In The Mean Time...
San Antonio, TX — This is 39-year-old Rosie Mae Strait. Looks positively thrilled to be here, doesn’t she? She’s facing charges after allegedly stabbing her man with a screwdriver because he neglected to have her breakfast ready when she woke.
The lucky bastard that calls this woman “his,” is 55-year-old Ishmail Swain. He told police he left the little lady sleeping in bed at about 11:00 a.m. Monday, and when he returned at about 12:30, she started screaming at him for not fixing her breakfast.
At some point during this lover’s spat, Strait got hold of a screwdriver and apparently plunged it into his arm. Twice.
Swain was attended to by paramedics at the scene – he’d been poked on the right wrist and forearm – and police noted he also had a scratch on the side of his nose.
The screwdriver appears to have disappeared. It was not immediately visible at the scene. Hmmmm… has anyone checked that ‘do?
Rosie Mae was booked on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon causing serious bodily injury.…Continue Reading
Davie, FL — A grieving father, angry over the death of his son in an alleged drunk driving accident, was arrested at the courthouse Monday after attempting to knock the stupid out of the man accused in the boy’s death.
On June 12, 2011, Juan Gonzalez Jr. was riding his motorcycle when he slammed into a Jeep Cherokee driven by John Powers. Police allege Powers was attempting to make a u-turn from northbound State Road 7 at Orange Drive. Gonzalez, who was traveling south, slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting the Jeep. The motorcycle skidded, slid on its side, and slammed into the Jeep. Gonzalez died from his injuries the next day.
A Davie police officer noticed the smell of alcohol on Powers’ breath, and several empty beer cans were found in his vehicle. He blew a 0.15, which is nearly twice the legal limit.
Powers was ultimately charged with DUI manslaughter and manslaughter with an unlawful blood alcohol level. He pleaded not guilty Monday. The Gonzalez family was in attendance at that hearing.…Continue Reading
Huh. So it’s not just ‘Muricans?
The unidentified 26-year-old man reportedly bitched about the temperature of his fries to one of the employees at the drive-thru window early Saturday morning. That conversation, however, got him squat. So he exited his vehicle, ax in hand, and started swinging.
After he was finished beating up the drive-thru window, he walked around the front of the building and hurled the ax through the entrance doors, scaring the McShit out of a group of late night snackers.
The guy fled the scene, but was apprehended rather quickly. Paramedics patched up a wound to the man’s hand sustained during his little temper tantrum, and he was carted off to the pokey. I have no idea what charges he may be facing.
The only other reported injury was rather minor — the 35-year-old man tending the drive-thru that morning suffered cuts to the face from flying glass.…Continue Reading
Last year, authorities in New South Wales uncovered an inbred cult living in a remote valley just south of Sydney.
The clan was discovered after residents of a nearby town reported children wandering the hills and valley. Authorities investigated the area where the children were spotted only to stumble upon a clan of about 40 adults and children living in makeshift sheds, tents and “broken down caravans” with no running water, electricity, or working sewage systems. Dirt covered the cooking area, rotten vegetation was stored in the refrigerator, and there were even claims of a kangaroo sleeping in a child’s bed (D’awww)
Upon further investigation, it was determined that the clan made up 4 generations of inbreeding going back to great-great grandparents who were actually brother and sister. And you know what comes with fornicating with a relative right? A super-strain of retardation and deformities.
Among the examples of human anomalies include an illiterate, speech impaired nine-year-old girl who “did not know how to use a toilet or what toilet paper was, a boy with a walking impairment and severe psoriasis, another with hearing and sight problems and yet another boy whose eyes were misaligned.”
Details of generations of child abuse and inbreeding were made public and I’d rather not yak on my newly fixed laptop so forgive me for not indulging all of you twisted wankers with the unsexy bits.…Continue Reading
FORT WORTH, TX — A juvenile court judge has gotten some people upset after she sentenced 16-year-old Ethan Couch to 10 years’ probation for the drunk driving crash that killed four people.
Back in June, Breanna Mitchell’s SUV had a flat tire so she pulled over to the side of the road. Hollie Boyles, 52, and her daughter, Shelby Boyles, 21, lived nearby and had came out to help Mitchell. Brian Jennings, 41, was driving by and also stopped to see if he could lend a hand.
Unfortunately for all of them, 16-year-old Ethan Couch was also on the road, driving drunk. He and some of his seven passengers had stolen some beer from a Walmart hours earlier and were speeding when Couch lost control of his truck, left the road and struck Breanna’s SUV.
