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In The Mean Time...

Valley Falls, KS — The happy lookin’ fella to the left is 25-year-old Brandon Smelser – he was taken into custody over the weekend for allegedly getting all stabby when a friend showed up at a party with the wrong beer.

Police say Smelser and 22-year-old Chris Daniel got into a fight in the parking lot of a mobile home park early Saturday morning after Daniel had the nerve to show up with an undisclosed amount of Natural Light beer instead of Smelser’s desired brand. That’s when Smelser reportedly got all stab happy.

Daniel was transported to the hospital, where he underwent surgery for injuries considered to be life-threatening. He remains hospitalized.

Smelser was promptly booked on charges of first-degree attempted murder. A bond amount has not been made available.

Natty Light? Totally justifiable……

Norman, Oklahoma — Jonathan Mark Smith of Moore, Oklahoma was arrested after allegedly allowing a stranger to fondle his 6-year-old, autistic son while he watched.

Police say Smith listed an ad for oral sex on Craigslist. Whether he actually offered his son in the ad is unclear at this point. Teddy Dean Davis is accused of showing up at Smith’s door back in January in response to the advertisement and asking to see the 6-year-old boy.

According to police, Smith’s children were asleep and his wife was at work when Davis arrived. The police report goes on to say that Smith led Davis to the boy’s room and allowed him to fondle the boy. Court papers allege Smith stayed in the room while watching the molestation and masturbating.

You didn’t want to get through this without a strong visual, did you?

It was not reported how police found out about the alleged molestation. Smith and Davis were both arrested this month.

Smith and Davis were both charged with lewd molestation and indecent proposal to a child.…

Mother Robs Bank With Toddler For Drug Money

July 19, 2011 at 9:03 am by  

PASCO COUNTY, Florida — A mother in Florida is currently behind bars after police say she took her 3-year-old son into a bank and robbed it, all so she could get money to pay for prescription drugs.

Police say that on Monday afternoon 24-year-old Cherilyn Jannette Lopez left her engine running in the parking lot, with her 3-year-old strapped in a car seat, as she entered the Regions Bank on State Road 52.

While inside, the little boy had somehow got out of the vehicle and followed his momma. The bank manager noticed to boy outside looking in and asked Lopez if that was her kid. Lopez opened the door to let the boy in, then with her son at her side, handed a teller a note demanding money.

After getting her loot, she left the area and dropped her son off at a nearby daycare. I’m not sure why she didn’t do that first, but  she’s a blonde drug addict from Florida so I didn’t ponder on it for too long.…

Coral Springs, FL — Lawrence Roberts is facing charges of aggravated child abuse after police say he removed his teen son’s cast with a saw, cutting off the tip of the boy’s thumb in the process.

According to an arrest affidavit, Roberts arrived at the home the 15-year-old boy shares with his mother and siblings early Sunday, grabbed a 10-inch circular saw out of his truck and attempted to remove the cast from his son’s right hand. In doing so, Roberts reportedly hacked off the tip of the boy’s thumb and damn near removed the kid’s index finger at the center. The boy also suffered a deep cut between his thumb and index finger. He was transported to the hospital for emergency surgery to repair his thumb. The cast was removed by medical personnel.

Roberts admitted to using the saw to remove the cast, but failed to elaborate on why. He was released from jail on $7,500 bond Monday.


Indianapolis, IN — A man caught fappin’ in the ladies’ room at an Indianapolis WalMart reportedly told store security he “had a sex problem” and went into the bathroom “to look at the women” while masturbating.

20-year-old Brandon Jelks was busted after a woman visiting the facility told a store employee she believed there was a man in one of the stalls. The employee then peered under one of the stall doors and spotted a pair of blue patterned boxers around the ankles of what appeared to be a man’s shoes. In addition, the woman reported hearing some moaning noises and the sound of someone masturbating. She asked another associate to confirm that the sounds were, indeed, fappish in nature. The second associate confirmed the first associate’s suspicions and alerted store security.

