In The Mean Time...
Canadian Police Waiting On Jewel Thief To Pass Diamond He Swallowed
May 18, 2012 at 1:27 pm by Pazuzu
Windsor, Ontario - Ladies and gentleman, I would like to introduce you to every woman’s dream — a man that shits diamonds. Or one that’s about to, anyway.
According to Ontario police, 52-year-old Richard Matthews went to Precision Jewellers in Ontario and attempted to swap a real diamond with a fake one. When store employees confronted him over swapping out a $20,000 , 1.7 carat diamond with a fake he had brought along, he proceeded to gulp down all the evidence.
Matthews was arrested on a suspicion of theft charge and placed in a cell with no toilet. Whenever he has to take a dump, he has to do so in a bucket. Afterwards, a gloved technician must sift through Matthews’ nuggets in hopes of finding the really expensive one.
X-rays revealed that Matthews is concealing two fake diamonds in his intestines. The real diamond cannot be seen because it’s translucent. Police have been patiently waiting for Matthews to pass the gem for over a week and expect it complete its journey any day now.…
Continue ReadingMan Angry Over Open Captions Pulls Fire Alarm During “Avengers” Movie
May 18, 2012 at 11:11 am by Morbid
ABINGDON, Md. – A man in Maryland is facing prison time after his dumbass pulled a crowded theater’s fire alarm during a showing of THE AVENGERS.
David Walters was at the theater Monday night to watch the latest super-hero flick (it’s damn good, btw) when he got upset over the theater’s decision to accommodate the hearing impaired with open captions.
Open captions are sort of like subtitles, but the text on the screen includes descriptors of dialogue, song lyrics, and important sound effects during the film. I think it’s pretty cool of the studio to provide it and awesome of the Regal theater to show it.
Walters didn’t think so, however, and felt the text was ruining the movie. He decided that if he couldn’t enjoy the movie like the hearing impaired in the audience, then no one was. So with tears streaming down his face, and blood flowing from his weeping vagina, Walters used his balled-up fists to pull the fire alarm in protest.
Because of his actions, Walters is looking at up to five years in prison.…
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Florida – A man is suing after an infection from a penile implant resulted in his penis having to be removed.
Back in 2007, 65-year-old Enrique Milla elected to have the implant placed to help with his erectile dysfunction. He wasn’t trying to make his dick bigger than it was when it worked, he just wanted the betraying bastard to work, period.
This particular procedure involves inflatable balloons inserted in the two tubes of the penis. A small pump and a reservoir of fluid are placed in the patient’s scrotum and connected to the balloons. Whenever an erection is desired, the person simply squeezes his third ball and the balloons are filled with the fluid.
Two weeks after having this procedure performed in a Florida hospital, Milla’s penis got infected and turned gangrene. Doctor’s had no choice but to amputate his penis in order to save his life. In 2009, Milla filed a malpractice lawsuit blaming his anesthesiologist, Dr. Laurentiu Boeru, and Dr. Paul Perito, the urologist who performed the surgery.
Milla, a diabetic with high blood pressure, claims that Boeru did not asses his medical condition and signed off on the surgery even though his vital signs suggested high risk the morning of the procedure.…
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Jackson, MI - A 14-year-old Michigan boy had the unwelcome experience of finding a piece of a fast food worker’s finger in his sandwich last Friday. Before he started eating, you ask? You wouldn’t be reading about it here if that was the case…
Ryan Hart was finishing his roast beef sandwich that had been purchased at the drive-through window at a Jackson, Michigan Arby’s restaurant when he reportedly tasted something rubbery. He spat the item out. What he found was a chunk of human flesh – including a fingerprint – belonging to a restaurant employee. It was approximately 1-inch long.
“I was like, ‘that’s got to be a finger.’ I was about to puke… it was just nasty.” said Ryan.
Because properly prepared human finger meat is known for both taste and tenderness, it was apparent that this was not simply another – albeit nutritionally improved – fast food restaurant filler. Steve Hall, environmental health director for the Jackson County Health Department, said an Arby’s employee had, in fact, sliced her finger while operating a meat slicer at the restaurant.…
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Mississippi — Police are warning drivers along Mississippi’s northern highways to be extra cautious about pulling over for a vehicle after two people were found shot to death by a someone police think could be posing as a cop.
