Police Confirm 15 Dead After Gunman Opens Fire At Umpqua Community CollegeMax Horton, 91, Accused Of Trying To Kill Landscaper Over Grass ClippingsGloria Drummer Accused Of Stabbing Random Woman In Head WIth Butcher KnifeBoy, 11, Charged With Murder After Shooting 8-year-old Girl Over PuppyChristina Balazi Stabbed Husband Multiple Times After He Said Another Woman's Name During SexAlicia Goemaat Accused Of Kicking Her Boyfriend's 17-month-old Son To DeathBoy, 13, Accused Of Stabbing His Mother To Death Then Going To BedMom Investigated After Making Son Wear Tutu, Paraded Him Inside WalmartMan Accused Of Abusing 4-year-old Autistic Boy, Pulling Out Three Of His TeethMan Banned From Playgrounds After Getting Caught Having Sex With Slide

In The Mean Time...

BARTLESVILLE, OK —  A 24-year-old woman is facing felony charges after she got busted with her pants off, kissing a 15-year-old boy inside a fitness tanning booth.

The teen was at the Colaw Gym with his mother last Thursday night. His mother noticed 24-year-old Betsy Ann Brashear flirting with her son and told her to stop and asked other members there to keep an eye on them as she went to work out.

Later, someone at the gym informed the mother that he just watched her son and Brashear enter one of the tanning booths together. The mother started banging on the booth and her son opened the door. Brashear was also inside the booth and trying to hide, but the boy’s mother dragged her ass out of the booth.

When she noticed that Brashear was naked from the waist down, wearing only a sports bra, so she allowed her to return back inside the tanning booth because there were men watching the entire incident.

When police arrived, Brashear admitted she knew the boy was 15, but that “there was nothing wrong or illegal about giving someone a kiss.” She denied removing any of her clothing.…

Grosse Pointe Park, MI – Robert Bashara, 54, a Detroit-area businessman, was arrested Monday night on solicitation of murder charges for allegedly arranging a hit on Joe Gentz, a man Bashara is suspected of previously hiring to kill his wife, Jane Bashara, 56.

Back in late January, Jane Bashara was found strangled to death in her SUV.  There were few leads in the case until, several days after the murder, Joe Gentz, a man the Basharas had employed as a handyman, confessed to the murder.  He also told police that Mr. Bashara had paid him around $2,000 and a used Cadillac to do the deed.  Gentz’s chosen method of murder clearly demonstrates that he takes his title of “handyman” quite seriously.  Kudos to him for that.

I’ll spare you much of the back-story in the interest of being brief, admittedly not one of my countless fortés.  Suffice it to say that Bashara seems to have difficulty being truthful.  All you have to do is ask his girlfriend, Rachel Gillett, 51, who first believed he was a widower raising a single teenage daughter on his own, then found out he was married but was getting a divorce, then that he was actually divorced. …

TOLLESON, AZ — Police have charged 48-year-old Edgardo Luis Claudio-Marrero with murder after they say he beat his estranged wife to death with a toilet tank lid.

Police were called to Claudio-Marrero’s home after his estranged wife’s current boyfriend, Larry Turner, called them with concerns for her safety. He told them that Sreymon Claudio had dropped him off at a nearby fast-food restaurant so that she could go to her husband’s house and confront him about some jewelry of hers he had pawned. She went alone because she did not want her husband to know of her relationship with Turner.

Turner grew increasingly concerned when Claudio had not returned a few hours later, so he took a cab to Claudio-Marrero’s home. He waited in the cab for 45-minutes, calling police after watching Claudio-Marrero walk out of the home, search for something in his vehicle, and then go back inside.

When police arrived, it took Claudio-Marrero fifteen minutes to come out. When he did, police observed his hands had fresh cuts and were bleeding.…

Here, Now — I’m back with another great Kindle read for under $5. I promised that I would write these things up within hours of reading a book, but I am already four books behind.

Anyway, THE LION, THE LAMB, THE HUNTED is a crime thriller by Andrew E. Kaufman that came highly recommended and hit the #1 spot on Amazon’s Psychological thriller and Mystery & thriller lists.