Enter store security…an off-duty police officer. She, too, heard the moanin’ and fappin’ and noticed the boxer laden ankles behind the stall door. She peeked through a crack in the door and could see a male sitting on the toilet, but couldn’t tell exactly what said male was up to in there.…

Saskatoon, Canada – A 36-year-old father who pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting his teen daughter has been sentenced to 2-1/2 years in jail in a Saskatoon provincial court. The man’s identity has not been released.

According to court documents, the man had intercourse with his daughter last summer, and touched her vagina and breasts in another incident. The documents released as part of the court judgment said that the dad did not agree with his 15-year-old’s choice of boyfriend, so he told her to have sex with him in a deal to keep the boyfriend.

In her decision, Judge Donna Scott says that reasoning “makes little sense, and certainly provides no excuse. Rather, it was a form of coercion in gaining the co-operation of his daughter to participate in the offending behaviour.”

The defense blamed physical abuse by his parents, sexual abuse by a babysitter as a toddler, sexual abuse by a priest while at residential school, and a peanut allergy. I just threw that last one in.

As for the daughter she is now living with her grandmother.…

Port St. Lucie, FL — Tyler Hadley, 17, is behind bars after police say he hammered his parents to death and partied with his friends as their bodies stiffened in their bedroom.

From what I gather, at about 1:30 p.m. Saturday afternoon, Tyler posted an invitation on his Facebook, inviting 40-60 friends to a party at his house later that evening. A neighbor later told police Hadley’s parents, Blake and Mary Jo Hadley, refused to let the teen have a party. And for that, they were reportedly beaten to death with a 22-inch framing hammer.

After beating the pair about the head and torso, Tyler dragged them into the master bedroom and covered their bodies in a pile of books, files and towels. Authorities suspect Tyler killed his mother first. No idea where dad was while mom was being hammered, but I sure would like to know how Tyler managed ’em both. With the pesky ‘rents out of the way, Tyler was free to break out the Chex Mix and get his freak on.…

CHIMAYO, N.M. — Police have arrested a man after they say he injected his young son with heroin on several occasions.

This all started after the sister of 9-year-old Luke Velasquez’s told her mother that the marks on the boy’s neck came from their father injecting him with heroin. The mother took the boy to the hospital where he tested positive for THC and opiates.

Initially the boy told police that a 15-year-old friend is the one who injected him with heroin, but would later admit that it was his father, Jose Valasquez, who had injected him with the drug at least 10 times. He also told them that his dad let him drink and smoke marijuana.

The sister confirmed her father’s actions and added that her father had offered drugs and alcohol to her as well, but aside from taking drink on one occasion, declined his offers explaining to him that she didn’t need drugs because she had God. Ugh. I once had someone say the same crap to me when I offered her some Boone’s Farm.…

Miami, FL – The porn star known as ‘Ramon’ from Bang Bus fame was arrested Monday.  This after police were called to a parked van where a crying baby was believed to have been heard.  In the 90-degree Miami heat, such a cry could be a death sentence.

No baby was found in the van.  Police did however find: eight crowing roosters, four flapping guinea hens, one waddling duck, four captive pigeons, and four live goats tied in plastic garbage baaaaaags.

If you did that right, you were holding pretty steady with the tune from the Twelve Days of Christmas.  Give it another try.  We’ll wait…  Okay.

After about 45 minutes, James Arroyo Jr, 44, and Raul ‘Ramon’ Armenteros, 46, reportedly sauntered up and claimed the vehicle – and its contents – to be theirs.

Police said one of the goats died later that day.  The cause of death was not reported.

Arroyo and Armenteros were arrested and charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty with intent to injure. The men appeared in court Tuesday morning.  …

Kitty Hawk, NC — A teenage girl who had been a part of a nationwide alert has been found dead inside the trunk of a car owned by a 19-year-old childhood friend of the victim who has been arrested and charged with her murder.

