GUILTY! OFF WITH HER HEAD!
It all started when Cameo Crispi’s ex called police on March 14 to complain that he had received numerous texts and phone calls from her within the range of one hour, and he really wanted her to knock it the fuck off already. He also told police he didn’t want Crispi at his home. Crispi. Heh.
An officer was dispatched to the man’s home and found smoke pouring out the front door. Inside, an “impaired” Crispi.
When the officer stepped inside the man’s home, he noticed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. And on the kitchen stove, claimed the officer, there was a cookie sheet with about a pound of bacon on it. Now, bear with me, people….. this part of the story is extremely difficult for me.…
Reston, VA — An inebriated 26-year-old woman was arrested Saturday evening after allegedly showing up at the Arlington Magistrate’s Office in her birthday suit, hoping to see her recently incarcerated hubby.
It is unclear as to whether Maura Fussell had been clothed at some point before entering the building, or whether she arrived all nekkid. Either way, she was bare. And drunk.
Officers apparently gave her many opportunities to put some damn clothes on, or at least take a cab home, but Fussell reportedly refused.
That refusal earned her an overnight stay at the old Graybar Hotel. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and drunk in public. I’m assuming they released her after she sobered up a bit.
No word on what landed hubby in the slammer.…
When authorities responded to the couple’s home, Lisa insisted that her husband, 56-year-old Gerald Orock, was the aggressor in the physical confrontation. Accused of attacking her with a knife, Mr. Orock was placed under arrest.
Once at the cop shop, though, police learned that while Mr. Orock wasn’t exactly a saint, he was the victim in this particular case. Police say he had cuts to his arms and hands that appeared to be defensive wounds. His jeans had been cut near the crotch area and there wera a few cuts on his legs. Kinda backed his claims that Lisa was the crazy one — she’d tried to slice his dick off.
Lisa was taken into custody and charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment. And because a small bag of pot was found in her purse, possession of marijuana. She also had an outstanding bench warrant for DUI,
Gerald was kept behind bars for possession of marijuana and for violating a protection from abuse order his wife had previously taken out.…
HOUSTON, TX – The mother and aunt of a 1-year-old girl are both facing charges after the little girl was admitted to the hospital suffering from alcohol poisoning.
On February 8, police were called to a home where a man said his young daughter had been dropped off by his mother and was now unresponsive. When emergency personnel arrived, they found the 1-year-old had turned into Jaded on any given day of the week; moaning, smelling of alcohol and covered in vomit.
The girl was taken to the hospital where it was determined she had suffered alcohol poisoning and a BAC of over .26. The girl’s father told police that she was like that when she’d been dropped off after being cared for by her mother, 17-year-old Shadreon Jefferson and Jefferson’s sister, 24-year-old Shamara Batiste.
When deputies interviewed Jefferson, she told them she’d fallen asleep and woke up to find that Batiste had given the girl about six shots of vodka. Instead of taking the girl to the hospital, they simply dropped the baby girl off at her father’s home to let him deal with it.…
Officers were dispatched to the Porter Walmart on the afternoon of February 28, to deal with an alleged shoplifter. There they found 24-year-old Charlene Ellet. She informed officers that her half-brother, 26-year-old Cameron Beck, had driven her and her toddler twins to the store. A short time later, Beck appeared at the Loss Prevention office looking for Charlene.
For whatever reason, police requested a search of Beck’s car. He consented because he’s obviously an idiot. Anyway, the search revealed a “light bulb with burn marks and a cut pen with a crystalline substance on it.” Surprise! That substance reportedly tested positive for meth. Ellet admitted she and Beck had smoked the meth about two weeks prior. Ellet was issued a citation for shoplifting under $50, and both were taken into custody for possession of a controlled substance.
It was then, police say, that Beck asked the arresting officer if they could just charge Ellet because she had a clean record.…
Wayne Bryson‘s girlfriend was apparently searching for some photos on his old cell phone, when she came across a video that showed her beloved fucking her dog. She turned the cellphone over to police and Bryson was taken into custody.
I would have to assume the girlfriend hasn’t been able to stop showering or douching since…
When questioned, Bryson failed to explain why he fucked the pooch, like any kind of explanation would suffice, but did claim that it was just that one time. He also failed to explain why he would record that shit to begin with.
In addition to being busted for bestiality, Bryson is also facing drug charges — it alleged that he was found to be in possession of marijuana.
Bryson was granted bail on the condition that he stay the hell away from any and all critters.…
FORT WAYNE, ID – Ashley Ann-Marie Walton, 28, is facing battery and neglect charges after admitting she threw her baby against a wall when she could not get the infant to stop crying.
On January 10, Walton called 911 to report her baby girl was lethargic and her face was swollen. She said she woke up to her infant’s cries and found the baby lying on the bedroom floor with her three-year-old daughter standing nearby saying, “ut oh”. Walton sad she thought her older daughter had accidentally dropped the infant on her head.