The Tate County Sheriff’s Office released the following warning via their Facebook Page:
“We urge everyone to be cautious while driving, especially at night. If someone attempts to pull you over with flashing lights and you feel unsure of stopping, DON’T PULL OVER. Use your cell phone and dial 911 and if it’s a real officer then the dispatcher will confirm it for you and if it’s not a real officer they will send help to you. Our deputies have been told not to overreact if someone does not immediately pull over. Your safety is our primary concern.”
This warning comes after two people, in separate incidents, were found shot to death along Mississippi highways within days of each other. In both cases, it looks as if the victims had pulled over for someone.…
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Corpus Christi, TX - A five year research project at Columbia School of Law has established that Carlos DeLuna, 27, was wrongly executed in 1989 after a string of proceedings – and errors. A report, entitled “Los Tocayos Carlos: Anatomy of a Wrongful Execution,” traces Deluna’s path to his lethal injection.
In February 1983, Wanda Lopez – a single mother – was stabbed to death in the gas station where she worked in Corpus Christi. That night Lopez had called police for help twice to protect her from an individual with a switchblade.
“They could have saved her, they said ‘we made this arrest immediately’ to overcome the embarrassment,” law professor James Liebman said.
Forty minutes after the crime Carlos DeLuna was arrested near the gas station. DeLuna said he ran from police because he was on parole and had been drinking.
Deluna was identified by a single eyewitness who saw a Hispanic male running from the gas station. There were some immediate discrepencies. Deluna was dressed differently and clean shaven.…
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OREM, Utah – I’m sure most of us have heard or used almost every excuse known to man regarding missing homework, but a teen in Utah had an excuse for his missing homework that was as stupid as it was valid — police were holding it as evidence.
Early Saturday morning, police responded to a residence and met a 75-year-old man and his wife who said they woke up to sounds of someone inside their home. When the elderly man went to investigate why a light was on in his office, he encountered a teenager rifling through his desk.
Caught red-handed and cornered, the teen punched the old man in the face before fleeing the scene on foot.
“He hit me in the eye, broke my glasses,” the victim said. “Then he hit me a second one right there in the eye too.”
As police looked around the scene, they found the burglar had entered the home through an unlocked window. They also found an abandoned backpack in the man’s backyard that contained an item that helped speed up their investigation substantially.…
Continue ReadingMom Admits Burning Infant’s Genitals With A Flat Iron Hair Straightener
May 16, 2012 at 8:00 am by Morbid
TAHLEQUAH, OK — I have no idea how I missed this one from earlier this month, but a 19-year-old woman has admitted to using a flat iron hair straightener to burn her 15-month-old son’s genitals.
Police were called to the Tahlequah City Hospital back in April after Jodi Rock’s baby boy was brought there suffering from several broken bones and three burns across his genital area, starting on the inside of his right thigh across his testicles and on to his left inner thigh.
As you can imagine, the pain must have been excruciating. According to investigators, the baby appeared to be in “agony” and was “glassy eyed” and “withdrawn.”
They interviewed Rock who gave them several different stories on how the child may have received the injuries — blaming her aunt, uncle and even her boyfriend. But eventually she would admit that she caused the burns on her son’s genitals in a most sadistic fashion.
According to the arrest affidavit, Rock confessed to “burning [the baby] with a flat iron hair straighter… she then said she took and closed the iron [on the baby’s] private parts.” (*grabs crotch reflexively*) Rock added that the burned area “raised in a white blister which fell off.” (*puts back of hand to forehead and faints*)
She also said that the baby’s broken shoulder, fractured forearm, and fractured wrist were caused by either her, her boyfriend or both of them as, according to the arrest affidavit, they “both play rough with him…pulling him up by the arms and throwing him up in the air and on the bed.”
