In The Mean Time...
According to the police report, one woman pushed a child aside so her own child could get their hands on one of Lucifer’s brightly colored testicles. The mother of the child who was cast aside confronted the other mom and the two began fighting.
Other people at the egg hunt had to separate the women three or four times before they finally disengaged. By time police arrived on the scene, only one mother was there. She was sporting a bloody nose, but refused to press charges against her attacker.
I’m tempted to contact the police officer who responded to the scene and see if he’d like to write for the site. Officer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee used four terrible, egg- related puns inside the following report:
“Police were called to the Woodland Park Zoo on Sunday after an Easter egg hunt turned rotten (groan).
The hard-boiled tale began around 1 pm, when one woman reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some brightly colored eggs. …Continue Reading
Wagoner County, OK – Police have arrested 18-year-old Tori Wheeler after they say she played an April Fool’s prank on her boyfriend before cutting his throat.
On April 1st, Wheeler decided to play a prank on her boyfriend, Derek Bauer, by telling him she was pregnant. Bauer did not take the news very well and became agitated at the thought of fathering a child with Wheeler.
Wheeler then became angry at her boyfriend’s negative response and responded by pulling out a knife and threatening Bauer with it. Wheeler later told police that the “threatening upset boyfriend with a knife” was also part of her hilarious April Fool’s prank
Bauer didn’t find any of this funny at all and threatened to call police on Wheeler. That’s when Wheeler lost her goddamn marbles and attacked Bauer, cutting his throat with the knife and biting him twice.
After calling police to report Wheeler, Bauer was taken to the hospital for non-life-threatening injuries and later released. For her prank, Tori Wheeler was taken to jail on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon.…Continue Reading
EGG HARBOR TWP., NJ – Police in New Jersey have accused Amy Ochetto of intentionally setting her home on fire while her 12-year-old daughter was still inside.
Sometime around 12:24 a.m. Tuesday, police and fire crews responded to a house fire call on Windwood Drive in the Cardiff section of the township. They would find Ochetto’s home on fire and helped get the woman’s daughter out of the home without injury, along with 41-year-old Yeser Bekete.
The Cardiff and Bargaintown fire companies were able to extinguish the blaze and later determined that the fire had been intentionally set. Detectives got involved and would accuse Amy Ochetto of using a flammable liquid to intentionally set the fire while her daughter and Bekete were still inside the house.
Ochetto was arrested and charged with aggravated arson, two counts of aggravated assault, and endangering the welfare of a child. She is being held on $100,000 cash bail. Police have not revealed why they believe Ochetto set fire to the house.
Some have wondered why Ochetto was not charged with attempted murder if she set the fire knowing there were occupants in the house.…Continue Reading
PALM BAY, FL – Police say a homeless woman was arrested and has been charged with burglary and criminal mischief after she was found in a Palm Bay homeowner’s pool, using it to take a bath.
According to a police report, officers were called to a home on the 1300 block of Knecht Road after the homeowner said he saw a strange woman enter his back yard. The man said he used his surveillance system to see what the woman was doing when she walked behind his house and promptly dropped a deuce on his lawn.
The sea-nymph, later identified as 35-year-old Cheryl Beauchamp, wasn’t finished. Unable to enter the pool area, she used a rock to cut the screen to gain access, stripped naked, and sans Calgon, hopped in for a little rub-a-dub-dub. No word in the report whether or not she wiped, first.
When police confronted Beauchamp, she told them she wanted to take a bath, and broke the screen because the door was locked. She also told them that she was on her way to Washington, D.C., where she was headed so she could yell at President Obama.…Continue Reading
ST. PAUL, MN — Autopsy results reveal 35-year-old Stephanie Shields drowned her two children, 7-year-old Nolan and 6-year-old Josephine, before killing herself.
A family member called 911 on Easter morning to report they had found Shields and her two children dead inside their home.
Shields’s husband, National Guard member Sergeant 1st Class Mark Shields, is the father of both kids and had just recently moved out of the home.
Both children attended Zimmerman Elementary School where Principal Susan Johnston said “Josephine Shields and her brother Nolan were part of our Zimmerman Elementary School family and we are deeply saddened.”
