In The Mean Time...
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – When police arrived at a Colorado Springs apartment to investigate a disturbance and spotted a bloody butcher knife laying on the counter, Ellyzabeth Rainey did the Peyton-Manning-like thing, and called an audible.
Holding up her two-month-old daughter, Rainey told them, “Take my baby,” court papers say. “Because I am going to run.” Then she threw the child at them, and took off.
Running didn’t work out to well, as cops caught up with her almost immediately in the complex’s courtyard, where they questioned the 19-year-old concerning her strange behavior. In an arrest affidavit, officers say she told them, “Because I just murdered someone.”
That someone turned out to be Deborah Rainey, 59, the suspect’s mother-in-law. Ellyzabeth was arrested Wednesday afternoon for her murder.
According to court documents, Deborah Rainey was in town visiting from San Francisco, staying at her son Jason’s apartment to help take care of his and Ellyzabeth’s baby. Ellyzabeth said that the couple were estranged, and planned to get divorced. Guess that’s a done-deal now.…Continue Reading
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Police have accused 24-year-old Ashley Delvalle of pretending to be a nurse at Saint Christopher’s Hospital for Children and molesting a little boy.
Police responded to the hospital after being notified that Delvalle went into several patients’ rooms telling the parents that she was a nurse, and she would be performing physical examinations.
According to authorities, Delvalle was at the hospital because her own child was a patient. While there, she allegedly molested the boy who was in the bed next to her child. The boy’s mother told police that Delvalle claimed to be a nurse and got permission to examine the boy for bedbugs.
Ashley Delvalle was arrested in the emergency room at the hospital and has been charged with indecent assault of a minor and impersonating the holder of a professional license. Her bail has been set at $50,000.
St. Christopher’s Hospital issued a statement:
“When we were informed by the patient’s mother of the alleged assault, we immediately notified the Philadelphia Police Department and Philadelphia Department of Human Services.…Continue Reading
Here, Now – Thanks everyone who stopped by and chatted while we conducted another Pulpit of Doom podcast last night. I unintentionally got drunk before we went on, and got increasingly drunker as the show progressed. I was feeling pre-tay good.
As usual, we discussed the top 10 stories circulating on the site for the last week, including attack of the baby mamas, selling your kids for fun and profit, April Fool’s pranks and the psycho girlfriends who play them, murder- suicide on the green, getting slap-happy with other people’s kids, evil pit bulls and the babies they eat, and the dangers of muddin’ while drunk. We also talked about corporal punishment, and the racist comments that show up on the site (and why some are allowed).
After we went off the air, Athena and myself talked a bit about firearms, and how much fun they are to shoot. We also answer a caller who had listened to the entire show via their phone, and let her express her fanatical adoration for me and my writing.…Continue Reading
Daly City, CA – Back in 2011, we reported on 39-year-old Jesusa Tatad, the woman who poured boiling water on her sleeping ex-husband and then whacked him with a baseball bat. On Wednesday, Tatad pleaded guilty to second-degree murder after the man died from his injuries.
Tatad and her ex-husband, 36-year-old Ronnie Tatad, were still living together in 2011 after their divorce three years prior. Tatad said Ronnie had promised to re-marry her and bring their two daughters, aged 9 and 14, back from the Philippines to live with them.
But the years passed and Ronnie never re-married her and he never brought their children home. To add insult to injury, Ronnie had gotten himself a girlfriend. In retaliation, Tatad waited for Ronnie to fall asleep, then dumped a pot of boiling water on him. When Ronnie jumped up and ran to the bathroom, Tatad whacked him in the head with a baseball bat.
Ronnie ran from the apartment half-naked, and was found hiding behind a car by a maintenance worker who called 911.…Continue Reading
Siberia – Two survivors of an ice fishing party that got lost for weeks in frozen Siberia confessed to eating their friend, Andrei Kurochkin, to stay alive. Now the dead man’s widow, Olga Kurochkin, plans on suing them both for emotional distress.
Four men, Alexander Abdullaev, 37; Alexei Gorulenko, 35; Andrei Kurochkin, 37; and Viktor Komarov, 47, set out from Saratov last year on what was supposed to be an epic, once-in-a-lifetime ice fishing trip in eastern Siberia.
The men would go missing for two months after their Jeep sunk in a frozen river, stranding the party and stripping them of all of their possessions except the guns, ammunition and money. All four men would take refuge in a hunter’s lodge that they used as a base for several weeks, eating all of the food in the process.
