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In The Mean Time...

Athens, GA — I normally wouldn’t post a shoplifting story, but because this woman has a fantabulous mugshot and a “shopping list” to die for, I figured I’d give it a go.

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.

According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.

When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.

Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…

Dupont, PA – Tiffany Ann Horner, 33, was arraigned on Thursday at Wilkes-Barre Central Court on charges that she attempted to disarm a police officer who was investigating a disturbance outside Bobby O’s restaurant on May 11th.

Police arrived at her residence following a call to police about the unusual goings-on at the aforementioned restaurant.  No word on what that disturbance was, but I’m betting it was something good based solely on subsequent acts performed by the inimitable Ms. Horner.

When police arrived, they say she immediately began taunting them, which I’ve found is always the best way to ensure that everything is going to work out a-okay.  The verbal taunting wasn’t enough for Ms. Horner, apparently, because she then reportedly proceeded to strip completely naked and drop a growler right on the floor.  I’m guessing the officers were kind of okay with all this, but Ms. Horner’s a firecracker, people, and she crossed the line by allegedly attempting to throw her bakery-fresh fecal matter at them.  Personally, I think she’s probably a nice girl with a slightly unhealthy GG Allin obsession; or maybe she’s just in touch with her inner German.…

Everett, WA — An unidentified woman of unknown age was arrested last weekend after apparently losing what was left of her mind and attacking police outside of a Seattle bar. No, that’s not what earned her a spot here at the Demon, sillies. The fact that she was half-nekkid and sportin’ duct taped boobies is what did it.

According to authorities, the woman was hanging out at a bar Saturday evening, when she started strippin’ off her clothes and placing strips of hot pink duct tape on her upper body. This didn’t go over very well with the bartender, ’cause he ordered her out of the establishment. Silly bartender! Crazy bitches don’t like being ordered around!

Police say the woman grabbed hold of the bartender’s apparently flimsy arm, causing some sort of injury. After that, the crazy lady reportedly attacked another woman in the bar, clawing and scratching the woman’s face and eyes. (I can only assume the other chick was poking fun at the crazy lady’s well-planned and carefully crafted outfit… sooo, she deserved it).…

Mexico City — Police say that seven people have been arrested after a 5-year-old boy had his eyes gouged out by his own mother during a drug-fueled ritual.

The horrific incident happened during a ritual inside a home in Nezahualcoyotl that involved several of the boys relatives and involved the taking of an unspecified drug. One witness who was there said they had taken the drug and fell unconscious. When they came to, the boy’s eyeballs had already been removed.

Investigators believe the mother removed her son’s eyes with her bare fingers because the boy refused to close them during the ceremony. After realizing what had happened, one of the participants ran out and flagged down a passing police car.

When the officers entered the home they found the mother in shock with her son in her arms.

“Once the woman allowed local police to check the boy, they were astonished to see the boy had no eyeballs,” the government said in a statement.

The boy was rushed to the local hospital in serious condition, but later transported by helicopter to a more specialized facility.…

Everett, WA — The looker to the left is 25-year-old Ambrosia Riche  – she’s been accused of jumping into a random car and gettin’ all kinds of stabby on the dumbfounded driver, leaving him dazed, confused and holey.

According to witnesses, Riche had been seen wandering up and down the street just moments before the bizarre attack, trying to get into several cars. At one point, witnesses say, she jumped on the hood of a passing vehicle but the driver managed to safely “shake her off.”

Along came our victim, Richard Lynn…

Lynn told police he was slowing down at a stop sign when Riche lunged through an open rear window and attacked, stabbing him numerous times in the head, chest and arm.

Lynn was able to scramble out of the vehicle, but Riche was right on his heels, stabbing away.

Poor dude suffered six stab wounds to the back of his head and two to his chest and arm before he was able to disarm the crazy lady. Bystanders rushed to his aid, and Riche was left standing in the intersection, ranting unintelligibly.…

TINLEY PARK, IL – Multiple people were injured and several arrested after a group of militant anti-racists stormed a family restaurant on Saturday, and attacked a group of white supremacists.

The group of 18 attackers, dressed in black and sporting masks, assaulted roughly a dozen alleged white supremacists with steel batons and hammers inside the Ashford House restaurant, causing around $15,000 in damages and sending several people to the hospital.

“The other group marched into the restaurant, all were in hooded sweatshirts,” restaurant owner, Mike Winston, told msnbc.com. “Each had a chair leg, baton or a bat. They came in and went straight to a table of white guys and whoever stood up or got in the way, they got walloped.”

Mayor Ed Zabrocki has reviewed the surveillance footage and says the attack was a real riot.

“The whole thing took about 90 seconds to transpire,” Mayor Ed Zabrocki stated. “You see tables moving into view, food spilling on the floor. You see them marching out and you see some of the waiters taking swings at them.”

The victims in the incident are members of the European Heritage Association, which is linked to the extreme “white pride” organizations White News Now and Stormfront.…

Silverdale, Wa — A Washington state daycare service is in hot, soapy water after one of their daycare workers used a cleaning chemical to clean the face of a 5-year-old boy.