I know there is a likelihood that Shield suffers from some kind of mental illness, as normal people just do not up and drown their kids. But whenever I hear about cases like this, I’ve always felt it was an act of vindictive spite, not an act derived from a mental breakdown.
Admittedly, my opinion is based off of ignorance as I know absolutely nothing about this woman aside from her recent actions.…Continue Reading
HARRISBURG, NC - On Friday, Anthony Hardy shot and killed his neighbors on either side of his home before killing himself after a police standoff.
Police say they received a 911 call from the wife of 42-year-old Daniel Thomas Kirchner, who I was informed I may have went to high school with, stating Hardy was shooting at her husband in the backyard.
“He came into my backyard and started shooting at my husband and my other neighbor,” she tells the 911 operator.
When asked what prompted the shooting, she says she does not know. She says her husband was outside working in the backyard when Hardy walked over and started shooting, hitting both her husband and another neighbor, 64-year-old Gary Wade Stocks.
When she realizes Hardy has left, she tried to perform CPR on her husband, noticing he had been shot in the stomach, but it is too late. Both he and Stocks were pronounced dead at the scene.
When police arrived, they found Hardy was back inside his home and refused to come out, leading to a police standoff in which gunfire was reportedly exchanged. …Continue Reading
Australia - A woman in Australia was arrested after she poured super glue into a man’s eyes during an argument.
Police say the 58-year-old woman got into an argument with her 64-year-old roommate on Easter Sunday that turned particularly violent.
Senior Sergeant Paul Kinna said the woman allegedly tried to strangle the man and poured superglue into his eyes and one ear, then tried to set the man on fire before beating him with her prosthetic leg. Aristocrats!
The man was taken to Ballarat Base Hospital, before being transferred to Melbourne’s Eye and Ear Hospital in a stable condition. The woman has been charged with three offenses, including one count of reckless conduct endangering life.
The man got lucky as getting super glur into your eyes isn’t really as bad as it sounds. I mean, it sucks, but that was actually the one thing she did to him that wouldn’t have caused any serious injury.Continue Reading
CHARLESTON, WV – Shain Gandee, one of the “stars” of MTV’s Buckwild, was found dead with two other men inside Gandee’s vehicle.
Gandee and his uncle were last seen leaving Larry’s Bar in Sissonville about 3 a.m. Sunday. The pair said they were going to do a bit of off-roading in Gandee’s 1984 Ford Bronco. Police were called after they did not return and the family had spent most of the day Sunday looking for them.
Deputies used all-terrain vehicles to access the area the men went off-roading, which is about a mile up a dirt road, and located the vehicle with three dead men inside. It was later confirmed that the men were Gandee and his uncle, 48-year-old David Gandee. The third man has been identified as Robert Myers.
A cause of death for the three men has not been released, but police say they do not suspect foul play.
“It’s a very sad day for this county,” Kanawha County Commissioner Kent Carper said. “This is a small place and just about everyone in this community knows everybody.”
For anyone not familiar with the show, here’s the official synopsis:
“BUCKWILD is an authentic comedic series following an outrageous group of childhood friends from the rural foothills of West Virginia who love to dodge grown-up responsibilities and always live life with the carefree motto, “whatever happens, happens. …Continue Reading
HOUSTON, TX – A fight between baby mamas ended with one woman having her leg amputated after one of the women intentionally rammed the other with a car and pinned her to a house.
According to Chris Chaney, 26-year-old Shareyll Starre Hunter is his ex and the mother of two of his children and pregnant with another. He says she took his car keys from his home without his permission, angering his current girlfriend, 21-year-old Alise Stephon Kelley, who is four months pregnant with his child.
The two women got into an altercation in the driveway, with one of the women trying to hit the other with a flashlight. When Kelley started walking back towards the house, Hunter drove the vehicle into her, pinning Kelley to the house before driving off.
Police say Kelley was transported to Memorial Hermann Hospital and suffered several compound fractures in at least one leg, which doctors later amputated. At this time, police are still looking for Hunter, who already has an outstanding warrant, and was last seen driving Chaney’s beige Lincoln LS with paper plates.…Continue Reading
CHARLESTON, WV — Police in West Virginia have arrested 42-year-old Judith Kowaleski after they say she shot and killed another woman after their children fought on a school bus.
