Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Man Arrested For Making Sweet, Sweet Love To Toy Horse At WalmartKonrad Peters Accused Of Throwing Dildos At Young GirlsBoy, 9, Has Arm Ripped Off After Trying To Feed Bear At ZooMan Goes To Hospital After Chewing On Rat's Head Found In Golden Corral ChiliGenoveva Nunez-Figueroa Charged After Getting Stuck In Chimney Of Man She Met OnlineJonnie Boggess Accused Of Having 'Gentle Sexual Intercourse' With PigletMom Gave Kid Away To Heroin User To Live Life Of Normal Teenager Brittany Ruck Accused Of Separating Young Daughter's Scalp From Her SkullTeen With Pre-existing Health Issues Dies Inside Haunted House Attraction

In The Mean Time...

PORTLAND, OR – A 33-year-old man was arrested outside a Toys ‘R’ Us in Oregon after he allegedly assaulted some shoppers with a toy lightsaber before fighting with police in the parking lot.

Someone in the Jantzen Beach Toys R Us called 911 last night to report a man swinging a toy lightsaber at other customers in the store. By time police arrived, the man had already assaulted several people with a lightsaber and was now in the parking lot continuing to act crazy.

Still wielding the blue lightsaber, the man refused to listen to police commands and continued swinging the toy at them while yelling incoherently. One officer used a Taser on the man, but the device didn’t work. A second used his Taser and made contact, but like a boss, the man swung the lightsaber and broke one of the wires free.

Police finally said “f*ck it” and apprehended the man the old fashioned way by tackling him and pinning him to the ground. He was treated by medics at the scene and will face criminal charges after his much needed mental evaluation.…

Montgomery County, TX – Amanda Billiris, 23, was arrested after relatives caught her getting her turkey stuffed by a 15 year-old relative on Thanksgiving. Nice.

If you’re not slinging hot yogurt all over your monitor yet, you’ll be happy-in-the-pants to know that Billiris was a big fan of riding motorcycles. In fact, she apparently suffered a head injury in a 2009 crash that left her in critical condition.

Whether or not her incestuous and sexy adventure has anything to do with her injuries is unknown. What is known, however, is that the thought of her having the mental capacity of a snow cone and a sex drive that couldn’t wait is making me harder than level 6-2 of Ninja Gaiden.

For this little incident, Billiris is facing a sexual assault of a child charge, which is second-degree felony. For this she looking at 2-20 years in girl-jail and possibly a fine of $10,000.

These stories always open up the double-standard debate: some people would pat this kid on the back while others would cry for him.…

Mount Olive, NJ — Vincent Pasquarello, 19, has racked up a myriad of charges after a (hopefully) out-of-the-ordinary night. Police first became interested in Pasquarello after they were called by a diner in response to Pasquarello allegedly using a fake credit card to pay a $17.50 bill for a meal he had shared with his female companion. Police said that the couple told the diner staff that they were going outside to get money from their car – but then drove off.

Staff at the diner reported a description of the vehicle the fled in and reported it to police. A patrol officer saw a car matching the description and pulled it over. Police said that the officer identified the driver as the suspect from the diner. The officer also reportedly noted a “heavy odor of alcoholic beverages” and asked the driver to step out of the vehicle.

Police said that the driver, Pasquarello, shifted the car into drive and quickly accelerated from the scene. The patrol officer attempted to grab Pasquarello from the vehicle as he accelerated and had to free himself as the car drove off, police said.…

GREENVILLE, SC – Holiday shoppers in a South Carolina Walmart were treated to the sight of a man stabbing his screaming wife to death inside the store.

Police say last weekend, 47-year-old Avery Blandin got into a verbal altercation with his wife, 38-year-old Lilia Blandin who worked at the Woodforest bank located inside the Walmart.

The fight soon turned physical, and in front of a herd of Walmart shoppers, Avery pulled out a knife and began stabbing Lilia. One shopper told reporters he witnessed Avery stabbing his wife before stomping on her neck and chest area when she fell to the ground.

Witnesses followed Avery as he fled the store and tried to stop him by tripping him, pushing him and hitting him with a chair. They stopped pursuing him after he pulled out a second knife.

