In The Mean Time...
Omaha – A couple in Omaha got into some trouble last week after their 12-year-old daughter was found wandering around a hotel tripping balls.
When the girl was found early Wednesday morning, she was covered in mud and crying. She told the police that her parents had given her some mushrooms so that she could have a religious experience.
These mushrooms were not the good kind of mushrooms you find on a pizza, but rather the better, psilocybin kind of mushroom found growing in shit.
After ingesting the mushrooms, the girls says she walked outside and ended up laying in a creek before walking in some mud, both of which I bet would feel absolutely amazing while tripping… if you were an adult, of course. Not a kid. Or maybe even if you were a kid…but still, giving kids psychedelic drugs is never a good thing.
Police ended up charging her parents, Christopher and Cynthia Ewerdt, with felony child abuse. They were also charged with manufacturing a controlled substance after police found a “mushroom grow operation” in their home.…Continue Reading
An 18-year-old member of the U.S. Ski Team got himself into a little trouble the other day after he drunkenly pissed on the leg of an 11-year-old passenger during a JetBlue flight to New York.
Witnesses say that during a red-eye flight from Oregon, Robert Vietze, of Warren, Vt., got up and staggered five rows behind him before pulling out his junk and pissing on a young girl’s leg.
Vietze had to be separated from the child’s father, a Stage 4 cancer patient, who had left the girl alone while he correctly used the bathroom and returned to find Vietze pissing on his daughter’s leg.
“F- -k that kid. I don’t want him near my family!” the understandably enraged man reportedly yelled.
Vietze admitted to law-enforcement authorities that he had consumed more than eight alcoholic beverages before he relieved himself on the girl and that he didn’t realize what he was doing.
Vietze was initially issued a federal summons for indecent exposure, but federal prosecutors dropped the case, possibly because the girl’s father refused to let her be interviewed by cops.…Continue Reading
Woodlands Hills, CA – Jani Lane, the 47-year-old ex-lead singer for the hair band Warrant, was found dead in a California Comfort Inn hotel room on Thursday night, while somewhere in England, Keith Richards slept like a baby.
A cause of death has not been released at this time, but the man has a history of alcohol issues. He pleaded no contest to misdemeanor DUI in 2009 after crashing into a parked car and he spent 120 days in jail for a similar incident in 2010.
I could not tell you how many times I wished for this man’s death when his grinning mug was prancing around MTV in his white leather. I also could not describe to you how ecstatic I was the day grunge had kicked the hair bands’ sorry asses off of television and radio.
It’s been over 20 years and I still think Warrant blows bloated corpse cock, representing pretty much everything I hated about that genre of music. While I’d still rather receive a blow job from a weed-eater than have to listen to a compilation of hair bands’ greatest hits, I quit wishing for their actual deaths a long time ago.…Continue Reading
Memphis, TN – Eduardo Marmolejo, the 17-year-old student accused of stabbing his teacher to death, has been ordered to undergo a mental evaluation.
On Wednesday, 49-year-old Suzette York was found stabbed to death in a classroom at Memphis Junior Academy, a Seventh-day Adventist school of less than 100 students.
Shortly after, police had Marmolejo in custody and charged with York’s murder. He told police that he did not like York and had planned on killing her since May, ever since he found out he would be the only 11th-grade student at the school.
York had lobbied the school should expand past their current kindergarten through 10th-grades; saying it was important to keep students in a Christian setting. The school board agreed and voted last spring to extend classes through the 11th grade.
Marmolejo was the first and only student to begin his junior year there and he was not happy about it at all. One of his teachers said Marmolejo was left behind because several of his classmates had transferred to another school to finish their junior and senior years.…Continue Reading
DES MOINES, Iowa – A man was arrested after he tried to get a 13-year-old girl to come into an alley he was lurking in, but not before the teen’s mother got in a good punch to the pervert’s face.
Police say the girl was playing outside when she noticed a man staring at her from an alley. When he motioned for her to come over to him, the girl responded by telling her mother.
Pullen confronted the man and asked him why he was staring at the kids. He told her to take it easy, he just wanted to “marry the redhead.”
