Gives New Meaning To Blow Jobs

[blue_zombie]

Blow Job!

Have you ever stared at a car wash vacuum cleaner and thought to yourself, "Damn. I want to stick that hose on my genitals and ride it like the dirty slut it is"? Yeah, me neither. But some 29-year-old dude from Michigan felt the urge to purge.....his load into a car wash vacuum hose.

Last Thursday, at around 6:45 in the morning, the police received a call about some suspicious nasty shit going down at a car wash in Thomas Township, Michigan. When officers drove up, they found a dude "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum." Basically, the dude's peen was down the hose's throat.

Maybe he was just cleaning the dick cheese off? It's a good thing the officers showed up when they did. I bet the dude was about to let the hose toss his salad. Bitch would've had had an orgasm, but he also would have lost an organ too.

The dude was arrested and is currently being held in the Saginaw County Jail. The dude's name hasn't been released. Wait. Was David Duchovny in Michigan recently?

You know, this is what pisses me off about some people. You think that you can just pop a quarter in a bitch and then have your way with it for 3-minutes? Have some decency! Do you think that car wash vacuum hose is your own personal whore? No, it's not. At least take that bitch to a fancy dinner at Red Lobster. Conversate with it a little. Get to know it better. Then take it back to your place, give it some sexy Victoria's Secret lingerie to wear, light some candles, play some Barry White, put a fresh bag in it and then seduce it to like a real gentleman should. Make it feel like the sensual dirt sucker it is.

I swear, some people have no class.

Source

[Jaded]

Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Damn, some guys will fuck anything.

[Lizard]

Also, it is courteous to alert said dirt sucker that oral sex may be associated with throat cancer. You know, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

[Nell]

That has got to be the most "bitches" I have ever seen in a post.

[crickett]

GAWD....I LUV U
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[malq]

Nice! next time I clean my car out, i'll be thinking Hmmm.

[Silvahalo]

That has got to be the most "bitches" I have ever seen in a post.

...and "dude"...thanks blue_zombie for a much needed laugh!..LOL...what a loser!

[Maggie Mae]

I'm laughing SO hard. My grandmother's visiting this week, but she's sitting on the other side of the room reading, and I'm sitting here SUMMARIZING for my mom so Gran doesn't hear more than she should, when all of a sudden she looks up and says, "Well, my word, why would any man be wantin' to screw a TUBE?" (She's very, very East Texas--imagine that drawl...)

[Jaded]

And here is the savage beast....

Jason Savage

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...l?link=rssfeed

[impqueen]

BZ -

I am stealing your entire writeup and posting it on the front page as-is with credit to you. I'm still giggling. Thanks!

[SoUncool]

Blue gets FP'd! (but in a good way) Woot!

[Siobhanm]

This post was completely stolen from dlisted.com

http://dlisted.com/node/28842

[Kitty]

"Source"


I see what happened.. the Link for the source didn't come through ~ still funny shit though

[Owd Scrat]

Hmmmmm....interesting about that missing link.

[blue_zombie]

Wow, I didn't know we had so many perfect people on here!!!!! Didn't realize I was the first person to make a mistake. Just wanted to bring some humor to everyone's day. Glad that everyone saw my mistake and corrected it for me!!!! Thanks!!! And yes, I did forget to put the link, and usually I make sure the source is listed at the top, but now I will make sure I attach links as well. Sorry folks!

[MadmamainNC]

Damn, I remember the day when we couldn't escape the calls from the Kirby vacuum guy. Where was he when this poor guy needed him?

See, he could have saved himself the embarrassment, asked to test the vacuum in his own home and sent the Kirby guy out to his car to fill out the paper work while he copped a quicky suck.

[dmax]

Hmmmmm....interesting about that missing link.

I'll bet you can relate to this thread, huh Scrat?

[Dakota Valkyrie]

Jason L. Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure in a sex act involving a Thomas Township car wash vacuum.

Prosecutors agreed to dismiss a charge of aggravated indecent exposure.

Circuit Judge Fred L. Borchard will sentence Savage on Wednesday, March 25. He faces up to a year in jail.

Savage admitted in court he was on parole for fourth-degree fleeing from a police officer Oct. 14, 2004. Borchard told Savage the Department of Corrections could find that he violated terms of his parole by admitting to committing a crime.

The department was to release Savage from parole Monday, June 1.

Court records also show that Savage has convictions for second-degree home invasion Nov. 5, 1996, and possessing contraband, marijuana, in a prison Feb. 23, 1998, at the former Buena Vista Corrections Center.

The report said a Thomas Township resident saw ''someone acting suspicious'' at a car wash about 6:45 a.m. Oct. 16 at 7362 Gratiot. A Thomas Township police officer parked nearby, approached on foot and caught the man in the act, investigators said.

http://www.mlive.com/news/saginawnew...360.xml&coll=9

[Manfred von Assenhammer]

i heard about this awesome loser from my dad first thing this morning. the first thing that came to mind was"I wonder if this is on the forums yet"?
apparently this was in yesterday's paper, so all the locals got to have a laugh about it yesterday. i really need to read the news more, since michigan seems to be the hot place for funny perverts this month.

i'm wondering what exactly the reporting caller saw, and how they described this. i'm assuming "acting suspiciously" is some sort of euphemism for "fucking a vacumn cleaner". i really want to see the 911 transcript on this one. i'm sure the cop who arrested this guy now has the most awesome story ever. i would want to share this one with everyone. hell, if i arrested someone for fucking a vacumn, i would put that in my christmas card letter that year.

i know a couple of people who used to sell those kirby vacumns, and now i am seriously wondering if anyone ever tried that with them. i'm thinking it's a safe bet that this car wash wasn't this guys first victim, but i can't believe that he was content to stay at home fucking his own vacumn over and over again. everybody likes to mix it up sometimes.

i think this asshat's problem is that he never got that email forward about the guy who got his dick stuck in a pool filter. i'm sure now he knows that no matter how turned on he might get by that sexy wetvac, it's not worth it. it never turns out well.

[FlamingFox]

SAGINAW, Mich. — A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court.

Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510746,00.html

[FlamingFox]

SAGINAW, Michigan — A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court. Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles (145 kilometers) northwest of Detroit.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510746,00.html

[MichaelJCheaney]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510746,00.html

I hear those car wash vacuums really suck!

[FlamingFox]

LOL! Good one! I'm out of thanks so I'll get ya later!

[seductress]

people will have sex with just about anything these days.

And we all thought the vacuum cleaner on the neck in high school was funny, damn this guy takes it to a whole new level

[Silvahalo]

I remember the other case like this, weird, but I guess to each their own.

[sanityslipping]

Please tell me this is the same dumbass, and this was just his sentencing. There can't be that many people that hard up for some luvin that they go to the car wash, is there?

[FlamingFox]

I searched name in the threads before I posted. If he's been posted before, I didn't find him.

[MichaelJCheaney]

There can't be that many people that hard up.....

I GET IT!!!!

SS made a PUNNY!!!

[Tazzzz]

LoL, "suspicious activity at a car wash"

[totallytoddler]

Oh yea...this is SO hot!!!!!! I see why he just couldnt resist!