In The Mean Time...
“They were going at it,” Sabryna Maré said of the couple who was standing behind her in line. “She was saying she wanted this and wanted that, and she wanted either a McFlurry or an ice cream on top and he was not in for it. Then he was yelling at her saying he’s not going to do it.”
And then, well….
Witnesses claim hearing the identified woman tell the unidentified man that she was going to “blow it up.” She grabbed the keys to the man’s 1994 El Dorado and ran outside. Armed with alcohol and gasoline, though no one really knows where she got it, the woman started pouring. Then, the match… because she apparently didn’t have what it takes to cut the man’s dick off.
Witnesses attempted to help the man put the flames out, but the car was “engulfed” by the time firefighters arrived.…Continue Reading
Reston, VA – An inebriated 26-year-old woman was arrested Saturday evening after allegedly showing up at the Arlington Magistrate’s Office in her birthday suit, hoping to see her recently incarcerated hubby.
It is unclear as to whether Maura Fussell had been clothed at some point before entering the building, or whether she arrived all nekkid. Either way, she was bare. And drunk.
Officers apparently gave her many opportunities to put some damn clothes on, or at least take a cab home, but Fussell reportedly refused.
That refusal earned her an overnight stay at the old Graybar Hotel. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and drunk in public. I’m assuming they released her after she sobered up a bit.
No word on what landed hubby in the slammer.…Continue Reading
Lincolnton, NC — Ladies! And guys with pretty feet, maybe. If the dude in the picture to the left approaches you as you stroll through the shoe aisle at Walmart and feeds you some line, like, “Hey, I’m a future podriatist! Can I have a peek at your piggies?” Just. Say. No. Chances are, he’s not a real podiatrist. *gasp* Those gynecology students that you run into at the Taco Bell, though? Totally legit.
This creep apparently struck up the “I’m studying podiatry” conversation with a woman inside the Linconlton Walmart Monday, and somehow convinced her to try on several pairs of shoes. As she was doing so, police say, the man got the woman’s foot to his mouth and began sucking on her toes. Without even wiping them down with a Handi Wipe or something. He fled the store after the woman yanked her foot from his grasp.
Police soon learned the man had attempted another toe sucking at a nearby Walmart just a short time before this alleged incident.…Continue Reading
Memphis, TN — After brazenly following a woman into the women’s room at a McDonald’s restaurant Thursday, and attempting to reach out and grab her from under the stall door, this tubby skeeve could do little more than grunt and wiggle after getting himself stuck between the bottom of the door and the nasty floor.
The alleged victim told police she was using the toilet when Ronald Henderson’s derpy face appeared under the door. She screamed at him to get out, she said, but he kept coming… trying to grab her leg. At some point during this creepy fucking scene, Henderson got stuck. It was then that the victim made her escape.
No details about how or when Henderson managed to free himself from under the door, or if he was still there when police arrived, but after the victim positively identified him at the scene, Henderson was transported to jail. He’s been charged with assault and observation without consent. Bond was set at $100.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the police got the right man.…Continue Reading
When authorities responded to the couple’s home, Lisa insisted that her husband, 56-year-old Gerald Orock, was the aggressor in the physical confrontation. Accused of attacking her with a knife, Mr. Orock was placed under arrest.
Once at the cop shop, though, police learned that while Mr. Orock wasn’t exactly a saint, he was the victim in this particular case. Police say he had cuts to his arms and hands that appeared to be defensive wounds. His jeans had been cut near the crotch area and there wera a few cuts on his legs. Kinda backed his claims that Lisa was the crazy one — she’d tried to slice his dick off.
Lisa was taken into custody and charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment. And because a small bag of pot was found in her purse, possession of marijuana. She also had an outstanding bench warrant for DUI,
Gerald was kept behind bars for possession of marijuana and for violating a protection from abuse order his wife had previously taken out.…Continue Reading
HOUSTON, TX – The mother and aunt of a 1-year-old girl are both facing charges after the little girl was admitted to the hospital suffering from alcohol poisoning.
