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In The Mean Time...

WEST ORANGE, NJ – Police have charged a former Essex County Teacher of the Year with sexual assault after they say she had an ongoing sexual relationship with one of her 15-year-old students.

On August 31, 33-year-old Erica DePalo was arrested and charged with first-degree aggravated sexual assault, second-degree sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child. Police say she was having sex with a 15-year-old male student she taught in her honors English class at West Orange High School.

Prosecutors say the sexual relationship began in June and lasted until sometime in August. DePalo, who is also the school’s junior varsity tennis coach, is currently free on $100,000 bail. Depalo was in court yesterday where she pleaded not guilty to all of the charges against her. She is scheduled to be back in court on October 22.

DePalo was suspended as a teacher at West Orange High School, where she taught English and Honors English since 2003.  The West Orange School District superintendent released a statement regarding Depalo’s arrest and suspension, saying, “The district has taken strong action by suspending the employee immediately and indefinitely.…

Surprise Butt-Stabbing In Queens, NY

September 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm by  

Rego Park, NY – A Queens man was the victim of a suprise butt-stabbing on Sunday evening, and the most shocking part about the incident is that it didn’t occur in a New York Sports Club steamroom.

The victim was apparently strolling into a local deli, minding his own business, when another man walked in behind him, took out a knife, and gave him five rapid, sharp knife jabs right in his tuches.

When an astute, inquisitive ABC Eyewitness News reporter asked the victim how it felt to get ass-stabbed, he stated, “It felt sort of like that feeling a mosquito bites you, it was fast it was five times.”  I’ve yet to find a mosquito that can bite me five times in rapid succession, but I take comfort in the fact that when I do, I’m sure to know how it feels to get my rear end pounded repeatedly by a bladed weapon.

The incident, which was caught on video surveillance cameras seemed to have no motive, and the victim did not know the perpetrator. …

Denver, CO — A former Catholic priest was arrested Saturday after fellow passengers on a plane noticed him jacking off while watching porn on his laptop.

According to reports, 63-year-old Daniel Drinan was on Southwest Flight 1998 when he decided to take advantage of the plane’s free wifi and watch some porn on his laptop. Maybe a little inappropriate, depending on the passengers around him, but hey, free porn. It was Drinan’s decision to rub one out that got him into trouble.

Although he attempted to hide what he was doing with his laptop, a  female passenger could see that Drinan was stroking on his exposed penis and alerted a female flight attendant when he would not stop. She, in turn, notified a male flight attendant who reportedly told Drinan to “put his pants back together.”

As if being cock-blocked from yourself wasn’t bad enough, Drinan was arrested after the plane landed at Denver International Airport and charged with  lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft. According to the criminal complaint, Drinan apologized for his conduct and said he decided to flog his bishop because the lights were out and no one was next to him.…

Van Nuys, CA – Dr. Kevin Pezeshki, 43, of Tarzana, CA, has been charged with sexually assaulting a female patient while examining her at Northridge Hospital on two separate occasions.

Now, call me a backward, suspicious a-hole, but if I were a woman, I don’t believe I’d ever visit a male gynecologist.  It’s not because I think they’re any less competent than their female counterparts, of course.  It’s just that I feel more comfortable putting my genitals in the care of a doctor who is able to claim ownership of the same equipment I have.  Oh, and also because I’m a guy and I know how we think.

In any case, reports indicate that the first incident of Dr. Pezeshki’s sexual misconduct dates back to 2008, when he is accused of inappropriately touching his patient.  The woman says that she then turned around to witness the good doctor zipping up his fly.

For some inexplicable reason, the victim did not call it quits with Pezeshki at that point, but allowed him to perform a surgery on her several weeks later. …

Conway, SC — A man in South Carolina is a little peeved over the fact that the registered sex offender convicted of soliciting his 10-year-old daughter for sex is still allowed to live next door.

Kerry Marlowe was convicted of criminal solicitation of a minor and had to registered as a sex offender because of an incident that happened between him and his neighbor’s 10-year-old daughter last fall.