“When he pulled the blade, the second knife, I just, that’s when I let him go because I already seen what he did with the first one, so I wasn’t going to get involved with the next one,” said a very smart Phillip Tallent.…

Another Woman Killed By A Scumbag Elevator

December 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm by  

New York, NY – Less than a week ago we reported on a woman in California who was crushed by the elevator she tried to climb out of when it became stuck between floors. Today, in New York, a woman was killed as she was getting on an elevator.

Officials say the woman was stepping into an elevator on the first floor of a midtown Manhattan office building when it suddenly shot upward. The woman, who was half in the car when it began its sudden ascent, was crushed between the elevator and the shaft wall. Some reports say her foot or leg was caught in the closing doors, while other say the elevator doors remained open the entire time.

Either way, the elevator was not done being a complete dick and became stuck between floors. Two other women in the elevator at the time of the incident were not injured but were taken to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. I’m sure what they went through was traumatic, but pales in comparison to what happened to Karen Steinau.…

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — An 82-year-old Florida man will find out later this month if he will be serving life in prison after being convicted Monday of beating his girlfriend to death with a flashlight battery.

Back in 2010, Alfred Infosino called 911 and said he had just “killed somebody.”  He told the dispatcher that he had beat his girlfriend to death with a flashlight battery and was now drinking ammonia.

When police arrived at his residence, they found 77-year-old Rita Chirel laying naked on the floor of the master bedroom in a pool of blood. Paramedics tried to revive Chirel, but she would die as a result of blunt force injuries and loss of blood.

Police had no record of ever visiting the couple, but neighbors reported that the couple had been arguing lately, Infosino saying he was thinking of moving out and Chirel had dropped him as executor of her estate.

On Monday, Infosino was convicted of second-degree murder and will be back in court later this month where he could be sentenced to life behind bars.…

Teen Arrested After Faking Her Own Abduction

December 14, 2011 at 8:50 am by  

Sacramento, CA – Police in California have arrested a 17-year-old girl after they say she faked her own abduction last week.

Last Thursday, the family of Christina Almanza called police after they found her missing and had a voicemail from the teen stating she had been abducted and was being held hostage by several men. The family then began receiving a series of text messages from Almanza in which she informed them she was in a basement with two other girls, and didn’t know where she was. She also indicated that someone might have been killed.

A statewide Amber Alert was issued and a task force of police, deputies, FBI agents and U.S. Marshals were assembled who began searching for the girl, locating her on Friday afternoon. Police found her in a home of a man she had met online. She was unharmed, but the same cannot be said for the aggressive pit bull police shot when they entered the home.

Police questioned Almanza, the mother of a 2-year-old, who finally cracked and admitted the entire thing was a hoax.…

Magnolia, AR - A Southern Arkansas University rodeo team member is in a bit of trouble after being implicated in the theft of horses kept at the university stables.

According to court documents, five horses and an aluminum trailer were stolen from the SAU stables on November 3. Three of the horses were worth more than $25,000 each. The other two — and the trailer — were worth somewhere between $5,000 and $25,000 each. Jaci Rae Jackson, a student rodeo team member who turned 19 yesterday, has been charged as an accomplice to the crime.

As investigators began working the case, they were reportedly told by one of Jackson’s fellow rodeo students that Jackson had asked her who owned the horses that were later stolen. Court documents described another student saying that Jackson took notes about the locations of the stalls where the stolen horses were housed.

Then, on Nov. 7, an informant reported to authorities that Jackson had asked for help moving the stolen horses. According to the affidavit, Jackson told the informant that her mother’s boyfriend had “screwed it up.”

It is hard to know what, exactly, the mother’s boyfriend ‘screwed up’ but, apparently, it wasn’t the killing of one of the horses.…

Dyer County, TN – The body found near a cemetery on Saturday has been identified as 44-year-old Karen Swift, the mother of four who vanished after a Halloween party on October 30.

Less than a month after filing for divorce from her husband, Swift was last seen at the home she shared with her soon-to-be ex-husband, on October 30 at 1.30am. She had picked up one of her daughters from a sleepover after having attended a Halloween party at a country club.