On February 8, police were called to a home where a man said his young daughter had been dropped off by his mother and was now unresponsive. When emergency personnel arrived, they found the 1-year-old had turned into Jaded on any given day of the week; moaning, smelling of alcohol and covered in vomit.
The girl was taken to the hospital where it was determined she had suffered alcohol poisoning and a BAC of over .26. The girl’s father told police that she was like that when she’d been dropped off after being cared for by her mother, 17-year-old Shadreon Jefferson and Jefferson’s sister, 24-year-old Shamara Batiste.
When deputies interviewed Jefferson, she told them she’d fallen asleep and woke up to find that Batiste had given the girl about six shots of vodka. Instead of taking the girl to the hospital, they simply dropped the baby girl off at her father’s home to let him deal with it.…Continue Reading
When police made contact with the neighbors, they were informed that James Guy Bull had been seen digitally penetrating the pup on more than one occasion, causing the animal to yelp and holler. On another occasion, the witnesses claimed, Bull was seen sitting on a chair on his porch, pants around his ankles, with his junk all up in the dog’s rear end. Again, the dog could be heard whining and crying. When Bull realized he had an audience, he simply put the dog down and pulled up his draws.
No word on why, if they had seen this shit on multiple occasions, they didn’t inform police prior to this.
The dog was found chained to a post on the porch without food, shelter or water. She was skittish and emaciated, police say, and had a very swollen vagina.…Continue Reading
Boca Raton, FL – Dimitrios Karaloukas , owner of Jimmy the Greek Taverna in Boca Raton, was stabbed to death by an employee last week after the stabby guy learned Karaloukas has posted a photo of him on the internet.
Tilus Lebrun, who is not pictured here because he still looks really pissed off and stabby in his mugshot and it’s Florida so he might make bail at some point, apparently stabbed 61-year-old Karaloukas inside the Taverna Thursday evening as horrified dinner guests looked on. Karaloukas was stabbed three times on his left side and once in his back, police say.
An unidentified male employee at the restaurant was also stabbed several times. His condition is unknown at this time.
When police arrived on scene, they found Lebrun outside of the restaurant, wearing an apron and holding a large knife. When questioned about the alleged attack, Lebrun told authorities, “I killed him because he took my photograph on March 2nd and posted it on the internet.”
Lebrun, 36, has been charged with first degree premeditated murder and murder while engaged in a certain felony offense.…Continue Reading
Staten Island, NY — A 42-year-old man is facing numerous charges after allegedly molesting a 15-year-old girl by rubbing raw meat on her naked body in order to cleanse her of the evil spirits that were making her moody.
Alleged “spiritual leader” Rafael Paulino, aka Omi Chango, apparently met with a female relative of the teen and explained that he would rub raw meat on the girl’s body and pour water on her after he had cut her clothes off in order to spiritually cleanse her. This ritual, he told the woman, was not for entertainment or amusement. He was simply going to attempt to rid the child of the evil spirit that was making her depressed.
The female relative agreed to the cleansing and shelled out $121. It is believed that she wanted a cleansing, too. Not sure if that was the price for the both of ‘em, or if maybe he was having a special that week.
On February 24, Paulino met with the girl and got busy fixin’ her depression.…Continue Reading
Police received a call from the infant’s hysterical 17-year-old mother Thursday, who stated that her child was bleeding profusely from the nose. Or what was left of it, anyway….
An examination of the child revealed a skull fracture, a brain hemorrhage and the injury to the nose. They soon learned that the child’s father, Joshua Cooper, was the responsible party. Police determined Joshua chewed on the kid’s face because he wouldn’t shut up.
He’s been charged with child cruelty and aggravated mayhem. The investigation to determine how the child sustained the skull fracture and brain hemorrhage is ongoing.
The infant is said to be in stable condition.…Continue Reading
PHOENIX, AZ — Police arrested 27-year-old Andrew Ward after he admitted he’d stabbed his 12-year-old half-brother to death in the family’s home.
