In The Mean Time...
St. Petersburg, FL – Your daily dose of “totally batshit crazy” comes to you courtesy of Danielle Harkins, 35, a literacy teacher at Lealman and Asian Neighborhood Family Center, and yet-to-be-certified loon. Harkins gathered a group of seven teens, all of Asian descent and former students of hers, to an area near a pier in St. Pete just before dusk on Saturday.
She allegedly built a small fire and informed the group that they needed to release their demons by cutting themselves. They were then told that they were required to burn the wounds to prevent said demons from returning. What’s ridiculous about this is that she believes demons can only exit the body through a wound. Personally, I release mine wound-free and daily in the bathroom, usually after my morning coffee. But then, maybe that’s why they’re always returning. Pesky demons. I’m new to bizarre religious zealotry, so that might explain my gross ignorance on the topic.
“Obviously, it’s very strange,” said St. Petersburg police spokesman Mike Puetz. “The motivations for the ritual are very unknown to us.” Previously, I was under the impression that motivations were either simply “known” or “unknown,” but Mr.…
MESA, AZ — A woman in Arizona has been accused of stabbing her husband in the back after the couple got into an argument over one of those dumbass Cosmo quizzes.
Noelle Clough, 23, called police on Monday saying that her husband was cut in the back and needed stitches. According to the police report, while she was on the phone she said her husband was choking her so she stabbed him.
When police arrived they found Clough’s husband suffering from a stab wound to the back. When police approached Clough, she informed them that she was a monster and asked to be shot and locked up forever. She told the responding officers that she and her husband had been drinking for a while when they began arguing over a Cosmo quiz and ex-lovers.
She said that the argument became more heated and that her husband threw two knives on the kitchen floor and instructed her to stab him. As he was walking away, she says she meant to cut her husband with a 4-inch blade paring knife, but accidentally stabbed him instead.…
Prosecutors say that 84-year-old Frank Shull let his son, 56-year-old Byron Shull, and his son’s girlfriend, move into his home because Byron was a jobless, recovering alcoholic with nowhere to live.
But instead of being thankful for the help he was receiving from his father, Byron got upset that he had to abide by the rules his father instated while living under his roof. Completely asinine rules like no drinking or smoking the house. So Byron decided to get a little revenge.
“Traditionally the father drinks milk with each meal. When he got his glass of milk that morning, Byron had put at least one bottle of Visine into the milk,” said Cuyahoga County Assistant Prosecutor Andy Nichol.
Byron claims it was meant as a harmless prank, because poisoning your elderly father is hilarious.…
Ottawa, Canada – Two 15-year-old girls who were arrested on Friday and Saturday are facing charges that include human trafficking, robbery, abduction, forcible confinement, and sexual assault after police launched a sting into what was believed to be a prostitution ring.
The two girls were allegedly running the operation, whose victims ranged in age from 13 to 17, with another girl, aged 17. The 17-year-old is yet to be located. One of the accused is also facing charges for delivering a noxious substance.
Police are reporting that the victims were taken to an apartment complex “for social reasons,” but were then transported against their will to various locations to meet with adults for sex. The accused cannot be named under the Youth Criminal Justice Act.
“When you think of human trafficking and the stereotypes that go with it, right or wrong, you don’t think of three young-offender girls,” Staff Sgt. John McGetrick told CTV Ottawa. “It’s shocking for our team. They’ve never seen anything like this.”
He also said that he does not believe the teens were acting on behalf of an adult, but that they were engaging in their activities on their own initiative.…
Montreal, CA — A Montreal area teacher has been suspended with pay after showing the infamous 1 Lunatic, 1 Ice Pick video.
The video, which allegedly shows the murder of Jun Lin, is probably not part of the approved curriculum for high-school students, but one unnamed teacher is obviously a real free spirit. To his credit, he did ask for a show of hands before showing the video, so that makes it okay, right?
The video, which was circulated on the Internet before the murder of Lin was discovered, shows the killer stabbing and dismembering the body of Jun Lin, a Chinese exchange student, and then proceeding to sexually violate and cannibalize the corpse.
