Matthew Warner Sentenced For Sexual Assault, Murder Of His 19-Day-Old DaughterHeather Phillips, 40, Accused Of Having Sex With Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend, 15Christina Balazi Stabbed Husband Multiple Times After He Said Another Woman's Name During SexAlicia Goemaat Accused Of Kicking Her Boyfriend's 17-month-old Son To DeathLeigh Felten Accused Of Selling Sexually Explicit Breast-Feeding VideosTeen Dies At Sleepover After Being Placed In Chokehold While WrestlingAudrey Carey, 23, Found Dead Bludgeoned To Death In Golden Gate ParkMeghan Alt, Former Mrs. Orange County, Accused Of Making Child Porn With 4-Year-Old Female RelativeBody Of Colorado Teen Missing Since 2008 Found Inside Cabin ChimneyBoy, 11, Charged With Murder After Shooting 8-year-old Girl Over Puppy

In The Mean Time...

Utica, NY — Alkabi Abduleman, 56, was arrested late Friday after his attempts to romance his neighbor were deemed illegal.

Utica police said that Abduleman approached a small child near his home at around 8PM Friday and told the girl that he liked her mother.

Abduleman  must have been concerned of the young girl’s ability to accurately convey his feelings because, according to the account provided to police by the girl’s mother, “Abduleman came outside his home completely naked in front of her and her daughter and started moving his hips in a sexual grinding motion and blew kisses to her and her daughter.” That’s pretty clear.

Abduleman is was charged with exposure and endangering the welfare of a child.

Since the filing of an affidavit seeking arrest is not, technically, a “no,” I promise to keep you updated on any reported progress in the budding romance between Abduleman and his new lady-friend.

Tampa, FL — India Couch, 22, is facing drug and child abuse charges after police say she smacked her 1-year-old daughter with a shoe for nommin’ on her pot stash.

Police say the child was left unsupervised for a time Sunday morning, and after finding the stash in mom’s purse, chowed down on an undisclosed amount of the drug. After Couch realized the kid had ingested the weed, she proceeded to smack the kid with a sandal, leaving three welts on the child’s arm.

When another adult in the home tried to intervene, Couch reportedly picked up a 5 lb. dumbbell and hit him in the back and chest, causing minor injuries.

She’s been booked on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and possession of cannabis, and is being held without bail in the Hillsborough County Jail.

Huh, the Couch really did do it this time……

Jacksonville, FL — Michael Fiorelli, 44, was recently arrested in connection with voyeurism at a Kohl’s in southern Duval County and at the Southpoint Marriott hotel, and it appears as if he will have trouble coming up with a believable alibi.

According to police, in addition to being captured on surveillance video and witnesses recording his car license plate number at both places, his court-ordered tracking bracelet places him at the scene of the crime.

Jacksonville police reported they were called to a Kohl’s department store on April 20 to investigate after loss-prevention associate watched on camera as Fiorelli loitered in the lingerie department and then entered into the dressing room area. Police said workers followed Fiorelli out of the store and recorded his license plate number.

Then on May 11 at a Marriott hotel, a 23-year-old woman who was taking part in a nursing convention encountered Fiorelli slipping off of the toilet seat in the stall next to her, police said. Fiorelli reportedly ran from the bathroom to his car.…

Las Vegas, NV — If you happen to know where Herman Lolong is, hide your drink and call the cops.

In 2008, Lolong worked for Jackpot Sanitation – a port-a-john supplier in the Las Vegas area. Amber Estrada reported to Lolong while working for Jackpot as a sales representative. Estrada claims that her troubles began after she complained of having to endure a hostile work environment with Lolong as her chief harasser.

Astonishingly, according to court records, Jackpot Sanitation upper management responded to Estrada’s complaints by reassigning her in 2009 to an isolated office with one other coworker and Lolong as their boss.

“I don’t understand why I have to be over there. I’m uncomfortable. You guys know how I feel about him.” Estrada recalled saying. She described their response as telling her to “just make the best of it.”

Not long after the reassignment, Estrada noticed that the drinks she kept in her personal office refrigerator had a peculiar odor and taste, court documents state.