They did not seem too concerned over their situation as during their stay in the remote lodge, they encountered other hunters with walkie-talkies and one of the party even used a satellite phone.…Continue Reading
HEMET, CA - After a three-week investigation, Tahquitz High School Assistant Principal Erin Henton, 45, was arrested by Hemet police on multiple counts of sexual misconduct with three boys who attend the school.
Henton allegedly had sexual relations with the boys over a period of several months, according to the Hemet Police Department. She has been placed on administrative leave since March, after the first allegation was made by a parent of one of the students involved.
Erin Henton is one horny broad, facing 12 felony counts: 7 counts of unlawful sexual intercourse with minor, 4 counts oral copulation with minor, and 1 count of distributing harmful matter to a minor. If convicted, she could face up to 10 years in prison. None of the alleged sex acts occurred on school campus, police said in a statement.
The Hemet Unified School District issued a statement Wednesday afternoon:
“The investigation involving an employee of Tahquitz High School for alleged crimes committed against a minor has resulted in an arrest. We take these situations very seriously and have taken appropriate personnel actions in response to this arrest to ensure the safety of our students and staff.”
Henton is being held on a $1 million bail.…Continue Reading
Sante Fe, NM – Back in February, we reported on 27-year-old Daniel Anaya, the Dillard’s shoe salesman accused of attacking his ex-girlfriend and trying to chew off her big toe. He’s now been arrested again, charged with doing the exact same thing.
Anaya first made the news after he broke into his ex girlfriend’s apartment, held her down and proceeded to take bites out of her toenail and toe flesh with “a blank look on his face.” Anaya was facing charges of burglary, false imprisonment, interference with communications and aggravated battery against a household member.
That case was was dismissed because a witness or prosecutor didn’t show up to court. I’m going to go out on a limb and bet that the ex-girlfriend didn’t show up, and that she is now regretting that decision.
After filing a restraining order against Anaya, the victim moved from Santa Fe to Albuquerque. This did little to deter Anaya, who tracked her down and walked into the woman’s residence on April 1st. His ex informed him that he he needed to get out and that he was violating a restraining order.…Continue Reading
St-Louis, MO - Police say 2-year-old Mason Gorse died on Monday after he got caught in the cord of window blinds in his bedroom.
Apparently, Gorse was in his bedroom when he climbed on to his window sill and got caught in the nylon cord of the blinds. His mother found him hanging from his neck, several feet off the ground. A family member performed CPR on Gorse until paramedics arrived, but the boy was pronounced dead at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Medical Center.
Homicide detectives investigated, but said the death appears to be a tragic accident.
For any of you not aware, the American Academy of Pediatrics says that since 1991, more than 175 infants and children have died after accidentally strangling in window blind cords. According to Parents for Window Blind Safety, 546 children have been strangled by window blind cords since 1983.
Look, I was far from the perfect parent, and I seriously doubt you could completely prep your home to the point that a 2-year-old couldn’t find some way to accidentally kill themselves.…Continue Reading
Last Monday, police released surveillance pictures of a man they called a person of interest in a sexual assault investigation. They say James Johnson, 42, is the man seen at a 7-Eleven store on the corner of Apopka-Vineland Road and Clarcona Road.
The incident began, according to the victim, after she had a fight with her boyfriend and began walking away, down a road in the Parramore neighborhood of Orlando. Admittedly intoxicated, she told police that she voluntarily got into a car with Johnson, who she did not know, after he offered her a ride and some marijuana to smoke.
Unfortunately for her, Johnson is a registered sex offender with multiple priors and an extensive violent criminal history, including gun possession, aggravated battery on a pregnant woman and two previous sex crimes, one of which involved the molestation of a child under the age of 16.…Continue Reading
BATAVIA, IA – Two children were killed on Monday after their mother, Tara Lewman, drove her minivan around lowered track arms and was struck by a train.
Verdae Blom, who works for Vision Ag, which is located by the tracks where the accident occurred, said he heard a loud noise around 4 p.m. Monday, and then saw a large plume of dust.
“It was a mess,” said Blom, describing the aftermath as being like nothing he’d ever seen before. When he went to the crossing to get a better look, he saw that two young children had been
thrown from a Dodge Caravan, which landed nose-down in a ditch.
“It was a tangled-up mess,” said Blom. “The whole back of it, on the passenger side from the front seat, the whole thing was wiped out. It was terrible.”
According to Iowa State Patrol’s initial crash report, Tara Lewman, the childrens’ mother, allegedly drove around a lowered railroad crossing gate at around 4 p.m. when her vehicle was hit by a westbound Burlington Northern Santa Fe freight train.…Continue Reading
Sacramento, CA - Craig Fugate, a 30-year-old graffiti artist, accidentally asphyxiated himself while allegedly attempting to graffiti a Sacramento high-rise.
