them.
Dispatch: You am them?
Mary Strey: Yes, I am them.
Dispatch: Okay, so you want to call and report you’re driving drunk?…
Claremore, OK – With friends like Preston Dohrer, you might want to think about a life insurance policy. Or, hey, how about a whole new class of friends? As is evident in Preston’s Myspace pictures, he likes to party. And set shit on fire. And, as is evident with his dead friend, Michael Duke, Preston also likes to play with guns. Emergency personnel were called to Preston’s residence at about 1:45 Saturday morning. When they arrived, they found 20-year-old Michael laying on the living room floor bleeding out of the gunshot wound to his forehead. Seems the boys had been drinking that night and horsin’ around a bit. Witnesses told police the two were involved in a bit of “horseplay” and were “playing around with each other and playing with knives.” Sounds like a rip-roaring good time to me! Let me grab my Ginsu! A witness to the horseplay told officers that Preston walked into his bedroom, returned to the living room, pointed a pistol at Michael’s head, and pulled the trigger.…Continue Reading
ESSEX, Maryland – An off-duty Baltimore police officer, Eric Michael Janik, 36, was taking his 9-year-old daughter through the haunted house attraction, The House of Screams, along with another police officer, Lisa Michelle Hinkley. When they reached the end of tour, they ran into Michael Brian Morrison, 32. An employee of the attraction who gives the paying customers one final scream dressed as Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre films. After his act of cutting a girl in two, he chases after people with an unchained chainsaw as they exit the attraction. But when he approached Janik and his daughter, Janik pulled out a handgun and pointed it at Morrison’s chest. Morrison dropped the chainsaw and held up his hands. Janik then holstered the gun, stated “it’s alright, I’m a cop,“ and attempted to shake Morrison’s hand. Another employee called police.…Continue Reading
Goldsboro, North Carolina — Michael Earl Ricks, 47, has been convicted of armed robbery, common law robbery and writing worthless checks. He has recently been released from prison and luckily, Mary McDuffie and Christy Hughes let him come live with them in the trailer they rented. After a few hours of drinking, the two women got into an argument with Ricks and threatened to kick him out. Ricks became upset and took a trip to his employer, Best Sand and Gravel, and returned with a front-end loader bulldozer. While one of the women was on the phone with 911, Ricks used the bulldozer to destroy the trailer. You can listen to the moment he hit the trailer here. After he was done with the trailer, he then chased the two women as they ran to their landlord’s home. The women were not injured, and Ricks was arrested at the scene. He is being held under a $1,500 bond at the Wayne County jail on Monday, charged with damage to real property.…Continue Reading
ROCHESTER HILLS, Mich – 40-year-old MILF…er Tina Consolo and her 19-year-old daughter do not agree on the subject of Tina growing a 6-foot high marijuana plant in their living room. So Tina’s daughter called police. When Oakland County Sheriff’s deputies arrived at the home, they found the six foot high marijuana plant along with dried marijuana hanging in the basement, a digital scale, packaging material, a marijuana grinder, marijuana pipes, two handguns and a shotgun. Tina states that the weed is not for pleasure or distribution, but rather to help her with her chronic back pain. And I believe her sexy ass. Consolo is expected to be arraigned by the end of the week. I expect her to give me a call as soon as all this silly shit is over with — and after she kicks out her ungrateful spawn. Should be some video after the jump, if the stupid embed code from WXYZ works…Continue Reading
Houston, Texas I hung out with some pretty heavy drinkers in my younger days. It was always quite a treat walking into a bar with someone who had obviously had a tremendous time the night – or even week – before. No sooner than we’d walk into the establishment, my buddy would be greeted with, “Oh man, do you remember when you_____?” (Fill in the blank and those fill-ins were never flattering.) Watching the happy-go-lucky face turn to complete horror was always amusing – mainly because it didn’t involve me. If I had my druthers, I’d much rather be informed by friends or acquaintances and I’d much rather hear the news when I was fully functioning than to be awakened by the police telling strange accounts of where I ended up and with whom.…Continue Reading
Sheboygan, Wisconsin – I’m not sure how many of you watch COPS or not, but for those of you who do, it is a well known fact that police do not give a shit about your stage of dress (or undress) when they haul your ass to jail. If they decide to get your naked ass a pair of shorts or not is really depending on how big of an asshole you are, as well as the cop you asking to get them. Julia Laack, 36, found this out when she attempted to disrobe to keep cops from taking her to jail after she got busted for shoplifting beef jerky and a lighter from a gas station. But naked or not, Julia was not going without a fight.…Continue Reading
Charleston, SC – Dash cam footage has been made public detailing City Council Member, Deborah Morinelli, after she drove her SUV into a ditch. The footage shows police removing a bunch of mini-bottles of wine (or as Jaded likes to call them – breakfast) from the vehicle. More disturbing than that is the footage of Morinelli as she wallows in a ditch, drunk off her ass. She attempts to stand several times, but cannot and eventually the police and rescue workers have to carry her. She was charged with driving under the influence and open container in a motor vehicle. She pleaded guilty and had to pay fines that total more than $2,500. Morinelli represents District 2 since 2002 but announced she will not be running for re-election. Watch the video after the jump to see why.…Continue Reading