Breanna, Hollie, Shelby and Brian were not in the road when the collision occurred, but they were all killed on impact and thrown 50 to 60 yards away. One of Couch’s passengers suffered serious injuries while another remains paralyzed and only able to communicate by blinking his eyes.…Continue Reading
Roosevelt, UT – A male nurse at Uintah Basin Medical Center has been accused of sexually abusing a female surgery patient on multiple occasions.
Joshua Shumway, 26, allegedly sexually abused the woman in April while she was recovering overnight from surgery at the hospital. Although Shumway was not assigned to the patient, he administered medication to her and put her hand on an automatic morphine injector pump to activate it. Once she was nice and doped up, he sexually assaulted her. He then returned to her room four more times throughout the night to continue abusing her.
The woman said she tried to locate the nurse call button to alert someone of the attack, but she could not find it and had no way of physically escaping him. She also tried to vocalize her displeasure with Shumway’s actions by saying “please, no” but said her words came out “squeaky and stupid,” according to the charges. It also didn’t help that Shumway told her that if she didn’t keep her mouth shut, he’d cause her go into cardiac arrest by injecting her with a syringe.…Continue Reading
The alleged gluing took place at the Banks County Home Depot the day before Thanksgiving. Illyanna De La Keur, 40, told police she had no idea the seat had been tampered with until it was too late.
In a video recorded by her sister, De La Keur can be heard screaming in pain. She was finally freed with a bit of WD-40, but was missing a good bit of skin and was left with numerous wounds.
“I couldn’t understand why they weren’t just taking me to an emergency room and having a doctor remove it,” De La Keur said.
In her shoes, I would have asked that same question. I also would have knocked the stupid out of my sister for filming that shit. Sure, she would have told me it was for legal purposes, lawsuits and such, but we all know that clip woulda hit YouTube, Facebook and LiveLeak before the paramedics even loaded my sore ass into the ambulance.…Continue Reading
STLOUIS, MO – Remember that face? That’s 23-year-old Ashley Depew. She and her boyfriend made the news after claiming she was randomly attacked by three black males playing the “Knockout Game“. Police have now charged them both, accusing them of making the whole thing up.
Ashley and her boyfriend, 25-year-old Justin Simms, were in the news last month after they called police to report Depew had been attacked in a bar by three African-American men playing the knockout game.
Because the dreaded knockout game was involved, the game threatening the safety of white people everywhere, the story went viral after this Facebook post was made and got over 11,000 shares. I remember the moment the pic went viral, as my dog began barking like mad at the sound of the media banging their spoons together as they furiously stirred a crock of shit.
Not that I’m above sticking my own shit-stained spoon in the mix (it’s the same one I use for pit bull stories), but when it comes stories regarding the knockout game, I need video or I don’t even waste my time. …Continue Reading
Xuzhou, China — Apparently fed up with his girlfriend’s addiction to shoes and/or shopping, a 38-year-old man took a flying leap from the seventh floor balcony of the Golden Eagle International Shopping Center Saturday.
Tao Hsiao had apparently been shopping with his lady for five grueling hours that day, when she insisted that they check out just one more shoe store. I could seriously hear shrill whining as I wrote that sentence. Now I’m feeling a little stabby….
Witnesses reported hearing Hsiao saying the woman already had enough shoes — more than she could possibly wear in a lifetime. It was pointless to buy more. This apparently angered the footwear fanatic. Witnesses claim the woman started shouting, calling the man a skinflint and a Scrooge of sorts.
Hsiao was done. Done with her, done with her voice, and done friggin’ shopping. Security footage apparently shows him dropping the shopping bags in anger and jumping from the balcony.
Fortunately, no one broke his fall and the body was quickly removed from the scene.…Continue Reading
MARSHALL, TX – Police have arrested a man who entered a Texas Walmart and began swinging a hatchet, injuring three people.
Three people inside a Texas Walmart were injured early Sunday morning after 27-year-old Christopher Hamilton, a transient from Arkansas, walked into the store wielding a hatchet.
Two of the injured were a Walmart employee and a customer who tried to stop Hamilton’s attack on a female employee. According to police, there is no known motive for the attack, and Hamilton did not know any of the people he injured.
“Evidently [the customer] had grabbed some cans of soup off of the stack and started throwing them at [the man with the hatchet] to get him off of the associate, and I believe he hit him in the back of the head and that’s when the guy took off running,” says Stewart.