“It happened so many times that, when it happened to my water, it was undeniable because water has no taste.…

Everett, WA — Members of the Jackson High School cheerleading squad have been suspended after it was revealed that they were conducting initiation rituals that required the new members to wear diapers and then be squirted with squirt guns and hit with flying hot dogs.

Oh, the humanity.

The Everett School District suspended several cheerleaders, saying they violated the athletic code of conduct which prohibits hazing.

School officials released a statement that said, “When students make poor choices, it is disappointing to us, just as it is disappointing to parents. We hope, as parents do, that each action with appropriate consequences is a positive learning experience.”

Fellow students registered the expected outrage.

“No one’s died from getting hit in the face with a sausage,” one student said.

It was reported that several parents of the cheerleaders met with school officials on Thursday, but the suspensions were not overturned. This, of course, means that the suspended girls will be spending their next days at home, reflecting on their poor judgement and fielding cash offers from porn websites worldwide to recreate the scene.…

Lorain, OH — This handsome gent here is Aaron Applegate. Aside from the extra chromosomes and the stupid hair cut, Applegate now has a few more things to add to his resume when he auditions for the part of Barney Rubble in the R-rated adaptation of The Flintstones that was just announced by the movie producers that live in my ass. These include, but are not limited to, his apparent taste for human flesh, his temper and his ability to piss anywhere.

29 year-old Nathaniel Chandler knows about these last three firsthand. Apparently Chandler was visiting a friend Tuesday evening when Applegate,  (a rough) 32, showed up drunk. Everything was fine until Applegate decided to whip out his Hogan and take a leak right in the front yard, paying no mind to the 3-year-old girl in the immediate area. This was the last straw for Chandler, who yelled at Applegate to pack it up and get lost.

Applegate didn’t take too kindly to this, and allegedly attacked Chandler. A brief scuffle ensued.…

Haines City, FL — Xavier Perez, a licensed massage therapist and notary, was arrested Wednesday after police say he got all touchy-feely on a 14-year-old girl he was supposed to be treating for a skin condition.

The girl’s mother reported the alleged incident to police on Saturday after the kid was seen at Perez’s place of business – Ideal Notary Inc. Huh. A notary and a massage therapist…how friggin’ handy! I, for one, love one-stop shopping.

The teen told police Perez blindfolded her and performed lewd acts on her, saying that type of treatment was necessary to correct her skin condition.

A subsequent search of Perez’s business revealed numerous sex toys and condoms. All of which are necessary in the notary/massage business, I’m sure.

Perez, 65, is currently being held without bond, charged with four counts of committing lewd and lascivious acts upon a child less than 16 years of age.…

Gilroy, CA — According to police, Jose Franco, 39, of San Jose, california, was arrested Saturday in the small town of Gilroy for displaying his junk to three young girls who made the apparent mistake of setting up a lemonade stand without prominently displaying a sign saying “No Perverts Allowed.”

A Gilroy Police Department press release described Franco approaching the three girls and purchasing lemonade from them. The release then described Franco exposing himself to them and fleeing the area in his car.

A witness provided a suspect description and partial license plate number. According to the police account, the officer responding to the area located Franco, whose vehicle and appearance matched descriptions by the witness.

Franco was arrested and booked into jail on suspicion of indecent exposure, possession of less than one ounce of marijuana and driving with a suspended license.

Anyone who witnessed the incident or was a victim is asked to call Gilroy police at (408) 846-0350. Those wishing to remain anonymous can call the We Tip line at (800) 782-7463.…

San Clemente, CA — On Thursday, May 19, a woman in San Clemente, California called police to report that she had witnessed a Direct TV cable installer stealing her 9-year-old daughter’s panties while he was in her home on a service call.

According to the incident log, the installer was unaware that he had been seen by the mother and was still in the home. A San Clemente police officer was dispatched to the residence.

The incident log goes on to describe the officer making contact with the alleged panty thief shortly after 2PM. A search of the installer’s van commenced and, within an hour, pervy cable guy is taken into custody and a local towing service called to remove his van from the premises.