Police in Kitty Hawk, N.C. had put out a nationwide alert for Enrico Mascaro (mugshot) and 18-year-old Danielle Dennis-Towne after finding what they believed to be a possible homicide scene that included a weapon, shoes and other items.

Police were able to track Mascaro’s cell phone and locate his car parked in the small town of Clifton Forge, Virginia. Police watched the car for about an hour until Mascaro showed up and was apprehended. When police popped the trunk, they found Danielle’s body inside.

Dennis-Towne had been in North Carolina visiting relatives when she and Mascaro went missing. Not a lot of details regarding the actual crime other than that. I’d really like some background on where the crime scene was located and how police were alerted to it in the first place.…

Stafford, Va. – Remember Ashleigh Dye? She’s the 17-year-old chick I posted about last week who was charged with murdering her mother during some kind of domestic altercation. Well it looks like my comment of about a guy being involved was 100 percent correct after the teen’s boyfriend was also arrested and charged.

For those of you who aren’t aware of this story, and cannot click links, Brenda Dye, 62, was found dead inside her home sometime around 6 p.m. on Tuesday. She was found by her husband and son in one of the home’s bathrooms where she had been shot in the upper torso with a shotgun. Ashleigh, her daughter, was quickly picked up and charged with committing the murder.

Details from court records reveal that the house had been rummaged through with papers, medications and other items having been tossed around in multiple rooms. One affidavit states Ashleigh admitting to detectives that she shot her mother and then left in her mother’s vehicle.

Ashleigh’s 18-year-old boyfriend, Eddie Wayne Chewning, was charged with being an accessory before the fact of first-degree murder and being an accessory before the fact of using a firearm in the commission of a felony because, according to the affidavits, Ashleigh reportedly texted him before and after murdering her mother.…

Woman Fires At Dog, Kills Husband

July 18, 2011 at 9:06 am by  

Jackson, MS — According to officials, 56-year-old Betty Walker opened fire on a pit bull puppy that had supposedly threatened neighborhood children, but wound up shooting and killing her husband instead. Oopsie!

Betty told police the 8-month-old puppy named “Cocaine” had lunged at some children Friday afternoon and tried to attack them. Witnesses say Walker’s husband, Robert, ordered the children inside and scooped the critter up. At that point, Betty reportedly aimed her .38-caliber and shot twice, hitting the dog in the leg and her husband in the chest. 59-year-old Robert later died at the hospital.

The dog’s owner, Lazarius Montgomery, told police someone must have let the dog out of the fenced-in yard. He claims there is no way the pup could have jumped the fence.

Cocaine was confiscated by animal control…the extent of his injuries is unknown. Police say Montgomery face charges.

So far, the incident is being classified as an accident – that may change after the grand jury hears the case.…

Vancouver, WA — Police responded to a Vancouver Taco Bell Thursday evening after receiving a call from a patron at the restaurant who claimed a woman had tried to hawk her 3-day-old infant for the paltry sum of $500.

According to police, Heidi Lynn Knowles (née Heidi Gasaway) approached a female at the diner, handed her the infant and named her price. The woman, perhaps aware that any infant under $2,500 is bound to be a lemon, wisely declined Knowles’ pitch and called 911.

Deputies took written statements from the woman who called 911, from someone who had been with her, and from a Taco Bell employee — all corroborating the allegation that Knowles tried to sell the baby.

Knowles and the infant were soon found at a nearby motel. Though she denied trying to sell the child, police say she was “evasive” during questioning.

36-year-old Knowles was taken into custody and booked on charges of attempted baby selling – a Class C felony. She apparently had a shit ton of outstanding warrants for previous charges that included bail jumping, theft and possession of drug paraphernalia.…

Sycamore, IL — Former police officer Jack Daniel McCullough, 71, is being held in Seattle on $3 million bail after investigators charged that, in 1957, he abducted and murdered a 7-year-old girl. Maria Ridulph disappeared Dec. 3, 1957, while playing with her friend, Kathy Chapman. Chapman, who was 8 at the time, reportedly told investigators at the time that she and Maria were under a corner streetlight when a young man she knew as “Johnny” offered them a piggyback ride. At the time, McCullough went by the name “John Tessier.”

