Seattle, WA – A man who apparently came out of nowhere on Tuesday to tackle a 19-year-old boy and his 16-year-old autistic sister is in custody after he stripped off his clothes and eluded police for two hours while swimming in Green Lake.
The whack-job currently being dubbed “Green Lake Naked Man” will, for the remainder of this article, be referred to as “GLNM.”** He ambushed the two victims and pushed them to the sidewalk, breaking the boy’s pinkie-finger, splitting his lip and causing various abrasions.* The girl suffered minor abrasions as well, but was otherwise unhurt.
“(He) pretty much just attacked me from behind. I didn’t even see it coming,” said*Daniel Gonzalez, one of the victims.
Witnesses chased the man around the lake for a while, but were unsuccessful.* “He could sprint like you wouldn’t believe,” said witness Betty Atkinson.
When police arrived, GLNM stripped off all his clothes and jumped into nearby Green Lake in an apparent bid for escape.* The only way that tactic is going to work is if you’re able to grow some gills, I think.* Police and firefighters were advised not to get into the water for their own safety; probably a good plan considering how difficult it would be to lose track of the perpetrator.…

This article was written by PetePuma for The Dreamin Demon - the Internet's self-appointed buzzkill - and is not allowed to be copied on other sites.


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