The boys mother, Heidi Dietrich, says that her son Silas Gholston was chemically burned after a teacher’s aide at the Silverdale KinderCare facility scrubbed his face with a dry eraser filled with a cleaning chemical. She was reportedly trying to make Silas more presentable for a class portrait by removing the temporary Chuck E. Cheese tattoos Silas was wearing on his cheek.

It worked pretty well as the tattoo was removed from the boy’s face but replaced with some nasty chemical burns. When Dietrich arrived at the daycare and saw her son’s face, she was outraged.

“He had swollen marks all over his face and there were white pieces where it was like a blister,” said Dietrich.

She also stated that it was apparent the teacher knew they had messed up, but that KinderCare tried to downplay the incident. …

AVALON, PA – There’s really not a whole lot to this story, but it made me giggle, so you get to hear about it.

A Rankin Pennsylvania cop is scheduled for a preliminary hearing today because he allegedly broke into his neighbor’s home to do laundry.

The neighbor called police after noting that his electric bill was unusually high even though he had not actually been living in the home for months. Upon returning to the house to investigate, the man found the dryer running.

Inside the dryer was a load of clothing that included the police uniform of Officer Jason Rocco, as well as his Marine Corps t-shirts.

Investigating officers believe that Rocco broke into the home using the back door, but when questioned, Rocco said that the door was already broken and that he “just had to do some laundry.”

At the close of interview Avalon police say that Rocco requested his clothing back from investigators.

Officer Rocco was charged with trespassing and criminal mischief. He was arraigned on May 19 and was released on his own recognizance.…

Elko, B.C. — An intoxicated man in his 20s is very lucky to be alive after passing out on a railway near Elko, British Columbia, and then being run over by a train.

It was a long weekend here in Canada and this guy was doing what we Canadians do best, drink beer and camp out. The Alberta resident had apparently wandered to the tracks after imbibing heavily. The man’s choice in bedding, however, was ill-advised to say the least.

A Canadian Pacific Railway engineer noticed the man laying between the rails ahead of the train, sounded the whistle, and attempted to stop. But by the time the heavily loaded train was finally came to rest, the locomotive and 26 cars had already passed over the man laying on the tracks.

Expecting to find a gory mess, the CP Rail engineers investigated and got an even bigger shock when they found the man still intact — and still sleeping. After one of the engineers grabbed the man’s arm, he woke up.…

NEW BADEN, IL —  Police in Illinois are trying to locate a couple of teenagers accused of  using a skateboard to kill a 6-month-old kitten at a local park.

The owners say the kitten, named Tomale, wandered from their home and ended up a couple blocks away at a city park. Tomale’s owners eventually made their way to the park while searching for the kitten and ran into a group of kids there who informed them Tomale was dead and currently residing in a nearby trash can.

According to the kids, Tomale had been killed after a teen at the park pitched the kitten towards another teen who used a skateboard as a baseball bat. Horrified, they checked inside the trash can and sure enough, there was Tomale — it’s neck broken with blood and foam coming from its mouth.

“It was the hardest thing I had to do was to pull a kitten that we had just gotten for our kids out of a trash can and find out that some kids who were supposed to be up here skating, just doing innocent stuff, could sit there and murder a kitten,” sobbed Kristin Neu.…

Madrid, Spain — A man has been hospitalized after doctors say he suffered a direct hit to his scrotum during a lightning strike while walking down the street in a Madrid suburb.

The 53-year-old man was reportedly walking down a suburban street – aptly named “The Avenue of the Enlightenment” – late Thursday night during a storm when he was hit by a bolt of lighting. Doctors would establish that the bolt struck him through his pants directly in his scrotum before traveling down one of his legs and exiting to the sidewalk through his foot.

The unidentified victim’s son called for an ambulance. At last report, he remains in stable condition at a Madrid hospital. Doctors say that, because the man’s groin took the hit, the lightning did not cause electrical or thermal injury to the victim’s brain or heart – thus saving his life.

A Spanish-language video news report containing a comprehensive medical analysis can be found here. Those of you who are not Spanish speaking should be able to follow along with only knowledge of the phrases “frito cojones” and “iluminado como un árbol de navidad.”…

Ossining, NY – A New York state kung fu grandmaster and retired police officer has been sentenced to 7 years in prison for having young female pupils tug on his genitalia during martial arts lessons. Hiiiiya!

Prosecutors said four girls aged 6 to 11 reported that Frank DeMaria, 68, had them ‘grab, squeeze and pull’ on his genitals during lessons. DeMaria, a retired Westchester County police officer, defended his methods in court – insisting that he was teaching the young girls to “get rid of the modesty” and learn to kick and slap their attackers in the groin. He further insisted his methods were not an excuse to be fondled.

“There is no holding of genitals — it’s a slap,” DeMaria testified. “I was doing it to help them save their lives.”