Walton’s baby was rushed to the hospital in critical condition suffering from a skull fracture and brain bleeding. I’m assuming the injuries were more severe than being dropped on her head, so police decided to interview Walton at the police station. Walton stuck to her original story that she’d called 911 at 12:03 pm, immediately after finding her daughter injured.
Police confiscated Walton’s cell phone to verify her story, and found Walton was more concerned about getting drugs than she was about her injured infant. …
Pennsauken, NJ – A man was arrested for driving under the influence after crashing his car outside a fried chicken joint and then disrobing to masturbate in public.
On Monday, 34-year-old Vincent Wade veered his car across an intersection and drove on to the curb, hitting a fixed object outside the Crown Fried Chicken restaurant. No injuries were reported, but witnesses reported Wade got out of his car and began yelling while undressing. Then, according to witnesses, he started choking his own chicken in front of the gathering crowd.
Wade attempted to leave the scene, but some very brave soul was able to remove the keys from his possession. When police arrived on the scene, Wade was found sitting naked in the driver seat of his car. He was unable to stand on his own and would not respond to any police questions.Wade was arrested and charged with driving under the influence. Surprisingly, he was not charged with indecent exposure or public lewdness.
Bystanders shot cell phone video of the incident, which captures Wade with his pants around his ankles, dancing around (un)provocatively while yanking on his dude piston a few times to the delight of the crowd. …
OKEECHOBEE, FL — Bryan Adams, 31, is looking at some serious time in jail, along with a re-arranged face, after he abducted his son he believed was possessed by demons.
According to the police report, Adams showed up at his ex-wife’s workplace demanding her car keys. He told her he wanted their 11-year-old son and that he was seeing demons. She denied his request, and later told police she’d left Adams because of his heavy crystal meth usage.
Not taking no for an answer, Adams abducted his 11-year-old son from his bed at around 3 a.m. that morning and dragged him into some nearby woods. Adams told his son, who was clad only in his pajamas and a t-shirt, that he was possessed by a demon. “You are the demon.” Adams informed his son. “You know what I must do with you.”
Before anyone could find out exactly what Adams had in mind, police arrived with a K-9 unit and were able to quickly locate Adams and his son lying on the ground in the woods.…
Authorities claim 18-year-old Brandon Davis, apparently high on some sort of synthetic drug, attacked his neighbor early Sunday morning, biting the man on his face, hands and neck while yelling something about eating the man’s eyeballs.
The victim, 54-year-old Nick Sorace, told police he heard a commotion at about 2:00 a.m. Sunday, and when he looked out the window to see what all the fuss was about, he witnessed Davis beating a dog.
“He thought the dog was the devil,” Sorace said. “And then the next thing he sees is me, illuminated — and all of a sudden, I’m the devil.”
Davis apparently kicked in Sorace’s front door, chased a woman through the house and out the back door, then returned. He started beating and biting Sorace, continuing with his “You’re the Devil” spiel.
“He broke a flower pot over my head, he was sticking me in the neck with pieces…he stuck his thumb all the way in my eye socket and he just ripped my mouth and he bit my face.…
Haywards Heath, West Sussex — A 19-year-old believed to be under the influence of some sort of party drug, “meow meow” being one possibility, is reported to have stabbed his mother and severed his own dick.
Not a lot of info on this, but the kid was apparently home for Christmas break, and after indulging in a bit of plant food, went berserk and stabbed his 46-year-old mother. That accomplished, he got busy on the family jewels.
Mom called emergency services to the home, where the kid was found hanging from a bedroom window, blood gushing from his new, temporary vagina.
Both parties were rushed to the hospital with life-threatening injuries.
As of yesterday, mom was listed in stable condition, and it appears as if surgeons were able to successfully reattach the boy’s dick. He, too, is listed as stable.
It might just be me, but every time we cover a story involving a severed dick, I get a sudden urge for chili dogs. I might need psychiatric help….…
Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, were getting their drink on at the Twisted Fish in Seaside late Friday evening, and when it came time to make good on their bill, they apparently showed their waitress their appreciation by slipping her some go fast with the cash.
We seriously need an “Are you fucking stupid” tag here at the Demon.
After getting a good look at her “tip,” the waitress called police. Though the envelope has been sent to the lab to be analyzed, the responding officer pretty much knew what it was on sight. It’s Oregon, after all…
Benson and Manley were taken into custody at the scene. A quick search revealed more meth in Manley’s purse. After procuring a warrant to search the couple’s car, even more meth was discovered. And a search of the couple’s motel room revealed meth and the tools necessary to produce more meth.…
Corvallis, OR — The not-so-hot mess to the left is 24-year-old Dawn Lohmann — she was arrested on numerous charges after allegedly going all neanderthal and beating the crap out of a disabled vehicle on I-5 Sunday, as the driver and passenger watched in horror.
