CLINTON, SC – This happened last week, but it doesn’t seem like a lot of people are covering it. Six people in South Carolina have been charged after 19-year-old Emily Anna Asbill was strangled to death by her 29-year-old boyfriend.
A couple of weekends ago, Michael Beaty Jr. showed up to his stepfather’s home with Asbill unconscious in his car. Beaty’s step-dad called 911, but Asbill would be pronounced dead at the hospital. The Laurens County Coroner’s Office says Asbill died of asphyxiation due to strangulation.
Beaty had an on-again, off-again relationship with Asbill, who was the daughter of a South Carolina Law Enforcement (SLED) Agent.
Police would learn that earlier that night, Asbill accompanied Beaty and 30-year-old William Alexander to a party where the adults there supplied Asbill with alcohol and drugs. After leaving the party, Beaty, Alexander and Asbill reportedly drove around for an hour before ending up at Beaty’s stepfather’s home with an unconscious Asbill.
There have been no details on what happened between Beaty and Asbill within that hour, but police charged Beaty with Asbill’s murder and charged Alexander with accessory after the fact for trying to cover up the crime, Clinton Public Safety Chief Robin Morse during a press conference.…Continue Reading
Brooklyn, NY – A drunk man returning home from a bar died after he reportedly pissed on the third rail of G train.
Matthew Zeno and a friend were walking along the tracks for the southbound G train around at around 3:00 a.m. when the 30-year-old “inadvertently made contact with the third rail and was electrocuted,” according to the NYPD press office.
Headlines are a bit more eye-catching when they conclude the “inadvertent contact” was made with a stream of piss, but Zeno could have just of easily made some other kind of contact with the rail while looking for a place to take a leak. In fact, I didn’t think it was possible to be electrocuted that way because you pis is not a steady stream after a certain amount of distance. I’m not testing the theory, but I’m guessing he was electrocuted while pissing, not by the piss itself.
Regardless of how Zeno made contact with the third rail, 625 volts of electricity coursed through his body when he did.…Continue Reading
TULSA, OK - A man in Tulsa tackled and hogtied an attempted burglar, then left him in the front yard for police because he had to go to work.
On Wednesday, Denay and her husband heard glass break outside their daughter’s bedroom around 6 a.m. and then heard someone rummaging around inside their garage. Denay’s husband, Willie, waited by the front door and waited for whoever was in the garage to come out.
When 31-year-old Robert Cole emerged from their garage, Denay’s husband bum-rushed him in the front yard and then hogtied him. As soon as Cole was secured, Denay said her husband called police and told her he had to get to work and then left.
“That’s just the type of person he is, you know? That’s just the type of person he is. Business is business. ‘I got to take care of business, he’s safe, the police are coming, I got to go,’” Denay said.
When asked if her husband raised his arms in victory like people who hogtie cattle, which would have been hilarious, Denay said he did something even more awesome.…Continue Reading
Police were called to the Kmart at around 7:30 p.m. Saturday after someone saw the boy sitting inside the car, with all the windows rolled up, crying. When police arrived, they found the car sitting in direct sunlight and the boy sweating in the backseat holding a towel.
The doors were unlocked so the officers were able to get the boy out of the car. He told the officers that his mom left him in the car while she went shopping and had instructed him to get on the floor and cover up with a towel so no one would see him.
Police found Moore inside the Kmart and brought her back to the parking lot so she could retrieve her identification she said was in a small pink bag inside her car. While retrieving her ID, officers allegedly found a pill bottle that contained a variety of pills
She told them that the pills were Adderall, which was prescribed to her, but that they were just a variety of colors.…Continue Reading
PASADENA, MD – A teen in Maryland trying to get out of a simple marijuana charge has now been charged with attempted murder after he dragged a cop with his car.
Brian Hafer’s world turned to shit Monday night after police spotted marijuana in plain view in the vehicle the 18-year-old was driving. Police ordered Hafer and the other occupants in the vehicle to get out of the car, but Hafer refused.
When a detective reached inside to unlock the driver’s door and drag Hafer’s dumbass out of the vehicle, Hafer drove off with the detective’s arm trapped inside and dragged the guy approximately 60 feet before he fell off and into the road.
