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In The Mean Time...

Day Of The Beast (1995)

December 15, 2009 at 12:16 am by  

Here’s a pitch black, Christmas-themed comedy from Spanish director, Álex de la Iglesia. Made in 1995, DAY OF THE BEAST was a giant hit in its native country winning six Goya’s (equivalent to our Oscar) including Best Director, Best New Actor, Best Special Effects and Best Sound. It’s a nice Christmas story about Father Angel (Álex Angulo), a Catholic priest in Madrid, who has spent a large chunk of his life studying the books of the Apocalypse. Through his research, he has discovered that on Christmas, the Antichrist will be born in Madrid. The problem is that Angel doesn’t know where in Madrid the birth will take place and Christmas is a mere three days away. To learn this secret location, Father Angel begins committing sin after atrocious sin hoping to fool the Devil into thinking he is one of his followers and be granted entry into the elite circle that will be present at the birth. Once there, Father Angel will try and kill the Antichrist as soon as he is born.…

FBI Looking For Man Who Used H1N1 To Rob A Bank

December 14, 2009 at 2:02 pm by  

Denver, Colorado – Has it really gotten to this point? Has the media really gotten people so scared of the swine flu that it can be used as a weapon? Possibly. A man wearing a mask and surgical gloves walked into the Wells Fargo Bank in Cherry Creek North on Thursday and handed a teller a note. While the exact wording has not been released, it has been reported that the note demanded money and informed the teller that he had the H1N1 virus. The teller gave the man an undisclosed amount of cash who then fled. The man is being described as being being 40- to 45-years old, 5 feet 8 inches to 6 feet tall and weighing 160 pounds. Anyone with information about the bank robbery is asked to call the FBI Rocky Mountain Safe Streets Task Force at 303-629-7171 or remain anonymous and earn up to $2,000 by calling CRIMESTOPPERS. I cannot wait to hear what the man was reportedly going to do if the teller had refused.…

Manchester, New Hampshire — Kathleen Butts, 37, has been charged with aggravated DWI and endangering the welfare of a child after she was found passed out in a snowbank outside of the Alpha Bits Daycare where she had picked up her 2 and 4-year-old kids. Butts had picked up her kids at around 5 Thursday, but at around 7, a maintenance worker found her outside the daycare passed out in a snowbank next to her car, with the car doors still open and her two children inside. Lots of questions being asked including if the daycare should be charged with handing the kids over to Butts, as well as how come no one noticed Butts in the snow for over 2 hours. Butts refused to take a breathalyzer at the scene, but later admitted to the cops that she had been drinking prior to picking up her kids. The two children were taken to the hospital for observation and are currently in the custody of family members.…

Dustin Meadows Is A Little Bitch

December 14, 2009 at 12:10 pm by  

Breckenridge, CO – Nothing pisses me off more than a triflin’ little hair pulling bitch. Hair pulling is the pussiest of all pussy moves and should be dealt with by administering an immediate punch to the throat and a kick to the shin. Last Saturday evening, Dustin Meadows, 37, was at the Cala Inn in Summit County – while dancing around, he accidentally spilled his beer on a woman sitting at the bar. The woman turned to him and asked, “What, no apology?” Instead of apologizing, Dustin started cussing at the woman and began hurling racial slurs. Dustin was pulled away from the woman by other bar patrons. A couple of women who were with Dustin apologized to the woman for his behavior. Just minutes later, as Dustin was leaving the bar, he again started spewing obscenities. The woman stood up and yelled at him to leave. Right about then, Dustin allegedly grabbed the woman by her hair and dragged her out of the bar. It took the help of several bar patrons to pry the woman away from Dustin, but by then, she had already lost most of the hair from the right side of her head.…