Here’s the Goodreads synopsis where the book is sitting at a 3.74 with 844 ratings:

“She only step outside for a minuteBut a minute was all it took to turn Jean Kingsley’s world upside down–a minute she’d regret for the rest of her life. Because when she returned, she found an open bedroom window and her three-year-old son, Nathan, gone. The boy would never be seen again. A tip leads detectives to the killer, a repeat sex offender, and inside his apartment, a gruesome discovery. A slam-dunk trial sends him off to death row, then several years later, to the electric chair. 

Orlando, FL –   Yeah, we knew that was coming.  Defense attorney Jose Baez has written a new book, Presumed Guilty: Casey Anthony: The Inside Story, in which he posits that (surprise!) Casey Anthony is a nutjob. Can I get a “well, DUH,” up in here?

In case you’ve been living in an Amish family (or a cave), Casey Anthony is the mother of Caylee Marie Anthony, the adorable toddler who was reported missing on July 15, 2008. Caylee had actually been missing since June 9 of the same year, and was found dead several months later, duct tape wrapped around her skull, a creepy heart sticker over what remained of her mouth.

Casey was charged and acquitted of first-degree murder in one of the great travesties and tragedies of the Florida judicial system last year. The case broke our servers and doubled our membership, and there may have been a pizza incident that landed us on Fox News, so, y’know, it’s close to my heart.

Now, Casey’s defense attorney is just gonna keep on defending his client, yammering on about how no sane person does the things that Casey did.…

Holiday, FL – Holiday sounds like a nice place to cool your heels, knock back a few cocktails, and take a dip in the pool when the sun’s benevolent rays become a tad too intense.  But this is Florida, and sometimes it rains…hard…and you can name your town whatever the hell you want, but we all know that crazy doesn’t take holidays in the Sunshine State.  Enter Larry Norman Hill, 57, the studious-looking individual pictured to the left.

On Sunday, a pizza delivery woman left her 1999 Pontiac Grand Am where it had stalled in rising floodwaters caused by a fairly vicious storm.  That night, neighbors witnessed a completely naked Hill beating the piss out it with what is believed to be a golf club; a gold driver, specifically.  He allegedly knocked the side-view mirror off, caved in the roof, ripped a headlight out and, for his pièce de résistance, opened a door and let the water come pouring into the interior.

One neighbor yelled at Hill, telling him to stop and asking him how he would like it if someone did that to his car, to which he responded that he had laid claim to it and that it was now his.…

Roxborough, PA – Geraldine Cherry, a 50-year-old blind woman, has been arrested on murder charges after a funeral director discovered Chex Party Mix, a lotion bottle, a piece of a diaper, a candy wrapper and 10 inches of rope in the throat of her deceased elderly roommate, 70-year-old Kathleen McEwan.  The kitchen sink has yet to be located.

McEwan was found on her back in her bed on June 10th.  She was unresponsive and pronounced dead, presumably of natural causes.

The manner of death almost went unnoticed until Ms. McEwan’s body was being embalmed.  It was at that point that Brian Hurst, a staffer with John J. Bryers Funeral Home in Willow Grove, noticed that her tongue was sticking out a bit.  When he attempted to push it back in because, you know, you can’t have the old broad’s tongue sticking out when people are trying to be all serious about mourning and stuff, a piece of rope popped out from her throat.

He immediately called the Philadelphia Medical Examiner’s Office to relay this tidbit, but the a-holes wouldn’t believe him until he’d texted a picture to them. …

CITRUS HEIGHTS, CA — A man has been charged with attempted murder after he tried to strangle his 3-month-old baby to death in a Walmart parking lot.

Daniel Graf, 32, was at the Walmart on Friday night to meet his estranged wife and visit his daughter. The couple eventually got into an argument over custody arrangements that led to Graf’s wife calling police.

Graf got angry with the responding officer and began walking away with his daughter. Graf then threatened to kill the baby and began strangling her. Realizing the infant was in danger, the officer decided to show Graf the proper way to choke the life out of someone by placing him in a carotid restraint control hold.

“It’s a tactic where the officer applies pressure to both sides of the carotid artery on the neck that will render and individual briefly unconscious,” said Jon Kempf from Citrus Heights Police.

What Kempf is trying to say is that the officer placed Graf in the Sleeper hold, an effective choke-hold I liked to employ on my ex-wife during sex, and before her lawyers got involved.…

BURLINGTON, Vt. – A woman is dead after she purchased $5 worth of gas at a Vermont gas station, then used it to set herself on fire.

