In The Mean Time...
Fayetteville, NC – Edward Colmon Williams and Harold Merideth Starling, Jr., both 20, were arrested after detectives participating in a sting operation say they saw the men approaching a porta-potty with lighters, diesel fuel, and cardboard. …and that can only mean one thing: feces flambé.
The Cumberland County Sheriff’s Office Arson Investigation Team has been plagued with a veritable shitstorm of portable toilet fires since April – more than 17 in all. The most recent was Tuesday morning at a local church. The fire damaged the church, melting the vinyl siding on one end of the building.
A church member estimated the damage to the church alone to be $3,500. We can only speculate on the cost of a porta-john, but I think that it can safely be said that are worth a shitload.
Williams and Starling were charged with multiple counts of burning personal property and burning of a church. They were processed into the Cumberland County jail under separate $12,000 bonds and are scheduled to appear in court next Wednesday afternoon.…
SARASOTA, FL — Police have arrested a priest during an undercover investigation into indecent activities being reported on Caspersen Beach.
The Sarasota Sheriff’s Office says during their investigation on Tuesday, Father Bernard Chojnacki groped an undercover detective and exposed himself. The 36-year-old then stated his desire to perform a sexual act before getting his ass arrested and charged with Exposure of Sexual Organs and Battery. Which, to be honest, I thought was a chapter out of the Catholic Priest Indoctrination Manual.
Choknacki was appointed the position of Parochial Vicar of St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Port Charlotte back in 2009. The Diocese of Venice placed Chojnacki on administrative leave “until the situation comes to some sort of resolution” and released the following statement in an attempt alleviate anyone’s fears that he worked with children at the church:
“The charges against Father Chojnacki are unsettling. This is a sad time for the both the Parish and the Diocese, and matters of this nature are taken very seriously. Father Chojnacki’s principal assignment was as Parochial Vicar to St.…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Police said Nathan Engle, 24, died on Monday after he was punched in the face by 24-year-old Terance Dejuan Wilson at about 1:40 a.m. Saturday.
Engle’s uncle was with him when it happened and says there was no confrontation between his nephew and Wilson – his nephew just happened to walk between Wilson and another man. When he did, Wilson turned and delivered a sucker punch to Engle’s face causing him to fall and strike his head on the pavement.
Engle, the father of three children, would last two days before dying from blunt force head injuries. Wilson was initially charged with assault, but the charges will more than likely be upgraded now that the coroner has determined Engle’s death was a homicide.
Wilson is no stranger to police, having past convictions for harassment, false imprisonment, assault, resisting arrest and vandalism. If convicted for Engle’s death, this will be Wilson’s fourth stint in prison. He served one year for check forgery in 2007, one year for attempted escape in 2006, and two years for attempted robbery in 2003.…
Lake Luzerne, NY- A couple participating in the Americade motorcycle rally are dead after a steel beam carried by a logging truck swung into their lane and struck the motorcyclists.
The two Canadians were in New York for the rally and where travelling down Route 9N on their 1985 Honda Goldwing when a truck in the opposite lane stopped and swerved suddenly to avoid a group of motorcycles in front of him from becoming road pizza. As a result, an unsecured steel beam swung outward into oncoming traffic and hit the couple.
Though I haven’t come across any reports stating it upfront, I think it’s a safe bet to say that the couple was effectively ‘clothes-lined’ by the beam. What was said is that the passenger, 60 year-old Nicole Lambert, was knocked clean off the bike. As for the driver, 64 year-old Jacques Addy, he landed in a tangled pretzel of flesh and metal with the bike and a guardrail. Both died at the scene.
No tickets have been issued to the driver, 47 year-old Mark J.…
On Monday, the staff of a Red Lobster say Steven Vigil, 32, and Linda Vigil, 28, were wasted inside the restaraunt; passing out at the table, barely able to speak and unable to walk straight. Linda was witnessed shaking and dangling the baby by the arms, trying to make her dance.
The staff told the couple they would be happy to call them a cab, but they refused. A waitress finally called police after the couple got up to leave and were seen stumbling while swinging the baby in its car seat, banging it into walls, chairs and doors on the way out.
When police got to the restaurant, they found the couple in the parking lot, in a stolen car. Steven told police he had borrowed the car from someone he had met in Alcoholics Anonymous. Police would find baby bottles mixed in with trash and about a dozen bottles of prescription drugs inside the car.…
TULSA, Oklahoma — The wife of the man who was killed after falling out of a 25th-floor window has now been charged with his murder.
Police have charged 19-year-old Amber Hilberling with first-degree murder in the death of her husband, 23-year-old Joshua Hilberling. He was killed after falling out of the couple’s University Tower apartment and plunging 17 stories before being stopped by a parking garage.