On Wednesday morning, Andrew Ward called 911 from a convenience store claiming he had stabbed someone without going into any further details. When police arrived and detained Andrew, he had blood on his hands and clothes, had a knife in his pocket, and appeared out of it.
He told police the person he stabbed could be found in his family’s home nearby. When police entered the home, they found Andrew’s younger brother, 12-year-old Austin Tapia, dead from multiple stab wounds.
At about this time, the mother arrived home with her two teenage daughters and was informed that her older son had killed Austin. She told police they were returning from dinner and that Austin had opted not to go with them. She said as they were leaving, they saw Andrew returning home on foot.
Family members said Andrew has a history of violence and substance abuse, but police said Ward told them nothing happened between him and Austin that led to him stabbing the boy as he played video games.…Continue Reading
Not a lot of info on this one, but what the hell… I’m on a severed penis roll. wOOt.
The unidentified man, said to be “in a clear state of distress,” was apparently searching for his missing penis in some undergrowth when he was discovered by a passing motorist early Thursday morning.
Although police were hesitant to say out right that the man had his dick violently removed, they were forced to close a long stretch of the road for a few hours to conduct what appears to be a search for a missing penis. No word on whether it ever surfaced.
An unidentified 22-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of assault and questioned, but was soon released on bail. No further information on that, either.
Investigators still haven’t been able to speak the the alleged victim, coma and blood loss and all, but are asking the public to come forward with any information.…Continue Reading
Maryland – Police say two Maryland teenagers recorded themselves physically assaulting an autistic classmate and forcing him to perform sex acts, some with animals.
St. Mary County Sheriff’s Department said 17-year-old Lauren Bush and an unidentified 15-year-old girl admitted they assaulted the 16-year-old autistic boy with a knife on multiple occasions between December and February.
Sheriff Tim Cameron said all three teens attend Chopticon High School and that the girls preyed on the boy. They allegedly assaulted him with a knife, kicked him in the groin, dragged him by the hair, coerced him to engage in a sex act with an animal, and forced him to walk on a partially frozen pond where he fell through the ice.
The latter act being a possibly deadly one according to Sgt. Cara Grumbels. “You’re dealing with somebody who doesn’t have the mental capacity of you and I,” she said. “Somebody like that could go into a kiddie pool and may not be able to get themselves out. That’s what’s really kind of disturbing to us, among the other allegations in this case.…Continue Reading
HARRIS COUNTY, TX - Not a lot of details on this one, but a man shot and killed a teenage boy he found hiding in his 16-year-old daughter’s room.
At around 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning, police received a call from a girl who said her father had just shot a man found underneath her sister’s bed. When police arrived on the scene, they found a 17-year-old boy inside the home dead from a single gunshot wound to the head.
According to reports, the father and the teen got into a scuffle after the man found the teen while investigating noises he heard coming from his daughter’s room. The man’s daughter told him she did not who the boy was, and the teen refused to comply to the man’s demands. This led to a scuffle and a single shot being fired into the poor kid’s noggin.
The girl’s claims of not knowing the boy would later turn out to be false. She not only knew him, she was the one who had let him into the home and into her room.…Continue Reading
Valrico, FL – Michael Jason Fields has been arrested after police say the 32-year-old beat his girlfriend to death with a cinder block in his backyard.
On March 10, Police received a call that 32-year-old Christina Mahzamani was missing. Her children, ages 13, 9 and 7-years-old, said their mother left home the day before to pick up some eye drops but had never returned.
Earlier that same day, Christina’s car was found abandoned in front of a house with her car keys and personal items inside the car. Friends created a Facebook page in hopes of getting the word out and getting help locating Christina, but that Find Christina Mahzamani page would turn into Justice For Christina a day later.
On March 11, Michael Jason Fields called 9-1-1 to report he’d found Christina dead outside of his house located 1/2 mile from where her car had been found. Police arrived to find Christina’s dead body between Fields’ home and his neighbor’s.