Apparently, Fugate entered the 1201 K Tower on Sunday, got onto the roof, and then used rope left by window washers to crudely fashion a harness to lower himself off a 17th floor landing on the east side of the office building. The rope ended up looped around his chest and legs, squeezing him into a fetal position as the rope cinched around him.
Police and fire responded to a call for help at 7:44 am Monday morning, when Fugate’s body was discovered dangling from the building. Emergency crews rappelled down the building and confirmed Fugate was dead and, since is body wasn’t retrieved until around 9 am, a lot of people got to see a dead body hanging 160 feet in the air. Markers, glass etching tools, spray paint and a stencil were also found at the scene.
Fugate’s uncle, Joseph Fugate, stated, “I have never known for him to do that before. …Continue Reading
WINSTON-SALEM, NC – Police say 65-year-old Henry Clifford Byrd Sr., a registered sex offender, is in custody after being accused of raping a 10-year-old girl at a church in Winston-Salem last week.
Police began investigating after being called to the church over allegations that a young girl had been sexually assaulted during a church event at the New Bethel Baptist Church.
Byrd, who served three years for taking indecent liberties with a minor back in 2000, had been invited to participate in church activities. We all know pedophiles and churches go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong, and during the evening’s festivities, Byrd sexually assaulted the girl.
Henry Clifford Byrd Sr. was arrested at his home without incident, and charged with first-degree rape and with taking indecent liberties with the girl. No details were released about how Byrd was able to molest the girl without attracting the attention of others.
Police said Byrd was placed in the Forsyth County Detention Center under a $500,000 secured bond and is scheduled to be back in court on April 25. …Continue Reading
JACKSONVILLE, FL – Two adults and three teenagers have been charged in connection with the gang-rape of a 16-year-old girl.
Police say 16-year-old Demetrius Franklin met with the victim, reportedly his girlfriend, and brought her to another location where he helped hold her down so that his friends – Travis Maye, 22 (pictured); Steven Pender, 20; Daryl Norman, 16; and Dante Norman, 15 – could take turns raping the girl.
Myrtle Norman, an Aunt to two of the suspects, said that the accusations against her nephews are untrue. “It just doesn’t make sense for anybody to concoct a lie, just to ruin someone’s life like that,” she said.
She also says her nephews were friends with the victim and that her story simply doesn’t add up. ”I know that girl was hanging out there with all these guys all the time,” she said.
Hanging out, why didn’t anyone say so? We all know that makes everything the victim says about being brutally assaulted untrue. Surprised the DA hasn’t stopped by her place to apologize personally for the inconvenience.…Continue Reading
HUDSON, WI – Last week, Aaron Schaffhausen admitted that on July 10, 2012, he slit the throats of his three daughters, 11-year-old Amara, 8-year-old Sophie and 5-year-old Cecilia.
He is currently on trial as his attorneys try to convince a jury that he was insane at the time of the murders and not just a vindictive asshole out to hurt his ex-wife in the worst way possible.
Aaron and Jessica Schaffhausen were divorced in January 2012. Aaron relocated to North Dakota, but on the morning of the murders, Aaron texted Jessica asking if he could see his daughters. Jessica agreed, but told him she wanted him gone before she arrived home from work.
Within two hours of arriving at the home and greeting his daughters, he had slit their throats and placed each of them in their beds. He then called his ex-wife at work and informed her he’d just killed their daughters before walking into a police station covered in blood. The recording of Jessica’s 911 call was played in court.…Continue Reading
According to the police report, one woman pushed a child aside so her own child could get their hands on one of Lucifer’s brightly colored testicles. The mother of the child who was cast aside confronted the other mom and the two began fighting.
Other people at the egg hunt had to separate the women three or four times before they finally disengaged. By time police arrived on the scene, only one mother was there. She was sporting a bloody nose, but refused to press charges against her attacker.
I’m tempted to contact the police officer who responded to the scene and see if he’d like to write for the site. Officer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee used four terrible, egg- related puns inside the following report:
“Police were called to the Woodland Park Zoo on Sunday after an Easter egg hunt turned rotten (groan).
The hard-boiled tale began around 1 pm, when one woman reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some brightly colored eggs. …Continue Reading
Wagoner County, OK – Police have arrested 18-year-old Tori Wheeler after they say she played an April Fool’s prank on her boyfriend before cutting his throat.