The vehicle’s passengers, a 53 and 61-year-old woman, were out doing whatever it is women that age do on a Sunday morning, when their car ran out of gas on the highway. As the two woman dialed for help, Lohmann, barefoot, approached the car.
The two women wisely rolled up the windows and locked the doors. In response, Lohmann reportedly dropped her pants, exposing her lady bits to the women. And then it got weird…..
After dropping trou, Lohmann, barefoot and presumably pantless(?), took off across the highway.
She reappeared just moments later and jumped on the hood of the car. She then began jumping up and down, the women later told police. No word on whether any grunting, growling was involved. Also unknown, whether the words HULK or SMASH was used at any point.…
ELK CITY, OK – Police say 30-year-old Natalie Webb is facing multiple sex abuse charges after she allegedly pimped out her four young children.
Authorities in Beckham County say the abuse happened multiple times between December 2012 and March 2013. A DHS investigator alerted police to the allegations in August after a 9-year-old child told them that his 8-year-old brother and his two 3-year-old sisters had all been molested.
He said that his mother was “selling sex” from him and his siblings to unknown adults. The boy also told the DHS investigator that he would hide from his mother in a dumpster, and that he’d accidentally walked in on the abuse at one point.
Aside from the sexual abuse claims, a police affidavit also alleges Webb sold meth out of her home and was often high around the kids. The report stated, “[He] thinks when mom took the needles it would make her act different. He thinks that because she would act weird and her breath would smell funny and her arm would have little dots where it was bleeding.”
When questioned, Webb adamantly denied she sold the kids for sex or sold meth from her home, but did admit to being high around the children. …
Mayo allegedly popped some Xanax, then headed to Walmart for some new clothes, makeup and jewelry. Initially seen by loss prevention officers in the store, Mayo had been filling a trash bag with items pilfered from the shelves totaling $1,148.67. She then stumbled into the clothing section, removed the clothes she wore into the store, dumped them into a trash can and stood in the aisle, naked, looking for some new threads.
By the time officers arrived, Mayo was apparently disoriented and didn’t know where she was. According to Officer Charles Haubrich’s report, “Her speech was slurred, she was unsteady on her feet, couldn’t hold her head up, and her pupils were like pin holes.” Classy.
Not long afterward, a female officer arrived on the scene to escort Mayo into a dressing room and assist her in changing back into the clothes she arrived in. Not surprisingly, 36 Xanax pills were allegedly recovered from Mayo’s purse, of which she admitted to taking two of before the incident.…
Early Monday morning, Camlin went on what he thought would be a nice bike ride, only to be hit from behind by a vehicle matching the description of Inostroza’s black Ford Mustang. After impact, police say, Camlin hit the front windshield, rolled over the roof of the car, and landed onto the back windshield where he was wedged between the window and the spoiler.
Inostroza is said to have then driven for another two miles before dumping the injured man in a wooded area behind a dumpster. After that, he did what every normal person does after an accident — he went home and took a nap.
A few hours later, a landscaping crew found the man clinging to life. 911 was called and Camlin was taken to the hospital. His body temperature was so low when they got to him that if he hadn’t been found when he was, it’s likely he wouldn’t have survived.…
Brooklyn, NY – A teenage couple suffered serious burns after they attempted to make a potent form of marijuana but only ended up blowing themselves up inside a garage.
Anthony Gambale, 19, and Gabriella Katanov, 17, were making their stash 80 percent stronger by creating what is called “ear wax,” “dabs,” “honey oil,” or “butter.” The names are derived from the final product’s yellowish color and gooey consistency.
There are many how-to videos available online showing people how they can turn their herb into ear wax if you want to try it yourself, but one of the main steps includes soaking your marijuana in butane.
This couple had already finished that step, using a 30-gallon tub to cover some cannabis, and were in the process of evaporating the gas when one of the morons decided that was the perfect time to light up a cigarette.
The resulting explosion woke up the neighbors, who reported hearing the couple screaming for help from inside the burning garage. Gambale and Katanov were both transported to Staten Island University Hospital in serious condition, suffering from second- and third-degree burns.…
Casco Township, MI – A man in Michigan was arrested after he allegedly punched his mother in the face repeatedly while decorating the family Christmas tree.
Pasco Township Police received a 911 call from a home on Friday with no one on the line. However, shouting could be heard as well as a female yelling “you are hurting me.” When police arrived at the home, they found 33-year-old Lewis Atwood with his girlfriend, mother and brother.
According to the report, the family had been decorating the family Christmas tree when a drunken Atwood flew into a jealous rage over finding his brother had a personalized ornament to hang on the tree, but he did not. In response, he began repeatedly punching his 58-year-old mom in the face.
The woman suffered a bloody nose, swollen eye and a swollen lip. As for Atwood, he had minor injuries to his knuckles and hands consistent with drunkenly punching your mother in the face multiple times. Atwood was arrested for domestic violence and booked into the county jail, where he’s being held on a $5000 bond.…