According to the girl’s father, Chris Smith, his daughter was playing with Marlowe’s cat by the chain link fence that separates their yards. Smith’s daughter says that Marlowe was standing on his side of the fence when he asked her about her bra size. She says Marlowe then said he wanted to rub lotion on her, exposed himself, and leaned over the fence to try and kiss her. After the girl went inside and told her father what happened, Smith called police.

Marlowe was arrested a few days later and charged with committing a lewd act on a minor. At his probation hearing, Marlowe was ordered to wear an ankle bracelet and not to go within a mile of the neighborhood.…

Port Charlotte, FL – Amanda Linscott, 26, was arrested earlier this month on armed robbery charges for allegedly pulling a gun on a man with whom she was having sex as he drove.

On September 2nd, the victim and two of his friends visited the Paddy Wagon Irish Pub and met up with two women.  As their night was drawing to a close, the men invited the women back to the house of one of the men.

The victim and one of the women reportedly went to one of the bedrooms to introduce their respective genitals to each other.  That’s when she got a little whorish and told him that she needed $250 to open her legs.  At this point, I believe I would have asked the young lady to leave the house and then retired to the bathroom with a slippery, non-corrosive substance and bit of visual stimulation.  However, the victim, not being the dashing, debonair stud that I happen to be, offered what he had: $120.

I’m guessing that the woman indicated her acceptance of this deal and the victim went to the bathroom, presumably for a pre-coital whiz (always a strong idea after a night of drinking). …

HOUSTON , TX —  A Texas woman has been accused of biting off her sister’s nose after the two got into an argument.

The maiming happened in July after 29-year-old Lluvia Rodriguez got home from a night of clubbing with her husband and her sister, Ivon. It was then that Lluvia and her husband got into some kind of altercation.

When Ivon tried to intervene, Lluvia bit off her nose. Ivon was rushed to the hospital along with her nose where, luckily, doctors were able to sew the sucker back on to her face.

Lluvia was arrested and charged with aggravated assault of a family member. Ivon says she has forgiven her sister but wants her to stay in jail. I just want verification that Lluvia is really 29-years-old, because I ain’t buying it.

I know I have been doing this too long when I can remember this isn’t the first story we have posted regarding a woman biting off her sister’s nose. Back in 2010, Bobbie Smith bit off her sister’s nose during an argument fueled by alcohol.…

OKALOOSA COUNTY, FL — A woman in Florida has been accused of taking off her ex-boyfriend’s prosthetic leg and then beating him with it during an argument.

Police say 25-year old Brandon Fleming and 23-tear-old Jadian Faye-Marie Hatfield got into an argument regarding their two-year-old boy. Although they had agreed they would exchange their son every two weeks, Fleming says Hatfield showed up to his house on his week demanding he turn over their child.

Fleming told her no and went to call the police. During this time, Hatfield took their son and climbed out of a bedroom window before placing him in the backseat a car. Fleming says when he tried to get his son out of the car two men, who had accompanied Hatfield, began assaulting him.

It was during this altercation that Fleming says Hatfield came up behind him, removed his prosthetic leg, and then began beating him with it. Afterwards she reportedly pointed a shotgun at Fleming and threatened to kill him if he did not let her leave.…

CARROLLTON, TX – Police in Texas believe a man murdered a 16-year-old girl to keep her from testifying that he had raped her.

On Saturday, Shania Gray’s body was found in a secluded area near the Trinity River. She had been missing since Thursday after last being seen at Hebron High School in Carrollton. When trying to figure out who would want the teen dead, police wouldn’t have to look far.

Gray was set to testify against 30-year-old Franklin “Wish” Davis, a man for whom she used to babysit, and a man she had accused of raping her. Gray’s family stated that after asking the teen why she refused to babysit Davis’ two children any longer, Gray confided that he had raped her. They went to police and in July 2011 ,Davis was charged with four counts of sexual assault of a child.

But Davis says he is innocent and set out to prove the teen was lying. He created a fake Facebook profile, pretending to be a teenage boy who had a crush on Gray, that he used to gain Gray’s trust and find out what she planned to say in court. …

Argument Over Rent Turns Into Fecal Fracas

September 11, 2012 at 10:16 am by  

Gainesville, FL – Johnny Wade Broestler, 46, was arrested on Saturday after an argument with 60-year-old neighbor Walter Liddell over rent.