According to the arrest report, Amber told officers that during an argument with her husband, she pushed him out the window. “There was some sort of argument, it was brief, and then the crashing of the window and the gentleman fell out of the window,” Tulsa Police Sergeant Dave Walker said
Sounds like Amber has quite the temper. According to court documents, Joshua filed an emergency protective order against her in May, saying she had brained him so hard with a lamp that he had to get staples and stitches. He also stated she had been violent toward him several other times in the past including busting his head against a wall, and busting his lip.…
WALKER, Mich. — Police are looking for the woman who was babysitting a 7-month-old baby and left the poor kid in a car seat on a hot beach while she went swimming.
Police responded to Millennium Park after someone called them concerned about an unattended baby sitting on the beach strapped inside a car seat. When they arrived they found the sunburned baby wearing only a diaper, in direct sunlight and sound asleep.
When one of the deputies began yelling in an attempt to find who the baby belonged to, a 34-year-old woman came out of the water and said she knew the baby’s mother but only by first name. She then left the scene.
The baby was taken to a local hospital and treated for dehydration before being placed back in the care of its mother. She told police she had been at the beach earlier, then left the child with the babysitter to go to work.
CPS is now involved and when the woman is found, she could be facing some neglect-related charges. …
Albuquerque, NM — Peter Mirabal, 23, was arrested after reportedly stealing a video-equipped bait car belonging to the Albuquerque Police Department. In addition to having internal video, the otherwise nondescript car featured remote kill switch and a team of police surveilling.
Mirabal and his passenger Derek Casias, 19, reportedly saw the vehicle, with keys in the ignition, and decided to grab and go. “The bait car was being placed in situations where it would become a crime of opportunity,” APD Lt. Harold Medina said.
The video shows that it starts off as a drive full of fun and mirth, then Mirabal spots police cruiser trailing him and the mood changes.
“The individual tried to flee the scene,” Medina said. “He backed into a police truck and then into a second police truck and hit another police car as he was trying to get out.”
It is at this point that the police officer in charge of the remote kill switch – which was apparently wedged deep within his ass – removes the switch, wipes off the unit, and pushes the button.…
Independence, MO — Rick Sheridan of Independence, Missouri was working in his garage when he heard gunshots. He went around the back of his house to a pond, where he saw three police officers lined up on the bank of his pond surveying their kill.
“The officer fired two rounds, and killed my concrete, ornamental alligator,” Sheridan said.
Independence police released a statement this week saying that they had received a call reporting that his children had seen the alligator along a creek and his son had shown him the creature.
Police dispatch contacted the Missouri Conservation Department, who said that if the officer did locate the alligator, to go ahead and ‘put it down.’
According to the police statement, when police located the alligator in a wooded area, an officer fired two shots before realizing the animal was really made out of concrete. Police then apologized to Sheridan and left.
GREENVILLE, NC — A handyman for a mobile home park is cooling his heels behind bars today, accused of raping a woman after he fixed her stove.
Arturo Raamos-Velasco, 33 and an illegal immigrant, was hired by the 20-year-old woman’s landlord at the Silverado Mobile Home Park to fix her stove on Monday. He finished the job and then allegedly raped her afterwards while her 15-month son cried nearby.
Sheriff Neil Elks feels the crime could have been prevented had the woman’s landlord taken some responsibility and checked on Raamos-Velasco before sending him out to people’s homes.
The woman’s landlord, Tony Buck, states he didn’t know that Raamos-Velasco was an illegal immigrant because he was only hired to do contract work and a background check was never performed. Besides, he doesn’t know how to run a background check anyway.
Raamos-Velasco is in jail on a $200,000 bond charged with second-degree rape, but since he’s an illegal immigrant, he will not be released from jail on any type of bond.
Witnesses say that after a fight with her boyfriend, 30-year-old Nidra F. Billard threw his 6-week-old puppy “shot-put style” off the apartment complex balcony where it landed on the partially paved courtyard below.
Amazingly, the puppy survived even though it suffered contusions and broken blood vessels in his eyes. He is expected to recover and has since been transferred from the city’s animal shelter to a rescue facility. “He was doing pretty good when he left,” BARC spokesman Chris Newport said. “His eyesight is bad right now. He has a little wobble in his step.”
Billard has been charged with felony animal cruelty. She’s looking at a possible two years in jail and a $10,000 fine.
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. – Well look who’s back in the news. Paul Gonzalez, the man who beat his ex-wife unconscious in a judge’s chambers, was in court Monday trying to get his bond reduced. That didn’t happen.
For those of you who missed the story and are too lame to click the link, Gonzalez had a bit of a hissy-fit in a judge’s chambers during a divorce proceeding and laid the smack down on his ex-wife’s face that left her with a broken cheekbone and broken nose. He was only restrained after court officers stepped in and Tased him.
While in court on Monday, Gonzalez was still demonstrating his maturity when he turned his chair the opposite direction so he would not have to face his ex-wife when she took the stand. Judge Cohen had to stop the hearing to scold Gonzalez and instruct him to turn his chair back around like an adult.