Her husband, David, says he saw his wife on the stairs when she returned, but could not find her the next morning. David tried calling her cell, but got no answer. Not long after, a neighbor told David that Karen’s car was sitting off the side of a small nearby highway with a flat tire.

By Sunday afternoon, a friend of Karen’s called police to report her missing. They informed her to tell David, who had been calling their older sons and friends, to contact them with the details.…

LOUISVILLE, KY. – Some of you may remember a story I posted last year regarding Carl Berry, a 43-year-old man undergoing cancer treatment who was ruthlessly beaten by some teens outside a Kentucky dollar store.

Berry was taken to the hospital and fell into a coma after having surgery performed on his damaged eye. Berry never regained consciousness and has remained in a vegetative state until this past Friday, when it was reported that he had died.

For those of you unfamiliar with this story, Berry and his girlfriend were at a General Dollar store when Berry, sick from chemotherapy treatments, decided to go wait in the car. Outside in the parking lot, he was beaten senseless by 16-year-old Michac Jones and a 14-year-old. One witness stated Berry called the teens a racial slur, but his fiancee, and other witnesses at the scene, say that wasn’t true.

Whatever the reason, the beating put Berry into the coma he’d been in for the last 18 months. In August of this year, Jones, who’d already been charged with rape and sexual assault in an unrelated case at the time of the incident, pleaded guilty to first degree assault.…

Jefferson, OH — A father-of-four has been charged with giving all four of his children Oxycodone in an attempt to trick a drug test and secure more of the drug.

Police said Lawrence E. Kirk Jr., 30, was required to submit a urine test before his Oxy prescription would be renewed. The urine test needed to show that he was not using illegal drugs. Apparently not believing he would pass the screening, he reportedly devised a plan to provide the urine that needed to be Oxy-tainted – but otherwise clean.

Police said Kirk diluted highly addictive Oxycodone in water and then had his 6, 7, 9 and 10 year old children drink the concoction. He then collected their urine and presented it to a doctor as his own. Lest anyone think that Kirk was off on his own in this endeavor… Kirk’s wife, Sarah, 31, who was also implicated in the scheme, has already pleaded guilty to four counts of endangering children.

According to the arrest affidavit, authorities discovered the scam when the children told a social worker that their parents would feed them crushed blue pills in water.…

FORT WAYNE, Ind. – Police in Indiana found three dead bodies in a home on Saturday after a woman in Washington called police concerned over a Facebook post made by one of her friends.

This past Saturday the woman was on Facebook doing whatever women do on there, like checking out how badly things are going for their high school classmates or playing Castleville, when she saw a disturbing post by Facebook friend Bart Heller, who she talked with occasionally.

“someone call 911. three dead bodies at 3229 lima road fort wayne indiana. I’ve killed ryann, erin, and myself. people were warned not to f*cking play me and ruin me. they didn’t listen. sorry about your luck.”

She contacted police in Fort Wayne and told them about the post while providing them with Heller’s name and listed address. When police arrived at the location, they found a car running in the driveway with no one inside. They busted into the home after looking through a window and seeing the body of a man who wasn’t moving.…

TAMPA, Fla. – Last month I posted about a fight ignited by road rage that ended with one man getting stabbed in the head with an ice pick. On Sunday morning, the man who was stabbed, 20-year-old Wathson Adelson, died from his injuries.

According to police, Adelson and  62-year-old Alcisviades Polanco were driving southbound on Manhattan Avenue when Polanco cut Adelson off in traffic. Adelson responded by driving in front of Polanco and slamming on the brakes at an intersection. The two men got into a physical confrontation in which Polanco allegedly stabbed Adelson in the head with an ice pick he had retrieved from his car.

After his death yesterday, Adelson’s family and friends told reporters they feel the real story of what happened that day has yet to be revealed and are urging anyone who may of saw what happened to come forward.

“Somebody saw something, but they’re sitting and saying nothing. By doing that, they’re letting a young man’s memory go wasted,”  family friend Spencer Scott says.…

First-Grader Baker Acted After Fight At School

December 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm by  

ST. PETERSBURG, FL — A 6-year-old girl was ordered to undergo an involuntary mental evaluation after a fight she was involved in at school.