Parents and administrators are understandably outraged that the teacher felt this was appropriate for high-school students. The Commission Scolaire Marguerite-Bourgeoys (the school board responsible for the area) released a statement on Wednesday stating, “we condemn with one voice the actions of the teacher who showed students a video whose content was as inappropriate as it was offensive,” and assured the media that “the incident is being taken very seriously.”
Quebec Education Minister Michelle Courchesne stated “It displays a total lack of judgement” on behalf of the teacher and called the incident “frightening.” The teacher has since apologized to the school via email. …
Orlando, FL – Larchmont, New York’s own John Oldham, 68, was arrested and charged on Monday with two counts of lewd or lascivious exhibition after allegedly exposing himself to two girls, aged 7 and 9, at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge swimming pool. Public records show Oldham runs TargetVision Entertainment, an independent TV program distributor/media production company.
Oldham reportedly was targeting young girls who were wearing goggles and could presumably see clearly underwater. The 9-year-old victim says that she was swimming when she almost bumped into Oldham. She said that the man had his swim trunks hiked up to his waist on one side, exposing what she describes as something resembling…wait for it…a “dog chew toy.”
Upon further investigation, she identified it as his “private,” and later described it to investigators as “disgusting.” I’m inclined to believe her, even though kids are known to be compulsive liars, often citing me as a “nanny-nanny-poopie-pants,” which I am absolutely not. After the incident, the girl told her father about what had happened.
Around the same time, Oldham reportedly targeted a 7-year-old victim, who also claims to have had the distinct displeasure of glimpsing his junk. …
Grove City, OH — Police received a call from a 13-year-old boy on Sunday morning, telling the dispatcher that his father had just stabbed his mother to death and had instructed him to call 911.
“My dad just killed my mom. He just told me to call you guys,” the boy can be heard telling a 911 dispatcher. “He just ran outside and killed my mom and she’s laying in the grass in front of the apartment.”
The boy’s father, 38-year-old Jeremy Roberts, allegedly chased his ex-wife, Candice Roberts, outside his apartment and stabbed her to death in front of their children. She was there that morning to pick up her kids.
Eventually Roberts gets on the line and tells the dispatcher his wife is under a blanket and that the weapon he used was outside by her body. When the dispatcher asks about what he did, Roberts calmly tells her they will see when they show up.
For the rest of the five-minute 911 call, Roberts can be heard telling his children that they have a big sister who will take care of them.…
San Diego, CA – Border Patrol officers Gerald Torello, 35, and Kallie Helwig, 24, allegedly crossed the line at a Cirque Du Soleil show in San Diego on March 27th when Helwig was reportedly spotted by other audience members performing oral sex on Torello.
It all supposedly started when a witness, who opted not to be named, saw the two kissing intimately while Torello groped Helwig’s breasts, but the sexy shenanigans didn’t end there, as Helwig reportedly took the PDA to the next logical level, unzipping Torello’s pants and placing his engorged member into her expectant, wanton oral cavity; my own word choice, thank you in advance.
Audience members who witnessed the monumental event say they asked the two to stop, to no avail. And Torello, who was allegedly drunk, reportedly high-fived a young boy mid-gobble when the boy turned to see what all the commotion was about. The two apparently didn’t stop until an usher approached them, at which point I’d imagine Torello was entertaining the thought of finishing it himself, if only to stave off the wicked testicular ache to which only a fellow ball-owner can attest.…
BOYNTON BEACH, FL – We have had a couple stories this week detailing someone setting someone else on fire–one in Alaska another in Ohio–and now we have another out of Florida. The difference with this one is that it was all caught on video.
A woman was meeting 54-year-old Roosevelt Mondesir at a gas station so that they could exchange their 4-year-old son. The two are not married, but do share custody of their son. But when Mondesir arrives in his white Jaguar, he does not have their son with him. He does have some gasoline, however, and proceeds to pour it on the woman and her vehicle as she tries to leave.