After getting hit in the head with a can of soup, Hamilton fled the store and ran into a nearby wooded area. With the help of some K-9 units, police were able to locate Hamilton a little over an hour later.…Continue Reading
NOBLESVILLE, IN - The teen who helped save two children after they fell into an icy reservoir in 2010 was killed after one of her friends carelessly pointed a gun at her and pulled the trigger.
Some of you may remember 16-year-old Aubrey Peters. In 2011, the Red Cross honored Peters and her grandparents as a Red Cross Hall of Famers after they helped save two little girls that had fallen through the ice at the Morse Reservoir.
Unfortunately, the teen died after a total idiot pointed a gun at her chest and pulled the trigger. What makes the entire situation more tragic is the person who pulled the trigger was one of her friends who thought the gun was unloaded.
According to court documents, Peters was with friends in a home when 20-year-old Jacob McDaniel grabbed a handgun and asked Peters if she wanted to hold it. When she said she didn’t, witnesses say McDaniel “dropped the magazine from the gun, pointed it at Aubrey, took the safety off, and pulled the trigger.”
Immediately after being shot, witnesses say Peters clutched her chest and asked, “What just happened?” before collapsing.…Continue Reading
Mesa, AZ — All kinds of people were dialing 911 from a Mesa McDonald’s after one couple noticed their hash browns were missing from their order earlier this week. What? Hash browns are serious business, people!
Michael and Nova Smith were feeling a little ripped off the other morning when they realized their orders, a Number 2 and a Number 4, were missing both one extremely important item — the hash browns.
“It’s a meal,” Nova said in an interview with ABC15. “Just like you should get fries with your hamburger, we should have got our hash browns with our breakfast sandwiches.”
Nova claims that after confronting a store manager, and after being denied a refund or even an order of hash browns, she got a little pissy and threw her bag of breakfast sandwiches at ‘em.
“And that was out of frustration which I probably shouldn’t have done, but I did. Fighting over $2 of hash browns is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to have to fight that hard just to get customer service.”
Michael called 911 and headed back behind the counter to have his own talk with management.…Continue Reading
Houston, TX — Dr. Angela Siler-Fisher, medical director at Ben Taub Hospital’s Emergency Center and professor at Baylor College of Medicine, is facing criminal charges after apparently flippin’ her shit and going all Fatal Attraction on her husband’s mistress. Ok, a pussified version of Fatal Attraction, maybe…
According to authorities, 42-year-old Angela recently learned that her husband, Dr. Brandon Fisher, a radiologist, was getting a little on the side from yet another doctor, 35-year-old Marcelle Mallery, and went on a rampage. Fortunately for Mallery, Brandon called ahead and warned her of his wife’s intentions and she was able to remove herself and her children from the home.
Surveillance video captures Angela entering her rival’s home by kicking in a doggy door. Once inside, Angela showed her displeasure by dropping a trail of unused condoms (weak!) on the stairs leading to Mallery’s bedroom, and writing the words “whore” and “homewrecker” on the woman’s bathroom mirror in lipstick. Red lipstick. Cliche, much?
Angela then reportedly sent the woman a picture of her own bedroom, letting her know she had been there.…Continue Reading
Indianapolis, IN — Ya know, the title alone tells an entire story, but since I love you people, I’ve decided to go ahead and elaborate. The 34-year-old gentleman to the left is facing numerous charges after a couple women complained to police that he was “swinging” his wiener at ‘em.
A Metro officer was just kinda driving around doing what officers do Tuesday, when he was flagged down by two women.
One of the women reportedly told the officer that a man approached her from behind (giggity) and grabbed her by the arm. When she turned to look, she noticed the man had his dick out of his drawers and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion.” How the woman managed to resist jumping on that thing right then and there is a friggin’ mystery…..
The woman also told the officer the man claimed to have a gun and demanded that she come with him.
The man, later identified as Shawn Harvell, began “briskly” walking away when the women flagged the officer down.…Continue Reading
When police made contact with the alleged pisser, John Posey, he appeared to be intoxicated. His eyes were bloodshot, he was unsteady on his feet, and he apparently reeked of booze. Oh yeah, and his fly was unzipped. Dead giveaway….
Posey initially told police he was just doing a little shopping and denied urinating on stuff. The officer called bullshit after being directed to a large, stinky wet spot on the carpet.
Posey eventually ‘fessed. When questioned as to why he didn’t just use the friggin’ restroom, Posey reportedly stated that “stores usually won’t let you, so I didn’t ask.” And well, he had to “pee bad.” Logic.