Lordtyshon Garrett Was Feeling A Little Stabby

December 14, 2009 at 10:13 am by  

Brooklyn, NYDemonites, meet Lordtyshon (really?) Garrett. Judging by his Myspace pics, Lordtyshon (for real?) is a pretty beefy guy, certain to give a grown man a run for his money if it came to a beat-down. But against a 9 lb. cat? That pussy had no chance. Lordtyshon (?) and his wife were moochin’ off living with the wife’s mother, Deborah Bender. When Deborah told her good-fer-nothin’ son-in-law to get off his ass and get a job and/or vacate the premises, Lordtyshon got all offended and shit. It is alleged that on October 12, Lordtyshon (I feel retarded even typing that out) lured Deborah’s 4-year-old cat, Madea, into the bathroom, turned on the shower and closed the door. When the cat emerged from the bathroom, she was soaked and was having difficulty breathing. Lordtyshon then began to chase the cat around the apartment, beating, stabbing, and poking her with an umbrella. Madea didn’t survive the abuse the big tough guy doled out – she was left with injuries as severe as if she had fallen off a high-rise building or been hit by a car – and was put down.…

ICP Chick VS Emo Chick = Lame

December 14, 2009 at 10:02 am by  

Newark, Ohio – Back in September emo chick, Alexis Xanders, and her emo boyfriend were walking home from school while being followed by about 10 other classmates. One of these classmates is a 15-year-old girl who is on the school wrestling team, an ICP fan, and who has had a longstanding beef with Xanders since the 5th grade. After making a comment about not liking Insane Clown Posse, things escalated to what you will witness in the video you can watch after the jump, but really there isn’t much to it. A bunch of shit talking from the one girl while being goaded on by some of the crowd before Xanders gets popped in the face and her boyfriend…hugs her. The point of it all is that the video was posted on Youtube recently, and because of that charges have been filed against the 15-year-old girl who punched Xanders, and she has been removed from the wrestling team, agreed not to participate in the school’s homecoming celebrations and eventually just withdrew from the school.…

WARNER ROBINS, Georgia – While a substitute teacher taught a 4th period class at Warner Robins Middle school, an 8th grader asked a fellow student to perform oral sex on him in the back of the class. She agreed and did so while other students looked on. After the class was over a student reported the incident to the assistant principal Cameron Andrews. Both students are being detained at the Crisp Regional Youth Detention Center and charged with public indecency, sodomy and disruption of public school. The male student will also be charged with solicitation of sodomy and violation of probation, said Capt. Jerry Stewart of the Juvenile Division of the Houston County Sheriff’s Office. The substitute teacher may also face disciplinary action. Ok, surprisingly I am not shocked by this story – but in regards to the playah…violation of probation?…

FORE!

December 14, 2009 at 7:22 am by  

Greensboro, N.C. – Way back, when I was merely half-jaded, my little brother and I were fucking around with a golf club we found lying on the side of the road. We invited a few of the neighborhood kids over and an impromptu game of ‘Hit the rock with a golf club’ was on. Because I was an idiot, I called dibs on being catcher. My brother was at bat. After two balls, and two strikes, my brother started to get a little pissy. (It could have been because I told him he swung like a girl. Who knows)? When the next pitch was thrown, he swung. Hard. Everything went into slow-motion – I knew I was about to get it. I could clearly hear birds chirping, children playing, paint drying – I was marveling at the beauty of the sunshine sparkling off the silver club when it hit. Right upside my head. The two kids who stuck around after I hit the dirt said I was only out for about three minutes.…

Dennie Bratcher Was Working A Bit Late

December 14, 2009 at 5:29 am by  

Cape Girardeau, MO – Dennie Bratcher was cooking at the Sonic where he worked as a shift manager. The problem was that it was after closing time and what he was cooking wasn’t on the menu of the fast food restaurant. Cape Girardeau police responded to a burglar alarm at nearly 2:00 am Thursday and discovered Bratcher, still in his uniform, cooking meth. He had returned after completing his shift and intended to cook the meth on the roof. After deciding it was too cold outside, he opted for the kitchen. Responding officers found meth ingredients and determined Bratcher was several steps into his recipe. The Sonic was cleaned, restocked, and passed an inspection by the health department when it re-opened on Friday. Dennie Bratcher is charged with burglary and meth manufacturing and being held on $30,000 bond. …