Indianapolis – 6-month-old Lanny James, also known as LJ, had a stroke before he was born. Doctors said he will probably not survive another year. His mother, Margaret Tompkins, had to take a leave from her job to take care of him and the family did not have the money for a funeral. So last month, the owners of a Shell gas station agreed to put out a donation bucket to help pay for it. But on one Saturday, a blond woman moved the bucket, with an estimated $200, out of view of the cashier and then left with it. On Tuesday, that blond piece of shit was arrested. …Continue Reading
BETHLEHEM, Pa – Twin brothers, both aged 56, had a history of alcohol abuse and drunk driving. But not any longer. Last month the brothers were attending Celtic Fest, and Thomas was trying to help his drunk brother parallel park a minivan. For some drunken reason, Timothy lost control of the vehicle and ended up crushing Thomas’ leg in between the van and a parked SUV. Thomas died 8-hours later. Timothy failed the sobriety test at the scene and it was later revealed he had a blood-alcohol level of .20. Even though Bethlehem police Capt. David Kravatz says Timothy Willgruber was “devastated” after the accident and family members say the brothers were best friends, homicide charges were expected – but now that wont be necessary. Timothy hung himself on Tuesday.… Continue Reading
Newberg, Oregon – Hold on to your tummies, Demonites and Denizens – I’m on a vomit-inducing roll this a.m. On September 4th, a 15-year-old girl reported to police that 44-year-old Darrin Daily had plied her with marijuana and alcohol before having sex with her. After obtaining a warrant to search Daily’s home, investigators seized his computer and other media storage devices and discovered the 15-year-old girl wasn’t his only victim. Forensic investigators reportedly found numerous photographs of a 14-year-old girl engaged in sex acts with Daily, as well as with several different adults. There were images of her being raped while tied up. There were images of the young teen having sexual intercourse with a dog. OMFG. That ain’t all, Demonites – there were also pictures of a 4-year-old child being sexually assaulted. …Continue Reading
Ocala, FL - I love Floriduh. You couldn’t pay me to live there, but I love it nonetheless. During my time here at the Dreamin’ Demon, Florida has provided me with many entertaining, sometimes gag-inducing stories. And this one, well, that would fall into the gag-inducing category. Please allow me to introduce 41-year-old Venus Lewis. Cute, ain’t she? Ms. Lewis enjoys football, tag, alcohol, and younger men. Much younger men. While attending a teen football game at the E.D. Croskey Recreation Center last Saturday, Venus allegedly initiated a rousing game of tag with a couple of teen boys. She laid out the rules: “If I catch ya, I’m gonna have sex with ya.” Simple enough. And I’m sure those lads ran their little legs right off!! (Personally, if Venus was playing that game with me, you can guaran-fucking-tee I would have set a new world land speed record). Weary from the chase, Venus took a breather and chose that little break in the fun and games to drop trou’ and plug her flow hole with a tampon.…Continue Reading
Pompano Beach, FL - Susan Grace was out and about Wednesday at about 5:00 p.m., when she happened upon a rather alarming sight – walking on the side of the road, along the white line, were two little ones just barely out of the toddler stage – one of them dragging a pillow, both barefoot. “I started panicking and I rolled down the window and I’m yelling, ‘Stop, stop,’ and of course, they can’t hear. And traffic’s just whizzing by them,” said Susan, a preschool teacher. She pulled her car over to the side of the road and waited with the kids until law enforcement showed up on scene. Seems the kiddos were on their way to pick up their older sister from school. But, where was mommy? While officers were questioning the kids, ages 3 and 4, one of them let it slip that “Mommy is drunk.” Hehhh…my kiddos had quite the vocabulary at that age, but the word ‘drunk’ wasn’t part of it. …Continue Reading
Panama City Beach, FL – I know this is going to sound silly, but, have you ever been to a tweaker yard sale? If you haven’t, put that on your list of things to do before you die because it is friggin’ hilarious. See, when tweakers are tweakin’, they like to take shit apart. Though they are up for 2-3 days at a time, with plenty of time to tinker, they never put the shit back together the right way and they just tape it all back together. They quickly get bored with one project and move onto another. I’ve been past many a yard sale where every single item has, at minimum, three strips of duct tape – TV’s, beds, dishes, couches, cribs, stereos, cars – you name it, it’s taped. The set of tweaker parents asshats in this story are very familiar with duct tape – they tried to fix their broken toddler with it. …Continue Reading
Pulaski, VA – I’m looking at that fabulous mugshot and all I can think is “Boo-fucking-hoo bitch, cry me a river.” Lisa Hylton, has plenty of reason to turn on the waterworks, but I am not sure which one she is actually using. Could one of them be the fact that her 3 year old son has died or could it be because she has been arrested for his murder? Some time Tuesday, Hylton left her drug stash out where a curious toddler could get a hold of it. The 3 year old boy ingested some of the drug and while Hylton was aware of this, she chose not to seek medical attention for him for approximately 14 hours. I guess when the boy stopped breathing, she thought it would be a pretty good idea to call 911. Unfortunately, the kid did not make it and was pronounced dead at 5:30 AM Wednesday morning. Several hours later, Hylton was arrested and charged with second-degree murder and felony child neglect. Reports indicate the drug the child swallowed was a Schedule II controlled substance which include OxyContin, cocaine and methamphetamine. I’m placing my bets on meth or crack. Who’s with me?…Continue Reading