Other officers chased after Hafer who eventually stopped on Duvall Highway. Hafer’s passenger, 18-year-old Kevin Schofield, showed he had a bit more brains than his friends and was taken into custody without incident.
Hafer still refused to comply with officers and refused to get out of the vehicle. When he was finally pulled out, he became combative and punched and kicked the arresting officers.…Continue Reading
Ypsilanti, MI – I’ve had a some bad trips over the years of ingesting various chemicals, including an out of body experience that triggered an anxiety attack, but nothing compared to the 41-year-old man who ripped off part of his penis after eating some hallucinogenic mushrooms.
Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies responding to an alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School found the man outside of the school naked and screaming. He was kneeling and bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off. Sgt. Geoff Fox said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him. o_O
Fox said had they not found the man when they did, he probably would have died. “In terms of vital signs, they were as low as they could go without being dead — I could only assume due to the blood loss and the shock and trauma to the body,” he said.
At first they couldn’t figure out what had happen to the guy because he was just babbling and unable to explain why he was outside of the school and why, more importantly, had he removed part of his dick.…Continue Reading
WESTFORD, MA - Police have charged 18-year-old Kelsey Gallagher with trespassing after Gallagher dived head first into a someone’s empty pool a little after midnight Monday, and ended up with a spinal injury, a fractured skull and a broken wrist.
According to Westford Police Department spokesman Capt. Victor Neal, police were called to a North Main Street home around 12:30 a.m. where they found Gallagher in the pool unconscious and breathing. Her friend, 20-year-old Alexis Mcauliffe, was there as well and told police the pair had been out looking for pools to swim in.
“It appears from the investigation that Gallagher dove head first into the empty pool,” Neal wrote in a press release. “Also alcohol may have been a factor in this incident but no alcohol was found at the scene.”
After Gallagher took her header, Mcauliffe banged on the door of the pool’s owner, begging for help. He immediately called 911 and then went to check on Gallagher. “Seeing someone at the bottom of the pool like that. That time of night.…Continue Reading
MADISONVILLE, TX – Police have arrested nine people in connection to the gang rape of a 16-year-old girl, while two other suspects are still on the run.
The alleged rape happened in March when someone was paid to bring the victim to a trailer with the promise of drugs. Once at the trailer, the girl was given meth, and then 11 men took turns raping her.
“Once the sexual assault began, what our intel is telling us is that they started making phone calls and texting people, and more people ended up coming to the house to, unfortunately, take their turn,” said Lt. Jonathan Zitzmann.
After taking a ride on the rape train, the girl was introduced to two women. One threatened the victim with a gun and the other hit her several times over the head with a tire iron.
Instead of keeping quite, the victim told her mother about the gang rape that night but was so messed up from the drugs that she couldn’t give police many details.…Continue Reading
“Mr. Briones was observed to be having sexual intercourse with the passenger and sped off… at a high rate of speed,” the police officer wrote in a criminal complaint. “Their activities presented a danger to others in the roadway as exhibited by the accident.”
Police said that after Briones sped off, he crashed his 2006 Ford Explorer into another car after running a red light. The resulting collision ejected his female passenger from the vehicle. She was found on the ground, naked, and suffering from deep cuts to her face and hands.
Witnesses stated Briones was obviously drunk when he exited his vehicle and eventually tried to drive away from the scene, leaving the naked woman behind. When one of the witnesses took the keys from the ignition, Briones ran off and hid behind a nearby cactus wearing one shoe and with his shorts on inside-out.…Continue Reading
George County Sheriff Dean Howell said they received an anonymous 911 call Tuesday night concerning a man who had set his dog on fire and was “going psycho while crazy on meth.”
According to police, when they arrived at Pierce’s residence, they found a small breed dog on fire and Pierce in his bedroom acting erratically. He told officers he “wanted to help the dog go to heaven.” Pierce has a rather odd definition for the word “help” as police say he doused the dog with a flammable liquid and then set it on fire.
I can only speculate he truly was on meth when his drug-addled brain felt this was a good idea, or people need to be real careful asking this guy for any kind of assistance in the future.