According to a clerk at the Champlain Farms Shell gas station, the woman came into the store and prepaid for the gas. She also placed her I.D. on the counter and said she didn’t need it any longer. When she went back out to the pumps where her gold Subaru Forester was sitting, the store employees watched as the woman removed the hose from the gas pump and began dousing herself with gasoline.

Probably because women do this all the time, the store manager immediately shut off the pump from inside the store. But the employees quickly realized this wasn’t another case of a woman not knowing how to put the doohickey into the whatchamacallit when the woman struck a match and set herself on fire.

The store manager and some customers ran out and tried to put the woman out with fire extinguishers, but the woman had already achieved her goal of self-immolation.…

Waco, TX — Seems like whenever there is a story about some drug-addled moron eating anything alive, the news affiliates throw in the word “zombie” in an attempt to ride out that Miami Zombie Train. A story out of Texas is no different where a man, allegedly under the effects of K-2, attacked some people before beating a dog to death and then eating on the dog’s corpse.

Police say they received a call from someone reporting a man “going crazy.” The man going crazy was 22-year-old Michael Terron Daniel and he was reportedly suffering a bad trip from ingesting K-2, the synthetic drug idiots take because they can’t find weed.

Witnesses say that after attacking several people at the home, telling them that the K-2 was killing him, he ran into the yard and started chasing a neighbor on his hands and knees while barking like a dog. Daniel then grabbed a medium-sized black dog and brought it onto the front porch where he beat and strangled the animal before he “began to bite into the dog, ripping pieces of flesh away,” Waco police Sgt.…

Starke, FL – Doyce Dean Griffis, 49, was sentenced to 17-1/2 years in prison plus 10 years probation on charges stemming from his illicit videotaping of women getting into and out of a tanning bed he kept in a barn on his property.

Doyce, a stupid-looking man with a retarded name, and a depraved hobby, pleaded guilty in February to five counts of producing child pornography.  Since the 90’s, he’s been renting out a tanning bed to area females for $2.50 per session.  What his customers didn’t realize, though there had been rumors floating around town, is that he had a two-way mirror and video recording equipment in the room the women used to undress.  He also had a camera at the foot of the tanning bed, presumably to capture some high-quality crotch-shots.

Though the charges are related to child pornography, it doesn’t appear that Griffis was specifically targeting the 20 or so underage members of clientele.  That said, he wasn’t deleting those particular videos either, and the 103 videos and 45 images of child pornography on his laptop tell a creepy tale of how his preferences likely run. …

BELLEFONTE, Pa. – I’ve pretty much stayed away from the Jerry Sandusky updates because he’s everywhere already and there really wasn’t much more we could add. But some news outlets are reporting today that while he was being housed in Centre County Correctional Facility awaiting his trial, the inmates there would taunt him by singing songs to him.

As everyone knows by now, the 68-year-old tickle monster was once the assistant football coach for Penn State. He was charged with raping young boys over a 15 years period, seemingly unhindered, and possibly after once being caught with his dick in the proverbial cookie jar. His trial wrapped up the other day and the jury found him guilty of 45 of the 48 charges against him.

Sandusky is now back in Centre County Correctional Facility waiting to be sentenced and an inmate there says the last time Sandusky was visiting, the inmates taunted him by singing Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall.

“At night, we were singing ‘Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone,’ ” an inmate named “Josh” said.…

Irvine, CA – Kent and Jill Easter, both 38, were arrested last week on suspicion that they planted drugs in the car of Kelli Peters, a school volunteer the Easters believed had “not properly” supervised their son back in 2010.  Jill, not looking the least bit crazy nor surgically altered, is pictured to the left.

The Easters, both lawyers, face felony charges of conspiracy to procure false arrest, false imprisonment, and conspiracy to falsely report a crime, charges that could bring three years in prison if they are convicted.  They have since posted bail of $20,000 and are scheduled to be arraigned on July 17th.

The saga begins in 2010, when the Easters’ son was taking an after-school tennis class that Peters was apparently supervising.  The child was left outside alone for approximately 19 minutes until a tennis instructor noticed the boy crying and came to his rescue.  When Jill Easter questioned Peters about why the child was locked outside, she said that he “takes too long to line up with the other children after class and it is too hard to wait for him.”  Not exactly an apologetic response, I have to admit, but I have a feeling we may not be getting the full story on how much of a pain in the nuts this kid might have been.…

Clearwater, FL – Eric Antunes, 29, was arrested on May 1st after police received an anonymous tip that he had been hoarding child porn on his computer.  However, when police arrived to investigate, they took a look at his cell phone and reportedly stumbled upon pictures of his girlfriend’s three-legged pitbull-mix giving his junk a thorough tongue-bath.