When interviewed, Fields told police he last saw Christina on March 9 when she stopped by for a short visit, but that he had not talked to her since.…Continue Reading
On February 23, Kristopher Hughes, 20, Michon Thomas, 22, and Eric Bass, 23, broke into a home with plans to rob it. They had been given information by 21-year-old Efemia Neumaier, a woman who dated the owner and told the men they would find at least $1,500 inside the home. After planning the robbery, the trio of geniuses managed to break into the wrong home.
When they realized they had broke into the wrong home, they decided they might as well rob it. What they did to the couple they found sleeping inside led to interim Madison police Chief Randy Gaber stating: “In my 27-plus years of policing in Madison, this is probably one of the most disturbing and heinous crimes I have ever seen.”
The three men busted into the couples’ bedroom, one of them wearing a Scream mask, and demanded money. Hughes dragged the man out of bed and hit him multiple times in the head and face with a gun before punching and kicking him.…Continue Reading
According to eChinacities.com, Han Mou apparently approached the topic of divorce with his wife, Zhang. Believing Han had been unfaithful, or was in the process of finding a new woman, Zhang reportedly crushed a bunch of sleeping pills and waited until Han fell asleep. Then she cut his cut his dick off and flushed it down the toilet.
While recovering in the hospital, Han said that he loved his wife but was still considering divorce because she was too jealous. Not to mention batshit crazy….
Zhang was ultimately released on bail and returned to her husband and children. Han, though, fearful that his wife was going to be locked up for a bit, began searching for her replacement — them kids needed a step-mother. And Han apparently needs a lobotomy.
Zhang, jealous again, got busy with the sleeping pills.
After drinking his milk one morning, just three months after losing his dick, Han began to feel ill.…Continue Reading
Police received a call around 9:30 that night about a suspicious vehicle near Highway 78. Upon arrival, they spotted an unoccupied vehicle matching the call description, just sitting there all suspicious-like. The officers headed off into a wooded area near where the car was sitting to investigate and saw the two 16-year-old boys hightailing it out of the woods. Assuming the kids were heading for the car, the officers headed back up to the vehicle and waited.
When the boys approached the car, one of the officers asked what they were up to. That was when the dumber half of the stupid pair opened his mouth.
Officers detained the boys and called for backup. A search of the area led to the discovery of a very dead teen boy — police have identified him as 17-year-old Ivan Mejia.…Continue Reading
Portland, OR — An evil feline with a history of violence now stands accused of attacking a 7-month-old child and forcing the child’s entire family, including their pussy dog, to hole up in a bedroom and call 911.
Lux, apparently unsatisfied with slowly sucking the child’s breath out of his body, reportedly attacked the child Sunday, scratching the kid on the face. This led to the child’s father putting a boot up the 22 pound pussy’s ass. Needless to say, that ass tap didn’t go over well.
The Himalayan flew into a rage, eventually chasing the family into a bedroom.
The cat’s owner informed the 911 dispatcher the cat “went over the edge,” and was charging at them every time they opened the door. The man also claimed the cat had a history of being an asshole — he was just a little more assholish on that particular day.
“He’s trying to attack us,” the man said as the cat screeched and hissed in the background. “He’s very, very, very, very hostile.”
After it was determined the child didn’t require medical assistance, the dispatcher dispatched officers to the couple’s home.…Continue Reading
Police learned of the infant’s death after receiving multiple reports of a naked woman screaming and yelling in the street early Friday morning. They soon made contact with a belligerent and uncooperative 24-year-old Stefany Johnson.
When officers entered the woman’s home, they found Astrid’s body on the couch. Police say it appeared as Johnson neglected to seek medical assistance for the child.
When questioned, Johnson reportedly told police “Jesus came down and took Astrid to heaven” while she was bathing her. That Jesus dude again. He’s like a super sneaky serial killer or something. Bastard.
Cause of death has not yet been revealed, but logic points to drowning.
Police quickly determined it was Johnson’s negligence that killed the child. She’s now being held at a mental health facility, charged with criminal homicide.
The child’s father is apparently in Afghanistan.…Continue Reading