Pullen told him that the redhead was her daughter and that she was only 13. Harden stated he didn’t much care about that and asked for someone to sign her over to him so he could marry her.
Having already told Harden her daughter was a minor once with her mouth, Pullen told him a second time, accompanied with a fist to his face. That’s when the girl’s father and one of his friends chased Harding and also got in a few punches.…Continue Reading
Beaver, PA - Rebecca Karen Beatty, 55, has waived her preliminary hearing on charges related to allegations by police that she endangered the welfare of her niece. She will now go to trial. But should she? You can decide…
On June 10, Beatty drove to Ambridge Area High School to pick up ker niece from a dance program. After entering the school and retrieving the 6-year old girl, Beatty returned to find that another car had parked too close to her driver’s side for her to fit in.
At this point, we can imagine Beatty methodically considering all reasonable alternatives. Locate the owner of the other car… Climb through the passenger side… Direct the 6-year-old girl to squeeze in the car door, start the car, and back it out… Climb through the back…
Wait! Direct the 6-year-old girl to get squeeze in the car door, start the car, and back it out. It’s simple… It’s fast… It’s brilliant! …and what could go wrong?
According to the accident report, Beatty’s niece almost immediately lost control of the car when she put it in reverse.…Continue Reading
NEWBURGH, N.Y. – Back in April we reported on LaShanda Armstrong, the 25-year-old mother who killed herself and three of her children when she intentionally drove her minivan off a boat ramp and into the Hudson River.
Now the father of those three kids, 26-year-old Jean Pierre, is suing for $80 million.
Armstrong packed up her four kids into a minivan and then drove into the 45-degree water of the Hudson after getting into an argument with Pierre. She would drown along with Landon Pierre, 5; Lance Pierre, 2; and 11-month-old Laianna Pierre.
“If I’m going to die, you’re going to die with me,” Armstrong told the children before the vehicle went into the water.
But Armstrong’s 10-year-old son, Lashaun, decided this sucked and crawled out the window as the van was sinking. As he did, Armstrong grabbed his leg. “I made a mistake,” she told him before letting him go.
Armstrong’s decision to kill herself and her children came minutes after witnesses described Pierre cursing and banging on Armstrong’s apartment for 30 minutes.…Continue Reading
According to the arrest affidavit, provided by the fine folks over at The Smoking Gun, an unidentified witness called police after gettin’ an eyeful of said schlong. The witness went on to say that as he followed Keen through the parking lot, he couldn’t help but notice that Keen would stop and stare whenever he saw a female in the lot.
When questioned by police, Keen initially claimed he was simply trying to figure out whether he had properly fixed the power steering on his Ford Taurus. When confronted with the witnesses statement, Keen fessed, reportedly telling the arresting officer that, yes, he did have his penis exposed. Why? Apparently because of ‘past experiences’ at the retail giant. See, according to what Keen told police, a visit to WalMart gives him wood.
Keen was booked on obscenity charges. He remains behind bars in lieu of $5,000 bail.…Continue Reading
Croatia – A man and woman were having sex in a bathroom when the porcelain sink busted and the jagged edge nearly severed the woman’s hand.
Amy Ramage, a 28-year-old from New Zealand, was on a two-week yachting vacation when she became romantically involved with an English tourist.
While in Palmizana Marina on the island of Pakleni Otoci, the couple were getting busy in a yacht’s bathroom when the sink busted and the nightmare began.
“It appears they were engaged in a passionate act in the bathroom where at some stage the sink broke – leaving a jagged edge that severed the woman’s hand when she fell to the floor,” police spokesman Kraljevic Gudelj said.
The man she was having sex with stuck around and tended Ramage until help arrived. Just kidding, he took off.
Ramage, whose hand was only attached to her arm by a small amount of skin, was air-lifted to the hospital where surgeons spent six-hours re-attaching the graphic designer’s hand. Hospital officials say that she is recovering well.…Continue Reading
Cheongju, SK - A 16-year-old boy in South Korea has been arrested for necrophilia after admitting to taking indecent liberties with the corpse of a woman who police suspected had just committed suicide.
Last Wednesday, security camera footage captured a 68-year-old woman carrying a plastic chair into the elevator. Police suspect from this that the woman was headed for the roof.