Police responding to a shooting call found Kowaleski and her aunt, Barbara Harrington, performing CPR on 42-year-old Elizabeth Slagle, who was lying in the middle of the street. Slagle was pronounced dead after being rushed to the hospital suffering from a single gunshot wound to the chest.
Kowaleski told police that her child had got into an altercation with Slagle’s child on the school bus earlier, and that Slagle had called her that day upset about the incident. The two women agreed to meet at the end of the road to hash out their differences in a diplomatic, rational way – but Kowaleski admitted she brought along a handgun just in case.
The three women met at the end of the road and diplomatic discussions soon turned to arguing. According to Kowaleski, she had the gun in her hand from the time she walked out of the house until she met Slagle.…Continue Reading
CIRCLEVILLE, OH – Police have arrested two adults and two juveniles in connection to the beating death of 21-year-old Brittany Jeffers.
The details surrounding the events that proceeded the beating aren’t completely clear to me, but according to police, at least eight people took part in the beating while many others stood around and watched.
According to Jeffers’ mother, the fight began when Jeffers’ step-sister was attacked by a neighbor on Wednesday.
“That’s when my daughter Brittany said, ‘This ain’t happening,’ and she ran over to try and save [her sister],” Emily Harvey said.
Police say a crowd of people stood around and watched the fight, but no one was helping or trying to stop the women. Sometime during the fight, according to Harvey, a man blind-sided Jeffers.
“So he just came up and kicked my daughter in the head and punched her around the temple and that is when she just fell to the ground,” Harvey said. “I ran over to get to my daughter and found her unconscious, gasping for air, and she turned blue, and I called 911 to help her.”
Jeffers, the mother of a 5-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl, was flown by medical helicopter to Grant Medical Center where she was pronounced brain dead and kept alive long enough to harvest her organs.…Continue Reading
KINGSPORT, TN – Earlier this month we had a story about a mother trying to sell her kids to get her boyfriend out of jail. Now we have a story about Shawn Hughes, a 32-year-old man from Tennessee who tried selling his kid to get his girlfriend out of jail.
Last Thursday, the grandmother of 27-year-old Jessica Carey called police to report that her granddaughter had abandoned her two children at her home and she’d been caring for them for almost a week. Carey was located and arrested on an outstanding warrant for aggravated child abuse and neglect.
Her boyfriend, Shawn Hughes, was arrested an hour later on a DUI charge. After bonding out on Monday, Hughes went to his girlfriend’s grandmother and asked the 75-year-old woman for $2,000 so he could bail Carey out of jail. She refused to give him the money and Hughes never made any attempt to retrieve the couple’s children.
He returned the next day begging for $300 in bail money, which the woman gave him.…Continue Reading
SPARTANBURG, SC – Police say 36-year-old Tyshekka Collier is facing charges after she walked into the school office to pick up her son, who had just been suspended, then slapped the wrong child.
On Wednesday morning, Collier was called to Fairforest Middle School to get her son because he’d just been suspended. When she arrived, she saw a boy sitting in the office with his head down and slapped him in the face. Problem was that it wasn’t her son – it was a boy who was sick and waiting for his mother to come pick him up.
Collier apologized to the boy, then walked over to her son and proceeded to slap his ass silly. According to the arrest warrant, Collier hit her son in the head and face, knocking him to the ground.
Police were called to the scene and Collier was arrested and charged with disturbing school and two counts of assault and battery.
“In speaking with the parents and all the interviews that were done — the two charges for the assaults and disturbing school, we felt were the most appropriate means to go with,” said Spartanburg County sheriff’s Lt.…Continue Reading
Here, Now – I would like to thank everyone who turned out to last night’s Pulpit of Doom Podcast with me and Athena. I can’t speak for Athena, but for once, I was completely sober. It turned out pretty good and I think my “uhs” and “ums” were at a bare minimum as I didn’t catch any shit from PaganOne about it yet.