The gas station surveillance cameras captures this, as well as the 34-year-old woman’s futile attempts to get away from Mondesir and try to find help inside the convenience store. She doesn’t find any and the relentless Mondesir is able to set her on fire. Video footage captures the horrific image of the woman on fire as she first tries to enter the store for help, and then as she runs around the parking lot trying to put out the flames.…
Here, Now — Ok, got another book for you. In preparation for our reviews rebirth, I went on Amazon and bought a few popular books for my Kindle in the thriller genre. TRIAL JUNKIES, a legalish crime thriller by Robert Gregory Browne, was high on the bestsellers list and my first pick.
Here’s the Goodreads synopsis:
“Ethan “Hutch” Hutchinson hasn’t seen his old college pals in nearly ten years. Now fate has brought them together again as one of the gang is put on trial for a brutal, senseless murder. The Chicago police and prosecutor think they have their perp, but Hutch isn’t about to sit silently in a courtroom as someone he cares about is wrongfully convicted. When Hutch and his friends join forces to search for the real killer, what they find shatters every notion they have about friendship, loss and redemption, and may very well cost Hutch—and the woman he loves—their lives.”
Sounded decent, the reviews were good and the price was cheap. Three criteria I look for when trying out prostitutes or books from authors I have never been exposed to.…
Peoria, AZ – Three men, Eduardo Mercado (pictured), Rueben Diaz, and Julian Tamayo, aged 20, 21, and 26, respectively, were reportedly up to no good on Saturday, stealing two paddle boats owned by Maricopa Water District while high on crystal meth. The incident occurred on a small pond just south of Lake Pleasant.
According to police, the three men tied the two boats together and paddled out onto the pond. However, Mercado is believed to have become frustrated with Diaz, who was paddling in the opposite direction of his acquaintances.
It was at that point that Mercado allegedly did what any clear-thinking individual would do in such a situation, pushing Diaz into the water, preventing him from re-boarding, jumping in himself, and holding Diaz’s head under the water’s surface until he was good and dead, causing his lifeless body to sink to the bottom.
Tamayo apparently remained in his boat the entire time, agreeing with me that Diaz’s punishment was a fitting one. Police say witnesses at a nearby facility saw the men in the water and called police. …
Charleston, WV – 24-year-old Carissa Hads, of Quincy, Massachusetts, was arrested on May 24th, charged with coercion or enticement of a minor, after allegedly tricking a 15-year-old West Virginia girl into believing she was a 17-year-old boy named James Puryear Wilson.
This is going to be a pronoun-induced nightmare for me, so I’m begging you to bear with me and not purposefully misinterpret what I’m trying to convey. If you do, I will cyber-stalk you, posing as a 6’2″, 200 lb. she-male named Gertrude.
Hads is believed to have had multiple sexual encounters with the girl, one of which involved a prosthetic, flesh-colored penis. W00t.
This Boys Don’t Cry-esque drama began to unfold back in 2010 when “Wilson” reportedly met 15-year-old “A.L.” on Facebook, where Hads was apparently claiming to be a “youth pastor” and the father of twins. “He” posted a picture of the children which, as it turns out, was actually lifted from an advertisement. “Wilson’s” Facebook page, interestingly enough, stated that “he” was “looking for some people to talk to.…
DEEP GAP, N.C. — Here’s a tragic story out of North Carolina where a 4-year-old girl was killed last Friday after a tombstone fell on top of her.
While waiting on Vacation Bible School classes to begin, Peyton Elizabeth Townsend and her older sister were with several other children playing in the backyard of Mt. Paran Baptist Church. The church’s backyard doubles as a small cemetery where about two dozen people are buried.
As the children were running around the graves, a stone cross–estimated to weigh anywhere from 1,000 to 1,200 pounds–somehow fell off a tombstone and landed on top of Peyton’s chest.
Peyton’s parents where there at the time of the freak accident. Her father is a paramedic, her mother a nurse, and both of them frantically tried saving their daughter’s life after moving Peyton from underneath the stone slab. Peyton was airlifted to Johnson City Medical Center in Tennessee where she later died.
Seth Miller, a member of the church, said the grave belonged to his cousin.