DHS took custody of the boy while he was in the hospital and Rock was arrested on charged of felony injury to a child. She is currently being held on a $200,000 bond.…
Continue ReadingFive Dead After Mother Calls Kids Back From Neighbor’s House To Shoot Them
May 15, 2012 at 3:14 pm by kniption
Port St. John, FL — A Florida mother shot and killed her four kids before killing herself. This after she called three of the kids who had sought help from a neighbor back into the house.
Police say Tonya Thomas, 33, fatally shot her four children early Tuesday morning. Deputies identified the children as Pebbles Johnson, 17; Jaxs Johnson, 15; Jazlin Johnson, 13; and Joel Johnson, 12.
Three of the children – one of them ‘covered in blood’ – had reportedly gone to a neighbor’s front door before dawn to say that their mother had shot them. The mother then called the children back to the house and killed them, said Lt. Tod Goodyear, a spokesman for the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office.
“From what the neighbors said, she was very calm. She walked out and called them back. They turned around and walked back to the house,” Goodyear said.
The neighbor then heard gunshots and called 911.
According to police, another neighbor said that Thomas had sent a text message in the middle of the night saying she wanted to be cremated with her children.…
Continue ReadingMan Throws Hot Coffee On Clerk During Argument Over Unpaid Sandwich
May 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm by Morbid
Philadelphia, PA – A man got himself into some trouble after throwing a child-like temper tantrum inside a Philadelphia donut shop and throwing a cup of hot coffee in the face of the clerk arguing with him over an unpaid sandwich.
The incident happened earlier this month inside the Fresh Donuts store in West Philadelphia and it was all captured on tape. The man, 52-year-old David Timbers, can be seen arguing with the clerk over a $2.40 sandwich that he insisted he paid for.
When the clerk, 27-year-old Sukia Luy, continues to insist that he had not paid for the sandwich, Timbers grabs a cup of hot coffee and throws it in her face. Luckily she had quick reflexes and only suffered second-degree burns to the arm she used to shield her face.
The store owner confronted Timbers who can be heard responding, “I don’t give a (expletive). I paid her! She told me I didn’t, so she can take that and keep the sandwich.”
Eyewitnesses say that the owner tried to stop Timbers from leaving, but Timbers and another man got into a gold Cadillac and left before police arrived.…
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WAUKEGAN, IL – The father in Illinois who used a needle and thread to sew his teenage son’s ass shut has avoided jail time by taking a plea.
Back in 2008, 52-year-old Randy Swopes employed a particularly crude home remedy on his 14-year-old son’s ass that ended with his son staying in the hospital for a spell and him getting charged with aggravated battery.
The boy suffers from Crohn’s Disease and at the time of the incident he was also suffering from a fistula. I’m guessing an anal fistula, which is not only a decent name for a death metal band, it is also very painful.
Instead of taking the boy to the hospital for treatment, Swopes went the ‘Tussin route and brought out some needle and thread that he used to sew his son’s butt shut.
Not surprisingly, this resulted in an infection that landed the boy in the hospital for a month and Swopes getting himself arrested.
Last Friday, Swopes represented himself in court and took an Alfred plea, the kind of plea where someone doesn’t have to plead guilty but admits that there is enough evidence to convict them.…
Continue ReadingHigh School Students Arrested After Posting Teacher Upskirt Video On Youtube
May 15, 2012 at 10:18 am by kniption
Louisville, KY - Two students are facing felony charges after admitting to using a cell phone to videotape up a teacher’s skirt and then posting the video to Youtube.
According to court documents, Carlos Eugene Cain Jr., 18, and Devon Ewing (pictured), 18 – seniors at Doss High School – devised a ruse whereby Ewing distracted the teacher while Cain recorded video up her dress.
“While the teacher was bent over helping Ewing,” the warrant said. “Cain was behind her and placed Ewing’s cell phone under her dress without her consent or knowledge. The video was uploaded to YouTube.”
Then, in an apparent effort to seal their fate, the warrant said Cain then let other student know about the location of the Youtube video – after which a student notified school staff. The arrest report says, when officials confronted Cain, he admitted his involvement in the presence of a deputy sheriff serving as the school resource officer. Cain also reportedly gave Ewing up as being in on it.