The 16-year-old reported to police that he found the dead woman’s body in the garden of her apartment complex early in the morning. Police investigating reportedly found ‘suspicious traces’ on her corpse. That, and some contradictory statements by the boy, lead to a formal interrogation of the boy.
Under questioning, the boy admitted to having sex with the woman’s corpse before contacting police. When asked why, the 16-year-old high-school student told police that he wanted to see “what would happen.”
What would happen?! That’s easy, bright boy. About 18 million people on the internet said “ewwww…” That’s what happened.…Continue Reading
Pensacola, FL — Elena Rendell, 17, is being held on charges of manslaughter in the shooting death of her 14-year-old foster sister, Christina Sneary, after the two reportedly argued over a cell phone.
According to an arrest report released late last week, Rendell retrieved a 9 mm handgun from a high shelf in a bedroom and shot Sneary in the neck after the two argued. Rendell then reportedly ran outside and informed neighbors her sister had been shot.
She was arrested at the scene, but later told police that had she known she would be charged with a crime, she’d have run. Police say Rendell claimed the shooting was an accident.
The girls’ mother, Troyce Sneary, claims Rendell isn’t even aware of what she’s done. Sneary reportedly told police both of the girls are severely learning disabled, and said Rendell suffers from problems with aggression. Ummm, obviously?
“The guns were put away. Don’t know how they got them. And I get a phone call and this is it,” Sneary said.…Continue Reading
Baxter’s girlfriend, Charlotte Greene, told police he came home drunk at about 5:00 Sunday morning and demanded sex. When she denied him, he reportedly took his sexual frustration out on the pup, Feisty.
“He woke her too hard, punched her and threw her against the wall. I told him to stop and then ran to the bathroom and started crying,” says Greene.
Left unable to walk and suffering from broken ribs, bruises, a broken jaw and a severe brain injury, Feisty had to be put down.
Baxter was jailed on charges of animal cruelty. Because he is also facing parole violation charges, he is ineligible for bail.
Greene says she’d like to see her now ex-boyfriend seek help for his drinking and anger issues. I’d like to see him seek out the nearest speeding semi-truck.…Continue Reading
The unidentified woman told police she was holding the firework in her hand when she lit the fuse. She said she was going to toss the thing out the front door, where it would then make enough noise to wake the boyfriend. How cute. Personally, I have found that the unique sound a switchblade makes gets mine up, moving and into the kitchen right quick….
Anyway, the darn thing went BOOM in her hand, blowing off her thumb, middle and ring fingers. Police said the blast was so powerful, they found a piece of finger bone embedded in the ceiling.
Police believe alcohol was a factor in the incident. Me? I’m going with genes on this one.…Continue Reading
New Branford, CT — Candace Kiley was taken into custody early this week in connection with an alleged assault that took place at a birthday party on the 23rd of last month. Little Miss Insecure is accused of man-handling a 12-year-old girl she believed was checking out her man.
According to police, it all started when Kiley’s 30-year-old boyfriend spilled a drink in the kitchen. The pre-teen, a friend of Kiley’s younger sister, was in the kitchen to grab some ice when she happened to glance at the older man as he was mopping up. It was then, police say, that Kiley accused the kid of looking at her boyfriend, saying that she had “been looking at him all day.” Kiley then reportedly grabbed a handful of the girl’s hair and threw her to the floor.
The kid sustained a head injury when her head bounced off the floor, and then suffered an asthma attack. Police say family members heard the commotion and put a stop to the assault.…Continue Reading
Memphis, TN – Not a lot of details on this as it is breaking, but police say they have a 17-year-old student in custody at the Memphis Junior Academy where the Principal was found stabbed to death in a classroom.
The body of 48-year-old Suzette York was discovered by a teacher shortly after 11 a.m. Wednesday at the private school operated by the Seventh-Day Adventist Church. York had been with the school for more than three years.
The 17-year-old student was taken into custody at the scene. No motive is known at this time. The school will be out for the rest of the week.
Not a great start for a school whose classes just started on Monday.
Aruba – Here’s a missing person story I am sure you have all heard about, especially since the person missing is a pretty, blond, American woman who has vanished while in Aruba… from the same resort town where teenager Natalee Holloway was last seen six years ago. DUN DUN DUNNN!!!