Police reports indicate that Broestler entered Liddell’s dwelling as the older man slept and demanded rent money for the landlord.  The two live in separate structures on a single piece of property.  An argument ensued.

Broestler then reportedly picked up a pair of well-soiled underwear, which I presume just happened to be sitting there on the floor from one of Liddell’s previous sharting incidents, and proceeded to rub it in Liddell’s face.

“The underwear was full of poop, and he was trying to wipe it all over me,” Liddell, who offered no explanation for why he had loaded undergarments on his floor, said Monday.

Liddell says that he was able to grab the underwear and give a fecal-facial right back to Broestler.  The fight spilled out into Liddell’s driveway where a neighbor, who likely had no idea what he was getting himself into, broke it up.  Liddell then called the police.…

Virginia Beach, VA – Kevin Bullock doesn’t like it when romantic relationships go awry.  We know this because he was convicted in 1986 for stabbing then-girlfriend Natalie Purdie 30 times with a pair of scissors when she refused to marry him.  She was in the hospital for a month and still suffers from migraines and vision problems and maintains that the attack ruined her life.  He received only four years suspended prison time for that offense, believe it or not.

In 1998, he was convicted of pummeling girlfriend Claudia Lawson-Wilson in her home after finding out that she had gone out with another man.  He received three years of suspended prison time in that case, according to online court records.  WTF, Virginia?

Bullock’s string of luck has ended, thankfully.

On Monday, Circuit Judge Glenn R. Croshaw sentenced Kevin Bullock, 50, to 35 years behind bars for an attack on the same women he beat up in 1998, Claudia Lawson-Wilson.

On December 10, 2010, Lawson-Wilson spotted Bullock when he showed up at her house unannounced. …

Pensacola, FL – Have you watched A&E’s Storage Wars? My dad got me hooked on it. Dave Hester (“YEP!”), Darrell Sheets, the ever-quirky Barry Weiss, and the prickly Jarrod-and-Brandi duo go head-to-head in auctions of the contents of abandoned storage units.

There’s already a spin-off titled Storage Wars: Texas, and there may wind up being a New York version as well…however, no Storage Wars-related filming has been reported in Florida…which is either really good news or a total  shame based on what was found in a Pensacola storage unit last month: over 100 containers containing various human organs. YEP!

On Friday, 57-year-old Dr. Michael Berkland, a former assistant medical examiner, was arrested and charged with  improper storage of hazardous waste, nuisance injurious to public health, and driving with a suspended license. (Check out the mug–can’t you hear the sad trombone “wah wah wah” tones?)

About three years ago, Berkland rented the storage unit, claiming its contents consisted of stuff like furniture and sporting and household goods…you know, normal junk many of us accumulate and just can’t seem to let go of.…

Dallas, TX – Larry Dunn Jr., 36, was arrested Thursday on murder charges after he allegedly stabbed his girlfriend, 28-year-old Cicely Bolden, to death immediately following her admission to him that she was HIV positive.

The two had just recently started dating and had apparently met up at her apartment for some “afternoon delight” or some such nonsense.  After they’d done the whole penis-in-vagina thing, she reportedly told him that her HIV status was the opposite of what one might hope.  Dunn was so incensed at the news that he says he went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed Bolden to death in the bedroom, leaving her to be found by her 7 and 8-year-old children upon their return home from school at 3:30.

“The kids came home around 3:30 p.m. Thursday, and when they walked inside the house, they came out crying,” neighbor Latoya Arnett said. “I ran out to see what was wrong with them. They were saying, ‘Something’s wrong with mama!'”

Family members led police to Dunn, who had been seen at the apartment earlier that day.…

New Dehli, India – Customs authorities in India arrested a man attempting to board a commercial airline flight with an endangered monkey in his underpants. I am presuming that the term ‘endangered’ is a reference to the status of the entire species of monkey.

Hamad Al-Dhaheri, old enough to know better, was arrested after arriving from Bangkok en route to Dubai on Jet Airways.

