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Police Charge 9-Year-Old Girl With Battery After She Hit Younger SisterTwo Teen Girls Accused Of Trying To Have Man Murdered For $2000 Toddler Mauled To Death By Family Pig After Crawling Into Its PenKwan Chow Accused Of Fondling Young Boys in ‘Dave & Buster’s’ BathroomTeen Stops Half Naked Man From Raping His MotherPhuc Kieu Accused Of Robbing Man Before Attempting To Rape HimChrista Engles Killed After Her Toddler Shoots Her In HeadMarcos Ortega Faces New Charges After Driving With Man Stuck In WindshieldWoman Cut Off Three-Year-Old Nephew’s Penis Because He Wanted To Use Her PhoneFather Accused Of Killing Infant Son By Kneeling On Baby's Chest

In The Mean Time...

John CarterHouston, TX — An 18-year-old moron has been accused of setting his mother’s clothes on fire after she refused to give him money to buy marijuana.

According to authorities, John Carter pitched a ginormous baby fit and started lighting his mother’s clothes on fire when she refused to give in to his crybaby, whiny-ass demands. No word on why the entitled shitstain doesn’t just get a damn job and buy his own shit.

Investigators with the Harris County Fire Marshal’s Office say the damage was minor to the apartment complex where this shit went down. And yes, they also have reason to believe the fire was intentionally set. No clue, though, as to whether the woman was injured.

Carter has been charged with arson. He’s already out on a $30,000 bond. Raise your hand if you think mom posted bond.

I’m gonna go and buy my spawn something shiny for allowing me to live as long as I have.…

Yaquelin Galvez-DonOcala, FL —  A 13-year-old girl and her 15-year-old boyfriend are in police custody after allegedly ambushing the girl’s mother, slitting her throat, in the hopes of living happily ever after. How fucking cute.

According to police, Yaquelin Galvez-Don lured her mom into the garage early Sunday morning, where the boyfriend, Pedro Solis, informed the woman that he wanted to be with her daughter… cause he could, like, take care of her and stuff. He also told her that she should not have hit him with a stick previously. (Methinks she didn’t hit him hard enough. Or often enough. Or with a big enough stick). Solis then reportedly slashed the woman’s throat and ran inside, intent on doing the same to his beloved’s father.

With the knife to his throat, Galvez-Don’s father pleaded with Solis to seek medical assistance for his wife. No word on what was said between the two, but whatever it was, it worked — he was left uninjured and Solis loaded the woman up and dropped her off at an emergency room.…

Alec Eugene TaylorBaltimore, MD — It’s the classic story of a person who is supposed to uphold justice in society doing harm to something cute, innocent, and defenseless.

Alec Eugene Taylor, who has served for five years with the Baltimore police department, is accused of beating, choking, and killing a 7-month-old Jack Russell Terrier belonging to his girlfriend. And because he apparently wanted to break the record for worst text ever received, he allegedly snapped a photo of the deceased dog and sent it to her.

Taylor is charged with aggravated animal cruelty, abuse and neglect of an animal. For the felony aggravated cruelty charge, he faces a maximum of three years in prison. If he’s convicted, anyone who pulls his criminal records online will see that he’s an animal abuser for the rest of his life. Taylor turned himself in to the police on Wednesday. He has also been suspended without pay by the Baltimore Police Department.

According to authorities, the incident began when the dog defecated on the carpet.…

Galen AuneFort Myers, FL — A 30-year-old man is facing a felony charge of animal cruelty after admitting to officials that he killed his adopted pit bull with a pickaxe to the head because she was looking at him funny.

Authorities first received complaints about Galen Aune back in October of 2013. Neighbors reported seeing the man punching the pit bull puppy. Prior to that, neighbors said, Aune was seen picking the pup up by her ears and tossing her. Authorities apparently filed a report and continued to investigate.

Officers recently made contact with Aune at his home. When questioned about the alleged abuse of the dog, Aune reportedly responded that she was no longer a problem because he killed her.

“I know pit bulls, they are all about body language.” Aune told police. “She just looked at me funny and showed bad energy. I had to do something about it, for my health.”

Soooo, he axed her in the head and buried her in the backyard. Animal services took possession of the carcass.…

Hillard StallingsOklahoma City, OK — A registered sex offender is facing numerous charges after police received complaints about the man walking butt nekkid in his yard, and for shaking his dick at a teen boy.