“Unfortunately, young people make rash and sometimes bad decisions and they will face the consequences for that,” said Lauren Roberts, spokeswoman for Jefferson County Public Schools.…
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IRVINGTON, Ala. – Police in Alabama are investigating the murder of a monk who died inside a Buddhist temple at the hands of a fellow monk.
Shortly after two monks at the Wat Buddharaksa Temple were seen arguing, a third monk would find one of them dead. Reports are that 45-year-old Chaiwat Moleechate and 32-year-old Veun Phidsamay where arguing over chores and following orders when Phidsamay beat Moleechate to death with a blunt object.
Veun Phidsamay was later arrested and charged with murder after admit to police that he murdered Moleechate. Police have obtained a search warrant for a nearby mobile home where they hope to find the weapon Phidsamay used on Moleechate.
“I’m shocked. I couldn’t believe it,” said temple President Visanou Khamphouy. “How many years people stay together and kill each other like that?”
Moleechate has been on the news before and can be seen in the following video from 2010 talking about the Wat Buddharaksa Temple congregation building a new temple after fire destroyed their old one in 2008.
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Washington, DC – After writing all the details regarding the woman who finger bangs 5-year-old girls, I searched for a bit of brain bleach and ran across a story about a man who took the law into his own hands after he found his stolen bicycle for sale on Craigslist.
Danny Lesh said that he purchased his Cannondale hybrid for $600 in 1998 and that it was stolen last week after he loaned it a friend. The friend secured the bike with a cable lock and thief relieved Lesh’s friend of his bike with a pair of bolt cutters. Shortly after, Lesh scoured Craigslist and found his bicycle for sale for $100. He identified his bike by a distinctive sticker and custom pedals.
He contacted police for help, but a stolen bike wasn’t on their list of priorities and they informed Lesh they would not be able to assist him right away. Fearing the bike would be quickly purchased at such a low selling price, Lesh hatched an elaborate plan to get his bike back.…
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Here, Now – Thanks to everyone who showed up to Saturday night’s The Pulpit of Doom Drunkcast with myself and Athena. You can listen to it here. I thought it was one of our better ones, even when Athena got booted for a few moments and I was left floundering podcasting by myself – which I hate.
In this episode, Athena tossed down a seasonal cocktail while I downed a few bottles of Yuengling while gabbing about Hugh Howey’s WOOL books and why you should check them out — even if you don’t like science fiction, demonic pit bulls tossing women on railroad tracks, coach-inspired masturbation races with underage players, a hot-tempered teen who murdered a toddler, parental humiliation done terribly wrong, the worst case scenario for a first time hang-glider, kids getting rolled into security gates, and much, much more. In fact, we got into so many good discussions, we were unable to finish the Top 10 list before time ran out.
Thanks again to Athena for showing up, and to all of you who continue to support us and chatted during the show.…
Continue ReadingJennifer Mahoney Pleaded Guilty To Streaming Molestation Of Toddler On Skype
May 14, 2012 at 9:59 am by Morbid
MANALAPAN, NJ – This past January, we reported on 32-year-old Jennifer Mahoney, the woman accused of streaming the sexual abuse of a 5-year-old girl live on Skype.
She has now pleaded guilty to the charges and will face anywhere between 15 to 30 years in prison when she is sentenced in August.
For those of you who do did not catch this original story, Mahoney was charged with two federal counts of the sexual exploitation of a child after police retrieved three videos of Mahoney molesting a 5-year-old girl she was babysitting from the computer of Robert Ramos Jr. , who lives in Texas.
Two of the videos were Skype sessions that show Mahoney talking to someone online while wearing a lace top with her breasts exposed. She is kneeling at the foot of a bed performing oral sex on the sleeping child who is lying on her stomach with her buttocks exposed. At some points in the videos, Mahoney can be seen masturbating or laughing.
The other video was recorded with an iPhone and shows Mahoney giving the girl a bath and asking her to bend over so she can rinse her off.…
Continue ReadingWoman Accused Of Beating Husband With Vacuum Attachment During Fight Over Facial Hair
May 14, 2012 at 9:08 am by kniption
Palmer Township, PA - A woman has been charged after being accused of assaulting her husband with a vacuum attachment because of a dispute over his facial hair.