A Radio Shack employee told police that Posey caused about $800 in damages – his urine landed on some boxes containing televisions and various audio equipment. In addition to that, some carpet tiles are going to need replacing….…Continue Reading
Weston, FL – According to police, 53-year-old Pedro Maldonado Sr. shot and killed his wife and 17-year-old son with a hand held crossbow, then drove over 400 miles to attempt the same thing with his other son.
The rampage apparently started sometime Monday in Weston, where Pedro shot his wife and son. He then loaded up his crossbow and headed north to Florida State University, where his other son, 21-year-old José Maldonado, attended college. After a good night’s rest, Pedro reportedly confronted his son and tried to kill him with the same crossbow he used to kill José’s mother and brother. Luckily, José was able to turn his head just at the right moment and the arrow only hit him in the ear. At that point, police say, the two struggled and José was able to escape his father’s attempts at choking him.
José did not call the authorities after the attack. Some speculate that he may have been more worried about deportation than an injured ear. Pedro was having financial problems, which led the family, who had been in the country legally at one point, to start worrying about their visas that had expired.…Continue Reading
LAKELAND, FL – A 6-year-old girl had to be airlifted to the hospital after being attacked by two pit bulls so severely, her intestines were exposed.
Alicia Battle was playing in the backyard of her home Thursday afternoon when two pit bulls named “Boss” and “Promise” began attacking her. Michelle Williams, 25, heard the girl screaming and ran out of the house to help, only to have the dogs start biting her.
After biting Williams, the dogs ran on to the porch of the home and began attacking 7-year-old Clamorari Williams. Not quite done, the dogs then attacked 45-year-old Sherri Tanner when she stopped and tried to help. Animal control officers arrived on the scene and were able to corral the dogs without killing them, and have since placed them both in quarantine.
Alicia was airlifted to the hospital suffering from severe injuries to her arm and bites to her stomach that exposed her internal organs. She is currently listed in fair condition. Michelle required 8 to 9 stitches to her right calf, Clamorari suffered injuries to his knee and shin, while Sherri received puncture wounds and lacerations on her right thigh.…Continue Reading
Dispatchers received a call of a man lying on the ground near 5 Mile Rd in Boise with what looked to be a cord wrapped around his neck. When the deputies arrived, they found Shawn Sheltra sitting on the ground, wrapped in blankets and coveted by people who had stopped to help.
According to Sheltra, he was on his way to a tree house (cute) when he was suddenly attacked by two men. He claims he was knocked unconscious and awakened on the side of the road with an electrical cord around his neck and the words “your next” written on his stomach with a permanent marker.
Sheltra was taken to the hospital while 20 deputies from the Ada County Sheriff’s department closed down a section of Five Mile Road during rush hour in an attempt to find those responsible for the purported attack on the teen.…Continue Reading
Des Moines, IA – Students from Lincoln High School reported seeing a man in a nearby park eating rocks Monday. That man, 35-year-old Michael Sutton, was later taken into custody on a wide range of charges. Yes… rocks.
The students apparently happened upon the weird ass scene sometime Monday afternoon. When the students asked Sutton why, exactly, he was eating rocks, Sutton reportedly replied, “I lost my meth.” This, of course, prompted them to report the incident to their school resource officer.
When police arrived on scene, Sutton was still chowing down. An officer asked him what he was eating. “Rocks,” Sutton replied. The officer then asked Sutton if he thought maybe it was a little odd to be sitting in the middle of the road eating rocks. “Well, they are small rocks,” was his reply. Oh, well in that case…..
After he was finished snacking, Sutton rose to leave the area. It was then that police noticed he had a couple of kiddos in his car.…Continue Reading
Daly City, CA — A 26-year-old man accused of “viciously” biting his parents and threatening to kill them and burn their home down during an argument over a visit with the family cat, has pleaded not guilty to felonious assault.
After returning home from a Thanksgiving trip Saturday, Yevgeniy Bolshakov asked his parents if he could see the family cat, as he had missed the evil fucking creature while he was away. His parents denied his request, stating that the cat had recently undergone surgery and just wasn’t up to receiving visitors. Primadonna….
And that’s about the time Bolshakov lost his shit.
He reportedly lashed out at his father, punching him in the head several times before biting a chunk of meat out of the 64-year-old man’s arm. He also bit the man on the elbow and the chin. When mom tried to intervene, the 54-year-old woman got popped upside the head and bitten on hand, claim authorities.
Bolshakov was promptly carted off to jail, allegedly declaring on the way that he wanted to kill both of his parents and burn their apartment down.…Continue Reading