Sacramento, CA Acting on a child abuse tip, Shasta County deputies approached a home on Friday afternoon. They were told by the guy answering the door that there were no children in the home and refused to let them in. Luckily for one 7-year-old boy, the deputies didn’t take “no” for an answer. In a bedroom of the double-wide trailer, they discovered the severely injured boy. He had numerous serious and life-threatening injuries including multiple bone fractures, burns, internal injuries, bruises, disfigurement. The boy appeared to have been choked, was malnourished and terrified. It’s estimated that the untreated injuries occurred a week to 10 days before. …

Eleanor, W.Va. Lura Jo Fisher was upset with her fifth-grade daughter’s recent grades. It’s a problem many parents face. I’ve always found that extra guidance and occasional grounding worked well to improve my kids’ grades. Fisher’s approach to the problem is far different than mine. On December 1st, the upset Fisher twice ordered her daughter to stand outside for 15-20 minutes causing the upset kid to puke. The girl says her mom made her carry the vomit to the bathroom with her hands. Then as she was walking upstairs to take a shower, Fisher told her she was walking too slowly and shoved her. The girl said her mother then grabbed her, flipped her head between her knees and whipped her approximately 20 times with a belt. Fisher continued by slapping the girl, leaving red marks and welts, and ordering her to go take a shower. At about 10:00 pm, after the shower, she was finally told to go do her homework. The next morning, a teacher noticed the girl was upset and talked to her.…

Danielle Patton Will Babysit On Weekends

December 12, 2009 at 11:02 am by  

LaCrosse, WI In September, the mother of 2 five-year-old boys hired Danielle Patton to watch her kids on weekends. Last week, when mom found out what Patton was “watching”, she called the police.  18-year-old Patton’s idea of watching includes live-action kiddie porn. Her favorite activity included the kids’ “basketball pillow”. According to the boys, she would take the pillow from them and demand they perform oral sex on each other in order to get it back. They also said she would make them romp around and play naked while she watched and touched them. When confronted by police, she fessed up. Danielle Patton is charged with two counts of first-degree sexual assault of a child and faces a mandatory minimum 25-year prison sentence. Hopefully there will be no plea to a lesser sentence. I shudder to think that the hambeast could one day breed her own victims… because you just know there is a chubby lover somewhere that would get drunk enough to do her. …

John Kerr Is A Real Animal Lover

December 11, 2009 at 11:50 am by  

Edinburgh – John Kerr really likes his Staffordshire Terrier. Likes it a LOT! And he really likes his dog to like him back. A friend of Kerr’s found a cell phone behind his couch, and in an attempt to determine the phone’s owner, began to scroll through it’s saved contents. Imagine his surprise when he happened across a couple video clips of his friend doinkin’ his dog. The unlucky and probably extremely nauseated friend got in contact with the cops and the SSPCA – the pooch was removed from Kerr’s custody and underwent a thorough examination. It appears the dog didn’t suffer any injuries – physically, anyway. When questioned, Kerr told police that “the two video clips were the only occasions in which he had an unnatural connection with the dog.” When asked why he even made the recordings, Kerr didn’t have an answer, saying only that he filmed them for himself. John Kerr, 30, admitted having an unnatural connection with a dog and allowing it to lick his private parts.…

Stranger Danger!

December 11, 2009 at 11:05 am by  

Santa Fe, NMThe 10-year-old child ran into Sweeney Elementary School last Friday with a frightening story – she told the school secretary that she had missed her bus that morning and had to walk to school. The child said she was crossing the street when she saw a SUV parked in the lane. She thought it was suspicious and she immediately felt threatened. “I saw a man coming out of the car, really fast,” she said. She said the man started to chase her – she ran fast and ran hard, screaming all the way to school (about 100 yards). She described the bad man as having a dark complexion and a nose ring. A school counselor driving to work that morning observed the suspect walking back to his dark-colored SUV. A description of the suspect and his vehicle was broadcast – tips started coming in, leading police to a suspect fitting the description. It looked like they had their man……

NORTH STONINGTON, Connecticut – Earlier we posted an article about a body police found burning on the side of the road.