According to court records, Joyce Speciale-Detweiler, 53, was arrested after police responded to a report of a domestic dispute between a man and a woman at 4:13 p.m. Sunday on May 6. Officers made contact with a man outside the residence who had visible marks consistent with a recent assault and a torn shirt. It was not reported if he or neighbors called police.
The man, identified as Donald Detweiler (not pictured), told police he was sitting outside the house when his wife began to argue with him about his “facial hair style.” According to the police report, he told her he planned to shave later in the day.
In response, Speciale-Detweiler reportedly retrieved a ‘vacuum pole’ from inside the house and struck him in the head and neck areas. Police said that – after repeated blows – the vacuum pole broke. Police documents say that Speciale-Detweiler then began assaulting her husband with her hands.…
Continue ReadingLife Sentence For Man Who Gouged Girlfriend’s Eyes Out During Argument
May 14, 2012 at 8:49 am by kniption
Hayle, England - A British man received a life sentence for an attack during which he gouged out the eyeballs of his then-girlfriend – a mother-of-two. The man did not allow the woman to call for help for 12 hours after inflicting the injuries. She is now blind.
Shane Jenkin, 33, of Hayle in Cornwall, reportedly attacked Tina Nash, 32, while she slept at her home in April 2011. Nash, 31, testified that she awoke to find Jenkin on top of her and strangling her. She lost consciousness as a result. During the attack – in addition to her eyes being gouged out – Jenkin broke her jaw and nose.
The court was told that Jenkin then waited 12 hours before allowing Nash to call for help.
Nash testified that after attacking her – during those 12 short hours that she remained blinded, broken, and bloodied, of course – Jenkin told her, “It’s all your fault. I’m going to get 20 years for this. You’re blind and your kids grow up.…
Continue ReadingTeen Charged With The Murder Of 9-Year-Old Half-Sister Found Hanging From Tree
May 14, 2012 at 8:48 am by Morbid
RAGLAND, AL – Police have charged a 14-year-old with the murder of his 9-year-old half-sister who was found dead on Thursday, hanging from a tree in her family’s backyard.
Katelynn Arnold’s aunt became concerned when she did not return home from a bicycle ride around the neighborhood on Thursday and started looking for her. She did not find her with any of the friends she normally played with and returned home to find the girl in the backyard, hanged from a tree with an old tire swing rope.
Rescuers removed the girl from the tree and rushed her to the hospital where she would be pronounced dead. An autopsy would show cause of death to be ligature strangulation. Investigators would immediately call the death “very suspicious” but would not say why. That is until early the next day when they arrested Katelynn’s 14-year-old half-brother and charged him with murder.
The teen has admitted to police that he killed the girl by hanging her from the tree and has provided them with a motive that they have yet to reveal to the public.…
Continue ReadingMan In Underwear Slays Computer With Sword During Child Porn Raid
May 11, 2012 at 9:43 am by kniption
Palm Coast, FL - A man suspected of stockpiling child pornography in storage devices at his residence stabbed his computer with a Samurai sword as federal agents raided his home.
The home of Kamil Mezalka, 21, was the subject of a search warrant related to his suspected possession of child pornography. Federal agents reportedly entered the residence after nobody answered the door. According to an arrest report, Mezalka came out of a second-floor bedroom with his hands up – but, then, re-entered the bedroom and shut the door. Agents entered into the room and observed him – in his underwear – stabbing the console of his computer with a two-handed Samurai sword. Reports of his first yelling something about the “Power of Greyskull” have not been substantiated.
Thankfully agents were able to stop Mezalka before he used his Far Eastern stealth and ingenuity to assassinate all of the electronic devices in his home. Federal agents conducted a forensic analysis of those devices and discovered hundreds of images depicting child pornography.
According to the affidavit, when interviewed by federal agents, our resident swordmaster said he was attracted to teenage girls and “might have” downloaded pornography depicting girls 13 years old and younger – as a suspected part of a sword polishing ritual.…
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