For those of you unaware of the term, the Baker Act is a common term used for the Florida Mental Health Act of 1971, a statute that allows for the involuntary mental examination of an individual. In this case, a 6-year-old girl.

The girl’s mother, Christina Brinson, told reporters her daughter is just having a tough time adjusting at Fairmount Park Elementary and is dealing with a bully. She says she gave her daughter permission to fight back.

So when her daughter returned to school on Thursday morning, after being suspended for two days because of her behavior at school, she got into a fight with her alleged bully.

This fight reportedly escalated into something more than just a fight, but I cannot find out exactly what happened. Whatever it was, it was enough for a social worker to feel the first-grader was so out of control that she was likely to cause serious bodily harm to herself and others if she did not get treatment.…

Hollywood, CA – LAPD officers were forced to shoot and kill a 26-year-old man from Pennsylvania who went on a shooting rampage on a downtown street in Hollywood this past Friday.

No one knows for sure why 26-year-old Tyler Brehm decided to use his Smith & Wesson handgun to randomly shoot at motorists on Sunset Blvd, but friends and family say he had been stressed out lately and a recent breakup with Alicia Alligood, his hot ass girlfriend, may not have helped his mental state.

The pair had dated for four years and known each other since they were five. His last entry on his Facebook page was made two days before he began shooting at cars, and it was changing his relationship status to being single. The couple had just recently moved out of an apartment and she told reporters that Brehm recently started taking pharmaceutical drugs.

Witnesses say Brehm was walking in the middle of the street screaming that he wanted to die. He shot at a Mercedes-Benz, hitting the driver in the jaw and chest, then walked to Sunset Blvd.…

Newark, NJ — A woman accused of injecting silicone into a man’s penis at a “pumping party” earlier this year has been charged in his death.

Kasia Rivera, 34, was arrested Friday on manslaughter charges and unauthorized practice of medicine in the death of 22-year-old Justin Street.

Street, presumably on a quest for the perfect penis, went to Rivera’s home on May 5, where she allegedly injected his babymaker with silicone…he died the next day. The medical examiner listed the cause of death as silicone embolism as a result of the injection and the death was ruled a homicide.

After a thorough investigation, Rivera was taken into custody and ordered held on $75,000 bail. Police are continuing their investigation and are asking other potential victims to please step forward.

While discussing this story with a friend, I was told of a man who claimed to have injected silicone into his dick on a pretty regular basis. And by regular basis, I mean about six years. I was also told that there was video of this man on the ‘net.…

Sweetwater, FL – Guadalupe Valdes and an unnamed accomplice have been charged with stealing Christmas decorations from a neighbor and them placing them in their own yard less than one block away.

The lawn ornaments were rather distinctive. They included Mickey Mouse on a horse, some hugging penguins, and Snoopy on a dog house. Owner Ingrid Alemendarez reportedly saw her ornaments less than a block away from her home, in the suspects’ front yard. She then called police.

Alemendarez, as it turns out, has a surveillance camera mounted on the front of her house. So, if possession were not enough, the video of the suspects actually stealing the ornaments should be. A news report showing the surveillance footage and the suspects arrest can be seen here.

The women have reportedly been charged with grand theft.…

Florida Hunter Shot After Dog Bumped Into Rifle

December 11, 2011 at 9:53 am by  

Pasco County, FL – A little over a week ago we posted a story about a dog who “accidentally” shot a duck hunter in the ass. Now we have this story out of Florida in which a man riding in a truck with a dog was shot after the excited canine bumped into a loaded gun.

Reports say 78-year-old Billy E. Brown and his hunting partner of 25 years were driving down a bumpy road one-and-a-half miles into the woods when a bulldog named Eli got excited and bumped into a loaded Browning 308. The gun fired and Brown was shot in the right thigh.

Brown was rushed to the hospital where he underwent surgery. As of Saturday he was in critical but stable condition.

I’m starting to suspect that these stories have less to do with careless gun owners and their loaded firearms and more to do with dogs becoming aware of the negative press they receive when they maul someone to death. They’ve simply switched tactics.

Since things always seem to happen in threes, let’s wait and see if  a similar story comes out in the near future that lends my theory any credence.…