“Security personnel found the monkey in his underwear while frisking the transit passengers,” a customs official said. It is believed that this discovery was made after customs officials rejected Al-Dhaeris’ initial claim that he was merely ‘happy to see them.’

The monkey is a 17-centimetre loris – a type of monkey native to India and southeast Asia. It was reported that some believe the monkey to possess aphrodisiac qualities when eaten. The monkeys’ effect as a suppository is not known.

A second loris was discovered in a garbage bin at the Indira Gandhi International airport. It is believed to have been abandoned because it was not being ‘a good traveler.’ Both monkeys were turned over to an animal welfare organization.…

Lake of the Ozarks, MO — Police have given a man another citation after video of a boating accident went viral.

The incident happened on August 24th during the Poker Run boat race on the Lake of the Ozarks and was captured by a Lake TV photographer. In the video you can see as the driver of a Fountain powerboat as he plows through a wake. The resulting collision causes the driver to plank at the speed of light, and his passengers to be violently tossed from side to side inside of the boat’s interior.

The driver, Marvin Carter, and four of his passengers were taken to area hospitals for moderate injuries. The two women seen in the video, a mother and daughter (rawr), declined treatment at the scene. One of the passengers suffered a broken leg, broken wrist and ruptured disc in his back.

Carter was initially cited with careless and imprudent operation, but after the video was posted to Youtube and went viral, police have cited Carter with a seating violation as well.…

Klamath, CA – Two years ago we reported on Jarrod Wyatt, a mixed-martial artist who was accused of ripping out his friend’s heart after the two ingested some hallucinogenic mushroom tea. Last Thursday, Wyatt pleaded guilty to murder and mayhem charges.

Back in March 2010, a then 26-year-old Wyatt and his sparring partner, 21-year-old Taylor Powell, were drinking tea brewed with hallucinogenic mushrooms. People who were at the home at the time stated Wyatt began mumbling about a coming tidal wave and the end of the world before he started fighting with Powell. When Wyatt and Powell were left alone in the home, Wyatt became convinced Powell was the devil.

When one of their friends showed up at the home later, he saw Wyatt on the couch next to his Powell’s mutilated corpse. Wyatt had removed most of Powell’s face, including his tongue, and had cut out his heart while the man was still alive. According to the probable cause statement, a large incision in the chest could be seen, and other unspecified body parts had been removed.…

Reno, NV – Jeff Fleming, 53, reportedly shot a golfer who had just shattered a window his home with an errant shot.

Fleming lives beside the 16th hole of the Lakeridge Golf Course.  You’d think that one who had decided to live adjacent to a golf course would be somewhat accepting of the fact that balls occasionally go astray and break things.  While that may be true, Fleming allegedly got upset enough about a broken window in his home that he responded to the responsible golfer with a loaded shotgun, rendering non-life-threatening injuries to his legs and one arm.

The suspect’s neighbors told investigators that it was a “common, everyday deal” for stray golf balls to hit their homes, police Lt. Keith Brown said.

Every dude has his breaking point though, right?  Fleming seemingly met up with his on Friday afternoon.

Apparently, the golfer hadn’t realized that he’d broken a window and was merely searching for his ball when he encountered a shotgun-toting Fleming, who reportedly opted to shoot first and argue later, according to Lt.…

SAN DIEGO – At a bit after 5:00 p.m. on Friday, a woman walking down an alley near the Park View Apartments complex probably had the contents of her nightmares altered forever: she spotted something odd on the ground, and when she moved closer, she realized it was an infant.

It appeared that the little boy had fallen from one of the complex’s windows. She immediately called authorities, who discovered, upon arriving, that the child was severely injured. (Odd how falls from a significant height seem to affect infants that way.) Medics performed CPR and transported the boy to the hospital, but the little guy didn’t make it to 6:00 p.m.

Currently, there are more questions than answers on this case, but let me share what we do seem to know: (1) The infant’s injuries were caused by a fall from a 3rd-story window. (2) The police initially detained the boy’s 33-year-old mother for questioning but have since arrested her and are now investigating the death as a homicide; they indicate she will be charged with first-degree murder. …