His wife went on to explain the pattern of abuse she had lived with for years, but that she stayed with him partly out of fear, partly out of love and partly because of the two children she shared with him.…
Kalispell, Mt — Two years after prosecutors say 18-year-old Justine Winter purposely steered her vehicle into the path of another in a botched suicide attempt that killed two people, she has been sentenced to 30 years in prison.
Winter was convicted of two counts of deliberate homicide back in February after a jury found that after a fight with her boyfriend, she intentionally steered her car into the path of a vehicle driven by 35-year-old Erin Thompson, who was four months pregnant.
The resulting collision claimed the lives of Thompson, her unborn baby and her 13-year-old son, Caden Odell. Winter was left with broken bones, internal injuries and a brain injury. Winter has always maintained she doesn’t remember anything about the crash or the circumstances that led up to it. She just insists she never intended to harm anyone.
But the evidence proved otherwise.
During the trial, text messages Winter sent to her boyfriend after their break-up and moments before the crash were read to the court. Messages that included these gems. …
Battle Ground, WA — Some teens in Washington have found themselves in a bit of trouble after getting caught shooting a cat in a drive-by, then later admitting to shooting up to 50 cats in a similar fashion all around the Battle Ground area.
Their efforts to rid the world of these evil creatures was thwarted on Sunday after they were pulled over by police who were called to the area after a cat had just been shot. The vehicle contained three idiot teenagers, two .22-caliber rifles (one which was loaded) and several hundred rounds of ammunition.
The two 16-year-olds and one 17-year-0ld were taken into custody and booked into juvenile detention on charges of drive-by shooting, unlawful discharge of a firearm, animal cruelty and possession of a loaded weapon in a vehicle. Once in custody, the boys started singing, admitting to shooting at least 50 cats in and out of the city limits. They are each being held on $25,000 bond.
The cat that was shot on Sunday belonged to Tina, who just had one of her other cats, Nellie, shot in the throat last month.…
We here at the Demon like our stories like hillbillies like their violence: domestic. Sometimes, though, a story that can’t be passed up comes along, just begging to make the front page. This one comes from America’s Hat, Canada.
At approximately 10:30pm Monday night, a Pontiac Sunbird traveling Highway 148 struck a black bear that had wandered onto the roadway. The impact caused the bear to be scooped up and rocketed into oncoming traffic. A Nissan Pathfinder was the unfortunate recipient of the ursine projectile, which traveled through the front windshield on the driver’s side, through to the back seat and out the back window, killing two people in the process.
I’m no smart, science-type guy, but let’s assume a conservative 50mph on each side of the road. This works out to 300lb pounds of furry (and undoubtedly confused) meat hitting you in the face at 100mph. I think. I can imagine 300 lbs of just about anything at that speed is more than sufficient to ruin your evening.…
Allentown, PA — The bloated-lookin’ beast to the left is 24-year-old Brandon Bishop – he’s been accused of beating the snot out of his fiancee’s 2-year-old daughter because he thought the child was a “princess” and he wanted to “toughen her up.”
According to the criminal complaint, Bishop and the fiancee, Candace Watts, moved into an apartment together on March 7 – over the next three months, Bishop repeatedly and viciously beat the child as her mother stood by and did jack shit.
Police say Bishop punched the child in the face, head, back, stomach, legs and crotch. They say he choked the child and suffocated her by covering her mouth with his meaty paws anywhere from 30 seconds to a full minute. He hit her in the head with a metal spoon and picked her up by her hair and dropped her to the concrete.
When the child was interviewed by the Lehigh County Children and Youth Services on May 20th, she was reportedly missing clumps of hair, had numerous bruises and was walking with a limp.…
Police say the victim was was pushing her 4-year-old son in a stroller at about 10:45 Monday morning when she saw 28-year-old Ray Allen Martin walking the opposite direction across the street. She said Martin crossed the road and began following her. Worried, she had just enough time to call her fiancé and let him know where she was and what was going on when Martin allegedly grabbed her from behind and placed his hand over her mouth.
The victim told police Martin dragged her toward the breezeway of a building, knocking the stroller over in the process. Martin reportedly yanked the woman’s pants and underwear down, repeatedly telling her to “shut up” as she screamed for her child. A man walking in the area intervened and Martin beat feet.
When he was apprehended a short time later, Martin reportedly told police he needed to confess.…
Spokesman Rex Evans of the Liberty County Sheriff’s Department said the office received an anonymous report Tuesday that there were dismembered bodies of children at the home.
When County Sheriff’s Department Deputies arrived at the private property, they saw blood and sought a warrant to search the property.
The F.B.I. is on the scene along with at least one cadaver dog assisting in the search effort for as many as 30 bodies, all of them reportedly to be the bodies of children.
Ok, I had to add an important update. The tip reportedly came from a psychic. *rolleyes*
A neighbor told reporters that police seemed to be congregating around the home of Joe Bankson, a long-haul trucker who is currently in Dallas with his wife. When contacted he said he was on his way to Georgia and had left on Sunday. “I haven’t killed anybody,” he said.…