Surprisingly, the dog survived and was transported to the George County Animal Hospital. Aside from having the tip of its nose burned off, the dog may also lose its eyesight, ears, and a front leg.…Continue Reading
Boulder, CO – The Smoking Gun is reporting that 21-year-old Taylor Powers had to be rescued from a Colorado mountain after she ingested hallucinogenic mushrooms, stripped off all of her clothes, and began fighting with friends.
On Sunday, the Boulder County Sheriff’s Office says they received a 911 call that a female hiker in Chautauqua Park was “high on mushrooms and in distress.” A total of 35 personnel from the BCSO, Boulder Open Space and Mountain Parks, Boulder Fire Rescue, the Rocky Mountain Rescue Group, and an American Medical Rescue ambulance were dispatched to the location.
Rescuers found Powers, a University of Colorado undergrad, nude and being detained by two classmates. Rescuers had to handcuff Powers because she was continuing to struggle, and it took several rescuers to secure her inside a rescue basket.
Nearly two hours after first the first call was made, Powers was brought off the mountain and transported to a Boulder hospital, where she was treated and released. Taylor “Buzzkill” Powers was eventually cited for unlawful consumption of a controlled substance and “further charges are pending against others involved,” deputies reported.…Continue Reading
Town of Maine, NY - Ericka Pease is facing child endangerment charges after being accused of passing out on painkillers and leaving her two young children to fend for themselves.
Police were called to Pease’s trailer after receiving reports of a small child running around the trailer park in the middle of the night. When officers arrived, they found Pease’s 5-year-old son running around the neighborhood with his dogs. They picked him up and took him back to his mother’s trailer.
The front door to the trailer was wide open, and officers found Pease’s 1-year-old son in a playpen stewing in a dirty diaper. As for Pease, she was found passed out on the living room couch. With the help from responding medics, Pease was finally brought out of her stupor and admitted to taking some painkillers earlier.
Ericka Pease was arrested and transported to the Broome County Jail. She’s been charged with two misdemeanor counts of endangering the welfare of a child. Her children were left in the custody of their father, who had showed up to the trailer shortly after police had arrived. …Continue Reading
Houston, TX – According to police, 23-year-old Andres Munos-Munos was driving drunk when he struck and killed 47-year-old Sgt. Dwayne Polk.
The Houston Police Department say Munos-Munos drove through a red light and hit the Polk’s personal truck at approximately 3 a.m. Sunday. There were no skid marks on the road, signifying Munos-Munos didn’t even try to stop or slow down before the crash.
Munos-Munos suffered only minor injuries, while Sgt. Dwayne Polk would be pronounced dead on the scene. Polk had been with the sheriff’s office for 16 years, and was in uniform when he was killed. By Sunday afternoon, the intersection where Polk was killed had been turned into a memorial as friends and family left mementos and notes.
“Tough morning,” Sheriff Adrian Garcia tweeted. “The HCSO suffered a terrible loss & we are all grieving. Keep HCSO members & their families in your prayers.”
Munos-Munos, who is in this country illegally, has been charged with intoxicated manslaughter and is currently being held without bond. This is not Munos-Munos’ first rodeo.…Continue Reading
Ocklawaha, FL - Police arrested Billie Jean Williams, 27, and Mary Joyce Daffron, 28, after they say the two women left their young children alone at a beach bar on Mother’s Day so they could go on a booze cruise.
On Mother’s Day, law enforcement were called to Gator Joe’s Bar and Grill on Lake Weir after two children, ages 8 and 6, approached employees to say they could not find their mothers and felt that they had been abandoned.
The children told responding police officers that they were playing on the beach when they noticed their mothers were missing. Police started looking for the women but only found their chairs and belongings undisturbed on the beach.
That’s when a man named “John” approached deputies and told them he knew one of the women and had seen her and the other woman get on a boat an hour earlier. The boat the women were on eventually came back to the beach and the two women, who were highly intoxicated, fell into the water as they tried to get off.…Continue Reading
CLINTON, MO – Destiny Spitler died in her sleep Saturday after putting on her grandmother’s pain patch that she found in the trash.