Chapman, now 61, said that she ran home to get mittens and that when she returned, Maria and the man were gone. It was months later in April 1958 that two people hunting for mushrooms found her remains.

According to investigators, police suspected McCullough – who lived less than two blocks from the Ridulphs and who fit the description of the man said to have approached the girls. But McCullough seemed to have an alibi. He had claimed he took the train from Rockford to Chicago the day of the abduction for a military physical.…

Baltimore, MD – I’m a week late on this one.  Of course, it’s continued coverage of what was once the case of a missing black girl, so no one’s paying attention anyway.  We should be paying attention, though, especially those of us with daughters.  For you who may not recall, Phylicia Barnes was the stunning, bright 16-year-old who disappeared in December while visiting her sister in Baltimore, only to reemerge in April, naked and floating in the Susquehanna river.

In a disturbing but not altogether surprising development, investigators are using child pornography statutes to gain access to several email and Facebook accounts that may have been associated with Barnes, including two Yahoo! accounts under Phylicia’s name and the accounts of four Baltimore men.

It is a logical continuation in the investigation of an attractive young lady who disappeared into thin air while visiting a major city, found dead in an obvious manner four months later.  What likely happened to Phylicia is not an uncommon phenomenon.  In every major city across the nation, you can find the distraught parent of a teen who has been abducted and forced into prostitution. …

Omaha, Nebraska — We do so many stories here every day that sometimes I forget when I am waiting on an update. One story in particular was the one I posted about in June in which two boys, ages 12 and 13, were charged with filming themselves sexually assaulting a 5-year-old girl in a neighborhood park.

When we first reported on it, the 12-year-old was ordered to be held in a juvenile facility while the 13-year-old got to stay home with his parents over the Fourth of July holidays. I had forgotten about the entire thing until today when a reader emailed us with an update.

For those of you not familiar with this story, a 5-year-old girl and her 7-year-old brother were lured to a drainage ditch by the two older boys at a park near the victim’s home. The older boys reportedly threatened to beat up the younger pair if they didn’t do what they said. They then used their cell phones to record themselves sexually assaulting the girl.…

VENICE, FL. – A woman in Florida is facing multiple child abuse charges after she was accused of using pool cleaning chemicals to clean her 18-month-old boy and his 10-year-old sister.

Authorities were notified by the 38-year-old woman’s adult son who had grown concerned over his mother’s mental health and the extreme bathing methods she had recently adopted.

This included pouring chlorine and pool shock into the pool and making the siblings immediately jump in, pouring liquid pool shock on their feet and ankles, and making them walk in powdered pool shock before rinsing their feet off in the sink.

She was doing this because she had become convinced that this was the only way to keep her kids and home free from the bugs that she claimed were poisoning her. Her son also added that recently she had started staying awake for several days, then sleeping for several days.

She is facing three felony counts of aggravated child abuse to go along with the other 10 felony charges she had acquired over the years, including child abuse charges, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, domestic battery, simple battery and 27 incident reports concerning DCF, family violence, suspicious incidents, and welfare checks.…

CAPE GIRARDEAU, Mo. — Sorry for the lack of stories today, but I had a bad sausage biscuit this morning that has sapped out any desire to post about some of these assholes. But I did get an email involving this interesting case out of Missouri involving a missing mother of triplets who was last seen shortly after finalizing her divorce.

On June 1, 39-year-old Jacque Sue Waller had just left a divorce hearing and stopped by her husband’s house to pick up her 5-year-old daughter. But her daughter was not there. James “Clay” Waller, a former police officer, told investigators that he and his wife got into an argument and that she had walked away mad. That is the last reported time anyone has ever seen or heard from her.

On the morning she was reported missing, police found Waller’s car with a flat tire, abandoned along Interstate 55 in Missouri. Her purse, keys and cellphone were not found inside the vehicle, and there has been no activity on her credit cards and phone since she went missing.…