As usual, we talked about the top 10 stories circulating on the site for the last week, including women killing children, the Backpage Cock Gobbler, child neglect, minors and the old cheerleaders who love them, beating kids until they pass out, and starving toddlers living with a corpse. But the majority of the time was spent talking about teenage suicide – where I went on my usual rant on why it’s retarded that personal finance and mental health are not required courses in our children’s schools – and pit bulls eating children.
The latter of which I explain my stance on the breed – especially since I get accused of hating them so much.…Continue Reading
Tallahasee, FL – Police say 22-year-old Jenna Porter scored a hole in two at the Hilaman Golf Course after using a handgun to kill her 3-year-old daughter then herself.
Golfers playing at the public golf course heard two gunshots around 5pm Tuesday and went to investigate. That’s when they found Porter and her daughter, 3-year-old Scarlett Porter, dead in a grassy area between the golf course and the apartment complex where the two lived.
The golfers called 911 and stayed with the bodies until police arrived on the scene. Police say a handgun was found at the scene and that Porter shot her daughter once in the head before turning the gun on herself.
“This is a terrible, tragic set of circumstances,” Leon County Sheriff’s Office Spokesman Lt. James McQuaig said. “Our thoughts and prayers go out to those left behind because of this tragic set of circumstances.”
One neighbor was shocked at Porter’s actions, stating that she and her daughter “seemed like normal people.”
“It made me feel sad because she is lying on the ground and there’s nothing she could do for herself … and that’s kind of shocking,” said one witness who lived at the apartments.…Continue Reading
Bryan County, GA – A 2-year-old-girl was killed in her backyard after seven seven dogs, all pit bulls or pit bull mixes, mauled her to death while her grandmother slept inside the house.
According to Bryan County Deputy Sheriff James Beatty, the girl’s grandmother woke up after hearing a commotion outside and discovered the dogs attacking 21-month-old Monica Renee Laminack in the backyard. She, along with other family members, rushed outside to pull the dogs off the girl, but she was already dead.
“When we got here and spoke to EMS, they told us that when they got here, she was already cold. There was nothing they could do,” Beatty said.
Police are not sure why the girl was alone with the dogs or what made them suddenly attack her. Beatty said the girl’s 12-year-old brother may have taken her out to play and forgot she was out there, or she may have gone out through a doggy door.
“Apparently what happened is the child and the dogs were all in the house together and exited the house through the doggie door,” Bryan County Sheriff Clyde Smith said during a press conference Thursday morning in Pembroke.…Continue Reading
GREENWOOD, SC – Michelle Thomas was arrested after she attacked her boyfriend with a knife, and took his prosthetic leg so he could not chase after her.
Thomas called Greenwood police to say she had just been attacked by her live-in boyfriend. She told them he was drunk and began hitting her after she threw him a pack of cigarettes. She said she ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife that she used to slash at the man when he would not stop attacking her.
She said that after she cut his hands, she removed his prosthetic leg and tossed it out the door in an attempt to hinder his ability to chase after her. When police arrived, they noted a knot on Thomas’ forehead and a cut on her hand she said she received when her boyfriend tried to take away the knife.
However, the boyfriend had a different version of what happened. Police say when they arrived, he was in the bedroom screaming, “She tried to kill me for no reason!” Police found a large amount of blood in the hallway and bedroom, and he’d sustained a stab wounds to both his hands and his left thigh.…Continue Reading
TEMPE, AZ – Andrew Kent is facing assault charges after the 21-year-old jackass tossed vodka into a bonfire at an Arizona State University frat party, severely burning two teenage girls.
One of the victims is a 17-year-old high school student from California who was at ASU on a recruiting trip, the other is an 18-year-old female ASU student. Both girls were invited to a party at a fraternity house located off campus.
According to Tempe Sgt. Michael Pooley, the party had been going on since Friday and there were about 300 people present and a lot of underage drinking going on.
According to witnesses, the teen was standing next to a a bonfire when Kent, a junior at ASU and a member of the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity, threw a vodka bottle into a bonfire. The resulting explosion set the two teen girls on fire.
Both teens suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns as a result. The 17-year-old sustained severe burns to her legs, while the 18-year-old sustained serious burns from the back of her shoulder to the back of her legs.…Continue Reading