The first complaint came from a mother driving her three children to their piano lessons. The woman informed dispatchers that her children, ages 6, 10, and 12, brought her attention to the nekkid man, identified as 68-year-old Hillard Stallings.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the neighborhood to chime in with police — they informed dispatchers Stallings had been wandering around the yard, in the buff, for at least 10 minutes.

Officers made contact with Stallings, and chatted with him for a bit, but an immediate arrest was not made. When they drove back through the neighborhood a few minutes later, though, they spotted the skeevy bastard in the yard, shaking his willy and making thrusting motions at a 14-year-old boy who had been passing the home.

Stallings spotted police and raced for the house, but the officers were quicker.…

Thaddeus MorganFargo, ND — A 24-year-old man was arrested last week, accused of assaulting his sister after an argument about proper toilet seat etiquette.

According to the police report, Thaddeus Morgan slapped and pushed his sister, 23-year-old Cynthia, after she confronted him about leaving the toilet seat up.

At some point during the verbal argument between the two, Cynthia claimed, Thaddeus pushed her and broke her glasses. When she attempted to dial 911, she told police, Thaddeus took her cellphone.

Thaddeus admitted to slapping his sister with an open hand, grabbing her wrists, pushing her and interfering with her phone call, but insists she was throwing toys at him.

The two were separated, told to grow the fuck up and sent to their rooms without dinner. Erm, I mean, Thaddeus was arrested for interfering with an emergency call, a felony, and misdemeanor assault.

Personally, I always look before I sit so I don’t really give two shits about whether the seat is up or down. I will, however, cut a motherfucker if the seat is down and wet.…

Cameron BeckHouston, TX — A pair of half siblings initially detained by police for shoplifting and possession of meth are now facing additional charges after police spotted the two making out behind bars.

Officers were dispatched to the Porter Walmart on the afternoon of February 28, to deal with an alleged shoplifter. There they found 24-year-old Charlene Ellet. She informed officers that her half-brother, 26-year-old Cameron Beck, had driven her and her toddler twins to the store. A short time later, Beck appeared at the Loss Prevention office looking for Charlene.

For whatever reason, police requested a search of Beck’s car. He consented because he’s obviously an idiot. Anyway, the search revealed  a “light bulb with burn marks and  a cut pen with a crystalline substance on it.” Surprise! That substance reportedly tested positive for meth. Ellet admitted she and Beck had smoked the meth about two weeks prior. Ellet was issued a citation for shoplifting under $50, and both were taken into custody for possession of a controlled substance.

It was then, police say, that Beck asked the arresting officer if they could just charge Ellet because she had a clean record.…

Cara ClaffyAlbuquerque, NM — Cara Claffy, 35, is being held at the Bernalillo County jail, charged with domestic violence and aggravated battery of a family member, after allegedly knocking her mother upside the head with a vibrator.

60-year-old Sheryl Claffy called police Sunday to report that her spawn struck her on the head with the device, leaving her bloodied, and was attempting to leave the residence they shared.

Mom told police she was just sitting there watching tv, when an argument between herself and her daughter erupted. It was then, she said, that Cara grabbed the electric vibrator and whacked her in the dome.

She pointed out a pickup truck sitting nearby, and informed officers that her daughter was inside. She wasn’t. The alleged weapon, however, was. An officer retrieved the vibrator from the floor of the vehicle. A detailed description of the device has not been made available.

Cara was apprehended after exiting a nearby home. She told officers she argued with her mother, but she didn’t harm the woman. In fact, Cara said, the old lady just came out of a room, all bloody and stuff, and informed her that she had hit herself in the head with the vibrator.…

Bernard MarsonekTampa, FL — Police were called to the home of Bernard Marsonek earlier this week, after the 57-year-old was apparently seen fucking a pit bull in his yard.

Responding officers were greeted with a crowd of rather disturbed residents outside of Marsonek’s home… residents that reportedly witnessed the coupling. Several witnesses stated they pleaded with Marsonek to stop, but he ignored them.

Officers found Marsonek, a convicted felon, inside his home and interviewed him before obtaining a search warrant for the property.

Inside the home, police found a gun, ammunition, and Marsonek’s harem — eight large pit bulls. No word on whether all of ‘em had been violated, or if Marsonek had a favorite.