The unnamed and pantyless cable installer has reportedly since been released from custody. His next scheduled appearance is at your home – sometime Monday between 1:00PM and 5:00PM.…

Bartow, FL — Robin Leigh Pagoria, a Polk County detention deputy, was accused Thursday of filming herself strapping two young girls to a desk and spanking them with sex toys before forwarding the videos to her boyfriend… a man she met on

According to the arrest affidavit, Pagoria, an admitted life-long spanking fetishist, removed two of the legs from an old desk so it sat on an incline. The girls, both between the ages of 10 and 18, were forced to disrobe and were tied and handcuffed to the modified desk. Pagoria would then spank ’em silly with a leather paddle and a tawse as many as 50 times. Afterwards, the girls were made to stand naked with their hands above their heads for an unspecified length of time. The camera on her Android phone captured each and every whack.

The videos, of which police have found two, are each about 10 minutes in length. And in that 10 minutes, investigators say both girls suffered “substantial” injury, and both could be heard screaming throughout.…

Miami Shores, FL — Here’s an interesting story out of Florida that is stirring up a lot of debate on a couple of different subjects. It’s all stemming from a 14-year-old boy who shot and killed a man stealing his family’s jet ski.

Reynaldo Muñoz, 20, and his girlfriend, 19-year-old Carolina Lopez (pictured), tried to steal a WaveRunner from the waterfront home of attorney Jeffrey Davis. Muñoz and Lopez drove to Pelican Harbor Marina where they parked their truck and drove their own WaveRunner to the Davis home.

Once there, Muñoz jumped into the water and walked along a concrete seawall onto the Davis property where he began lowering their WaveRunner into the water. Lopez began heading back towards the marina where she would help load the stolen property and then sell it for $2000.

While Muñoz was lowering the craft into the water, he was confronted by Davis’ 14-year-old son who was also armed with a shotgun. According to the boy and his mother, Muñoz indicated he was armed and threatened them with harm.…

Estella Warren Charged With DUI And Assault

May 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm by  

Los Angeles, CA — Estella Warren, a “celebrity” whose pictures I may have very well masturbated to 10 years ago, has gotten herself into a bit of trouble after getting arrested for DUI and assault.

The 32-year-old 40-year-old actress was arrested Monday after she crashed her Toyota Prius (ha!) into three vehicles while allegedly driving drunk. An owner of one of the cars hit told RadarOnline:

“I believe she hit at least two other cars before she stopped. When I approached her she was obviously drunk and acting crazy. A few more residents approached her, but she started yelling and accused us of stealing things from her. When I told her she had to wait for the police to arrive she lashed out at me and started to ‘girl-slap’ me on my chest and arms.”

Does anything scream L.A. more than a drunk, C-grade actress girl-slapping the person whose car she just hit with their friggin’ Prius? Jesus.

But it gets better. When police arrived on the scene, they arrested Warren on suspicion of DUI after she failed a field sobriety test.…

Tahuya, WA — A 15-year-old girl was taken into custody by SWAT Wednesday evening after she reportedly shot her father in the gut with an arrow because he took away her cell phone.

Police say the girl shot her father around 8:00 p.m. and refused to let him use the telephone to call for help. It has been reported that the man was forced to crawl to a neighbor’s home where he called 911.

After the incident, the teen apparently took off into the woods…still armed with the compound bow and about 35 arrows. Because she was considered armed and dangerous, a SWAT team was brought in to assist deputies with the search.

The SWAT team tracked the kid down and took her into custody at about 11:00 p.m. Police say the girl was found “to be despondent with a serious medical issue.” She was promptly transported to Marry Bridge Children’s Hospital for treatment of said unknown medical issue.

As for her 35-year-old father, he was airlifted to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle, where he is listed in critical condition with an arrow wound to the torso.…

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Two men were sent to the hospital after the family of the woman they tried to rob beat them, stabbed them and then shot them with their own gun.