“There’s no more smiling or thinking of good things after this,” said Miller.…
Portland, OR – Early last year, Shiloh Hampton, 14, was tragically struck down by gunfire outside a northeast Portland mall. …and of course, we reported it to you. Well… not exactly…
What we reported to you was that – while authorities were cataloging evidence at the secured crime scene – Kevin Signalness, 41, ‘plowed’ into the area they had cordoned off while ‘intoxicated, masturbating to pornography, and driving a stolen car.’ Go Kevin!
Little beyond that was known at the time of our first report. Police reports and court records regarding the incident can now provide us with a more complete picture. For instance, when officers confronted Signalness about his driving while masturbating to pornography, Signalness reportedly replied “You caught me red-handed.”
It’s a good thing that cops love that type of humor! Also, while toxicology tests after the incident established that Signalness had only a blood alcohol level of .02 percent, he was also using methamphetamine and marijuana prior to his fapapalooza.
In September, Signalness was convicted of driving under the influence of intoxicants and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.…
Chicago, IL — Here’s a story that is going to get some of you angry, especially Jaded. Police have released video footage of two men violently robbing an 86-year-old WWII vet in the lobby of his apartment building.
Police say the victim had just finished running some errands, including a stop at the bank, when a shuttle van dropped him off at his building.
As seen in the video, once inside, the elderly man is grabbed from behind and choked until he passes out. A second man then takes $500 hidden in the victim’s shoe. After searching the man, his attackers drop him on the floor, letting the door close on his head.
“This is one of those crimes that hits us at the pit of our stomach,” Chicago Police Officer John Mirabelli said.
The victim, who served in the South Pacific during World War II, was treated and released from the hospital. He said he is thankful for police and their continued efforts to capture these two men, and thankful all he lost that day was his money.…
SHINER, TX — A man in Texas caught another man in the process of molesting his 4-year-old daughter and proceeded to beat the man to death.
Police say they received a call from the father late Saturday afternoon who told them he attacked a man he caught trying to sexually assault his daughter. When police arrived at the location, they found a 47-year-old man dead at the scene.
According to police, the father and daughter were with other members of the family tending to horses when the 47-year-old victim, known for his horse-grooming abilities, arrived at the family’s rural ranch with several others. Reports are that the man was not well-known to the father or his daughter.
At some point the group heard the father’s daughter screaming from behind a barn. When the girl’s father ran to check on her, he witnessed the man assaulting his daughter. After pulling the man off, the father then punched the man in the head repeatedly, killing him.
So far no charges have been filed.…
Orlando, FL — Florida police ran another child sex sting in which they placed various ads online pretending to be children looking for sex, or custodians of children looking for men interested in having sex with their children.
The 10-day undercover operation titled “Operation Cyber Child” was a success, according to police, and ended with 38 sick individuals getting their sorry asses arrested. Some of the men who were arrested included an elementary school teacher, a registered sex offender, a Disney employee and a man on vacation with his family. Sadly, none of this comes as a shock to readers of this site.
After responding to the fictitious ads, police say the men then engaged with undercover detectives posing as children via online chats, email, text, and the phone. The men solicited the “children” for sex acts, sent pornographic images of themselves, and asked the children to reciprocate.
Several of the suspects actually drove to the house where the children supposedly lived, in order to have sex with them. Some of the standouts were:
Matthew Chillcott, a 43-year-old teacher at Lawton Chiles Elementary School in Orlando and youth soccer coach.…
Cleveland, OH – Speaking of people setting their partner on fire, a man Kniption reported on earlier this year has been sentenced for setting his girlfriend on fire while she held their baby.
Back in January, 31-year-old Kevin Ford got into an argument with his girlfriend, 31-year-old Tiffany Lawson. This argument led to Ford spraying lighter fluid on Lawson, who was holding their 11-month-old child, as he chased her around the house.
Lawson was able to make it to the second floor of their town home before Ford lit her clothing on fire. Lawson was able to drop her baby from the second floor window to someone waiting below, then strip off her burning clothing and take the same exit.
Both the baby and Lawson survived, with Lawson suffering second degree burns, a broken wrist and other injuries. Ford fled the scene before police arrived but was arrested later that day.
In April, Ford pleaded guilty to two counts of attempted murder, three counts of aggravated arson, three counts of felonious assault, four counts of kidnapping, two counts of domestic violence and one count of endangering children. …