He was arrested on two counts of a felon in possession of a firearm, animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals. Animal Services investigators took custody of the dogs. He has since been released on a $17,500 bond.…

Jenna BettiMartinez, CA – I can not imagine what the friends and family of 14-year-old Jenna Betti are going through today after the teen was struck and killed by a train while trying to retrieve a cell phone she’d dropped on the tracks.

According to the girl’s mother, Jenna had been sitting on the tracks with her boyfriend Sunday afternoon when a train approached. Her boyfriend jumped off on one side of the tracks, Jenna on the other.

‘Today my beautiful daughter kissed us goodbye. She was tragically killed today by a train,” Jenna’s mother wrote on Facebook. “She was sitting on the train tracks with her boyfriend… Why they made such a horrible decision we’ll never know.”

Jenna’s second horrible decision was apparently going back to retrieve her cell phone she’d dropped when she jumped off the tracks. “She didn’t judge the approach, and the train creates a vacuum, we were told, and it sucks you in,” her mother posted. Jenna was killed after being struck by the Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway freight train.…

Kenneth Clodo SantillanPATERSON, NJ — Here’s a nightmare of a story that brought back memories of a childhood incident I experienced. Kenneth Santillan, 13, was found dead after he and a friend were attacked by a bullmastiff as they walked home from school Friday afternoon.

Details are still a bit fuzzy, so I’m sure some of the details below will change, but Santilla and a friend were walking along a stretch of grass that lies between a creek and the back of homes in a Hillcrest neighborhood. One of these fenced-in backyards housed “Trigger”, a 115-pound bull mastiff.

Again, no details on what spurned the attack, but afterwards the boys ran off in separate directions. A neighbor reported that thee 13-year-old boy who was with Santillan ran to her with a bloody hand, claiming he and his friend had been attacked by the dog. She gave him some paper towels for his injury and he continued on his way.

Police were called out to the residence where they found dog’s owner, 50-year-old Paul Clarke, suffering from injuries after he was also attacked by Trigger, and resorted to stabbing the dog several times.…

sfl-ketut-pujayasa-20140218Fort Lauderdale, Florida — A cruise worker aboard the MS Nieuw Amsterdam admitted to beating, raping and then attempting to throw a passenger overboard from her cabin’s balcony.

According to the victim’s report, Holland America cruise line employee Ketut Pujayasa, 28, appeared in her darkened room in the middle of the night and punched, strangled, and raped her.

Objects he used in the assault included a curling iron, a laptop computer, and a phone cord. She reportedly lost consciousness at least once during the incident. Prosecutors say the attack left her “covered in blood from head to toe.”

Pujayasa joins a long list of other people who seem to be trying to show the world that Florida-based crime is a little weirder and more extreme than the rest of the country. . .

The assault happened on Valentine’s Day, and it ruined the holiday for other passengers who don’t find brutal, graphic violence romantic.

According to the FBI’s report, Pujayasa was retaliating against an insult from the victim. After he knocked three times on the victim’s door she said, “Wait a minute, son of a bitch!” This angered the Indonesian citizen so much that he plotted revenge.…

Michael LueckeStamford, CT — A substitute teacher at Westhill High School accused of tuggin’ his slug while eyeballing students on campus earlier this week, claims was really just adjusting his pants.

A staff member at the school told police she was walking in an area of lockers just after 7:30 Wednesday morning, when she spotted Michael Luecke lying on the ground. Believing the man had been hurt, the woman approached… only to find him with his hand in his pants and his eyeballs all rolled back in his head. And, she told police, he was “manipulating his penis.” *insert GASP here*

The woman reportedly told Luecke that his behavior was inappropriate, to which Luecke reportedly said something along the lines of, “I need to find somewhere else to do this.”

When the staff member informed Luecke that he shouldn’t be anywhere near children, Luecke relayed that such a thing had never happened to him before. The woman then reported the alleged incident to school officials and Luecke was immediately removed from the classroom he was overseeing and sent to the principal’s office.…

Braelynn Rayne CoulterHIGH POINT, NC – Braelynn Rayne Coulter, 3, has died after her family’s pit bull attacked her. Braelynn was reportedly playing when the dog suddenly attacked her, then attacked her mother when she tried to save her.

On Monday, a man called 911 to tell them he was rushing a child to the hospital because he could not wait for an ambulance. He told them the child was attacked by a dog and they were having trouble keeping her breathing. “She’s dying,” the man said.