This body has been identified as Rebecca Koster.

The 22-year-old was last seen on video in the Butcher Boys Bar and Grill in Holbrook around 3:30 a.m. Friday.

She is seen leaving the bar with her boyfriend, Dan Mayor, 28. An autopsy was performed on Saturday and her death was ruled a homicide.

Police had received a 911 call regarding a brush fire but when firefighters arrived on the scene, they found a blaze about 10 ft off the road containing human remains so badly damaged they could not tell the gender.

Now it is being reported that someone used her missing phone to send out some sick text messages.

The first message came at 11:40 p.m. Sunday: “Dan has me tied up in a basement somewhere in Commack.”

On Monday Rebecca’s mother received another text police believe came from a parking lot near Northern Parkway in Happauge.…

William Cope Jr. Really Got His Drunk On

December 11, 2009 at 9:46 am by  

Louisville, KYWe’ve all done it – you get a drink or two past tipsy and do something to make a total ass of yourself, guaranteeing that you will be the butt of many future jokes. You know what I’m talking about, you get all obliterated on Mad Dog, get nekkid and cover yourself in peanut butter and raisins, arm yourself with a machete and an ice cream scoop and run through the neighborhood screaming “Where’s the beef?” just one friggin’ time and people just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all done it at least once, right? Right? And speaking of drunken antics, please allow me to introduce old stink-face, William Cope Jr. After imbibing on who knows what for who knows how long, Cope found himself at a Kroger store. After urinating in one of the aisles, Cope found his way to the meat department where he opened up a few boxes of licorice candy, some cornbread stuffing, and several packages of steaks. When an officer approached and asked him what the hell he was doing, Cope, a slab of raw meat in each hand, answered, “Checking the texture of meat.” (After looking at that stink face mug, I can literally hear this guy in my head and it sounds more like this: ”Chicking zee texture of zee mit, you foo!”) Cope, who is also a registered sex offender, was arrested and charged with public intoxication.…

Kirkstall, Leeds – Annette Warden, 46, was with her husband and two kids watching “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” at the Vue Cinema. A group of kids were sitting in the same row and were being assholes. Texting, talking, all that crap. She asked them to be quiet and complained to the management twice. Upon leaving the theater, a car drove by and someone called her a “fucking slag”. Ignoring the insult, she and her family went inside a nearby restaurant to eat. After sitting down with their backs to the door, the kid who had been a part of the rowdy group and who had insulted her walked in and proceeded to pour a bottle of bleach over her head. Warden was taken to the hospital where she had injections to freeze her eyes and had saline solution poured into them.She was not seriously injured. Her 6ft 3in-tall attacker was apprehended and charged with assault and grievous bodily harm with intent. He has admitted to the former charge, but denies the latter.…

Students Overdose On Cough Medicine At School

December 10, 2009 at 3:17 pm by  

COOPER CITY, FloridaA few dumbass kids from Pioneer Middle School learned a valuable lesson when they accidentally overdosed on cold medicine. On Wednesday two 8th grade students and a 7th grader were taken to area hospitals, another 7th grader was sent home, after taking 6 to 12 times the recommended amount of cold medicine containing dextromethorphan. “The initial information is that one child brought the pills to school,” said BSO spokesman Mike Jachles. “Another, possibly two children might have stolen them from a retail store before school today.” Broward Sheriff’s Officials said charges could be filed against the teens, if they are found to have stolen the pills. Kids trust me on this one…if you are hell-bent on getting fucked up and nothing is gonna stop you, just go buy some weed. This cold medicine bullshit is as stupid as sniffing glue or enjoying Jaded’s favorite past-time of huffing gasoline.…