Paramedics were called to Destiny’s home Saturday morning after family member’s found her not breathing. Attempts to revive her were unsuccessful and the girl was later pronounced dead. An official cause of death has not been released, but investigators found a Fetanyl patch affixed to her thigh.
Destiny’s grandmother uses the pain-killing patches for her back, and it’s believed the girl found one in a trash can, put it on and accidentally overdosed. Destiny’s grandmother issued a warning to others.
“Mothers, fathers … anyone who wears these dang patches, dispose of them, fold them up in tiny little pieces and flush them down the stool so your babies won’t be like mine,” she said.
Toxicologist Dr. Stephen Thornton agrees, stating he has seen many cases in which children have put on discarded pain patches, which still have around 50 percent of the medication they started with, thinking they are stickers.…Continue Reading
Jason Vickery apparently passed by the home sometime last Wednesday evening and noticed one of the doors was unlocked. Instead of entering the home immediately, Vickery reportedly went to his own home and grabbed a bag containing a wig, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a green towel and a salad.
Vickery then returned to the unoccupied home, police say, and entered through the unlocked door.
Vickery reportedly told police that upon entering the home, he headed to an upstairs bathroom to masturbate. Cause, you know, priorities and stuff.
Once his worm was burped, Vickery wandered into the kitchen. (No word on whether he had washed his hands first). On the kitchen counter he found a remote control helicopter, minus the batteries.
“After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,” police said.…Continue Reading
Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.
According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.
When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.
Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.…Continue Reading
DULUTH, GA — Eduard Petrovich Kovynev, 26, and Eduard Alexander Kovynev, 27, have been arrested on peeping Tom related charges after falling through the ceiling of a women’s restroom inside a Georgia theater.
Gwinnett County police said the incident took place Sunday night at the Venture Value Cinema in Duluth where, according to arrest warrants, the two men allegedly went up through the men’s restroom ceiling and crawled over to the women’s were they discretely spied on ladies taking a shit or changing out their bumbaclots.
However, their attempt to get an eyeful while remaining unseen was foiled when the ceiling gave and dropped the two idiots directly inside the bathroom stalls, causing over $500 in damages.
Both Eduard Kovynev and Eduard Kovynev have been charged with peeping Tom, criminal damage to property, and public drunkeness. They were booked into the county jail and released on $5000 bond.
Parkside, PA – Police have charged 42-year-old Michele Wanko with involuntary manslaughter after they say she accidentally shot and killed her husband during a drunken gun training exercise in the basement of the couple’s home.
Police were called to the couple’s home early Saturday morning after receiving a frantic 911 call from Michele. Inside the home, at the bottom of the basement stairs, was the dead body of Michele’s husband, 43-year-old Michael Wanko.
He was rushed to the hospital suffering from a single gunshot wound to the chest, where he was pronounced dead.
Michele told police that she and Michael had been drinking vodka and lemonade for about six hours when Michael decided to show her how to shoot some of the guns he kept locked in a safe in the basement in case someone ever broke in while he was away.
So while the couple’s two children, ages 5 and 2, slept upstairs, Michael began showing Michele how to properly handle the guns.
“He took several of the weapons out, handguns and was demonstrating to her how the weapon worked as far as taking the magazine out, making sure it was safe, and how to pull the slide back,” said Parkside Police Chief John Egan.…Continue Reading
Here, Now – First off, thanks to everyone who took 90 minutes out of their Friday night to participate in last night’s Pulpit of Doom podcast. Because of
slackness mis-communication, I found myself conducting the podcast very alone and very drunk on Kraken black spiced rum.
While I loath podcasting solo, I put on my big boy pants and decided to soldier on – while drinking 3x faster than normal. I think it came out ok, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Aside from me going on some drunken rants concerning Christianity in 2013, and people who kill someone while driving under the influence, I slurred through the top 10 stories circulating on the site for the week.
These stories included pissing in coffee pots, losing two kids because of Bible verses, killing someone while driving under the influence, giving the dog a bone, the dangers of snorting chemicals ordered off the Internet, the dangers of dating a sociopath, kids spiking babies into a cribs, and starving kids to the point they eat their own shit.…Continue Reading