On April 1st, Wheeler decided to play a prank on her boyfriend, Derek Bauer, by telling him she was pregnant. Bauer did not take the news very well and became agitated at the thought of fathering a child with Wheeler.
Wheeler then became angry at her boyfriend’s negative response and responded by pulling out a knife and threatening Bauer with it. Wheeler later told police that the “threatening upset boyfriend with a knife” was also part of her hilarious April Fool’s prank
Bauer didn’t find any of this funny at all and threatened to call police on Wheeler. That’s when Wheeler lost her goddamn marbles and attacked Bauer, cutting his throat with the knife and biting him twice.
After calling police to report Wheeler, Bauer was taken to the hospital for non-life-threatening injuries and later released. For her prank, Tori Wheeler was taken to jail on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon.…Continue Reading
EGG HARBOR TWP., NJ – Police in New Jersey have accused Amy Ochetto of intentionally setting her home on fire while her 12-year-old daughter was still inside.
Sometime around 12:24 a.m. Tuesday, police and fire crews responded to a house fire call on Windwood Drive in the Cardiff section of the township. They would find Ochetto’s home on fire and helped get the woman’s daughter out of the home without injury, along with 41-year-old Yeser Bekete.
The Cardiff and Bargaintown fire companies were able to extinguish the blaze and later determined that the fire had been intentionally set. Detectives got involved and would accuse Amy Ochetto of using a flammable liquid to intentionally set the fire while her daughter and Bekete were still inside the house.
Ochetto was arrested and charged with aggravated arson, two counts of aggravated assault, and endangering the welfare of a child. She is being held on $100,000 cash bail. Police have not revealed why they believe Ochetto set fire to the house.
Some have wondered why Ochetto was not charged with attempted murder if she set the fire knowing there were occupants in the house.…Continue Reading
PALM BAY, FL – Police say a homeless woman was arrested and has been charged with burglary and criminal mischief after she was found in a Palm Bay homeowner’s pool, using it to take a bath.
According to a police report, officers were called to a home on the 1300 block of Knecht Road after the homeowner said he saw a strange woman enter his back yard. The man said he used his surveillance system to see what the woman was doing when she walked behind his house and promptly dropped a deuce on his lawn.
The sea-nymph, later identified as 35-year-old Cheryl Beauchamp, wasn’t finished. Unable to enter the pool area, she used a rock to cut the screen to gain access, stripped naked, and sans Calgon, hopped in for a little rub-a-dub-dub. No word in the report whether or not she wiped, first.
When police confronted Beauchamp, she told them she wanted to take a bath, and broke the screen because the door was locked. She also told them that she was on her way to Washington, D.C., where she was headed so she could yell at President Obama.…Continue Reading
ST. PAUL, MN — Autopsy results reveal 35-year-old Stephanie Shields drowned her two children, 7-year-old Nolan and 6-year-old Josephine, before killing herself.
A family member called 911 on Easter morning to report they had found Shields and her two children dead inside their home.
Shields’s husband, National Guard member Sergeant 1st Class Mark Shields, is the father of both kids and had just recently moved out of the home.
Both children attended Zimmerman Elementary School where Principal Susan Johnston said “Josephine Shields and her brother Nolan were part of our Zimmerman Elementary School family and we are deeply saddened.”
I know there is a likelihood that Shield suffers from some kind of mental illness, as normal people just do not up and drown their kids. But whenever I hear about cases like this, I’ve always felt it was an act of vindictive spite, not an act derived from a mental breakdown.
Admittedly, my opinion is based off of ignorance as I know absolutely nothing about this woman aside from her recent actions.…Continue Reading
HARRISBURG, NC - On Friday, Anthony Hardy shot and killed his neighbors on either side of his home before killing himself after a police standoff.
Police say they received a 911 call from the wife of 42-year-old Daniel Thomas Kirchner, who I was informed I may have went to high school with, stating Hardy was shooting at her husband in the backyard.
“He came into my backyard and started shooting at my husband and my other neighbor,” she tells the 911 operator.
When asked what prompted the shooting, she says she does not know. She says her husband was outside working in the backyard when Hardy walked over and started shooting, hitting both her husband and another neighbor, 64-year-old Gary Wade Stocks.
When she realizes Hardy has left, she tried to perform CPR on her husband, noticing he had been shot in the stomach, but it is too late. Both he and Stocks were pronounced dead at the scene.
When police arrived, they found Hardy was back inside his home and refused to come out, leading to a police standoff in which gunfire was reportedly exchanged. …Continue Reading