As it so happens, I’ve always maintained that pitbulls were the sluttiest of all breeds, and now I feel completely justified in having spread that knowledge to countless Twitter readers.

Kniption covered this story back on May 3rd, but I didn’t realize that until after I’d already written it up.  No problem here though.  There have been some interesting developments that doggy-diddlers may find germane.

Antunes is probably also well aware of the harlotry of pitbulls since his girlfriend, Katerina Williamson, was the Medical Director of the Pinellas County Humane Society where our hero has worked as a contract employee.  Ms. Williamson resigned after Antunes’s arrest, though there seems to be no evidence that she was aware of her boyfriend’s extracurricular activities.…

MAINE TOWNSHIP, Ill. — Reports are that last week an 18-month-old girl in Illinois lost a fingertip to the family’s pet piranha.

The girl’s mother said she heard her daughter crying and found her with a bleeding finger that was missing the tip. At first she thought the family’s pit bull may have been the culprit, because you know, it’s a pit bull.She would learn this was not the case after 911 was called and the girl was rushed to the hospital.

The doctor who examined the girl said her injury could not have come from the 65-pound dog, but the culprit could have been one of the two piranhas swimming in a tank near where the girl had been playing. Authorities called the girl’s father, who was still at home, and informed them of their suspicions.

Without hesitation, the father plunged his hand in the tank, snagged one of the fish and cut it open. There, inside the piranha, was his daughter’s missing fingertip. The upset father delivered the piece to the doctors, who attempted to re-attach it to his daughter.…

Phoenix, AZ — A 14-year-old boy stopped a wannabe burglar in his tracks, critically injuring the man as he brandished a gun at the teen and his three siblings Friday afternoon.

According to police, the boy and his siblings, ages 8, 10 and 12, were home alone when a strange woman rang the doorbell that afternoon. The teen later told police he didn’t answer the door because he didn’t recognize the woman.

A short time later, the teen heard someone banging on the door. He gathered his siblings and rushed them upstairs, stopping to retrieve a handgun from his parent’s bedroom.

As the boy stood at the top of the stairs, he saw a man break through the front door and aim a gun at him. Before the intruder could get a shot off the kid fired, effectively altering the intruder’s plans.

Police say the unidentified 37-year-old man was transported to the hospital in extremely critical condition. He has since been upgraded to critical condition and is expected to survive.…

DELTONA, Fla. — I’ll be honest. I’m only posting this story because of the mugshot. The details surrounding the moments before it was taken do not stray far from you average “drunken idiot resisting arrest” story we are all familiar with.

Police say they found the man pictured, 29-year-old Kelsey Smith, sitting inside a running Audi that was parked at an intersection. Officers noticed the smell of alcohol, Smith’s slurred speech and sporting eyes that resembled a pair of freshly f*cked assholes.

They ordered Smith out of the vehicle to participate in some field sobriety tests, but he refused and was Tased in the leg.

“The Taser cycle was basically ineffective, and Smith continued resisting,” the police report said.

When police tried to put handcuffs on Smith, he became physically combative and was Tased a second time. Finally secured, Smith repeatedly banged his head and face on the roof of the police car, causing his nose to bleed. Smith continued being combative and started spitting blood at the officers, so a hobble was placed on his legs and a spit hood over his face.…

Fort Smith, AR — Earlier I posted about a butt tickling, vagina grabbing karate instructor and now I have a story about a professional clown who got busted with a collection of child porn.

That creepy looking clown you see to your left is Sondance the Clown, otherwise known as 47-year-old Thomas Morgan. He got himself arrested after police searched his home and found child pornography on his computer.

Police obtained the search warrant after noticing someone using his Internet service provider account to download copious amounts of the stuff via a file-sharing program. Police say the amount of child porn they found on this clown’s computer was quite substantial.

“There was enough material on there that it would take them at least two or three weeks to go through all of it so there’s a lot of images,” said Cpl. Steven Dooly with Fort Smith Police.

Over on the Sondance the Clown website, Morgan states that he has spent 20 years perfecting his craft and is trained to work with children.…