The jury, possibly confused about the concept of life-saving sexual assault, convicted him of sexual abuse, sexual conduct with children and endangering children. He was subsequently sentenced to seven years in prison. DeMaria will also have to register as a sex offender when released.…

DELTONA, Fla. – The parents of a senior at Deltona High School are outraged after their 17-year-old son had an asthma attack at school and the school nurse would not let him use his inhaler.

Sue Rudi got a call from her son’s school letting her know that her son was having trouble breathing. When she arrived and was taken back to the nurse’s office, they found her son, Michael Rudi, on the floor.

“As soon as we opened up the door, we saw my son collapsing against the wall on the floor of the nurse’s office while she was standing in the window of the locked door looking down at my son, who was in full-blown asthma attack,” Rudi said.

Michael said his inhaler was confiscated on Friday after the school dean found it in his locker. Even though it was still in its original packaging with his name on it and directions for its use, it was taken away because his mother had not signed the proper form for him to have it.…

Seattle, WA — A man has been charged with a felony after he lost his temper with some unruly kids inside a movie theater last month, and allegedly knocked a tooth out of a 10-year-old boy’s head.

The incident happened back in April during a showing of TITANIC 3D at an AMC Theater where 21-year-old Yong Hyun Kim was trying to get laid enjoying Cameron’s classic with his girlfriend. Also in the theater was a 10-year-old boy and his mother, along with several of the boy’s friends.

The group of kids were reportedly being obnoxious during the showing, talking loudly during the movie and throwing popcorn — some of which landed on Kim. According to Kim’s statement to police, he confronted the group only to have them laugh at him and then continued to be obnoxious pricks.

Reaching his last straw, Kim reportedly stepped over a row of seats and confronted the 10-year-old and his friends again.

“You know what, I paid a lot of money to see this movie,” Kim allegedly said while still wearing his 3D glasses.…

Brescia, Italy — An Italian man solved his unemployment woes by jumping to his death after chucking his two young children off a sixth-floor balcony.

According to reports, 41-year-old Marco Turrini had lost his job at an advertising company 18-months ago and had been having problems finding employment.

Growing more depressed and despondent over lack of income, he reached a breaking point the other day following an argument with his wife that was heard by neighbors.

That’s when he grabbed their two kids, 14-month-old Benedetta and 4-year-old Samuele, and tossed them off the balcony of their sixth-floor apartment. After unsuccessfully trying to push his wife through a window, Turrini jumped to his death.

Turrini died instantly, but his daughter and son survived the landing, only to die later at the hospital.

Turrini had no history of violence, nor did he have a criminal record, but friends and family say he feared losing his wife and his home as his financial crisis worsened. Adding to all of this, Turrini’s father committed suicide last year by hanging himself.…

WINDSOR, Va — Police in Virginia have arrested four adults after a 15-year-old girl was tied to a tree then assaulted with eggs and beer. I always thought this was how people in Virginia took their weekly bath, but was surprised to find out that even in Virginia, this is illegal.

The incident happened back in April at the Big Bear Campground but Social Services, accompanied by police, went to interview the family after someone called to report the incident.

The teen was at the home when they arrived and learned that she had been tied to a tree with ratchet straps and had been assaulted with eggs and beer by her own family and neighbors.

According to a criminal complaint, 47-year-old Randel L. Miller put eggs in the girl’s shirt and shoved her against the tree, cracking the eggs. 48-year-old Loretta L. Miller poured two bottles of beer over the teen. The Millers are the teen’s legal guardians.

One of the Miller’s neighbors, 46-year-old Margaret J. Allen, admitted to spraying the teen in the face with a hose.…

Memphis, TN — Sometimes, as in this case, I post an article simply because of one line in the original article that I can’t help but find hilarious. Unfortunately, this article is regarding a fairly violent domestic assault out of Memphis.

Police say 30-year-old Angelus Gwynn and his girlfriend, 34-year-old Lakisha Cash, got into an argument over a car that led to Gwynn wrapping a tow chain around Cash’s neck and choking her until she passed out.

One neighbor who lives two doors down heard what happened when she got home,”They said she was literally on the ground. We had kids all out here and they thought she was dead. She was laying in the middle of the ground. They thought she was dead.”

Another neighbor who witnessed the events told police that, and here is the line I mentioned earlier, while Cash lay unconscious on the ground, Gwynn bounced a basketball off her head while he drank a beer.

Trust me when I say I do not find domestic abuse funny.…

Knoxville, TN – A thirty-three year old man who has had 30 children with 11 different mothers is appealing to the state of Tennessee for a reduction in child-support.

Very often we bring you stories of horrible people doing horrible things. Today instead, I am using this public forum to inform you of a noble man being subjected to systemic injustice. Together we may be able to right this wrong.

Desmond Hatchett, 33, is simply one of us… toiling at a minimum-wage job to make ends meet and provide for his dependents. For Desmond, that means paying child-support to the 11 mothers of his 30 children. Those of you who also have 30 children understand completely how difficult this must be, but the rest of us can still imagine. So hard… From this, it may not be surprising that Desmond has recently gone to court to ask for relief from this financial burden.

The court case offers a window into how a judicial system can bully a man for a situation entirely beyond his control.…