The child was 3-year-old Braelynn Coulter, and she would die at the hospital that evening after suffering severe injuries to her lower abdomen caused by the family’s pit bull.

Braelyn’s mother was also admitted to the hospital to treat injuries she suffered after the dog attacked her when she tried to stop the attack. The dog was taken to the Guilford County Animal Shelter where he will probably be euthanized after police complete their investigation.

A family friend said the dog has never shown any signs of aggression before, calling the attack a “freak thing.” But one neighbor said the dog attacked another dog in the neighborhood and that she didn’t allow her children out to play if the dog was outside.…

Joy McCallOcala, FL – Joy L. McCall was arrested earlier this week after the 35-year-old was charged with having sex with a 12-year-old son of a family friend.

The victim’s mother called the Ocala Police Department to report she believed her son was in a sexual relationship with one of her friends. Her son supposedly told a friend at church about having a sexual  relationship with McCall, and that boy cock-blocked told his mother, who then contacted the victim’s mother to relay what she’d been told.

After learning of the possible relationship, the victim’s mother conducted her own investigation and found some disturbing text messages between McCall and her son that seemed to confirm the two had sex on multiple occasions. “She was able to see through the different text messaging that had occurred between McCall and the juvenile. And determine the dates that the incidents had occurred,’ said Sergeant Angy Scroble.

When police interviewed the boy, he confirmed his mother’s suspicions and told them he’d had sex with “Ms. Joy” on three occasions.…

Maria Montenez-ColonPunta Gorda, FL — Maria Montenez-Colon was arrested Friday, charged with misuse of 911, after pleading with dispatchers to send an officer she found attractive back to her home for some nookie.

Montenez-Colon initially called 911 to complain that she wanted her Corvette back. She apparently signed ownership of the vehicle over to her step-son after her husband died, and she now wanted it back.

When an officer arrived at her home to take the complaint, the reportedly shitfaced 58-year-old started in with her game. It started with a question about the man’s marital status, then quickly moved into the way too much fucking information range.

“I haven’t been penetrated in years,” Montenez-Colon reportedly informed the officer. “I am so horny.”

The officer attempted to get the woman back on track…. a not so awkward track… and asked her what, exactly, he could do for her. Her response? “You could [expletive] me.” God, I do love these stories.

The officer relayed to Montenez-Colon that he wasn’t about to hit that and, once again, tried to get to the gist of her complaint.…

Vincent M. CaracciMETAIRIE, LA – Vincent Caracci has pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges after the 21-year-old was accused of squeezing a hamster to death in a Lakeside Shopping Center pet store.

According to the arrest report, a clerk at Lakeside Pets told police that Caracci came into the store on March 27 and was acting like an idiot. He “began messing with the animals” and was “handling them rather roughly.”

When the clerk told Caracci to quick acting like a psycho and leave the animals alone, he picked up a hamster with his right hand and squeezed the animal “until it made a loud squeaking noise and stop [sic] breathing.” When she asked Caracci what in the hell did he just do, “he said nothing but stared at (her) with a mean disposition.”

Caracci was already on probation after pleading guilty to possessing synthetic marijuana in May, but his probation was revoked after he was arrested for killing the hamster. He was subsequently sentenced to six months in jail last month.

On Monday Caracci pleaded guilty to aggravated cruelty to animals and was sentenced to two years’ probation and must perform 80 hours of community service.…

Keshia ShawTACOMA, WA – A former sixth-grade teacher was sentenced to six months in jail for sexually abusing a 12-year-old student for over a year, but with four months already served, will spend the remaining two months at home.

Keshia Shaw was a math and science teacher at at Tacoma’s Gray Middle School when she first started molesting one of her students in 2007. The sexual abuse continued for over a year and a half, stopping only after the boy heard a sermon about molestation and finally told his mother what was happening.

Shaw would eventually plead guilty to two counts of second-degree child rape, in exchange for a six-month sentence. Judge McCarthy delivered the sentence on Tuesday, but was reluctant. He said he’d read through the court documents and didn’t like that Shaw kinda shifted some of the blame on the victim.

However, standing before the judge, Shaw took full responsibility for her actions and Judge McCarthy ended up crediting her for the four months she’s already served, and agreed to let her go home with a monitoring device to serve out the remaining two months.…