Early Monday, 47-year-old Maria Guebara was returning home to the Cambridge Arms apartments after attending a birthday party. That’s when 22-year-old Raufeal Weddy and 26-year-old Terrell Battle got out of a car and tried to steal her purse at gunpoint.

Guebara began screaming for help, alerting 10 to 15 friends and family members who lived at the apartment complex. As they came running to her aid, one of the robbers shot at them, the bullet passing through clothing. The man driving the car Weddy and Battle got out of drove off.

A very wise decision on his part as Guebara and her family are from El Salvador. These people have dealt with civil war and military death squads. Some shithead with a bandana and a .22 caliber handgun just doesn’t pose quite the same threat. It didn’t help the two criminals that the Hispanics in the area have been the victims of persistent break-ins and robberies.…

Wyoming, PA — You’ll have to forgive my tardiness this morning, but it took me damn near a half-hour to figure out that there was a town called ‘Wyoming’ in the state of Pennsylvania. This makes a lot more sense than state police from halfway across the country arresting some creep way out of their jurisdiction. The entire state of Pennsylvania can kiss my ass.

Of course there’s a point here, and I’m getting to it. The town of Wyoming is home to a state police barracks, and it was these state police that ultimately questioned a 13 year-old girl about an incident called in by her great-grandmother. Seems Granny wandered into the girl’s bedroom to find a naked, much older man. He apparently said his name was ‘A.J.’, that he was from Berwick and asked her not to call the cops. The pair ran and it seems Granny didn’t listen.

The girl was picked up by state police from Tunkhannock and transferred to state police in Wyoming (the town) after a family friend had called the victim’s father to state she was there.…

Greeley, CO — Christina Cantu, 34, was arrested late last month after police say she tried to get all stabby on the live-in boyfriend because he was spending too much time with a sick calf.

According to the arrest affidavit, Cantu became enraged at the amount of time her boyfriend, Fernando Rodriguez, was spending with the ailing critter, and accused him of not being in love with her anymore. Fernando reportedly told Cantu that he did love her, but the relationship just wasn’t working out. With that, Fernando said Cantu went to the kitchen, grabbed an 8″ knife and started coming at him, saying “she would kill him this time.”

Fernando fled to the bathroom, where he said Cantu kicked and stabbed at the door, breaking the blade in the process. She eventually gave up and left the home, and later the property, at Fernando’s request.

When questioned, Cantu denied any involvement. Charged with felony menacing and misdemeanor criminal mischief, she remains behind bars in lieu of $51,000 bail.…

Port St. Lucie, FL — Giovanni Presutti was taken into custody earlier this week after his much younger wife accused him of pulling a gun on her.

According to the arrest affidavit, the proverbial shit hit the fan soon after Presutti accused his wife of having an affair. At one point during the heated argument, Presutti reportedly yelled, “I want to kill you and the children.”

The crusty old codger headed for the garage with his wife at his heels. Once there, Presutti allegedly pushed the woman to the floor and retrieved a gun from a nearby desk. The woman said her husband pointed the weapon at her, drew the slide back and said, “Now I want to kill you.”

The woman told police she ran from the garage, grabbed the couple’s two young sons and went to the bedroom where she called 911.

When police arrived, the gun was found in the garage with four rounds inside, the hammer pulled back and the safety mechanism in the off position.…

Lincoln, NE — The perfectly sane looking woman to the left is 40-year-old Dawna Dewane – she was booked on child abuse charges over the weekend after reportedly going berserko on her 12-year-old son, leading him to jump from a second-floor apartment window to seek help.

The incident apparently started following an argument between the two Sunday morning – he wanted to go to the mall, mom said no. As the two were arguing, Dewane reportedly punched the kid, tossed him on the bed and held a pillow over his face. The boy told police he jumped from the window and ran to a friend’s house to call 911.

Police say Dewane called the boy over there, and after hearing the police were on their way, Dewane reportedly threatened to crash into a semi with the boy’s younger sister in the vehicle. The boy said his mother then told him to say good-bye to his sister and handed the phone to his sibling.

When police arrived, the boy was found with marks and scratches to his face, back, chest, and neck, as well as a bite mark on his finger.…