Did you hear a sound like a parachute opening? That was Nancy Grace’s vagina opening up like a blooming rose.
What is currently being reported is that 35-year-old Robyn Gardner went on a 5-day vacation with 50-year-old Gary V. Giordano, who is from Maryland. Giordano says he last saw Gardner as they snorkeled together off Baby Beach. He claims the tide got rough so he tapped informed Gardner they should swim to shore. When he got out of the water he realized she was not with him and went back in to look for her.
After having no luck locating her, he alerted local police who used ships, helicopters and divers, to search the area where Giordano said he had last seen her, but they were also unable to find any sign of Gardner.…Continue Reading
LOUISVILLE, KY. – Back in March we posted a story about a school bus driver who was dragged off her bus by a woman and her 12-year-old daughter.
At that time we posted the story, officials had not released the video of the altercation. Now they have.
Police arrested 30-year-old Chesica White and her 12-year-old daughter after they confronted a bus driver, Johnetta Anderson, about White’s 7-year-old son being bullied on the bus and Anderson allegedly doing nothing about it.
The video clearly shows Anderson attempting to keep White and her daughter from entering the vehicle, leading to some pushing and shoving between the three.
White and her daughter are then seen grabbing Anderson by the ankles and dragging her off the bus on to the pavement.
Anderson ended up with a torn ACL in her right knee while White ended up pleading guilty to assault, but says her actions were her just a mixture of being a protective mother and her quick, cat-like reflexes.
“She grabbed my daughter in the chest and she drew her hand back like she was ready to hit my daughter so I snatched my daughter back then she kicked her leg out like she was getting ready to check me in my chest,” said White.…Continue Reading
Dallas, TX — Here’s a crazy one for you and I’m pretty sure a first for D’D. A woman has been accused of forcing her 6-year-old daughter to record her having group sex with six men on multiple occasions.
They are not releasing the 24-year-old mother’s name to protect the little girl, but she is currently in jail on a third-degree felony charge of indecency with a child.
According to court documents, police received a tip that the woman was forcing her young daughter to film her having group sex and went to the apartment to check things out.
Members of the Dallas Children’s Advocacy Center interviewed the girl who “detailed filming and taking photographs” of her mother engaged in sexual acts with different men.
The mom would admit to police that there were three separate incidents in which she had her daughter film her having sex with six men using a cellphone video recorder. I almost cannot comprehend how that even went down.
“Ok sweetie, now pan around the two men double-penetrating mommy…”
Joshua Seto, 27, was walking to the store with his girlfriend, 26-year-old Cara Christopher, when he learned that just because it looks cool in the movies, doesn’t mean you should do it.
Like shooting a gun while holding it sideways, Seto learned that pointing a loaded gun at your junk is retarded when he stuck his girlfriend’s loaded pink handgun in the front waistband of his pants.
Most of us realize what a bad idea this is because well, you run the risk of shooting off your dick. Which is exactly what happened when the pink gun somehow fired.
Seto was not lucky enough for this bullet to just hit the sidewalk, his foot or even his brain. Nope, this bullet hit his dick and continued through his thigh. The bullet. Hit. His dick.
I don’t even want to imagine what an injury like this looks like, but I can’t help it.…Continue Reading
REDLANDS, Calif. – A dad in California found his naked 4-year-old girl in the apartment of his naked neighbor, and has not been charged with murder.
Police say the man was looking for his 4-year-old daughter at the Los Arboles where she had been outside playing.
A resident at the apartments said other children saw the little girl banging on the window inside the suspect’s apartment and they alerted their parents.
The father of the girl was also notified and found his kid’s sippy cup outside the door of the suspect’s apartment.
The girl’s father busted in the door when he heard her crying for help and found her inside with 52-year-old Terrence Guiberson.
Both of them were undressed.
In one of the greatest displays of self-control I have ever wrote about on this site, instead of beating the ever-living shit out of Guiberson, the girl’s father did the smart thing.
He simply grabbed his daughter, left the apartment and then called police.
Guiberson surrendered to police after they had surrounded his apartment.…Continue Reading